Como confortar alguém: 18 maneiras úteis
Finding the right words to console someone is always hard. It really doesn’t matter what’s going on with your loved one – the bottom line is that they’re in emotional pain.
Então, o que deve fazer exatamente em relação a isso? Deve dar o seu espaço? Deve pressioná-los a falar sobre os seus sentimentos?
Como confortar alguém? E se disseres o coisa errada e partir-lhes ainda mais o coração? E se os deixares e lhes deres a impressão de que não estavas lá para eles?
What if you do too much? What if you don’t do enough?
The questions are endless, but the good news is that you’ll find all the answers you need right here.
Como confortar alguém de 11 maneiras
Eis um guia passo a passo para confortar um ente querido:
1. Quebrar o gelo
Antes de mais, tem de aprender a iniciar corretamente a conversa. Claro que tudo depende da pessoa com quem se está a falar.
Some people will come to you directly and ask for your help. They will tell you that they’re having a hard time and ask you to hear them out or give them a hand.
No entanto, isso é bastante raro. A maior parte das pessoas que precisam desesperadamente de ajuda nunca a pedem abertamente.
É exatamente por isso que tem de ser o primeiro a quebrar o gelo.
Pode começar com uma conversa de circunstância. Esta é a forma mais eficaz de ajudar a outra pessoa a descontrair um pouco.
After that, when you see that things are going well, it’s safe to start tackling the most important topic. Just start by telling them that you know what happened (whatever this applies to – to a breakup or to perder um ente querido) and that you were wondering how they’ve been.
Also, if you see that you’re having a hard time breaking the ice, you can literally announce your follow-up conversation. Just tell them that you want to talk to them and ask them if that would be okay.
2. Deixá-los falar
When you’re dealing with someone who’s grieving, you have to find out how this person feels. That’s exactly why you must let them talk.
I know you probably have a lot to say regarding the topic, but please, don’t interrupt them. This is especially true for people who have a habit of repressing their emotions.
I’ll be honest with you: you’ll have a tempo difícil getting them to open up. They’re probably scared to even start getting everything off their chest.
Por isso, se conseguir que eles falem, deixe-os falar. Não há necessidade de concordar ou discordar com eles.
I hate to break it to you, but you’re not here to give them your opinion unless they ask for advice.
O que fazer se ele começar a chorar e a soluçar? Bem, a pior coisa que podes fazer é passares-te.
Don’t tell them to calm down and to stop crying, either. I know you mean well but trust me – it’s better to let them cry their heart out if that’s how they feel. It will make them feel better afterward, and they’ll appreciate your presence.
Como o fazer:
But how do you let someone who doesn’t want to open up talk? Well, the trick is to ask them open-ended questions.
Por exemplo, se lhes perguntar: Como é que se sente?, e eles dizem apenas Ótimo, don’t leave it at that. Instead, say something like, Pode ser mais específico?, ou Vi esse post no vosso redes sociais no outro dia. Como é que se sentiu quando o publicou?
Pode até inventar uma situação imaginária. Diga-lhes que o seu melhor amigo está a passar por uma situação semelhante e que está à procura de formas de o ajudar.
3. Don’t make it about yourself
You know what’s worst about people trying to comfort others? Making everything about them and their own experiences!
Don’t get me wrong – I know you’re not doing it on purpose. In fact, I have to admit that once upon a time, I was that person as well.
O meu melhor amigo ou um membro da família me dizia que estava a passar por um momento difícil. E o que é que eu fazia? Mencionava quando tinha passado por um momento igualmente difícil.
Let’s get one thing straight: I wasn’t doing it to steal the spotlight. I wasn’t doing it to invalidate their feelings.
Pelo contrário, pensei que os estava a ajudar.
Did you break up with your partner? I’ve been there, and Sobrevivi, and so will you. I was doing it to let them know that they weren’t alone.
But now I’m aware that it’s the wrong approach.
Porque é que é errado?
Well, first of all, you’re the one comforting them. This might sound harsh, but they don’t give a damn about how you felt years ago.
Besides, they won’t understand why you’re doing it. They’ll think that you’re a selfish, self-centered person who can’t spend a minute talking about someone else’s feelings.
4. Validar os seus sentimentos
This is something you have to keep in mind when you’re figuring out how to comfort someone: we are all different. This means that we deal with different situations in different ways. And, of course, we show different emotions while doing so.
Why am I telling you this? Well, maybe your friend is going through something that wouldn’t be such a big deal for you.
They got fired from a lousy job or ended a toxic relationship that wasn’t enough for them anyway. I mean, you and I both know that it’s not the end of the world.
Porque é que é errado?
But hey, you won’t tell them that there are children in Africa starving right now. Yes, that fact is true.
