LOVE

Inside The Mind Of A Girl Broken By An Emotional Psychopath

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She was just an ordinary girl. She believed in love and she believed her story would have a happy ending. She heard stories of abusive men and broken women but never, not in her wildest dreams, could she have imagined the same thing happening to her.

All she wanted was a normal and happy life—something most of us dream of. She wanted to have a place of her own. It didn’t even have to be fancy, she just wanted something to call her own. She wanted a man by her side who would love and respect her and she wanted to have kids with him. She wanted to pass on to them everything she had learned and felt in her life.

Was she wrong? Did she ask for too much? She just wanted to be happy and believe me, she deserved nothing less than that. But unfortunately, her life took a different course.  

Everything fell apart. Her dream was torn into pieces and it turned into a nightmare from which she couldn’t wake up. Bright colors were replaced by dim and dark ones. There was no more happiness in her dream. All that was left was pain and suffering.

She fell in love with him even though something was telling her not to. Her intuition was screaming from the inside, but she chose to ignore it. She chose to listen to her heart. She thought her heart could never be wrong. Only this time, her heart had been deceived. He was so infatuating and she couldn’t help herself. She fell under his spell and she saw nothing and no one but him.  

All those things she had been dreaming of suddenly became so real when she met him. She imagined their house, she imagined him by her side protecting her from everything bad that might come her way. She thought she finally had it all. She thought she was finally happy.

How could she have known he would sneak inside her mind and turn her into something she was not? How could she have known he would manipulate her and emotionally blackmail her to get what he wanted? How could she have known he would break her and destroy her dreams?

It all began when he showed his true face and broke the fairy tale she was living in into a thousand pieces. It all began when he couldn’t keep up the act anymore and he didn’t have to. She was already his, she loved him. And that was all he needed because he knew she couldn’t just walk away from him that easily. Not from her dreams and not from him whom she gave her love to.  

Somewhere deep inside her mind, she knew what was going on, but she was in denial. She didn’t want to accept it. She didn’t want to admit he wasn’t the man she thought she fell in love with. She fought against it because she knew once she admitted it, her life would turn into something she dreaded. Once she admitted it, she would have to face her brokenness.

So she gave him second chances, hoping he would change, but he never did. He continued to molest her and drain her to the core until she had nothing left inside of her. She became an empty shell of what once was a beautiful woman.   

Portrait of a sad girl

He blamed her for everything. His every wrong move and mistake somehow became her fault. He never wanted to admit to his actions. Actually, he never even tried because he never even cared. That is the thing with emotional psychopaths, they don’t have the need to feel remorse, they never regret anything, and they are emotional cripples unable of having true or sincere feelings.

He had a serious outburst of jealousy. He caused scenes in front of her, which were the best proof of his sick mind. He became jealous of everyone she knew. He was jealous of her friends and family and in the end, he was jealous of her. She had so much to give to the world. Her kindness and her love were her strongest weapons and he was jealous of that. He wanted to isolate her, to have her only for himself. And when she was isolated, he was happy, but as soon as she started to look further than him, he got psychotically jealous. But, the saddest part is that he didn’t even have to be jealous because she saw only him and no one else.

He loved himself more than anyone. That was the proof that even he was capable of having feelings, of loving someone. Too bad it was only himself. His selfishness was limitless. Everything was perfect if he was satisfied and happy, but as soon as something didn’t go his way, he would lose it. You see, he only cared about himself. He never saw her tears. He never saw her pain. He couldn’t care less.

He made her believe in things that never happened. That is how he manipulated her. He was a real piece of something. He knew exactly how to approach her and take advantage of the fact she loved him. Every time he did something awful, he would convince her otherwise. He would brainwash her into thinking it wasn’t his fault. She was the one who misunderstood. She was the one who reacted poorly. And after some time she started to believe him. She thought she was the crazy one. She thought she needed help and she blindly followed him because she thought he was her savior when actually he was the one destroying her.

But everything he did to her made her stronger. That is how she won her life’s battle against him. His cruelty and manipulations broke her. They led her to the darkest place of her life. He stripped her of everything she had. But he never could have counted on her breaking free from him with that little strength she had left inside her.

She found herself broken and alone, but she decided to fight for her life. She decided to fight for that dream she once had. She decided it wasn’t over, not until she said so.

But her journey wasn’t finished. It just started when she left him. She swallowed her pride, she ignored what others were saying, and she patched her wounds so she didn’t bleed. She finally realized that she didn’t need him.

Side portrait of a woman

Now, there is a long way ahead of her. Now, she has to rise from the ashes. Now, she has to heal.

She was his victim for far too long. He leeched off of her. He took everything from her. She will doubt people for a long time and that’s okay. She has every right to do so. She has the right to be a mess. She has the right to bury herself under the sheets and cry her heart out. She has the right to suspect anyone who tries to enter her life, who tries to help her. He made her that way. He took her self-worth and her self-respect. He made her guarded and careful.

