As fases inevitáveis de uma separação (+ 5 fases de luto)

All the sadness, frustration, anger, and brokenness that a breakup leaves behind isn’t something that can be sealed with ease.

As much as you try, you just can’t go through a breakup and move on with your life in a jiff. That’s absolutely impossible, and once you accept it, you’ll be a step closer to recovering.

There are some excruciating stages of breakup that we all, unfortunately, have to go through and deal with in order to gather the strength to leave it all behind. Before all else, let’s first find out ?

A verdade feia por detrás das separações

As separações deixam sempre alguns desgostos atrás. Podem colocar-nos numa verdadeira espiral emocional. Whether we like it or not, one person will always end up hurt, and that’s, unfortunately, inevitable.

Por mais que se pense demais ou se tente encontrar a melhor maneira de terminar a relação, uma pessoa acabará sempre por ficar com o coração partido.

Poderá também haver alguns arrependimentos. Um dos parceiros terá sempre dificuldades deixar ir e a aceitar a rutura.

Those are simply facts and, unfortunately, you can’t do much to change it. No matter how ugly and hurtful it is, sometimes ending a relationship is the best option we have.

However, don’t take this the wrong way if you’re lidar com uma separação agora mesmo. A boa notícia é que todos acabamos por nos curar e ganhar força para seguir em frente.

It’ll take time, but you’ll recover, and you’ll be able to leave it all in the past.

After some time, you’ll understand that your separação was for the best, and that God removed that person from your life only because He has planned someone else… someone better for you.

It’ll take some time, but one day, you’ll be ready for a new relationship. After you go through all these stages of a breakup, along with the healing process, you’ll be ready to meet the right one… the person who is truly meant for you.

9 fases de uma separação para o Dumpee

A verdade é que as separações são mais difíceis para a pessoa que foi abandonada. Sofrem um verdadeiro choque emocional e passam por fases de separação diferentes das da pessoa que os deixou.

Se o seu parceiro terminou a relação, apresentamos de seguida algumas fases inevitáveis de uma separação e alguns conselhos de relacionamento para o ajudar a lidar mais facilmente com a situação. Algumas são muito dolorosas, mas todas estas fases são inevitáveis se quisermos seguir em frente com as nossas vidas.

1. A recusa

Sometimes, it’s difficult to accept and come to terms with a breakup, especially for the dumpee. No matter how much you try, you just can’t accept the fact that someone you love has broken up with you.

That’s when the first stage of the breakup hits you – the denial phase. After not being able to come to terms with the breakup, you’ll begin denying it and behaving like you’re still in a relationship.

You just won’t be able to accept the fact that your relationship has ended.

Maybe you don’t even love your partner like you used to, but you just got used to them, which will be the leading cause of not being able to let go of your relationship.

Ser abandonado por alguém que amamos é sempre difícil; afecta a nossa autoestima e saúde mental.

Negar os factos é provavelmente um dos nossos mecanismos de sobrevivência. We still aren’t able to confront the truth, and it’s so much easier for us to ignore the fact that our relationship has simply ended.

Infelizmente, isso torna as coisas ainda mais complicadas e difíceis para nós. You have to remember that the sooner you accept the breakup, the sooner you’ll be ready to heal and move on.

2. Montanha russa emocional

You’ll feel overwhelmed by this new reality that has hit you out of nowhere. You’ll constantly feel like you aren’t ready to accept the facts and deal with them.

You’ll feel a real emotional rollercoaster. The breakup will emotionally drain you. I get you… after all, the fact that someone you love won’t be in your life anymore is extremely difficult and painful to bear.

There is a whole range of different emotions you’ll feel every day. Depressão, anxiety, fear, sadness, confusion, anger… these are only a few emotions you’ll continuously be shifting between.

Give it time… ‘Cause o tempo curae o tempo ajuda a esquecer.

Precisas de pensar em tudo. Precisa de processar tudo o que aconteceu. Precisa de organizar os seus sentimentos e pensamentos. So, please don’t hurry your healing process.

A única forma correcta e saudável de lidar com uma quantidade tão grande de emoções é dar tempo ao tempo, compreender as suas emoções e processá-las lentamente. A paciência deve ser a vossa maior aliada nesta luta.