And according to major tragedies, their problem really isn’t that serious. However, their pain is consuming them right now, and whatever they’re going through, it’s the most painful and most significant thing in the world to them now.
You’re not here to decide if something is worth the tears and the pain or not. You’re here to provide support.
Besides, you’re not validating their situation, but you must validate their feelings. They have full right to feel this way, and you’re not supposed to judge them.
5. Don’t lie to them
Ninguém quer ouvir frases vazias, banalidades e clichés. Eu sei que quer fazer com que a sua pessoa se sinta melhor, mas não vale a pena mentir-lhe.
First of all, they’ll see right through you. I mean, they’re in pain; they haven’t magically lost their intelligence.
Consequently, they won’t come to you ever again once they realize that you’re not being honest.
No entanto, there is an even more important reason why deceiving someone you’re comforting is bad. You’re giving them false hope.
If you succeed in convincing them that their ex will come back or that their boss will ask them to return to work, you’ll get them to calm down temporarily. Nevertheless, the harsh reality will still hit them sooner or later.
Infelizmente, têm de enfrentar a verdade, por muito que lhes custe fazê-lo.
6. But don’t be pessimistic either
However, you shouldn’t be too pessimistic either. Make sure they know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if they don’t see it yet.
Some problems don’t have a solution – we’re all aware of that. However, you’ll never say something like that directly.
Even if your friend has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, it’s not like you would tell them that they can’t be helped and that they will die, no matter what. Even in the worst-case scenario, you have to find a ray of sunshine.
Mas o truque é encontrar um equilíbrio e não mentir só para os confortar. Seja otimista, mas faça o seu melhor para ser realista ao mesmo tempo!
A melhor maneira de aumentar o seu otimismo é praticar afirmações positivas. Faça-os repetir depois de si e, passado algum tempo, começarão a sentir-se melhor.
7. Dê-lhes toda a sua atenção
When you’re talking to someone, they should be the center of your attention. It’s rude to text in the middle of a conversation or just pointlessly stare at your phone, scrolling through apps and social media.
You might not even be aware you’re doing it, but trust me, sometimes we’re all guilty of this.
Como eu disse, this behavior is unacceptable, even if you’re in the middle of unimportant small talk with someone you see every day, let alone when you’re comforting someone.
Tempo e lugar
Por isso, antes de se perguntar como confortar alguém, seria ótimo se pudesse escolher um momento e um local adequados para o fazer.
Try finding a private place where you two can be alone. You don’t want anyone distracting you. If you do get a phone call, don’t pick up!
Besides, you don’t want to have this talk in a coffee shop or a mall full of people. I’m sure that would make your friend even more uncomfortable.
The timing is also significant. Don’t invite them to meet up if you know that you have to go soon or something like that.
You don’t know for how long this is going to take, so it’s better to have all the time in the world at your disposal.
8. Oferecer uma solução
After the initial phases of this process have passed, it’s time for some action. Your friend may ask for your advice.
In that case, you should definitely offer them a solution. This advice can be based on your personal experience – this is when it’s okay to mention yourself (but be careful not to make it about yourself!).
But what if they don’t ask for advice? Well, it all depends on who you’re talking to.
If you’re comforting a young person, you can definitely share some of your wisdom. If this is your significant other, it’s also acceptable to offer them a solution.
O mesmo se aplica aos bons amigos.
But what if you’re comforting a coworker or someone you’re not close friends with? Well, in that case, I think it’s better to restrain from giving unsolicited advice.
After all, you don’t know this person’s circumstances, and there is no point in diving in too deep.
9. But don’t push them too hard
When you’re comforting someone, it’s important to give o seu espaço. You’re there for them, but you can’t be breathing down their neck.
Uma das piores coisas que se pode fazer é forçá-los demasiado a fazer o que se pensa ser correto.
Sabeis muito bem que eles devem chorar. You’re aware that reprimir as suas emoções é mau para os seus saúde mental.
However, they’re simply not ready.
O mesmo se passa com as soluções que ofereceu. Sabe que ouvir os seus conselhos resolveria o problema da pessoa, aumentaria a sua autoestima e ajudá-la-ia a curar-se.
Nevertheless, if they don’t want to take it, it’s their right. Remember – you’re their emotional support, nothing more.
10. Falar através da sua linguagem corporal
Não se esqueça de que a sua linguagem corporal fala muitas vezes mais alto do que as palavras.
When you make eye contact, make sure you show understanding. Pay attention to what your friend is saying – don’t just stare at them blankly.
Mais importante ainda, oferecer afeto físico. If we’re talking about a close friend, significant other, or a family member, you’ll apenas abraçá-los, sem perguntas.
But if this is someone you’re not that close tp, you should always ask if they want to be held or hugged. Some people don’t enjoy physical affection when they’re in emotional pain, and that’s perfectly okay.
