Looking for signs of a cheating girlfriend? I’m sorry it has come to this, but if your partner is indeed a cheater, you deserve to know!
Lately, you’ve noticed her taking phone calls at weird hours, a sudden change in her busy schedule, unknown guys commenting on her social media posts, and her buying new clothes.
She’s been spending less time with you and more time with new friends. And now, you’re worried that there are even more warning signs that you’ve been oblivious to.
That’s where I come in. As a self-proclaimed relationship expert, I’m thoroughly familiar with all the subtle signs that some might miss.
I just need to warn you of a few things. Don’t let this control your life and don’t get too tangled up in her lies and deceit. I am going to help you figure out the next course of action.
However, you need to be smart about this. Things could turn sour really quickly if you don’t play it smart. Pay attention and follow my lead.
I’m going to present to you the telltale signs your girlfriend is cheating, help you cope with it, and list things to AVOID doing. So bear with me.
Red Flags Proving Your Girlfriend Is Being Unfaithful
She keeps doing stuff without including you in her plans
Recently, you were inseparable. If there was ever a plan, you both were a part of it and it kind of went without saying.
But in the past few weeks, or even months, she’s been making various plans with one notable difference; she’s stopped including you.
It’s either little road trips with friends, nights out with co-workers or a family night with her siblings. And even though you always used to be her plus one, lately, there’s no room for you.
If you’re being honest, it has started to really gnaw at you. What the hell is going on all of a sudden?
She has started deleting her browser history on a daily basis
This is something she never used to care about. She’d Google the most random stuff and just leave it there knowing you’d probably tease her (which she secretly loved).
But now, the moment she gets up from the laptop, you know the search history is going to be empty.
Sure, people do this and it’s not that weird but for someone who never gave a damn about this a few weeks ago, it sure seems suspicious.
You don’t want to seem paranoid but you know her too well to think it was for no reason.
She spends most of her time glued to her phone texting someone
Text messages have always been her preferred way of communication but the thing is, you were on the receiving end for so long.
But now, even when she’s with you, she is glued to her phone and kind of secretive about who she’s texting. If it was a friend, wouldn’t she just tell you because it’s honestly no big deal?
This is easily a good sign that she’s hiding something. When you’re constantly on your phone but unwilling to tell your partner who you’re texting, there’s definitely something fishy going on there.
See also: How To Apologize For Cheating: 10 Ways To Make Your Partner Forgive You
She avoids all talk about your joint future (major warning sign!)
You used to have so many plans and you were both equally excited about them. But now, whenever you mention any of those plans, she changes the topic.
It’s like she feels uncomfortable discussing it but you can’t figure out why. Could she be having second thoughts?
Of all the signs of a cheating girlfriend, avoiding topics regarding your joint future sure does seem like something to worry about.
She has taken up a new hobby that she never lets you accompany her to
And frankly, you’re really suspicious. Why would she keep refusing to let you give her a ride, not to mention keep her company there?
Is she really suddenly into horseback riding or is she using it as a front for her cheating activities?
She quickly changes the subject when a particular person comes up
There’s this guy you’ve always had your doubts about. Maybe this is an old friend who clearly has a thing for her or a co-worker she seems too cozy with.
For whatever reason, you’ve always felt a weird vibe around him and now, whenever you mention this guy’s name, she blushes.
No matter how hard she tries not to, it’s all over her face. She feels deeply uncomfortable discussing him, and what reason could she possibly have for that?
She rarely has time to hang out but her excuses are not exactly convincing
It’s okay if you don’t always have time to hang out but at least give a good excuse, right? Well, not according to her.
She has stopped caring about being convincing. She just blurts something out half-heartedly or says she’s too busy and that’s it.
You can see her apathy from miles away, but you keep convincing yourself that it’s all in your head (knowing very well that it’s a lie).
She suddenly always wants to know where you are and your every move
There are obviously many signs of a cheating girlfriend, but wanting to know your exact whereabouts kind of remains in the top ten.
You’re not a paranoid person but it totally makes sense that she’d want to know this so as not to get caught with her new partner.
You can’t even believe that you’re even saying it, but what’s the point in deluding yourself anymore?
She blames every single issue on her work
Whatever fight you have or whatever complaint you have about her, it’s all work. It’s either the reason for her strange behavior or it’s what’s been keeping her on edge.