3. Episódios depressivos

Muitas pessoas ficam deprimidas depois de romper com alguém who meant so much to them. Most of us feel that we’ll never be able para os esquecer ou para seguir em frente com as nossas vidas.

Sente-se desamparado e sem esperança porque tinha planos e sonhos com essa pessoa e agora todos eles foram arruinados. Tens saudades do teu ex even though that’s the last thing you want right now, but you just do and you can do nothing about it.

I know it’s difficult. I know you’re feeling a range of negative emotions right now. I know you’re thinking about how you’ll never meet a person like them ever again.

But, trust me… you will. You’ll meet someone even better. You’ll meet your alma gémea… the right person whose life mission will be to make you happy.

4. Agarrar-se à esperança

If you aren’t the one who initiated the breakup, you’ll probably be full of hope that things will get better and that you’ll reconcile.

However, you’ll only disappoint yourself and hurt your heart even more than your ex did with their decision to break up.

Don’t believe in false hope. Come to terms with the fact that they wanted to break up with you, and that it’s probably because they don’t love you; there is no better explanation for it.

5. A poderosa fase de não-contacto

You’ve probably thought that acceptance is the final stage. Well, it’s not. There are five more stages, and the no-contact rule is one of those.

É provável que tenha contactado o seu ex após a separação porque queria algumas respostas ou porque tentou reatar com ele.

Bem, agora já sabe que o melhor é cortar todo o contacto durante algum tempo, ou talvez para sempre, se a outra pessoa o magoou muito ou acabou consigo de uma forma horrível. Sim, tens todo o direito de bloquear o seu ex se sentir necessidade de o fazer (a não ser que já tenham bloqueou-o). 

A regra de não contacto é, sem dúvida, a melhor maneira de ultrapassar uma separação. As long as you’re in contact with your ex, you can never move on completely.

You must be strong, tell them that you need some time alone, and that you don’t want to be in touch with them for a while.

You’ve prioritized your ex for too long; now it’s time to start prioritizing yourself again.

6. A fase de aceitação

Esta é a fase seguinte do processo de separação para o "dumpee". E, de longe, a mais importante.

It’s when the person accepts that their relationship has ended, and that they can do absolutely nothing to fix or save it anymore.

Aceita-se que se chegou a um beco sem saída. Percebe que a melhor coisa a fazer é estender a mão ao seu ex-parceiro e desejar-lhe o melhor para o futuro.

É nesta altura que termina a fase de ausência de contacto. Tem a força para lhes telefonar e falar com eles cara a cara.

If that’s the closure you want, and you think you need to end it all once and for all, devias telefonar ao teu ex e pedir-lhes para falarem.

You should only emphasize that you don’t want to talk about getting back together in order to avoid some unnecessary misunderstandings.

7. Deixar de lado o ressentimento e as emoções negativas

Talk with yourself first. Be honest with yourself and admit that you’re hurt. Admit that you’re suffering. Você rompeu com alguém que ama or loved, and it’s perfectly normal that you feel sad.

You don’t have to pretend like everything is fine because it’s not.

You must talk with someone because you shouldn’t keep it all inside. It’s not healthy. It’ll affect your mental health, and leave some deep marks that you won’t be able to get rid of for a long time.

After you let all those negative emotions out, you’ll feel relieved instantly. And, then you’ll realize that you need to let go of those negative feelings. Let go of all the anger, bitterness, and resentment.

Remember that you don’t get rid of all these harmful emotions because of the other side. You only do it because of yourself.

The fact is, you’ll never be able to feel truly happy if your heart is poisoned with hatred and resentment.

8. Dar prioridade ao processo de cura

Your healing process doesn’t start right after your relationship ends. As you see, you need to go through several stages before you actually start to mend your broken heart.

You can’t start with the recovery process if you still haven’t faced and accepted your current situation.

And, unfortunately, you can’t move on until you heal. You can’t start a new relationship or let someone new enter your heart if it is still broken.

Cuide de si. Construa um sistema de apoio. Fale sobre os seus traumas e encontre uma forma de lidar com os estímulos que o recordam constantemente da sua dor.

Faça da cura a sua principal prioridade. Your wounds are deep… too deep, and the only way to cure them is by allowing your healing to be as deep as they went.

