Do you hear that?

It is the sound of my heart breaking into pieces because you didn’t give me the love I deserve. You knew how to find a way to deceive a girl who loved you like she has never loved before.

You never gave me the love I craved so much because you weren’t capable of doing that. I don’t know what kind of idea of true love you have in your head, but it surely is not the same as mine.

Couldn’t you see that I was so easy to love?

Don’t you remember that while you were crying, I wiped off all of your tears? While you were screaming at midnight, I would make all your fears gone forever. And I was always the one who held your hand through all these years.

But instead of getting all of your love, I got nothing. Zero love. Zero respect. Zero tolerance. Just bad words and abusiveness every single day. I still remember the day when you cheated on me. I came home and found you in our bed with some woman that you hooked up with the night before.

I couldn’t believe that a man who was telling me how much he loved me and who was kissing me goodnight did this to me.

This was the biggest act of betrayal and I couldn’t do anything about it. I just left the house while tears mixed with mascara ran down my face. I never felt so much anger and aggression inside of me.

For a moment, I got frightened of what I would be capable of doing in that mental state. After days passed by, I was still thinking about you and my bad luck in love. I couldn’t believe that this shit was happening to a normal and a good person like me. But the harsh truth was that it did happen.

I couldn’t erase the past and I couldn’t change the way I felt. I could have just accepted it and moved on.

While I was sitting at my home one day, drinking coffee and staring at the window, some bad memories rushed through my head. And in the blink of an eye, everything got clear. I finally realized that all this time, you had been abusing me emotionally. You knew that you had me because I loved you.

You knew that I wouldn’t go anywhere because I was so madly and deeply in love with you. So, you took advantage of me. With every word of yours, I felt like a piece of shit. With every action, I felt like I wasn’t good enough. And with every look, I felt that I am losing my mind.

I still can’t believe how good of an actor you were to convince me of your lies and of your love— a love that never existed.

I am mad at myself for letting you lead me on for such a long time. And I will never forgive myself for putting up with all your crap until now.

I no longer believe in your love and in saying that you will save me from everything bad that could happen to me. Now, the most important thing is who will save me from you?

Is there some special magic that can make my heart heal so I can be the old me again, without all these scars and cracks on my heart?

Then, I realized that it will be me who will save me from you.

So, this day, I am letting you go. If you were stupid enough to cheat on me, I will be smart enough to let you go. I want to get rid of a toxic and manipulative asshole from my life.

And finally, I want to break free from all these sad emotions that are eating me alive. I want to feel alive again. I want to be happy again. And most of all, I want to love again.

I think that is something I deserve because after all, I survived hell!

Christine Keller

I started writing just as a hobby, but in the end, I decided that it is something that fulfills me. I find inspiration in life’s everyday problems and every article that I write tells something about my past. In this way, I want to tell women all around the world that even though we are miles away, our pain makes us close. My articles were written to comfort those who need it the most and to tell them that they are not alone. I am a full-time mom, and I like spending time with my son, good people, sunny days and beer.

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