Como terminar com alguém: Um guia de 12 passos para uma separação limpa
Quer queiram admitir isso ou não, a vossa relação está basicamente terminada no momento em que começa a pensar como romper com alguém.
This is exactly what you’re going through. You’ve been trying to find the least harmful way to walk away from your partner and to give them the bad news the easiest way possible.
People assume that the one saying the final goodbye doesn’t carry any burden. However, that’s far from the truth.
I’ll be honest with you. Breaking things off is never easy.
However, sometimes you reach a point where it’s the only option you have – a point where your relationship is making you miserable and you know it can’t be saved.
Bem, se estes são os pensamentos que passam pela sua cabeça e se continua a perguntar-se como romper com alguém, eis alguns conselhos do nosso especialistas em relações que deve definitivamente consultar.
1. Tenha a certeza da sua decisão
Before ending your relationship, you have to be sure that this is what you really want. Please, don’t confuse yourself or your partner if you’re not certain in your decision.
Don’t do this if you want to scare them by pretending that you want to leave. Don’t do it to make them understand what they’re losing or to make them feel your absence so they can appreciate your presence more.
Eu sei que isto pode parecer uma boa ideia, mas acredite em mim, isto não é nada mais do que jogos mentais imaturos que vai criar uma confusão ainda maior na vossa relação.
First of all, you need to be clear that your relationship isn’t worth saving. You’re breaking up with someone because you don’t love them anymore, you think you two have no future together, or they don’t treat you right.
Embora estas sejam as razões mais comuns pelas quais as pessoas normalmente romperSe não for o caso, pode basear a sua decisão em algo diferente.
The point is that you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons to anyone – the mere fact that you want out of this relationship is more than enough.
No entanto, é importante que tenha uma razão para o fazer rutura. Don’t do it on a whim and if you’re likely to change your mind the next day.
Most importantly, don’t do it if you expect to get back together with your partner.
I’m not saying that this can’t happen sometime in the future, but there is absolutely no point in breaking-up with them if you’re thinking about reconciliation now.
2. Don’t beat yourself up
A muitas pessoas assumir que a única pessoa que sofre por causa da rutura is the one who is being left behind. Well, that can’t be further from the truth.
Descobrir como romper com alguém que nos ama também nos traz dor emocional.
Just because you want to say your goodbyes, it doesn’t mean that you’re happy about it. Besides, when you’re the one breaking up, you’re dealing with another painful emotion: guilt.
This is especially true if we’re talking about relações duradouras.
You think that you’re throwing away your history together and all the years you spent next to each other, so you can’t avoid feeling guilty for being the one who destroys everything.
Bem, outra coisa que tem de fazer antes de atuar de facto rutura is clearing your conscience. After all, you’re not married to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and even if you are, you have the right to file for divorce.
You didn’t sign a paper that the two of you will grow old together, no matter what.
You didn’t make any wedding vows, promising them to stick by their side through bad and good days, through sickness and health until death does you apart.
You didn’t choose this person as your life partner just yet. Therefore, you have the right to change your mind.
Don’t feel guilty for breaking up with them if this is something you want to do. Don’t blame yourself for the failure of your relationship. Don’t think of yourself as weak for not being able to put up with it anymore.
Relationships end and that is all a part of life. I know that you’re probably beating yourself up for being the one who has to put a stop to your romance, but you have to put your happiness first.
You won’t stay in a relationship that is making you miserable just to spare the other person’s feelings. You can’t keep on breaking your own heart just to save theirs.
3. Fazê-lo a tempo
O erro número um que um muitas pessoas fazem quando querem romper com a sua cara-metade é adiá-la.
Esperam até que o namorado ou a namorada saia de uma fase má da sua vida, até depois do seu aniversário, até que regressem daquela viagem que planearam durante anos, etc.
This is something you shouldn’t do. Trust me, before you know it, you’ll turn around and see that months have gone by since your initial decision and you’re still trapped in this relationship.
The fact is that people do this because they’re scared. They don’t have the courage to walk away, so they remain in this relationship, expecting a miracle to happen.
Basicamente, esperam que a outra pessoa dê o passo ou que a relação acabe por magia. Bem, é pouco provável que isso aconteça e, quer queiras quer não, tens de reunir forças para fazer o trabalho sujo sozinho.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to abandon your partner in the middle of a family emergency or the moment they lost their job.