9. Movimento para a frente

Yes, finally, we have come to the final stage. It’s my favorite, and I’m sure it’ll be yours, too. A whole new life is waiting for you, and you just have to be ready to embrace it.

Your breakup only means that your ex-partner wasn’t your soulmate. Your soulmate is still out there somewhere, and now you’re ready to meet them.

You won’t have to go through these painful phases with the next relationship because there won’t be any breaking up. You’ll find the person you’re meant to find, they’ll make you fall in love with them, and they will keep loving you until death does you part.

Olhar-se ao espelho. Diga à pessoa que vê que acredita nela de todo o coração. Tell him / her that you know they’re brave and strong enough to endure this all.

Maybe you didn’t get the closure you wanted… Perhaps there are still some issues left unresolved… I know those things still hurt, but still, you have to leave it all behind, look to your future, and finally move on.

On the flip side, if you’re the one who initiated the breakup, or if you simply want to understand how a dumper handles a breakup, take a peek into these fases de desagregação do dumper e descobrir.

8 fases de uma separação para homens

Even though most people (and by ‘most people’, I mean most women) think that guys simply go out, get drunk, and get over their breakup, that is actually very far from the truth.

Guys aren’t heartless… they also have emotions, and they can feel heartbroken after a breakup, too. Eles também sofrem quando a rapariga amada os deixa, mas optam por lidar com as suas mágoas em paz.

They don’t like to show their emotions because they think it might make them seem less manly. That’s why they go through a bit of different stages of breakup than women do. So, let’s see como é que os homens lidam com as separações a sério.

1. The ‘delirium’ stage

Esta fase é, de facto, muito semelhante à fase de negação. Men don’t refuse to believe that they’ve been dumped, but they get very confused and they don’t know what they should believe in anymore.

That’s when they start asking for answers. Actually, they’ll demand them. They want to know what made their partner break up with them. They’ll want to know exactly when they deixou de os amar.

There will be many things bothering a guy after he gets dumped, and he’ll most definitely want to know the answers to all of his questions when it comes to the fim da sua relação.

2. Engarrafamento

A supressão das emoções é provavelmente um dos maiores mecanismos de defesa. And, guys tend to use this after a breakup because they think it’ll help them deixar de pensar no ex  e seguir em frente.

They don’t want to show others that they’re suffering, and they think that bottling up their emotions is perhaps the best for everyone.

They won’t want to talk about their ex-partner or relationship at all. They will behave like everything is fine. Hanging out with their friends, going out, and leaving the impression as if they’re gozar a vida como se nada tivesse acontecido é o que a maioria dos homens faz depois de uma separação.

But, they’ll know that deep down, they’re suffering. Only they will know how much it truly hurts them inside. But, guys, let me give you a bit of friendly advice…

Putting on that facade of fake smiles won’t help you. Not allowing your ex-partner to see how hurt you are won’t help you. All that ‘life goes on’ and similar BS won’t help you.

Um dia, todas essas emoções acumuladas dentro de si vão explodir na sua cara. Nessa altura, surgirão os verdadeiros problemas.

3. Procurar diferentes estratégias de sobrevivência

Para além de suprimirem as suas verdadeiras emoções, os homens também utilizam outros mecanismos de sobrevivência para os ajudar a ultrapassar mais rapidamente uma separação.

Unfortunately, they aren’t aware that all those things are only short-lived. A verdade é que nunca se pode seguir em frente depois de uma separação até se dar tempo para sofrer e sarar em paz.

Tentam lançar-se numa nova relação e pensam que este novo amor vai apagar os vestígios do anterior. Pensam que podem deixar de pensar no ex com um novo parceiro. É claro que as coisas nunca são assim tão fáceis na vida real.

Também podem tentar beber para esquecer as suas mágoas. Drowning your sorrows in alcohol is also not an efficient way to handle a breakup because you should know that they’re hellacious swimmers.

O único mecanismo de resposta correto que os homens utilizam para lidar com o fim da sua relação é partilhar as suas emoções com o seu sistema de apoio. É realmente possível sentirmo-nos aliviados quando partilhamos as nossas tristezas e medos com os nossos entes queridos.