However, that’s just too convenient. We could all easily be blaming stuff on our hectic schedules but at some point, that just becomes absurd.
She clearly doesn’t even know what the hell she’s doing and she’s desperately grasping at straws, hoping you’d go for the BS. But you know better than that.
She frequently has to leave abruptly, citing a ‘friend emergency’
It’s kind of like those scenes in the movies when an on-call doctor gets paged for an ER emergency. Only she’s not a doctor and there is obviously no emergency.
Just a friend going along with her lie, helping her get out of spending time with you.
Once, you may have even believed her but does she honestly expect you to believe that her bestie keeps having meltdowns every other day? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
See also: 15 Things You Should Put On Your Relationship Needs List
She has started to dress differently completely out of the blue
Not that she didn’t care about how she looked before, but now, it’s a whole new her. She’s been buying clothes that she normally doesn’t wear and splurging more than usual.
The worst thing is, she doesn’t even think that you notice these things, but how could you not? You know her better than anyone.
And naturally, you’d be the first to notice all these sure signs of something being off about her.
How long will she keep this up and at what point should you do something about it?
Every single thing you do has started to annoy her
This is one of the most painful signs of a cheating girlfriend. Every single thing that you do has started to really bug her.
The way you chew, how you sit, your closeness, and your quirks that she used to find adorable.
Now, she’s always snapping at you about the littlest things.
And you have to be honest with yourself. These things don’t just happen for no reason. Something has to be causing them.
She doesn’t want to introduce you to her new friends
She has this new crew that she’s always going on about, but so far, not even a mention of meeting them. What gives?
Could it be because she has another guy and she plans on getting rid of you? Or maybe, she just hasn’t gotten round to it yet?
It would be awesome if it was the latter, but something tells you that it’s the former.
She is always distracted and rarely offers eye contact
Your previously extremely attentive girlfriend has become so distracted. You’ll ask her something, and she’ll just blurt out yes, even though it wasn’t a yes or no question.
She rarely offers eye contact and she never really seems to know where her head is at. It feels like she’s juggling a little too much and it’s really starting to affect her behavior.
You’ve found new sultry lingerie that she’s never worn for you
At first, it really tickled your fancy. You found the lingerie and believed she was saving it for a special occasion, so you waited patiently.
But weeks have gone by, and she still hasn’t worn them for you. I mean, what’s the point of buying lingerie that you won’t wear?
Unless she is wearing it… only not for you. You’re not really sure whether you should be heartbroken or mad or confront her about it.
She doesn’t care about being physical with you anymore
She used to love a good, hot romp under the sheets. You were so in sync and you rarely went longer than a few days without doing it.
But now, she’s never in the mood. It’s like those clichés in movies. She’s either got a headache, she has to get up early or she has extra work to catch up on.
Where have her needs gone? Is she having them fulfilled elsewhere? Do you even want to know?
She gets overly defensive whenever you ask her a question
Girls who cheat learn to get so defensive that even the simplest question feels like an attack. Pay attention to this.
Let’s say you ask her what she was thinking of doing after work. An innocent question, right? To her (if she’s cheating), it feels like an interrogation into her whereabouts and she’s not having it.
That’s how you know that something’s going on. A girl with nothing to hide would simply say: Not much, want to grab a coffee afterward? But a cheating girlfriend has her defense system up.
See also: 10 Things To Do If You’re Feeling Disrespected In A Relationship
She wants to postpone your long-awaited romantic getaway
You’ve been looking forward to this for months! FINALLY, a whole week of just you and her spending quality time together away from the world but suddenly, she can’t go and she doesn’t even seem broken up about it.
You know that if she really wanted to go, she’d make it work but she wants to postpone it, despite it taking you months to get it all arranged. Why would she do that unless there was someone else?
Her best friends are acting weird around you
You can tell a lot about this situation by simply observing her best friends. They likely know everything, so if they’re being weird, cold, or distant around you, something’s up.
This is especially if you get along. They just want to keep their distance, because knowing what they know, it just feels weird being near you.
She has started to spend a lot of time at the gym
She never used to care about going to the gym but now, it’s her sanctuary. You’ve been together so long (you may even have survived a long-distance relationship) that you don’t care about her looking perfect.
She knows that you love her no matter what her body looks like so why would she be so adamant to look like her best self after not caring for so long?