Afinal de contas, este ainda é o seu amigo de confiança, even though you don’t feel any romantic connection with them anymore.
However, I’m begging you not to make excuses and not to postpone the rutura. Trust me, it’s better to do it in time before things between you two become even worse.
After all, by leaving them, you’re actually doing your partner a favor. It’s way better to be honest about your feelings than to keep on conduzindo-os just because you’re scared of saying the final goodbye.
Seja direto e arranque o penso rápido contando-lhes tudo O MAIS RAPIDAMENTE POSSÍVEL e da forma mais direta possível.
And the worst thing you could do is treat your significant other as a safety net. Don’t go out there hunting for a new potential partner until you make everything clear in your current relationship.
4. Planear a conversa de separação
When you’re wondering how to romper with someone you love (because no matter what happened, I’m sure you still have some emotions towards this person), you have to know exactly what you’re about to say.
Otherwise, your emotions will take over and if you don’t plan ahead, you won’t manage to do it.
Of course, this won’t be a monologue, so it’s impossible to plan every single sentence to come out of your mouth, but you should definitely think about what you want to tell them as a whole.
If you usually have trouble expressing yourself verbally, write your thoughts down on a piece of paper and learn it by heart. No, you won’t be reading or reciting your speech, it will just serve you as a guideline.
Remember: This is probably the last time you’re having this kind of conversation with your partner. So don’t leave anything unsaid.
Instead, tell them everything that’s on your mind and heart. Try to explain to them how you feel, why you think that your romance should end, and most importantly, do your best to give them encerramento.
However, don’t use this opportunity to analyze your entire relationship from the first day.
Não vale a pena trazer à baila toda a sua bagagem emocional, porque isso só vai levar a uma discussão desnecessária.
Don’t become all defensive or try arguing with your partner. Just be calm and honest.
Try not to show too many emotions; that will only make things even harder for both of you. Nevertheless, don’t behave like you’re completely indifferent to all that’s been going on.
Tente encontrar um equilíbrio. Mostre-lhes que é difícil acabar com uma relação for you, but that you’re certain in your decision and nothing they do or say can change your mind.
Quando se trata de razões para a sua rutura, be as honest as possible. Don’t lie or sugarcoat things; tell them straightforwardly why you’re leaving them.
Além disso, prepare-se para o facto de, provavelmente, a sua cara-metade lhe fazer algumas perguntas difíceis. No entanto, esta é a pessoa que passou um muito tempo com, por isso provavelmente conhece-os melhor.
Therefore, if you think things through you’ll probably be able to predict most of their responses and questions. So, prepare yourself and be ready to give them the answers they want to hear.
RELACIONADO: Textos de fim de namoro: Mais de 50 mensagens de texto para terminar a relação
5. Fazer o contacto direto
Nos encontros modernos, tudo acontece literalmente através de redes sociais, mensagens de texto, ou chamadas telefónicas. Bem, mesmo que se tenha tornado uma prática romper with someone this way, it is something you shouldn’t do at any cost.
I don’t care if you and your partner met on a dating site or if you even started your relationship on redes sociais, merecem que romper com eles, olhando-os diretamente nos olhos.
It doesn’t matter if you two have been in a relação à distância. Por favor, encontrem uma forma de os ver pessoalmente.
Let’s be honest. Deixar alguém por mensagem de texto é canja.
You don’t have to actually talk to them, you don’t have to be scared of your voice trembling, you don’t have to look them in the eyes while telling them about your decision.
Besides, if things get rough, you can always block their number or stop responding to their text messages. It dehumanizes the entire process and you don’t see your ex-companheiro(a) chorando do outro lado do ecrã.
However, if you’re mature enough to have a relação romântica, deve ter maturidade suficiente para coisas finais também à moda antiga. Fazendo-o cara a cara dá a outra pessoa um certo sentido de valor.
Desta forma, reconhece a sua importância na sua vida, mesmo que queira que a sua relação termine.
You’re showing them that they have been important enough for you to give them your time and effort to explain yourself.
Besides, you won’t be seen as a coward who doesn’t have the courage to actually tell someone you’re walking away from them.
