Como resolver uma relação que se está a desmoronar como um profissional
For a while now, you can’t shake off this awful feeling that your romance is in a rough patch. You feel like everything is going down hill and the only thing you want is to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart.
Well, let me tell you that you’re not the only one in an relação infeliz. De facto, a maioria dos casamentos e das relações duradouras já passou por este tipo de crise.
Alguns destes casais separaram-se, enquanto outros conseguiram salvar a sua relação. Alguns viram isto como o fim da sua viagem, enquanto outros viram isto apenas como um obstáculo na estrada.
Então, o que é que estes últimos fizeram de diferente? Usaram algum truque de magia especial que os ajudou a sair dos problemas? Bem, eles seguiram este guia passo-a-passo.
If you and your SO do the same, I promise that you’ll never wonder how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart ever again because yours will become stronger than ever.
Como consertar uma relação que está a desmoronar-se em 17 passos simples
I’m warning you: neither of these steps is easy. Changes won’t come overnight, and you have to undergo this entire process before you notice any significant progress.
Nevertheless, the good news is that the light at the end of the tunnel is closer than you think. I promise you: there is hope and you will repair your relationship if that’s what you really want.
Things won’t change for you – you have to change for them.
First and foremost, we have to be clear about one thing: things won’t fall in their place just like that without you doing anything about it.
After all, your romance didn’t break apart out of anywhere either. Whether you like to admit it or not, you and your partner have worked hard to destroy it. Well, now it’s time to reverse the process.
I’m warning you: there is no miraculous way to heal all of your wounds.
Instead, you’ll have to invest a lot of energy, time, and nerves before you get the answer to the question of how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart.
Vale a pena?
Before you do anything, ask yourself the most important question: “Is this amor que vale a pena lutar for it?”
Será que a vossa relação vale a pena todo este trabalho? Ou é melhor deixá-lo ir a tempo?
Sei que é difícil admitir isto, mas, por vezes, todos os nossos esforços são inúteis. Algumas coisas estão estragadas e não têm conserto.
Se é este o caso do vosso romance, maybe it’s better to give up. Concentre-se em curar-se e faça o seu melhor para seguir em frente.
On the other hand, if you do decide that it’s worth the fight, prepare yourself for the battle of a lifetime. But, just because it’s difficult doesn’t make it impossible.
União
É claro que isto significa que você e a sua cara-metade estão juntos nisto.
Não faz sentido que uma pessoa dê o seu melhor para evitar que uma relação se desfaça enquanto a outra está sentada pacificamente como se nada se passasse.
Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary feelings.
We’re all impulsive from time to time. I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend annoys you and you’re sick and tired of their behavior. So, you automatically look at everything from a bad perspective.
Anger overwhelms you and you say things you don’t mean, such as “I hate you” or “I’ll never forgive you”. You get into an argument with them, you insult each other, and you even storm out of the room.
At that given moment, you don’t see a way out. You don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and you immediately think that you’re better off without this person.
So, you make some choices you regret later on – and your SO is no different.
Ambos tomam decisões permanentes com base em sentimentos temporários. Claro que, mais tarde, quando se aperceberem que exageraram, querem corrigir as coisas.
Consequently, you find yourself in a never-ending circle that doesn’t give you a chance to cool your head off before making any moves.
Olha antes de saltar
É por isso que a melhor opção é colocar tudo numa balança. Espere até que toda a situação se acalme, durma e faça o seu melhor para ser o mais realista possível.
Sometimes, things don’t look as awful as they used to once you give it some time. Trust me: everything looks resolvable from a time distance.
Train your brain to ignore impulsivity. Remember: you’re the master of your own thoughts and feelings – it’s not the other way around.
If nothing else, try pressing a pause button on every action that doesn’t require your immediate attention. At least, give yourself 24 hours before acting on things.
Don’t forget that each of the decisions you make now will probably impact the rest of your life. So, make sure to choose wisely.
Identificar padrões de comportamento tóxico nas relações.
