Cómo romper con alguien: Guía de 12 pasos para una ruptura limpia

Te guste admitirlo o no, vuestra relación está básicamente acabada el momento en que empieces a preguntarte cómo romper con alguien. 

This is exactly what you’re going through. You’ve been trying to find the least harmful way to walk away from your partner and to give them the bad news the easiest way possible.

People assume that the one saying the final goodbye doesn’t carry any burden. However, that’s far from the truth.

I’ll be honest with you. Breaking things off is never easy.

However, sometimes you reach a point where it’s the only option you have – a point where your relationship is making you miserable and you know it can’t be saved. 

Bueno, si estos son los pensamientos que pasan por tu cabeza y si sigues preguntándote cómo romper con alguien, he aquí algunos consejos de nuestro expertos en relaciones que deberías visitar. 

1. Esté seguro de su decisión

Before ending your relationship, you have to be sure that this is what you really want. Please, don’t confuse yourself or your partner if you’re not certain in your decision.

Don’t do this if you want to scare them by pretending that you want to leave. Don’t do it to make them understand what they’re losing or to make them feel your absence so they can appreciate your presence more. 

Sé que puede parecer una buena idea, pero créeme, no son más que juegos mentales inmaduros que hará un lío aún mayor en tu relación.

First of all, you need to be clear that your relationship isn’t worth saving. You’re breaking up with someone because you don’t love them anymore, you think you two have no future together, or they don’t treat you right.

Aunque éstas son las razones más comunes por las que la gente suele romperpuede basar su decisión en algo diferente.

The point is that you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons to anyone – the mere fact that you want out of this relationship is more than enough.

Sin embargo, es importante que tenga una razón para ello ruptura. Don’t do it on a whim and if you’re likely to change your mind the next day. 

Most importantly, don’t do it if you expect to get back together with your partner.

I’m not saying that this can’t happen sometime in the future, but there is absolutely no point in breaking-up with them if you’re thinking about reconciliation now. 

2. Don’t beat yourself up

A mucha gente asumir que la única persona que sufre a causa de la ruptura is the one who is being left behind. Well, that can’t be further from the truth.

Averiguar cómo romper con alguien que te ama también te trae dolor emocional.

Just because you want to say your goodbyes, it doesn’t mean that you’re happy about it. Besides, when you’re the one breaking up, you’re dealing with another painful emotion: guilt. 

This is especially true if we’re talking about relaciones duraderas.

You think that you’re throwing away your history together and all the years you spent next to each other, so you can’t avoid feeling guilty for being the one who destroys everything. 

Bueno, otra cosa que tienes que hacer antes de actuar realmente en tu ruptura is clearing your conscience. After all, you’re not married to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and even if you are, you have the right to file for divorce.

You didn’t sign a paper that the two of you will grow old together, no matter what.

You didn’t make any wedding vows, promising them to stick by their side through bad and good days, through sickness and health until death does you apart. 

You didn’t choose this person as your life partner just yet. Therefore, you have the right to change your mind.

Don’t feel guilty for breaking up with them if this is something you want to do. Don’t blame yourself for the failure of your relationship. Don’t think of yourself as weak for not being able to put up with it anymore. 

Relationships end and that is all a part of life. I know that you’re probably beating yourself up for being the one who has to put a stop to your romance, but you have to put your happiness first.

You won’t stay in a relationship that is making you miserable just to spare the other person’s feelings. You can’t keep on breaking your own heart just to save theirs. 

3. Hazlo a tiempo

El error número uno que mucha gente hacen cuando quieren romper con su pareja es posponerlo.

Esperan a que su novio o novia salga de una mala racha en su vida, hasta después de su cumpleaños, hasta que vuelva de ese viaje que planearon durante años, etc.

This is something you shouldn’t do. Trust me, before you know it, you’ll turn around and see that months have gone by since your initial decision and you’re still trapped in this relationship.

The fact is that people do this because they’re scared. They don’t have the courage to walk away, so they remain in this relationship, expecting a miracle to happen.

Básicamente, esperan que la otra persona dé el paso o que su relación termine por arte de magia. Pues bien, es poco probable que eso ocurra y, te guste o no, tienes que reunir fuerzas para hacer el trabajo sucio tú solo.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to abandon your partner in the middle of a family emergency or the moment they lost their job.

