I want you to imagine a broken girl sitting all alone in her room, late at night. Imagine tears coming down her face, mixed with her mascara. Imagine her body cramping every time she tries to calm down her sobbing.
Now imagine my face, because that girl was me. Do you like what you see? Are you happy now that you ruined me? If you wanted to totally destroy me, you can be proud of yourself because you succeeded in doing that.
You leeched off of me. You sucked me dry. You beat me to an emotional death. And then you moved on to another victim.
With you, I always felt that I wasn’t good enough. And even though I knew I would never be truly happy with you, I was satisfied with the crumbs from your table. You were the person who could make me feel high in one second and the person who could make me fall to the ground in the next.
You were the person I was most happy with and someone who mostly made me cry. But somewhere along the road, I learned to live like that. I thought that you just needed some time for you to realize that I was good enough for you.
I was patient, waiting for that moment to come but it never came.
Then I realized that it wasn’t me who was the one not good enough for you, but you weren’t good enough for me.
It is true that I suffered for a long time, trying to get back on my feet again but in the end, it paid off. I don’t think that I am not worthy anymore because I know that I am. I don’t listen to your toxic stories about your eternal love for me because I know that you never loved me.
I just blame myself for giving you so much power over me so you could destroy me. I gave you all my trust, thinking that you wouldn’t take advantage of it. But you did. And that broke my heart. But you know what? Even if I am a little bit broken, I will be someone’s perfect woman. I tell that to myself every single day.
Maybe I wouldn’t know how strong I was if you hadn’t broken me. Maybe I would never have admitted to myself that I am worthy and that I am more than enough. Maybe I would never seek someone who is better than you. But I am happy that I did.
So, no matter how badly you want it, don’t you dare ask me to come back into your life again. When you wish that, just remember all those bad things you did to me. Just imagine how many sleepless nights I spent listing all your love texts, where you were promising me the love people write books about.
Imagine me not eating because my stomach was like an empty hole not letting food inside because of all the accumulated stress and anxiety you caused.
Just think about how many times I would stand in front of the mirror hating my face and my body because you didn’t like them, with me wishing that I was prettier and more attractive because then you would have stayed with me.
Think about how many silent breakdowns I had, all alone, and putting my head under the pillow so nobody would hear me. Think about all those things that a heartbroken woman goes through. And when you think about all of them, think again if you really want to come back to me?
If even the smallest part of your heart has any sympathy, you will just walk away and let me be happy with someone else. You will admit to yourself that you had your chance and that you blew it.
And me?
I will be good. I will collect all those pieces of my shattered heart and I will put myself back together again. I know it will take some time but that is the only way to heal a broken heart. And when I recover completely from you, I will be ready to love someone again.
I know that the next man in my life will see all those good things that you could never see. I know that he will give me the love I have been dreaming of my whole life. And I know that he will ask me how I could ever think that I am not good enough.
One day, someone will thank you for letting me go.
