I just don’t understand, why did you make me fall for you? Why did you make me love you without having any intention of really loving me back?
When we first met, I felt like there was no one like you in this whole, wide world. There was some instant connection between us. Not just chemistry, although the chemistry was through the roof, but something way deeper that made me trust you and open up to you even though I barely knew you.
I don’t open up easily, that’s why you were so special. I thought you were one of those rare species of men who say what they mean and stay true to their word. I felt safe in your arms. I felt that finally I had found someone who was able to return my kind of love. Sadly, I couldn’t be more wrong.
After the most perfect period in my life, after spending so much time with you and sharing those incredible moments, you started to change. You started playing games.
Those good morning and goodnight texts would come so rarely. You had no time for me anymore. You were always too busy with work, spending time with friends, going out, doing basically anything rather than spending time with me. I didn’t want to trap you or persuade you to spend time with me, though.
I supported you in your work, and you spending time with friends was more than OK. It’s perfectly normal for both of us to have a life outside of the relationship. But what wasn’t OK was that someone who once had all the time in the world for me didn’t have any time for me now.
That someone who showered me with attention and emotional displays was so cold and distant now.
And every time you would see me backing out, giving you too much space, not begging for your time, you would swoop in and work your charms on me again and make me stay. You must have sensed that I was giving up and you didn’t want to risk losing me.
But I still don’t understand; if you didn’t love me then why did you want me close? Was it something that made you feel safe, to have somebody who would always wait for you as you came and went? Someone whose emotions didn’t change no matter what you did?
It must have been nice to have somebody like me, so blindly in love, so naive and honest. I was so intoxicated by your presence that I loved you, even more, when you would come back to me. I missed you all the time you were away. You used my feelings against me. You used my love to control me.
I was holding on so tightly to that perfect beginning, to those periodic moments of happiness, that I couldn’t let go. I saw right through your games. I saw that you were giving me just enough to hold onto you but never enough to be happy. You were with me and yet you always had one foot out the door.
You saw that if you left, it would crush me and I guess it gave you some sense of superiority. I guess our perfect beginning was part of the game too. You waited until you saw that I was completely and utterly in love with you so you could manipulate me.
With time, your behavior got worse. You really took me for granted. You thought I would stay no matter what. But you didn’t realize that even though I loved you more than life and even though I put up with your childish games, there was one thing I couldn’t tolerate and that was cheating.
I saw you with her and it was like finally my blindfold had been lifted and for the first time in a long time, I could see clearly now. I saw the real you. Your mask fell and I saw the coward who was hiding underneath. I saw you for the insignificant, selfish, heartless creature you are.
And no, that didn’t make me stop loving you; love doesn’t fade overnight. I still love you, but after I saw your true colors, I didn’t like you anymore. I don’t want you in my life anymore. I don’t need you anymore. I need to be myself again. And one day I will need your complete opposite. I will need a real man, not a coward like you. Because only a coward would play games with somebody’s heart.