4. Regulação emocional

Depois de se aperceberem de como é prejudicial continuar a reprimir as suas emoções, compreendem finalmente que têm de as enfrentar e lidar com elas de uma forma saudável.

Evitar ou suprimir as emoções é mais do que tóxico e prejudicial para a saúde emocional e mental de uma pessoa.

So, what’s the best way to deal with overwhelming emotions? Talking… with yourself or with your loved one, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you need to let your emotions out and accept them as they are.

Além disso, tente relaxar. Inspire todas as suas emoções, as boas e as más, e depois expire, e deixe sair tudo o que o incomoda.

Don’t be ashamed to talk about your feelings. Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to feel hurt. Choose the person you trust the most and confide your feelings in them.

5. Raiva e frustração

Como diz a Dra. Kimberly Riley, LMFT, “Your anger may even be showing you the love that you had for the person that you never expressed; it is never too late to share those feelings, even when it feels like it is.”

It’s true, indeed. Your breakup hurts because ainda amas o teu ex-parceiro. You feel angry because you still have some feelings for them, and you can’t quite come to terms with breaking up with them.

Otherwise, if you didn’t have any romantic feelings for them, you wouldn’t feel anger.

6. Alcançar a aceitação

This is when you’ve finally accepted your breakup and the fact that you can do nothing about it. A new life is starting for you, and you are finally able to embrace it.

You think that it’s time to leave your relationship in the past because that’s indeed where it belongs. Deste o teu melhor para salvar a vossa relação, and it didn’t work. However, you shouldn’t look at it as your failure.

Sometimes, we can’t go against our destiny, and yours was para romper com o seu parceiro. Sometimes, no matter how much we try or how much we want it, we just can’t save some things.

7. A fase do luto

You’ve faced the breakup, you’ve accepted your emotions… you’ve accepted the fact that you’re hurt and that your heart is broken.

Now, it’s time to mourn your breakup. And, this time, you do it in the right way… you don’t facade your emotions or try to be a man and suck it all up.

Desta vez, chora, sente-se deprimido, chega mesmo a partir algumas coisas para libertar todos os seus sentimentos avassaladores. Finalmente, permite-se fazer o luto e partilhá-lo fora de si.

8. Seguir em frente

Naturalmente, a última etapa é deixar tudo para trás e deixar as coisas passadas no passado.

Sente-se finalmente pronto para abrir um novo capítulo na sua vida e virar-se para o futuro. Você deixa o teu desgosto para trás and open your healed heart to someone new… to a new love.

6 fases de uma separação para uma mulher

A maioria das pessoas diz que as mulheres lidam com as separações de forma muito mais difícil do que os homens. The one and only truth is that breakups hit both men and women the same. The only difference is that women don’t try to hide their pain, unlike men.

Além disso, as mulheres também lidam com as separações de forma diferente. Mas, mais uma vez, o facto é que todos nós passamos pelas mesmas fases de uma separação, listadas abaixo:

1. Rejeição da verdade

Esta é a fase de negação de uma separação e torna definitivamente muito mais difícil seguir em frente. Maybe it’s because o seu ex tem um comportamento quente e frio, or maybe it’s because you don’t feel strong enough to accept the truth…

Bem, o facto é que negar a verdade é um mecanismo de defesa muito comum a todos nós. However, it’s undeniably a very unhealthy and toxic way of dealing with our emotions.

You may think that it’s much easier to deny that you’re feeling sad or betrayed or that the person you truly love isn’t a part of your life anymore… Trust me, it’s much healthier to accept the truth and find a way to deal with all of its consequences as soon as possible.

2. Sentir emoções intensas

The denial stage also happens because we’re afraid to face our emotions. We’re scared of showing our vulnerabilities to others because we think that doing this gives them the power to hurt or betray us even more.

You have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, depressed, or angry. You’ve just broken up with the person you dreamed to say ‘I do’ to one day… it’s perfectly normal that you have these emotions.

Denying your feelings won’t make them disappear. You’ll have to confront them sooner or later, and the sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be able to let go of them and move on.

3. A indulgência com a dúvida

As separações afectam realmente o nosso bem-estar emocional e mental, mas prejudicam a nossa autoestima acima de tudo.