11. Sugerir ajuda profissional
There are some situations where you just can’t help your friend as much as you try. Maybe they’re feeling depressed, and their sadness is out of your area of expertise.
Quando isso acontece, o seu trabalho é oferecer-se para os levar a um saúde mental profissional cuja função é ajudar os outros.
Just be careful when making this suggestion! You don’t want them thinking that you think they’re crazy or anything like that.
You can offer a therapist from your own experience – just to show them that there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help.
12. Dizer-lhes que podem contar consigo
Como é que se termina a conversa? O mais importante é dizer-lhes que podem contar consigo, aconteça o que acontecer.
They can call you in the middle of the night if they just need someone to listen to them. You’ll be around if they need a shoulder to cry on. You’ll be there if they need advice and if they’re looking for solutions.
The bottom line is that you’re not going anywhere.
Como confortar alguém por mensagem de texto de 3 maneiras
I have to be honest: sending someone who’s in pain a text message is probably one of the worst ways to comfort them. I mean, if we’re talking about someone close to you, you should at least make an effort to see them in person.
And if that’s not possible, you’ll call them, if nothing else. No entanto, por vezes, as circunstâncias fazem com que não tenha outra opção senão enviar-lhes uma mensagem de texto.
Nesse caso, é exatamente isto que deve fazer
1. Dizer-lhes que queres telefonar
If you’re texting someone, the important thing is to tell them that you meant to call them and that you intended to meet in person. What matters is that they know that sending them a text message wasn’t your first choice.
But just because you can’t call them now doesn’t mean that you won’t. Ask them when they’re available to talk and call them when you agree.
2. Don’t be too short
Como confortar alguém: Bem, you wouldn’t send them a short text that implies that you can’t wait to get rid of them.
The last thing you want them to think is that you’re doing this just because you have to, not because you truly want to comfort them.
3. But don’t make them even sadder, either
No entanto, um parágrafo longo de um ensaio é aceitável? Porque não? Mas há apenas uma condição.
Don’t send it if you’ll make the situation even sadder. This is not the time to show off your writing skills. You’re not a famous author with the ability to always bring tears to your readers’ eyes.
Lembre-se: a sua principal intenção é fazer com que a pessoa que está do outro lado do ecrã se sinta melhor. Tudo o resto é completamente irrelevante.
Como confortar alguém que perdeu um ente querido de 4 maneiras
Consolar alguém que está de luto pelo perda de um ente querido é extremamente difícil. Mas é preciso esquecer a dor e o desconforto e encontrar uma forma de fazer com que a pessoa se sinta melhor.
1. Torná-lo pessoal
Cada dor é diferente, e cada perda também é diferente. So please, don’t try comforting someone by saying empty clichés.
When you’re apresentar as suas condolências, make it personal so the other person sees that you’re really addressing them!
2. Don’t try erasing their pain
Here’s the awful truth: the dor de perder alguém que se amava para sempre nunca desaparecerá. Apenas se aprende a viver com isso.
So don’t try doing the impossible. Don’t put effort into erasing your friend’s pain because you won’t succeed in doing so.
In fact, they’ll just feel pressured to pretend that they’re better, even if they aren’t.
3. Seguir o seu exemplo
Lembre-se: o seu objetivo é fazer com que a pessoa se sinta o mais confortável possível. That’s why you should follow their lead and do whatever they feel like doing.
If they want to talk about the deceased, give them the chance to do so. If they want to watch a movie and act as if nothing happened, you should allow that too (even though we both know it’s not the healthiest coping mechanism).
Também, ter cuidado quando se trata de questões espirituais. Don’t talk about heaven or God if you know they aren’t religious.
4. Estar à sua disposição
Precisam de alguma coisa? Como é que os pode ajudar? Estas são perguntas cruciais para terminar a conversa.
Não se esqueça de que esta pessoa está de luto. A última coisa que lhe apetece fazer é cozinhar, limpar, cuidar de si própria e coisas do género.
But at the same time, they still need to eat, and they need their garbage taken out. If you don’t know how to help them, stop by and bring a hot cooked meal or tidy up around the house.
You can also help them with the paperwork and other technical issues following someone’s death.
For you, this doesn’t mean much. But trust me that they will never forget it!
O que devo dizer para confortar alguém?
Here are some of the best lines to say when you’re wondering how to comfort someone:
- “I’m here for you.”
- “I’m so sorry for everything that happened.”
- “You can count on my emotional support.”
- “What can I do to make you feel better?”
- “This pain will go away sooner or later.”
Para terminar:
Adoraria que nunca tivéssemos de pensar em como consolar alguém. No entanto, life is tough, and sadly, you’ll need these skills sooner or later.
I’m not saying that these techniques are magical. They won’t erase someone’s pain in the blink of an eye. Nevertheless, they will definitely help you help others.