Before you get the answer to the question of how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you have to ask yourself what brought you and your boyfriend or girlfriend here in the first place.
It’s not that you two woke up one morning and decided that your romance is going downhill. Yes, you might have realized this all of a sudden, but the truth is that this is a process that has been eating your relationship alive for some time now.
More so, nobody showed up at your doorstep and brought you and your significant other problems. You two are the ones who created this mess and you’re the only ones in charge of resolving your relação tóxica da melhor maneira possível.
Bem, agora é a altura de identificar as coisas que o trouxeram até aqui. Reserve algum tempo para pensar e analisar a sua relação com o núcleo.
O que é que se passa? Quando foi o momento exato em que as coisas começaram a piorar? Foi assim desde o início? Ou vocês afastaram-se por uma razão específica?
Once you establish this, you’re on the right track. Now, dissect your relationship from that moment on.
Do you two have some irreconcilable differences? Is there something you can’t seem to forgive each other for?
Diário comportamental
Let’s try this: write a diary. But, this is a special type of diary where you’re not the protagonist.
Instead, your partner is the main character. Every night before you go to sleep, write down the things that bothered you concerning your significant other’s behavior.
Don’t be petty, and don’t write some things off as irrelevant just because you’re afraid that you won’t be understood.
Escreva todas as vezes que eles o fazem sentir-se emocionalmente negligenciado, subestimado, desrespeitado e não amado.
Escreva todas as palavras e acções que o incomodam. Claro que isto é válido para os dois lados, pelo que o seu namorado e a sua namorada escreverão o mesmo diário comportamental sobre si.
Have in mind that these are not accusations. You’re not sentencing each other for your moves: you’re just stating the things that hurt you in a given moment.
After some time (it can be one week or an entire month – it’s up to you), reread your diary. What are the things you now find silly and what are the ones you’re still bothered about?
This is the only way to determine someone’s behavioral patterns: things you both keep on doing. And, that’s the first step towards breaking this toxic cycle.
Compreender que ficar preso a uma rotina é letal.
Olha, ninguém espera que sintas as mesmas borboletas do início da tua relação depois de passarem anos juntos. Em vez disso, a excitação inicial transformou-se noutra coisa.
Transformou-se em respeito, confiança, calma e um sentimento de pertença, que é muito mais forte do que apenas estar apaixonado.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you should allow your relationship to get stuck in a rut. Getting stuck in a routine is lethal for every relationship, and yours is no exception.
Todos os dias que passam juntos são praticamente iguais. Não há emoção e já nada vos pode surpreender.
So, it’s natural that you get bored. This is a hard pill to swallow, but the truth is that there are times when you’re sick and tired of your partner. You can’t stand looking at them, and everything they do or say annoys the hell out of you.
Even though this is quite alarming, it’s not something that can’t be fixed.
Tomar os outros como garantidos
O primeiro erro que ambos cometeram é tomar o outro como garantido. I’m not saying that you should live in a constant state of fear.
Ter medo de perder a pessoa amada a toda a hora e esperar que ela se vá embora a qualquer momento é tudo menos saudável.
No entanto, ter demasiadas certezas em relação ao outro também não é bom. Esqueça a ideia de que o seu par estará lá para si, faça o que fizer.
Contar um com o outro é uma coisa, mas ter a certeza de que se pode tratar o parceiro como se quer e que nada neste mundo o pode afastar de si é outra coisa.
After all, if this crisis in your relationship hasn’t shown you the dangers of taking someone for granted, I don’t know what will. It’s the final time to snap out of it and do your best to keep your relationship alive.
Acender as coisas
Don’t get me wrong: this is not an invitation to start making your boyfriend or girlfriend jealous. This is not the way for them to see what they can lose.
Just remember that you’re more than roommates and friends – you’re also lovers.
Heat things up in the bedroom, go on an adventure, start dating again – whatever will help you revive the spark that has been long gone.
O orgulho tirar-vos-á tudo e deixar-vos-á sem nada.