Começamos a ter essas dúvidas de autoestima porque começamos a pensar que a separação foi culpa nossa. Maybe we aren’t pretty enough or maybe we didn’t try hard enough to keep our man… these thoughts soon start to occupy your mind. And, I’m not saying that you should allow them nor am I saying that they’re true…

However, it’s completely normal to go through this breakup stage, but you need to try to get over it as soon as possible. Dê a si próprio a validação de que necessita desesperadamente neste momento.

4. Aceitar a verdade

Este é o fator mais significativo fase do processo de separação para cada mulher. Quando aceitamos, abraçamos e resolvemos os nossos sentimentos, começamos finalmente a aceitar a realidade.

Aceita o facto de a sua relação ter terminado. Sente-se finalmente preparado para deixar de lado a forma como as coisas eram; liberta-se das memórias e aceita a separação.

Esta fase é de grande importância para si, pois é aqui que começa o seu processo de cura. Toma conhecimento de que a decisão para acabar com o seu namorado foi o melhor, e começamos a adaptar-nos à nossa nova realidade.

5. Concentrar-se na recuperação

Quando finalmente aceita o fim da sua relação e pára de querer o seu ex de volta, it’s a good sign that your healing process has started.

That’s when you’ll feel able to concentrar-se em si próprio e prestar mais atenção aos seus cuidados pessoais.

You’ll start working on improving your self-esteem because your breakup has left some negative consequences on it.

Temos de nos reconectar connosco próprios. You’ll need to take some time for yourself. Treat yourself with a weekend wellness gateway. Find a new hobby or anything that will take your mind off the breakup.

Até podia fazer uma desintoxicação total das redes sociais. Toda aquela perseguição e pensar em enviar uma mensagem de texto ao seu ex nas redes sociais tem de parar, porque isso é o que mais o impede de avançar.

Do something you know for sure will relax you and make you forget about the breakup. Remember, you’re trying to relax, so phones and social media should be off limits.

Para se curar, tem de se mimar. Melhore o seu estado de espírito, entregando-se a si próprio durante algum tempo.

6. Procura de encerramento

Ainda sonhar com o seu ex? Do you think that you can’t move on without proper closure? That’s perfectly okay, and you should get closure if you think it’ll help you heal completely.

A treinadora de encontros, Claire Byrne, diz: “Our brain is fixated in believing that the only option for our peace and the mending of our heart is having closure with our ex.”

So, if this is the way you think your heart will be healed, you can get rid of all the reminders of your past relationship…

You can talk with your ex for one last time… you can do whatever you think will bring that closure to you, but don’t allow it to take you a few steps back and protract your healing process.

Quanto tempo dura uma fase de separação?

Apesar de alguns especialistas em relações afirmarem que a fase de separação dura 3 a 4 meses, a verdade é que ninguém pode dar uma resposta exacta a esta questão, porque depende de muitas coisas.

Kristina Hallett, uma psicóloga clínica, explicou-o na perfeição: “It depends on how long you were involved, how strongly you felt, how invested you were, and how important it was”.

The best (and, in my opinion, the only right) answer to this question is – as long as you need it to last. Dê a si próprio tempo para passar por todas estas fases de uma separação e, mais importante ainda, dê ao seu coração tempo e espaço para fazer o luto de forma adequada.

Simply, some people go through it all very fast, and they feel ready to move on with their life, while, on the other hand, there are some who don’t feel fully recovered for months or even for years.

Don’t voltar para a piscina dos encontros if you don’t feel completely ready for it. Stop focusing on time and some other unimportant things… you only need to focus on yourself and your healing. That’s how you’ll heal successfully and sooner than you think.

Como é que se faz o luto por uma separação?

Um dos passos mais importantes para recuperação de separações é enfrentar e aceitar os seus sentimentos, mesmo as mais sombrias e negativas.

Se ao menos pudéssemos saltar a fase da negação e passar imediatamente à fase da aceitação. Isso ajudar-nos-ia a sarar muito mais fácil e rapidamente.

However, the important thing is that you will never be able to deal with your emotions if you don’t accept them completely. And, the truth is that the sooner you face them, the sooner you’ll be able to get through it all and move on.

Acreditem na força do vosso ser divino!

