I am emotionally drained and I need a break. A break from lying, cheating, manipulative, good for nothing men.
So I am taking a sabbatical. I need some peace for a change. I need rest from men and all that comes with them.
I am sick of playing games and deciphering hot and cold signals. I can’t worry about who called who first, why my texts are left on read receipts.
Why one day he is the best man on earth and the next, a monster I can’t recognize.
It’s all too much and I am putting a stop to it. I am getting off this tiring, emotional roller coaster ride.
For now, I need some alone time to work on myself, by myself, for myself.
But for when I am ready to get back out there and be with someone again, I have already set some new rules.
1. Love yourself and put yourself first for a change
I would get so lost in loving someone that I would lose sight of myself. I would neglect my friends, hobbies and dreams because of the other person.
I would allow their words to lower my self-esteem and their actions would rule my life.
I am learning to be a stronger and more independent woman who is in charge of everything good or bad that happens to her.
I can’t attach my mood to another person. I can’t expect anybody to make me happy if I can’t do it myself.
2. Make sure the other person knows: relationships are made for two, not one, not three
I would get stuck in one-sided relationships in which I would be the only one investing.
I would give my heart and soul into a relationship and end up empty-handed.
Two people should be a team, the investment should be equal and all the efforts reciprocated.
I will never again settle for a relationship in which I feel alone and emotionally drained.
I want someone who makes sure I know I’m his one and only. Who never makes me question his loyalty. And that’s something I won’t ever compromise about.
3. Be with someone you can trust because without honesty, there is no closeness
I will repeat that to myself over and over again. Before, when somebody lied to me, I would let it slide.
I would make excuses until there were no more excuses to make.
I need someone who is honest and trustworthy. Someone who won’t stab me in the back.
Someone I can feel safe around. Someone who gives me peace in my mind and heart.
That’s the only way I will actually be close to someone.
4. Don’t try to fix anybody or anything ever again
I am learning the difference between broken and bent. Things that are bent can be mended and fixed but what was once broken can never be the same.
I won’t give endless chances to someone to change. I can’t change or fix another person if they don’t recognize the need to do so in themselves.
I refuse to live in a crappy situation now and hope for a miracle in the future. If improvements don’t start soon, nothing will get better with time.
The truth is sometimes we do more damage to ourselves and to the other person by staying than by leaving.
5. The biggest truth of all is: actions are more important than words
“I am sorry.” doesn’t count for much if somebody turns around and does the same thing again. “I love you.” is worthless when there is no investment or reciprocity to back it up.
I learned that the hard way. That’s why I am more interested now in what a man has to offer.
His character, personality traits, kindness, values and his overall behavior toward me are more important than empty words.
I will improve this list as I go but I think I covered the more important bases. Now, I am getting back to me. I am creating a life I will be proud of and grooming that self-love.
It’s time I spoil myself rotten. It’s time I find my strength again. It’s time for me.
The rules and the men are going to be there when I am ready to get back out there again.