Por muito que ames a outra pessoa, deves sempre colocar-te em primeiro lugar na tua vida. Isso significa que a sua auto-dignidade e auto-respeito têm de permanecer sempre uma parte de si.
Dignidade vs. orgulho
Nevertheless, please have in mind that there is a crucial difference between self-dignity and pride. Let’s get one thing straight: no relationship is worth sacrificing your dignity.
This means that you should never beg for someone’s love or attention. It means that you shouldn’t allow your SO to humiliate or abuse you in any way.
But, pride is something else, especially if it’s excessive. In fact, you know how they say: “Pride will cost you everything and it will leave you with nothing”. Remember that pride is the longest possible distance between two people.
So, please forget about it. When you’re in a relationship, it’s completely irrelevant who made the first step towards reconciliation. It doesn’t matter who made the first call or sent the first text.
Remember that you’re trying to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart. You decided to fight for this romance, didn’t you? Well, now you have to go all the way in.
Once again, this is something that both you and your SO have to be in together. It’s more than enough for one person’s ego to be bigger than their heart and everything will fail.
Don’t ever forget that you two are not fighting against each other here. You have a common goal and you have to go towards it with joint forces.
Os limites saudáveis fazem parte do autocuidado.
Now that we’ve established the importance of putting yourself first, let’s talk about establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Yes, you and your loved one are an item and a team, but that doesn’t mean that either of you ceased to exist as a separate person.
O que são limites numa relação?
Antes de os estabelecer, em primeiro lugar, é preciso saber claramente quais são os limites aceitáveis numa relação.
For instance, if you want the right to go through your partner’s phone whenever you feel like it, but they see this as an example of you disrespecting their personal boundaries, then you two have a problem.
There you are, certain that they’re hiding something from you. On the other hand, they see this as an invasion of their privacy and something they refuse to allow you to do.
The examples are numerous, but I bet you see where I’m going.
One of the biggest problems between couples is not setting these boundaries on time. You’re bothered by something your partner does, but you refuse to tackle the issue on time.
This is exactly why you have to rethink your deal breakers. Be honest with yourself and with your SO and tell them straightforwardly what the things you won’t tolerate are.
Are we talking about your personal beliefs you don’t want them meddling into?
About the time you spend with your friends? About the amount of control you have over each other’s lives?
The choice is yours. Either way, what’s crucial is to be clear about these boundaries, including the reasons why they’re important to you, and finally, to respect them.
A honestidade é a forma mais elevada de intimidade.
De acordo com muitos treinadores e terapeutas de relações, a maioria tipos de casais mentem constantemente uns aos outros.
I’m not talking about huge things like living parallel lives or pretending to be something you’re not for years just to impress the other person.
I’m talking about small, white lies that most of us find acceptable. Of course, there are some double standards here.
Let’s face it: you see nothing wrong with telling your SO that you’re at your friends’ house while you two actually went out clubbing.
After all, it’s not like you’ll do anything wrong.
You won’t fool around behind their back – it’s just easier this way.
You don’t have to explain yourself or go into details of your whereabouts. They won’t get all jealous and you’ll have a great night with your friend.
What harm can it cause? But, let’s turn the tables a little bit.
Would you be okay with them telling you this “little” lie? Would you understand it or would it make you furious? I’m sure we all know the answer.
Therefore, if you’re wondering how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, the answer is: “Start with being completely honest.”
No, this doesn’t mean that you should tell your SO that they look horrible in that new shirt they bought. Remember: honesty doesn’t give you the right to insult someone.
Em vez disso, serve de base para uma relação saudável. Aumenta a confiança entre os dois e reduz as discussões.
After all, what’s the point of lying? Everything swims to the surface sooner or later, so trust me: it never pays off.
Ser aberto em relação às suas emoções
No entanto, no seu caso, a coisa mais importante sobre a qual deve ser honesto é sobre os seus sentimentos.
If you start rebuilding your relationship based on deceptions – I assure you that there won’t be a happy ending here.
Trust me: expressing your emotions doesn’t make you weak. Instead, it means that you’re strong enough to face all of them, including the ones you don’t like.
