Antes de a julgar por ter ficado com o agressor, saiba isto

You just can’t understand why these women stay with their abusers. You can wrap your mind around it, but you’ll never understand it if it doesn’t happen to you.

You can’t understand that these women were imprisoned. They were manipulated and they were used.

Sofreram todos os abusos possíveis: emocional, physical, sexual…you name it. So next time you ask someone why she stayed with him, remember that an enormous amount of abuse and pain changed them.

Constant abuse can break you to the point that you can’t recognise yourself anymore.

It can happen to anyone. You may be as strong as you like, but if you fall in love with an abuser, you’re basically uma pessoa quebrada or you’re about to be.

You can’t recognize them and you can’t spend your whole life afraid that you might fall for someone like that. But, what you can do is watch out the red flags that will show you he might be a type of a man you have to run away from as soon as possible.

Os abusadores estão em todo o lado.

They are so common and you’ve probably had to deal with a man like this at least once or you’re dealing with him now. They present themselves as charming and basically irresistible.

Eles rastejam sob a nossa pele. Conquistam-nos e fazem-nos apaixonar pela imagem de homem que criaram na nossa mente.

But it’s just an image because the reality is completely opposite from what’s before you.

Eles usam-nos emocionalmente. Eles drenam o último átomo de energia de ti. Deixam-te quebrado e espancados, e depois tomam o controlo total sobre nós.

Then they own you because it’s so easy to rule the mind which has been brainwashed. It’s so easy to take control of someone who has lost everything they believed in, someone who has started to doubt themselves for everything they do.

This didn’t happen overnight. They planned for it to happen.

It’s all just the part of their plan. At first they are so perfect that it’s surreal. Then, when you let your guard down, the process begins.

First, lying and making up excuses which make no sense, but they do it like they’re the most sensible things you’ve ever heard. Then, manipulating and putting the blame on you.

Depois disso, eles iluminam-nos e tentam enlouquecer-nos. Fazem-nos acreditar em coisas que nunca aconteceram, para que deixemos de confiar em nós próprios e passemos a confiar inteiramente neles.

Depois, há que atingir o fundo do poço.

After this, you’re empty inside. You’re empty and destroyed. You’ve lost the true sense of yourself.

You have no respect for yourself whatsoever and you hate yourself for what you’ve become. When you have no reason left to live, you’re either going to wish for everything to end or you’re going to start looking for a way out.

But, still you won’t be able to find one.

You can ask your friends for support. You can talk to them, but them saying to get out and asking what you are still doing with him won’t magically help you.

It won’t make it easier for you to leave. It’s easy to say that. t’s completely different to actually do it.

O caminho para a recuperação é longo, mas vale a pena.

After you leave, you can’t just decide to get better. You’re haunted by horrible memories.

You can’t sleep at night because the only thing you dream about is him and his abuse. You’re afraid to get close to other people because every time you meet someone new, you’re expecting the worst.

You’re expecting him to be the same as he was.

A cura leva tempo. Tens de deixar o tempo curar as tuas feridas. Tens de deixar o teu coração assentar e deixar de ser vulnerável.

You have to forgive yourself and let your guard down. You have to understand that it wasn’t your fault, that you did nothing wrong.

É preciso recuperar o respeito por si próprio e voltar a pensar em si como antes. Só o tempo te pode dar isso.

You have to decide that he won’t be the person who will mark the rest of your life. You have to keep on writing the story of your life the way you want.

You have to stop defining yourself by what you’ve been through. Your life doesn’t end there. It keeps on going if you decide so.