Infelizmente, outra forma popular de separações é agora fantasma. You know that move when you just disappear from the other person’s life without even saying a word?
As tempting as this might sound, I can’t emphasize how wrong it is on so many levels. So, I’m begging you not to even consider it.
6. …but not in public
Another thing to keep in mind when breaking up with your significant other is the place in which you’ll do it. First and foremost, a serious conversa de separação como esta merece alguma privacidade.
Além disso, por mais que pensemos que conhecemos a outra pessoa, nunca podemos prever completamente a sua reação.
You don’t know if there will be screaming, crying, curses, or fighting involved, so you might want to avoid doing it in a public space.
Besides, you don’t want to humiliate your partner by allowing other people to see or hear that they’re being dumped.
With all this in mind, it’s obvious that you should be careful while choosing the place for your separação.
However, don’t do it in your house, apartment, or car either.
In this case, if things get rough, you’ll find yourself in a situation where you have to throw your ex-companheiro(a) out – and that is the last thing they need to go through after being dumped.
Basically, what is important is to pick a quiet setting. Maybe it’s better to do it “on their field,” so you can be the one to walk away.
7. Saber que vai magoar a outra pessoa
I won’t lie. É difícil terminar uma relação. This is not the nicest thing you’ll have to do in life, but sometimes it simply has to be done.
Isto é especialmente verdade se souber que a outra pessoa quer continuar a relação. Será difícil dizer-lhe que não se ela começar a pedir-lhe uma segunda oportunidade.
What I’m trying to tell you is that no matter how you play your cards, you will definitely end up hurting the other person. You will probably break their heart and there isn’t a scenario in which they’ll be left unharmed.
Even if your ex stopped loving you, you’ll hurt their ego when you walk away from them. So, please accept this as an inevitable fact.
Also, I’m asking you to acknowledge their pain.
Even if you see them as the bad guy in the story – even if you think that they’re the one who caused this rutura – they have the right to feel hurt, abandoned, or even betrayed.
What is important here is for you not to feel like a villain. You’re just choosing your own happiness over someone else’s and, contrary to popular belief, there is nothing selfish about that.
Your partner might tell you that you’re ruining their life and breaking them beyond repair, but trust me, it’s not the case. They’re feeling like this right now, but sooner or later, they vontade recuperar.
The end of your relationship isn’t the end of the world for either of you. They will find their happiness without you, so the last thing you should allow is for guilt to eat you alive.
8. Deixa-os falar
You’re the one who is breaking things off, so you’re the one who’ll have to start and lead this conversation. However, you can’t expect the other party to peacefully listen to you, without saying a word.
Afinal de contas, a vossa relação era uma via de dois sentidos, o que significa que eles também eram uma parte igual da mesma. Eles têm o direito de dizer o que pensam e de falar sobre os seus sentimentos também.
Isto é algo que tem de lhes permitir fazer. Deixe que lhe digam tudo o que querem e dê-lhes a oportunidade de serem ouvidos pela última vez.
Naturally, you won’t always agree with everything they have to say. After all, you two probably have different perspectives on your relationship.
However, even in this case, you need to let them clear everything they have off their chest. Remember that this conversation shouldn’t revolve around who is right; it should be seen as a possibilidade de encerramento.
9. Ser gentil e empático
Whenever you’re talking to someone, even if that someone is a stranger, you ought to do your best to be kind and empático.
Well, this is especially true when you’re talking to the person who was your ente querido e com quem tens tanta história.
Remember that they’re the ones being hurt more than you are here. They’re the ones who are receiving bad news and the ones who are brought to a dead end.
Even though this situation is probably painful for you too, you’re the one who made the tough decision to coisas finais.
On the other hand, your partner might still want to remain in the relationship yet they’re being involuntarily kicked out of it.
What I’m trying to say is that considering all this, it’s clear that right now they’re in a worse position than you. Therefore, you’re the one who should give them all the sympathy in the world.
Please, try putting yourself in their shoes. Try to understand them and do your best not to judge them, even if they don’t aceitar a separação da forma que se esperava.
Be as gentle as possible while telling them that you’re about to leave them. Don’t lie to them, but also don’t insult or humiliate them in any way possible.
Another thing you should be careful about is the tone of your voice. Be cautious not to raise your voice or talk like you’re arguing.