Sure, girls like to look good and feel healthy, but it seems like there’s a reason behind this transformation that she’s just not sharing.
She keeps saying, “I,” instead of, “We”
Every single, “We,” has now magically turned into, “I”… and it’s probably the most heartbreaking thing to hear.
She no longer takes you along to visit her family
You always used to tag along to visit her folks! It was always a charming, lovely getaway and you had the best
time. You actually really care about her loved ones but that, too, has stopped.
She goes to visit them by herself so as not to ‘”inconvenience you’ but” she knows all too well that it’s no bother at all.
Now, you feel like a burden and that everyone knows what’s up but you.
She probably goes there and discusses the situation, making you feel even worse than you already do.
23. All of her gadgets are locked
You’re not sure if she ever locked her phone and gadgets before but she sure is doing it now. It’s like deleting her browser history isn’t enough.
She is making sure to not get caught and she’s covering all fronts.
When she’s upset, she doesn’t turn to you to console her (like she always used to do)
When she’s upset or sad, you were her shoulder to cry on. You always know what to say and you always manage to make her laugh.
That was one of your favorite things about your relationship but ever since you got the impression that she is a cheater, you’ve stopped being her go-to person.
Either she no longer has bad days (highly unlikely) or there is someone new holding her up during her worst moments.
Your gut feeling tells you that she wants to break up
You know your gut has never failed you before. Whenever you get a feeling about something, it turns out to be right. And no matter how much you want to ignore it, you can’t.
You have to believe that your gut feeling knows what’s up. It’s heartbreaking to think your girl is fooling around, but you have to be real.
Isn’t it better to face the music and give yourself a chance for something real? The sooner you do it, the sooner the pain will stop.
She fights for the sake of fighting
She is constantly picking fights. This is what cheating partners do in order to make you break up with them. Clever, huh? That way, they get the easy way out.
However, my advice is, don’t fall for it. Don’t give her the satisfaction of ending it for her. If she really wants to break up, she might as well do it the right way.
You deserve to hear the whole truth; after all, you’re the one hurting here. The least she can do is be honest and apologize for things.
Nothing can change what she did, but it’s going to help you heal after hearing her it from the horse’s mouth.
See also: The Push-Pull Relationship Cycle & How To Overcome This Dynamic
She doesn’t laugh at your corny jokes anymore
You know you’re no Dave Chappelle, but you do have your own special comedic charm. And your girlfriend was your biggest fan before.
So what if your comedic timing wasn’t the best? That’s what made you so funny. At least that’s what she always thought, until recently.
Now, you can’t get a glimpse of a smile from her, not even when you genuinely try to make her laugh; she barely forces herself to react.
And if you can’t laugh together anymore, what do you really have?
This was your thing and now, you’re afraid that there’s someone else making her laugh.
She has become cold, distant, and uninterested in your relationship
Ultimately, her entire demeanor has become cold and distant. She’s no longer invested. She simply goes with the flow.
It’s like she’s there but her passion and adoration are long gone. The thing that made your relationship so special has withered.
She is now someone you merely spend time with but things have changed significantly. Now, it seems like she’d rather be anywhere but here.
What Should You Do Moving Forward?
Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling right now
First and foremost, feel your feelings. Don’t pretend to be above it all. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like shouting, shout.
But whatever you do, don’t keep your feelings bottled up. Believe me, eventually, you’re going to explode and the worst thing for you is pretending that you’re okay.
Learning that your significant other is a cheater is a big blow. A few months back, you were planning on moving in together, and now, you’re figuring out why you’re no longer enough.
Give yourself time to feel it all before you decide to go off on her. Time is on your side here.
Refrain from making huge decisions while in this vulnerable place
One of the worst things people in pain can do is make life-changing decisions. Think about it. Right now, you’re at an all-time low.
You’re clearly not in the right frame of mind to be making any decisions and whatever you do while suffering will come back to bite you. So pace yourself.
No matter how much you want to break up, throw her stuff out the window or talk shit about her, don’t. I promise you’ll regret it.
Wait it out until you’re sure that you can live with that decision and be okay with it in the long run.
Don’t even think about blaming yourself
It’s not your fault. If you were struggling or having any issues, the only right thing to do was talk about it. Cheating is never the way.
So if she tries to blame you for being the cheating partner, nip it in the bud. You are both adults and you should’ve had the tough conversation if she wanted to break up.
