Have you ever felt like the guy you are dating is taking you for a ride on an emotional roller coaster that doesn’t seem to stop? I bet you have. Because the dating scene has become filled with men who look at dating and relationships as a game; a game of blowing hot and cold, to be precise.
The blowing hot and cold psychology seems easy to detect when you are just a bystander. But when you are the one who is pulled into that emotional roller coaster, easy becomes difficult.
Because no matter how evident the red flags may be, you are unable to see them clearly or you feel so much that you are willing to look past all the signs of danger around you.
Sooner than you know, you find yourself stuck in limbo, and you can’t recall how all of that happened to you in the first place. You blame yourself for being a terrible judge of his personality, but the truth is that even the strongest and most careful ones get trapped in this cruel game.
The game of hot and cold is, without a doubt, one of the biggest modern weapons for playing with the human psyche and destroying the body, mind and soul! It is an endless chain of seduction, manipulation, retreat, and repetition of all of it again and again.
It is really hard to track those merciless players of the hot and cold game (if you’re not informed about the game) because they have perfected their moves to the extent of doing anything and everything for you—only if they see that you would fall for it.
They are capable of doing anything to win your trust and heart. And once they have gotten you, BOOM! They immediately switch their game and turn into a cold douchebag.
But, not all hope is lost. The good news is that those who engage in the hot and cold dating game have established a well-known pattern of hot-cold-hot and because of it, you are able to foresee their next move and target the douchebag faster. The pattern goes like this:
1. Blowing hot
He is the sweetest creature you have ever met. He is all over you. His texts are regular, and he never misses out on a chance to send you a kiss goodnight. He plans dates. He sweeps you off of your feet on the first date.
He seems kind and interested in everything you have to say. He has a sense of mystery attached to him that makes you want to get to know him better. You can imagine being in a long-term relationship with him because he is both an embodiment of a good man and best friend in one.
Sometimes you think your life is a dream because everything happened so fast. Before you met him, you didn’t have any hope that you’ll ever meet someone like him, but now it happened, and you couldn’t be happier. You even tell your friends and family about him, and you can’t wait for them to meet him—your special one.
You believe that there is no better man than him for you out there, and you forget all your past heartbreaks and casual hookups in a second. You believe that you have finally found him and that in no time, you’ll be happy and in a committed relationship.
You believe all this because he blows hot. He does everything you ask him to and more, and he does all of this because he wants you to think that he’s the perfect guy for you. He knows what women want and he can easily transform into anything you want him to be because his main goal is to trick you into his game of hot and cold.
2. Blowing cold
All of a sudden, he pulls away, he is indifferent, and his communication skills are minimal. He even disappears, and you can’t make sense of anything. Everything seemed great. You haven’t had an argument. You were convinced that he was relationship material because nothing was off.
And here you are, staring at the last text message he completely ignored or the one in which he broke a date at the last minute. His cold behavior is driving you crazy and makes you feel like a lunatic because you have no idea how to deal with it.
He becomes the only thing on your mind, and you can’t decipher whether he’s playing hard to get, keeping you at arm’s length or iss a narcissist in disguise. All of a sudden, your life is no longer the fairy tale it used to be. You start questioning all of his actions and words he ever said to you, and you simply don’t trust him anymore.
You even blame yourself for this although there is no valid reason for it. You know that you didn’t do anything wrong, and you still can’t help yourself but think that you must have done something wrong or that you’ve insulted him one way or another, and because of that, he simply got mad and ran away from you.
Even though you don’t know the real reason for his cold behavior, him disappearing from the face of the earth is a clear sign and the biggest red flag that something’s not right.
Since there is no way you can reach him, you finally make your peace that everything ended, and you wait for the inevitable breakup part because there is nothing you can do about it.
3. Blowing hot (again)
Then out of the blue, here he is again. He reappears and wants to come back into your life. He acts like nothing happened and continues to behave like everything is great between the two of you as if you’re on a date for the first time. If you play along, he will continue to text and ask you out when it best suits him.