Yes, your relationship is coming to an end. However, you two are still equals here. Don’t you ever forget that.
10. Evitar o jogo da culpa
Outro erro que a maioria dos casais comete ao terminar a relação é aproveitar a oportunidade para resolver todas as suas discussões.
This is the final goodbye – it’s not a chance for you two to figure out who made more mistakes and who’s to blame for your separação.
That’s why I’m begging you to avoid the blame game at all costs. As it was already stated, both you and your ex have different perspectives on your falhou relação romântica.
Therefore, it’s not surprising to have them see you as the bad guy of the story and vice-versa. No entanto, este não é o local nem o momento para discutir este assunto.
After all, what’s the point of shifting responsibility? You decided it’s time to coisas finais, which means that you’ve reached a point where nothing can be done to save your relationship.
Don’t rehash your old issues, don’t be resentful, and don’t mention some old grudges you might have. You both need to accept that it’s over and that it’s completely irrelevant who did what.
11. Cortar todos os laços
Manter a amizade com um ex is a civilized thing to do, especially if we’re talking about someone you spent years with.
For all of this time, this person was a huge part of your life and it is totally understandable that you can’t kick them out so easily.
They weren’t just your romantic partner and a ente querido. Eles também foram um dos vossos amigos de confiança, e até começou a vê-los como um membro da família ao longo dos anos.
No entanto, cada especialista em relações dir-vos-ão para cortar todos os laços com eles quando caminhos parciais – at least in the beginning.
Confiem em mim, esta é a única maneira de ambos deixar ir of your relationship for real and it’s the best move for your bem-estar e saúde mental.
I’m not saying that you should suddenly become enemies or that you shouldn’t say “hi” to each other when you run into each other, but everything besides that will only make things complicated.
If it’s necessary, break things off with your amigos comuns as well. Don’t deepen your ex’s wound and keep on hurting this person’s feelings ainda mais, permanecendo na sua vida desta ou de outra forma.
This is especially true if the other person doesn’t want to romper. Believe me, you’ll only give them falsa esperança se prometerem ficar amigos.
Besides, you’ll also make a mess in your head if you don’t go no contact. You’ve gone this far and made your decision, so the last thing you need is having them next to you all the time as if nothing has changed.
Also, cutting all ties is the only way in which you’ll show to your ex that you really mean what you said. This way, you’re not leaving any space for them to think that you’ll change your mind in the future.
I’m not saying that reconciliation is never possible. After all, you never know what life might bring.
No entanto, isto não é algo que deva sequer mencionar se quiser realmente fazer uma rutura limpa e rasgar completamente o penso rápido fora.
Don’t go giving either of you falsa esperança falando sobre a possibilidade de voltarem a estar juntos um dia.
12. Aprender com a sua relação
When you’re wondering how to romper with someone, you never think of what comes next – after the rutura acabou.
You did what you wanted to do, your relationship is over, and now you’re left all alone with your thoughts.
Well, that’s exactly why I’ll ask you to use this time to reexamine your relationship. Of course, this isn’t something you should do with your ex, but on your own.
No, don’t think about your failed romance because you want to fix it. Scrutinize it so you can deixar ir e utilizá-lo como um valioso lição de vida.
Think about your dealbreakers. What were the things the other person was doing but you couldn’t tolerate, as much as you tried?
What were your mistakes? Be mature enough to take your share of responsibility and think about the things you shouldn’t be doing in the future with other partners.
Quando se trata de seguir em frente com a sua vida amorosa, de acordo com todos os coaches de relaçõesNão é boa ideia lançar-se de imediato numa nova relação.
Aproveite este tempo para se conhecer melhor e desfrutar ao máximo da sua vida de solteiro.
Most importantly, stay away from any potential rebound relationships. You won’t heal your broken heart by breaking someone else’s in the process.
Em vez disso, trabalhe no seu auto-aperfeiçoamento e concentre-se em autocuidado. Corrigir as suas emoções e saúde mental, e aprende a pôr-se a si próprio e aos seus bem-estar em primeiro lugar.
Construir um relação saudável consigo mesmo antes de procurar um parceiro. Acredite em mim, esta é a única forma de ter uma relação relação saudável com outra pessoa.