But since she decided to go the cheating route, the blame is all on her.
Nobody forced her to sleep with someone else so don’t you dare blame yourself for her lousy actions.
Consider all of your options before confronting her
Do you want to break up? Do you want to talk it out? Do you need time to figure it all out? Be sure to know before you confront her.
The best course of action is understanding where you want to go from here before she gets a chance to fill your head with nonsense.
Prepare yourself mentally before the conversation, so you find it easier to stay true to what you really need. Don’t let her sway you.
Surround yourself with good friends who can help you make sense of this
Do you know what I always find to be the best medicine for a broken heart? A really good circle of close friends.
After all, they are the ones who’ll be there when your partner leaves. They are the ones who’ll pick up the pieces and make you breakfast when you don’t want to get up in the morning.
Those people will be the ones helping you find a way out of this mess. Remember, they want only the best for you. So be sure to listen to their advice. They know what they’re talking about.
See also: A Dysfunctional Relationship: What It Is And How To Recognize The Signs
Talk to your cheating girlfriend and see what she has to say
Once you’ve done some soul-searching, talked to your best friends, and got your bearings, you may proceed to talk to your partner.
First, let her know how this whole thing has made you feel. Do not let her lead the conversation. She is the one in the wrong and she should be happy that you’re willing to have a calm discussion.
Ask her whatever you want to know and don’t let her leave out any details. You deserve to know how much of a fool she has made out of you.
Only after the conversation should you start making a final decision regarding your relationship. Find out all the facts and do what’s best for you.
See your physician and get checked for STIs
This is an unfortunate step, but you really do need to get tested. No matter what she says (it was only one guy and she swears he wore protection), you can never messplay with your health.
Go do what you need to do and be sure that you haven’t contracted any diseases.
Trust me, it’ll give you a peace of mind knowing at least one honest thing came out of her mouth about her cheating escapades.
Never allow this to change your perception of yourself
This does not reflect on you in any way. The way others choose to conduct themselves is on them, and no one else. Repeat that to yourself.
It doesn’t mean that you’re not enough. Her cheating on you doesn’t make you any less of a man. And it definitely doesn’t mean that some other girl won’t cherish you.
The only person this reflects poorly on is your girlfriend and whatever she tries to tell you, always remember that.
Leave your significant other if she is non-apologetic
If your cheater of a girlfriend doesn’t seem extremely apologetic and with really good reasoning (not that there is any), just leave.
Getting back with a cheater is seldom the right move.
There are specific instances in which you might consider it (it was just one time, she was beyond drunk and she is gutted about what she did) but if it happened on a regular basis and she is only sorry because she got caught, I’m sorry but what are you still doing with her?
I know that love can really mess with your head but don’t let it blind you to the point of letting her treat you unfairly twice.
Stop letting anyone treat you badly (be it her or a new partner)
After deciding what your next move is, turn over a new leaf and let this be the start of something better. If you’ve decided to stay with her, I hope that you thought it through.
No matter what, from now on, don’t let anyone treat you badly. No more shady stuff, lousy excuses or secretive behavior.
It’s all cards on the table or you’re out.
Once, it was a mistake but the second time, it is a choice. Complete transparency is the only way to go from here, and it’s non-negotiable.
10 Things To AVOID Doing After Your Partner Cheats
Don’t publicly trash-talk your cheating partner
Even though these signs of a cheating girlfriend can be overwhelming, you should under no circumstances stoop to her level. You’re better than that.
Understand that trash-talking her either publicly or on social media will only paint you as the bad guy and help her gain sympathy.
My mom always told me to keep all issues between our four walls and when you feel like shouting it from the rooftops the most, that’s precisely when you should remain quiet.
Within a few weeks, once this initial fury and frustration withers, you’ll be extremely thankful you were able to keep it private.
Don’t allow yourself to fall into a downward spiral
Okay, so right now, after having confirmed that your girlfriend has betrayed you and trying to figure out where to place your anger, you’re probably at your wit’s end.
That’s totally expected. How else could a person feel upon finding out that their life partner is fooling around? But here’s the thing…
Allow yourself to feel it all but the minute you start sensing that things are spiraling out of control, call your best friend. Go visit your parents. Walk your dog (if you have one).
These things will help you regain your perspective and prevent you from being a victim of your own emotions. Find your safe haven and don’t let yourself fall too deep.
