Thought I saw you at the bar last night
Hid in the bathroom, I just couldn’t say hi
Cause I took so much time to reset my life but with just one look, I’m back.
Forget that I could have anyone I like,
But now all I remember is what we had.
Nobody, nobody, nobody compares to you.
–Nobody Compares To You by Gryffin
The night I saw the two of you together, my biggest fear came to life. I felt my heart hit the cold, hard ground, the laughter and conversations at the fire faded out and the lump in my throat hit an all-time high! The voice in my head was screaming to run away. Then, our eyes met. And somehow, I felt safe. I always felt safe with you.
Even while your hands were intertwined with hers, I felt safe. I know we parted on good terms and at one point in time you were my best friend and the least I could have done was say hello. But please understand, I still can’t look at you without my heart crumbling to my feet. I’m fixed, I promise! But when you see the person who was supposed to be your forever and you don’t even know anything about them anymore, it’s a real kick in the ass! I will never stop loving you. And if you’ve never really felt your soul be torn apart, you’ve never really loved someone with all your heart.
You’re a good man and if I showed any emotions, I know you would still be the first person by my side. But the girl who’s by your side doesn’t deserve that. I can’t take a look at you without wishing things would have worked between us. She doesn’t deserve that! I don’t want to be just another one of your exes like I had to deal with when I was with you. I knew they still loved you because they hated me with every fiber of their being and to this day, they still do. I’m not like them.
I don’t know her so why should I hate her? Women should build each other up, not tear each other down. I know you. And that means she must be pretty great; I mean, after all, you did date me! And I’m pretty great! She doesn’t deserve to pick up on the fact that our closure is not complete. It’s not complete for me and it’s evident by your text message the following day that you don’t have complete closure either.
I’m not sure if we ever will have closure, to be honest. We both wanted it to work! We didn’t envision our future this way. It is what it is. I just couldn’t bring myself to say hi. She would have immediately felt the vibes that we are finished but yet have unfinished business. And even though seeing you with her hurts, I still want you to be happy! This is why I chose not to say hi.
No one compares to you and I will always remember what we had. However, I haven’t fallen in love with anyone like I did you. I waited a long time for you and I will wait a long time for the next one because I know if I do, it will be worth it. This time though, he’s going to be able to love me in all the ways that you couldn’t. I believe in that. Which is why I know we’re better off without each other. I used to get so salty, like oh great, now she gets to have the man I saw in him from the start. But now, I’m proud to say: I’m the one who was sent to him, to teach him that yes, I do love you, but I’m leaving because I deserve more.
I always said to myself that the woman who gets the man in you who lives to his full potential, she will be one lucky girl! Unfortunately, he’s not the guy for me and I’m not that girl. If he was, he would have given me his all when he had me. I know you loved me with all that you had but it wasn’t enough because I knew in my heart, deep down, that I still wasn’t receiving all of you!
Momma always said that if you truly love something then let it go, and if it’s meant to be yours, it will always find its way back to you. I let you go, I believe you needed to get out there and figure out who you wanted to be for yourself because if you don’t know how to be a man for yourself, you can’t be that man for another woman.
You cut my soul more times than loving it, like it deserved. My love for you can blur many things but my worth will never be one of them. I may get lonely, scared, and empty without you at times but I always fill that void with love for myself. I never needed you, babe, I wanted you. I don’t know how life will play out.
We could have just been stepping stones and lessons to each other before real love encounters us. Or our paths could lead us back to each other and hopefully, in the very distant future, I can trust you with my heart again. I honestly don’t know but what I do know is that nobody compares to you because I haven’t been able to connect enough with someone else to let my guard down.
But I have hope for my future that I made the right decision to walk away from the man who couldn’t give me his full potential. I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me, so please, forgive me when I don’t say hi.
By Charley Nicole