Al fin y al cabo, sigue siendo su amigo de confianza, even though you don’t feel any romantic connection with them anymore. 

However, I’m begging you not to make excuses and not to postpone the ruptura. Trust me, it’s better to do it in time before things between you two become even worse. 

After all, by leaving them, you’re actually doing your partner a favor. It’s way better to be honest about your feelings than to keep on guiándoles just because you’re scared of saying the final goodbye. 

Sé directo y arranca el tirita contándoles todo ASAP y de la forma más directa posible. 

And the worst thing you could do is treat your significant other as a safety net. Don’t go out there hunting for a new potential partner until you make everything clear in your current relationship. 

4. Planificar la conversación de ruptura

When you’re wondering how to romper with someone you love (because no matter what happened, I’m sure you still have some emotions towards this person), you have to know exactly what you’re about to say. 

Otherwise, your emotions will take over and if you don’t plan ahead, you won’t manage to do it. 

Of course, this won’t be a monologue, so it’s impossible to plan every single sentence to come out of your mouth, but you should definitely think about what you want to tell them as a whole.

If you usually have trouble expressing yourself verbally, write your thoughts down on a piece of paper and learn it by heart. No, you won’t be reading or reciting your speech, it will just serve you as a guideline. 

Remember: This is probably the last time you’re having this kind of conversation with your partner. So don’t leave anything unsaid.

Instead, tell them everything that’s on your mind and heart. Try to explain to them how you feel, why you think that your romance should end, and most importantly, do your best to give them cierre. 

However, don’t use this opportunity to analyze your entire relationship from the first day.

No tiene absolutamente ningún sentido sacar a relucir todo tu bagaje emocional, porque eso sólo conducirá a una discusión innecesaria. 

Don’t become all defensive or try arguing with your partner. Just be calm and honest. 

Try not to show too many emotions; that will only make things even harder for both of you. Nevertheless, don’t behave like you’re completely indifferent to all that’s been going on. 

Intente encontrar un equilibrio. Muéstreles que romper es difícil for you, but that you’re certain in your decision and nothing they do or say can change your mind. 

Cuando se trata de las razones de su ruptura, be as honest as possible. Don’t lie or sugarcoat things; tell them straightforwardly why you’re leaving them.

Prepárate también para que tu pareja te haga preguntas difíciles. Sin embargo, es la persona con la que mucho tiempo con, así que probablemente los conozcas mejor. 

Therefore, if you think things through you’ll probably be able to predict most of their responses and questions. So, prepare yourself and be ready to give them the answers they want to hear. 

RELACIONADO: Textos de ruptura: Más de 50 mensajes de texto para terminar una relación

5. Hacerlo cara a cara

En las citas modernas, literalmente todo pasa por redes sociales, mensajes de texto, o llamadas telefónicas. Aunque se ha convertido en una práctica romper with someone this way, it is something you shouldn’t do at any cost. 

I don’t care if you and your partner met on a dating site or if you even started your relationship on redes sociales, se merecen que romper con ellos mirándoles directamente a los ojos. 

It doesn’t matter if you two have been in a relación a distancia. Por favor, encuentre la manera de verlos en persona.

Let’s be honest. Dejar a alguien por SMS es pan comido.

You don’t have to actually talk to them, you don’t have to be scared of your voice trembling, you don’t have to look them in the eyes while telling them about your decision.

Besides, if things get rough, you can always block their number or stop responding to their text messages. It dehumanizes the entire process and you don’t see your ex pareja llorando al otro lado de la pantalla.

However, if you’re mature enough to have a relación románticadeberías ser lo suficientemente maduro para acabar con las cosas también a la antigua usanza. Hacerlo cara a cara da a otra persona una cierta sensación de valor. 

De este modo, reconoces su importancia en tu vida, aunque quieras que vuestra relación termine.

You’re showing them that they have been important enough for you to give them your time and effort to explain yourself. 

Besides, you won’t be seen as a coward who doesn’t have the courage to actually tell someone you’re walking away from them. 

Lamentablemente, otra forma popular de rupturas es ahora fantasma. You know that move when you just disappear from the other person’s life without even saying a word?