She will be scared to love again. Since her dreams were shattered, love doesn’t play an important part in her life. That was who she was before him. Love is not a beautiful thing she is dreaming of any more, no. Love has become pain he caused her. Loving someone has become the same nightmare she was living in when she was with him. And it will stay that way for a long time. It will stay that way until she finds her old self again. His every harsh and cold word made her hate love even more. His every manipulation and emotional abuse made her never want to fall in love again.

She never knew what true love was. I feel sorry for her feeling this way because she never experienced real love. She never experienced the feeling of safety and support. She never got the real picture of love. The only thing she felt was abandonment, pain, and loneliness. It will take her a lot of time to put down her walls and let real love enter her life. She will doubt it, she will question it but she will accept it in the end. Because real love never gives up. It never walks away.

She wants to be alone. She needs some time to heal. She needs some time to rearrange her thoughts. She needs time to put her feelings in the right place. She needs time to understand what is right and what is wrong. She needs to learn to live again because when she left him, she gave herself a second chance to live.

After she wins the battle, and she will, her dream will finally come true, because she isn’t done just yet. She is a woman who will never surrender. She is a woman who will fight for herself, even when there is no will or strength left in her. She is strong and no one is able to break her.

Maybe her psychopath thought he did, but he was wrong and she proved it.

Her life will never be the same anymore, but what happened to her sobered her up. It opened her eyes and gave her a lot more to live for. She knows she only has one chance to live and she won’t waste it by feeling sorry for herself and by settling for being broken.

She knows she deserves more and she is a badass who will create her own rules and live her life the way she always imagined she would.

Maria Parker
the authorMaria Parker

19 Comments

  • Reading this was like reading about my first marriage, exactly like it! I did escape and five months later I married a man I had known during the last part of my marriage. He has helped me deal with all my pain, anger, and self loathing. I still have trust issues, but not like then. Thank you for writing this!

  • I been in this world for 40 years the 4th of Feb. I married him at 16.. I have had many changes and keep getting Stronger.. but it seems I keep HOPE..

  • What an emotional story. We all knew some of it was going on with you. And you have done the right thing. As you know, I will always be there for you. I love you and admire your bravery. Always, your Grandma

  • Thank you Marie for sharing this with the world. I am on the path of healing from such a relationship. I am so grateful for having had him in my life and all the experiences it brought me..yes, even the brokenness. Why? Because this is what showed me my strength.
    Love, light and blessings to you sister

  • This describes me exactly!!! I still love him but I knew I needed out. Its been 10 years since I left but I’m still not quite healed. Still don’t trust or believe people but am getting stronger and better every day. Thank you so much for sharing this because it helps to know someone else knows exactly how I feel. Keep strong and have total faith in the Lord!!

  • I found you at just the right time. Thank you for sharing. And for everyone else..thank you for your comments as well. I really need to hear others input and stories I believe it will help me in my situation.

  • We are not alone. We are broken and afraid and confused, but it feels really good to know that there are others out there who can relate. I’m glad I found this page. I left 12/29/17. It’s hard but I will fight for my life. I will be okay

  • Thank you for this. I was always the strong girl. The one that’s taken hits for friends while getting them out of …my situation. I blinked and after he knew he had me, a switch turned and he changed. Into a monster. I left with my daughter yesterday. He’s called me 114 times today so far. Haven’t answered 1. Please pray that I’ll be strong. He’s saying he’ll change. He understands now. He’s sorry. That emotional manipulation is no joke.

    • You can do this! Change your number, do whatever it takes. It’s going to be hard, but you ARE strong. You deserve better and so does your daughter. I’m thinking of you.

  • Thank you for sharing. I’ve recently been broken and it helps to read what’s on my heart and soul. Here’s to the long journey of mending my heart and soul.

  • What makes these men become this way, what happened to them to make them treat women like this. Has it have something to do with their Mother or Farther. I know a woman that had this happen to her, and its hard to get close to her without her running off. The bad thing for her was she found two Emotional Psychopath men in a row.

    • I believe that some are predisposed to it, but I believe learned behavior plays a role in it, as well. With my situation, I know his parents (my in-laws) were in an emotionally abusive relationship. Even though they’ve been divorced for 18 years, they still harbor pain and anger towards one another-it just happens that it is more so from him than her. And he is quite a manipulator, not unlike his son (my husband), who so happens to be level: expert manipulator.

  • Your words are amazing that is exactly how I have felt for the past 4 years of my relationship with this man. Now we have a 5 month old baby together and he’s in prison. Everytime he writes me or I speak to him I don’t believe any of it. I feel so alone and shut out from the world. I still cry at night and even in the morning sometimes when my kids are asleep. I want to believe he’s changed but I just can’t seem to accept it. One part of me loves him and wants to believe he can change. The other part of me hates him and has walls built around my heart. I’m so emotionally empty and lost.

  • I cried while reading. I was too with a psychopath until recently. What a life lesson. Thinking about ever loving again makes me sick to my stomach as love feels like a thousand of knives piercing my body over and over, even after nothing more is left, feels like death would be a better feeling. And yet, somehow I am still to blame for all of it. Don’t trust the facade of perfection…..

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