If you ask him where he went off to, you will get a series of well-established excuses of how he just needed some space, how he was busy, how he had some personal things to deal with and didn’t want to get you in the middle of all of that. Whatever you choose to do, he will return to his cold mode again.
So you see, the blowing hot and cold pattern is highly predictable but the thing is, once you cross paths with someone who is an expert at this dating game, you will be hooked at stage one #blowinghot. He will awake feelings in you that are so strong that you will find yourself going against your better judgment.
The thing you have to realize is that he knows exactly what he is doing and that stage one is the most important one. He is love bombing you to keep you hooked. When a man engages in love bombing, he is openly showing his infatuation with you. He makes an actual effort to keep you happy, and he uses any means necessary.
It can be something as simple as sending good morning and goodnight texts, sweet, flattering words, paying attention to the little things or love paragraphs glued to your mirror or stuck in your car window.
The point is, he will go above and beyond to make you happy and make you fall for him hard—so hard you will be able to forgive the freezing cold period.
The essence of the blowing hot and cold psychology is to keep you interested, no matter what. He uses the good times to make up for all the bad ones. He uses games to keep you close but not too close.
He knows just the right amount to give you—enough to hold on to but never enough to feel safe and entirely loved. He always leaves you guessing and questioning his intentions.
He knows that no woman will put up with such poor behavior right from the start; that’s why this initial hot period is inevitable.
He is luring you in with the perfect beginning. His behavior is impeccable, and he treats you like you’ve always wanted to be treated, so you can’t help but interpret it as something that has the potential for greatness.
That’s why every time a cold period comes along again, you go back to that perfect beginning in your mind and you keep hoping that things are going to be great again. They won’t. This initial hot period and all the later hot periods are just a part of his game plan.
Things get worse and worse. And every time he comes back again, he is blowing hot, his excuses get better, his efforts become bigger, and he gets your hopes back up, just so he can bring them back down.
But blowing hot and cold psychology will exhaust even the most powerful feelings. Mixed signals and inconsistency will drain you of all your emotions and decrease your self-esteem, bit by bit.
You will try to make sense of things. You will yearn for some reasonable answers.
You want things to work so badly that you start believing in his lame excuses. But whatever you do, you go back to that never-ending emotional roller coaster and it’s only a matter of time before you will jump out of it.
If you still believe that there is the slightest chance of change, your best option is to confront him, speak openly and tell him to stop playing games, tell him that you are sick and tired of him blowing hot and cold and making a mess out of your emotions.
If he stops, there is still some hope. But nine times out of ten he won’t stop because deep down he really doesn’t want things to be different. He is comfortable with the way things are now.
He is fine with the way things are now. He has you close, but he is keeping his distance. His blowing hot and cold psychology came with your approval. You allowed him to come back into your life one time, and he now believes he can do it for as long as he wants.
The sad reality is that he probably can’t or won’t change. There is no goodness in him because he clearly lacks empathy. He doesn’t care about all the pain and suffering he is bringing into your life. He only cares about himself.
He will always blow hot cold to hide the fact that he is emotionally unavailable and totally unprepared to have or sustain a meaningful relationship. The blowing hot and cold psychology will always be his main game and even though deep down in his soul he knows that he’s just a waste of time, he will still not do anything about it.
A real relationship won’t involve a man who is blowing hot and cold. It will involve a man who won’t use mind games to keep you hooked, a man who is consistent and sure about you and his feelings toward you , not the one who gives you the cold shoulder on a regular basis. A man who is there to stay and try to see where things will go.
You have to leave that toxic situation because nobody can do it for you. You have to stop letting him into your life for your own sake, and admit to yourself that you deserve way more than an immature man who is just playing games with your feelings and wasting your time.
He likes having you around but only when it suits him. The moment something doesn’t, he will be out of there for as long as he wants. At the back of his mind, he will know that he has the option to come back; he will use the fact that you care about him. He will keep you on the bench till someone else to play with comes along.
Deny him that satisfaction. Don’t allow him to come and go from your life. Be a high value woman and always protect your heart. Don’t allow him to treat you like a toy—stop the game!