As tempting as this might sound, I can’t emphasize how wrong it is on so many levels. So, I’m begging you not to even consider it. 

6. …but not in public

Another thing to keep in mind when breaking up with your significant other is the place in which you’ll do it. First and foremost, a serious conversación de ruptura como esta merece algo de privacidad. 

Además, por mucho que creas conocer a la otra persona, nunca puedes predecir completamente su reacción.

You don’t know if there will be screaming, crying, curses, or fighting involved, so you might want to avoid doing it in a public space.

Besides, you don’t want to humiliate your partner by allowing other people to see or hear that they’re being dumped.

With all this in mind, it’s obvious that you should be careful while choosing the place for your ruptura.

However, don’t do it in your house, apartment, or car either.

In this case, if things get rough, you’ll find yourself in a situation where you have to throw your ex pareja out – and that is the last thing they need to go through after being dumped. 

Basically, what is important is to pick a quiet setting. Maybe it’s better to do it “on their field,” so you can be the one to walk away. 

7. Saber que harás daño a la otra persona

I won’t lie. Romper es difícil. This is not the nicest thing you’ll have to do in life, but sometimes it simply has to be done.

Esto es especialmente cierto si sabes que la otra persona quiere continuar la relación. Te resultará difícil decir que no si empiezan a rogarte que una segunda oportunidad. 

What I’m trying to tell you is that no matter how you play your cards, you will definitely end up hurting the other person. You will probably break their heart and there isn’t a scenario in which they’ll be left unharmed. 

Even if your ex stopped loving you, you’ll hurt their ego when you walk away from them. So, please accept this as an inevitable fact. 

Also, I’m asking you to acknowledge their pain.

Even if you see them as the bad guy in the story – even if you think that they’re the one who caused this ruptura – they have the right to feel hurt, abandoned, or even betrayed. 

What is important here is for you not to feel like a villain. You’re just choosing your own happiness over someone else’s and, contrary to popular belief, there is nothing selfish about that.

Your partner might tell you that you’re ruining their life and breaking them beyond repair, but trust me, it’s not the case. They’re feeling like this right now, but sooner or later, they se recuperarse. 

The end of your relationship isn’t the end of the world for either of you. They will find their happiness without you, so the last thing you should allow is for guilt to eat you alive. 

8. Que hablen

You’re the one who is breaking things off, so you’re the one who’ll have to start and lead this conversation. However, you can’t expect the other party to peacefully listen to you, without saying a word. 

Al fin y al cabo, vuestra relación era una calle de doble sentido, lo que significa que ellos también formaban parte de ella en pie de igualdad. Ellos también tienen derecho a decir lo que piensan y a hablar de sus sentimientos.

Esto es algo que tienes que permitirles hacer. Deja que te digan todo lo que quieran y dales la oportunidad de ser escuchados por última vez. 

Naturally, you won’t always agree with everything they have to say. After all, you two probably have different perspectives on your relationship.

However, even in this case, you need to let them clear everything they have off their chest. Remember that this conversation shouldn’t revolve around who is right; it should be seen as a oportunidad de cierre. 

9. Ser amable y empático

Whenever you’re talking to someone, even if that someone is a stranger, you ought to do your best to be kind and empático.

Well, this is especially true when you’re talking to the person who was your amado y con quien tienes tanta historia. 

Remember that they’re the ones being hurt more than you are here. They’re the ones who are receiving bad news and the ones who are brought to a dead end.

Even though this situation is probably painful for you too, you’re the one who made the tough decision to acabar con las cosas.

On the other hand, your partner might still want to remain in the relationship yet they’re being involuntarily kicked out of it. 

What I’m trying to say is that considering all this, it’s clear that right now they’re in a worse position than you. Therefore, you’re the one who should give them all the sympathy in the world. 

Please, try putting yourself in their shoes. Try to understand them and do your best not to judge them, even if they don’t aceptar la ruptura de la forma que esperabas. 

Be as gentle as possible while telling them that you’re about to leave them. Don’t lie to them, but also don’t insult or humiliate them in any way possible. 

Another thing you should be careful about is the tone of your voice. Be cautious not to raise your voice or talk like you’re arguing. 