If you have children, don’t get them involved in your mess
Your kids (provided you have any) are innocent in all of this. Don’t make them feel your mutual anger and don’t make them pick sides.
Children are sacred and they should never sense a father’s wrath toward their mother or vice versa. When it comes to them, be sure to never yell or scream at each other when they’re near.
One day, they’ll remember it all and have really ugly memories of their parents being at each other’s throats.
Don’t taint their memories. Keep it civil and let them know that they are not to blame for anything. Let them feel your love now more than ever.
Don’t negate what happened and just hope things will magically be okay
Denial is your enemy. What transpired between you two was very much real and there is no point in denying that. All those late hours and strange behavior were for a reason.
According to renowned psychologist Dr. Paul Coleman, PsyD, “Someone who must ‘work late’ all of a sudden at times that go beyond a reasonable explanation may be cheating.”
So don’t do yourself a disservice and deny the obvious. Things are kind of messed up right now but they will pick up eventually. Just be honest with yourself.
Don’t overplay the victim card
This might sound rather harsh but it’s for your own good.
If you acquire a victim mentality, it’s going to be hard to snap out of it so instead, pick yourself up, brush it all off and keep your head high. Your girlfriend is the one who did something bad, not you.
Don’t let her make you feel overly victimized, as she’s not worthy of such a substantial effect on you. You know that you’ll get over this.
It won’t happen overnight, but one morning, you’ll wake up and realize that you’re finally starting to be okay. And that is going to feel priceless.
Don’t let anyone but you decide your next course of action
Nobody but you gets to tell you how you’re going to move forward. Whether you break up, decide to forgive her, or take some time to think it through, it’s all up to you.
This is your relationship and your life. Don’t let anyone affect your decision because you’re the one who’s going to have to live with it.
See also: Recognize & Break The Pursuer And Distancer Pattern In A Relationship
Don’t refuse to see a therapist right off the bat
Seeing a clinical psychologist or anyone with a Ph.D. in mental health might prove to be the best decision you’ve ever made for yourself. They can help you resolve your issues in the healthiest ways.
Any problems you may have, trust me, they are equipped to handle it. I saw one a few years back and it helped me get back on my feet.
There is no shame in deciding to help yourself and whoever makes you feel that way doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Don’t forget about the importance of taking care of yourself
While you’re hurting, don’t forget that you deserve some tender love and care. You deserve to feel loved and appreciated so don’t deny yourself an opportunity to do something that can help your well-being.
Surround yourself with close friends and don’t do anything that drags you down.
This is your time to shine. Let this experience shape you into the person you want to be.
I’m fairly certain that you are craving some much-deserved love and warmth.
Don’t rush things, not everyone heals the same way
Not everyone will react the same way to these signs of a cheating girlfriend. Some might lose it, some may become numb and others will take months to come to grips with it.
But guess what? There’s no time limit on how long it takes to get over heartbreak. However long it takes, that’s how it should be.
Take your time and don’t worry about what anyone might think. You deserve to feel like yourself again, no matter when that is.
People are all vastly different and it would be highly unusual if everyone healed in the same way and at the same pace.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, your partner’s actions don’t define you
Lastly, take it easy on yourself. Don’t be too harsh on yourself because there truly wasn’t anything you could’ve done differently.
Those who want to cheat will do so regardless of how attentive or caring you are. Please understand that her behavior doesn’t define you in any way.
She made a conscious decision to play with your heart and that’s entirely on her. Don’t take part in her blame because it doesn’t belong to you.
All you can do is keep being yourself and treat others with kindness and respect. I strongly believe that karma will take care of the rest.
If you’ve realized that these signs of a cheating girlfriend hit too close to home, it’s time for a really difficult decision.
Your next steps depend on your partner’s (lack of) apology, her reasoning and your gut feeling. Is this person worth a second chance or has she crossed the line?
I sincerely hope that my thorough research on the subject has made this heartbreaking decision a bit easier. Just remember that nobody gets to make it but you.
Reevaluate your situation and see where your heart is, but don’t let yourself fall for the same tricks again. Let this experience be your guiding light from now on.
The last thing you want is to be fooled yet again. You deserve a long-term, committed relationship with someone who respects you too much to fool around.
So ask yourself this: After everything you’ve been through, can your girlfriend really give you that?