You are a person who was left with a broken heart, but didn’t allow it to break you completely. You didn’t allow it to break your soul or your spirit.

You’re a fighter, and you’ll continue to fight this, and very soon, you’ll win your fight. After some time, you’ll be ready to close this chapter of your life and open a new, much better one.

But, the only way you’ll get through it is by keeping faith in yourself. You’re a caterpillar right now and this is your metamorphosis that will help you turn into a beautiful, strong butterfly. Só precisa de continuar a acreditar nisso.

A esperança de um amanhã melhor alivia o fardo de hoje.

I know you’re having a hard time accepting that your relationship has ended, and deixar ir a pessoa que ainda se ama, but trust me, one day, you’ll look at it as your greatest lesson… your life lesson.

You just have to keep believing in true love, and have faith that God has someone special for you… that your soulmate is somewhere out there and that they’re coming your way.

Once you meet them, you’ll finally understand that you had to go through all this pain to find them. You’ll actually feel thankful for this heartbreaking experience because it led you to finding true love.

Quais são as 5 fases do luto?

Ao longo da vida, todos nós experimentamos diferentes tipos de luto. No entanto, todos nós os manifestamos e lidamos com eles de uma forma muito semelhante.

In 1969, the world-famous psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, wrote a book called On Death and Dying, where she described five common stages of grief. It is now known as the Kübler-Ross model or DABDA.

5 fases do luto de uma separação

Assim, durante o processo de luto, todos nós temos de passar por estas cinco fases do luto. Talvez cada um de nós os experimente e lide com eles de forma diferente, mas o facto subjacente é que todos eles fazem parte do nosso processo de luto.

Estas fases são:

1. Recusa

Esta é a primeira fase do processo de luto e, na minha opinião, a que prolonga o processo de recuperação.

We start denying that it is happening to us because we simply can’t come to terms with our new reality. We can’t accept that our loved one has hurt us or that they are no longer a part of our life.

2. Raiva

Na verdade, esta é uma emoção muito normal do processo de luto, e devemos aceitá-la completamente.

Podemos estar zangados connosco próprios por termos perdido a pessoa que amávamos, ou podemos estar zangados com ela por nos ter deixado. Whatever your reason is… you need to face this emotion and focus on dealing with your anger before it consumes you completely.

3. Negociação

This stage of grief occurs when we start obsessing over the endless ‘what ifs’. It’s actually understandable behavior; however, we need to find a way to retrain our brain.

Your breakup was something that needed to happen, and no matter what you did or could do, you just couldn’t prevent it. Blaming yourself won’t help you cope with your trauma; it’ll only affect and harm your mental health even more.

4. Depressão

The second-to-last stage of the grieving process is when you finally start understanding what’s happening, but you still aren’t ready to accept it.

That’s when your ride on the emotional roller coaster starts. Poderá sentir toda uma série de emoções, desde uma tristeza sem fim até à frustração.

You’ll enter into a state of utter hopelessness and depression.

5. Aceitação

Hopefully, you’ll come out of that state soon and face your new reality. You’ll come to the final stage (and the most important one) of your grieving process, and that is acceptance. É aí que reside a vossa felicidade futura.

You’ll understand that you need to move on with your life with or without that person in it. After all, you can’t change your past… you can only accept it and let it change you.

Em conclusão

Passar por uma separação e lidar com todas as suas consequências é de partir o coração. Independentemente de quem foi o iniciador, o facto é que uma separação é quase sempre um processo doloroso para ambas as partes.

I know that sometimes, no matter what you do, you just can’t come to terms with your breakup. No matter how much you try, you just can’t face and accept your new reality.

It might seem like the end of the world to you right now, but trust me, and this comes from a person who has gone through all of these stages of a breakup several times… it’ll get better with time.

These are not just some words of consolation… this is something that I can honestly promise to you.

You’ll heal sooner than you think, and you’ll leave it all in the past. You know why? Because I know you’re much stronger than you think you are.

Eu acredito em ti e tu também devias acreditar. Better days are coming. The clouds will drive the rain away and the sun will come… shining brighter than ever.

I’m sending you a big virtual hug, and I am wishing you get through these stages of breakup as smoothly as possible – and move on as fast as possible.