Yes, your relationship is coming to an end. However, you two are still equals here. Don’t you ever forget that. 

10. Evitar el juego de las culpas

Otro error que cometen la mayoría de las parejas al terminar su relación es aprovechar esta oportunidad para resolver todas sus discusiones.

This is the final goodbye – it’s not a chance for you two to figure out who made more mistakes and who’s to blame for your ruptura. 

That’s why I’m begging you to avoid the blame game at all costs. As it was already stated, both you and your ex have different perspectives on your fallido relación romántica.

Therefore, it’s not surprising to have them see you as the bad guy of the story and viceversa. Sin embargo, este no es el lugar ni el momento para discutirlo. 

After all, what’s the point of shifting responsibility? You decided it’s time to acabar con las cosas, which means that you’ve reached a point where nothing can be done to save your relationship. 

Don’t rehash your old issues, don’t be resentful, and don’t mention some old grudges you might have. You both need to accept that it’s over and that it’s completely irrelevant who did what. 

11. Cortar todos los lazos

Mantener la amistad con un ex is a civilized thing to do, especially if we’re talking about someone you spent years with.

For all of this time, this person was a huge part of your life and it is totally understandable that you can’t kick them out so easily.

They weren’t just your romantic partner and a amado. También fueron uno de sus amigos de confianza, e incluso empezaste a verlos como miembro de la familia a lo largo de los años.

Sin embargo, cada experto en relaciones te dirán que cortes todos los lazos con ellos una vez que separarse – at least in the beginning.

Confía en mí, esta es la única manera de que ambos suelta of your relationship for real and it’s the best move for your bienestar y salud mental. 

I’m not saying that you should suddenly become enemies or that you shouldn’t say “hi” to each other when you run into each other, but everything besides that will only make things complicated. 

If it’s necessary, break things off with your amigos comunes as well. Don’t deepen your ex’s wound and keep on hurting this person’s feelings aún más permaneciendo en su vida de esta u otra manera. 

This is especially true if the other person doesn’t want to romper. Believe me, you’ll only give them falsas esperanzas si prometes seguir siendo amigos. 

Besides, you’ll also make a mess in your head if you don’t go no contact. You’ve gone this far and made your decision, so the last thing you need is having them next to you all the time as if nothing has changed. 

Also, cutting all ties is the only way in which you’ll show to your ex that you really mean what you said. This way, you’re not leaving any space for them to think that you’ll change your mind in the future. 

I’m not saying that reconciliation is never possible. After all, you never know what life might bring.

Sin embargo, esto no es algo que debas siquiera mencionar si realmente quieres hacer borrón y cuenta nueva y arrancar por completo la tirita off.

Don’t go giving either of you falsas esperanzas hablando de la posibilidad de volver juntos algún día. 

12. Aprenda de su relación

When you’re wondering how to romper with someone, you never think of what comes next – after the ruptura se acabó.

You did what you wanted to do, your relationship is over, and now you’re left all alone with your thoughts. 

Well, that’s exactly why I’ll ask you to use this time to reexamine your relationship. Of course, this isn’t something you should do with your ex, but on your own. 

No, don’t think about your failed romance because you want to fix it. Scrutinize it so you can suelta y utilizarlo como un valioso lección de vida.

Think about your dealbreakers. What were the things the other person was doing but you couldn’t tolerate, as much as you tried?

What were your mistakes? Be mature enough to take your share of responsibility and think about the things you shouldn’t be doing in the future with other partners.

Cuando se trata de que sigas adelante con tu vida amorosa, según todos coaches relacionaleslanzarse de inmediato a una nueva relación no es una buena idea.

Aprovecha este tiempo para conocerte a ti mismo y disfrutar al máximo de tu soltería. 

Most importantly, stay away from any potential rebound relationships. You won’t heal your broken heart by breaking someone else’s in the process. 

En su lugar, trabaja en la superación personal y céntrate en autocuidado. Arregla tus problemas emocionales y salud mental, y aprende a ponerte a ti mismo y a tu bienestar en primer puesto. 

Construir un relación sana contigo mismo antes de buscar pareja. Recuerde mis palabras, esta es la única manera que usted puede esperar para tener una relación sana con otra persona.