Por outro lado, emoções reprimidas pode ser um grande problema.
Therefore, if you’re upset about something, don’t try to hide it by saying that everything is in perfect order. If you’re sad or angry, be clear about it since it’s the only way to solve your issues.
If your SO did something to break your heart, don’t pretend to be all tough and act like it wasn’t a big deal.
A comunicação é a ponte entre a confusão e a clareza.
Basicamente, a honestidade é uma parte de algo muito maior: comunicação numa relação madura.
You can’t expect to have a loving relationship that won’t fall apart again in a while unless you start trabalhar a sua comunicação primeiro.
But, please don’t forget that communication always has to go both ways. This means that you can’t expect a situation where you do all the talking. Instead, you have to be a good listener as well.
O objetivo principal é expressar as suas necessidades, desejos e sentimentos à outra pessoa, e vice-versa. Confie em mim: esta é a única forma de ambos obterem o que pretendem desta relação.
Let’s make one thing clear: your SO is not a mind reader. I don’t care how long you two have been together or how well you expect them to know you.
They can’t understand what you want unless you straightforwardly tell them. I know that it would be very romantic for them to meet your needs at the exact moment you wish for them, but this rarely happens.
I assure you that it’s not pathetic to ask for something. I’m not telling you to implorar por atenção e amor aqui.
No entanto, se se sentir emocionalmente negligenciada, tem de o verbalizar. Aposto que o seu parceiro não faz ideia do que se passa.
Por exemplo, quer que o seu parceiro passe mais tempo de qualidade consigo. Neste caso, tem duas opções.
One is to give them the silent treatment. There you are, offended that they don’t miss you and don’t give you more of their time.
No início, ignora o seu problema de relacionamento. Mas, mais tarde, quando este começa a incomodá-lo cada vez mais, decide dar-lhe a provar do seu próprio remédio.
The next time he or she asks you out, you’ll tell them that you’re busy. You’ll start treating them the same way you’re being treated.
Isso vai dar-lhes uma lição. Afinal, o que é que os fará apreciar mais a sua presença do que sentir a sua ausência?
I won’t lie to you: there are situations where this works. But, it’s only efficient with immature people, and even when you get what you want – this kind of dynamic isn’t sustainable.
O que é que pode correr mal aqui, devem perguntar-se? Bem, ambos ficam presos num círculo interminável de rancor e jogos mentais.
Por outro lado, tive uma ideia louca. Em vez de irmos todos passivo-agressivo, engaging in childish games, or giving them the silent treatment, why don’t you simply tell your partner what’s bothering you?
Que loucura, não é? Aposto que tentaste tudo menos isto.
Manter o romance vivo.
When you’re wondering how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you forget one crucial thing: we’re talking about a romantic relationship here.
You’re not looking for advice on how to make things right with your sibling, parent, or best friend – you want to keep your lover next to you.
Well, if you’re one of those couples that laugh at romance, then you have a long way to go. After all, you two have been together for ages and are in a long-term relationship.
What’s the point of getting your girlfriend flowers out of nowhere?
Wouldn’t it be stupid to make your boyfriend heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast? Isn’t it childish to tell your SO a romantic história de embalar?
Well, as long as you think this way, it means that the romance is long gone from your relationship. And, it’s about time to change that.
It’s about time to remind each other of your beginnings. Awaken those butterflies in your bellies; I promise you that they’re not dead – they’re just hibernating.
Comece com pequenas coisas, como o pequeno-almoço na cama, um banho de espuma ou pequenos presentes sem qualquer ocasião especial.
You know, it doesn’t have to be your Aniversário de 6 meses ou no Natal para comprar uma coisinha para o seu ente querido. Em vez disso, pode fazer every day Valentine’s day com um pouco de imaginação.
Ser espontaneamente romântico
In order to make some drastic changes, first, you’ll have to agree on them with your partner. Nevertheless, it’s one thing to decide that you’ll be more romantic and planning it in detail is something else.
Whatever you do, don’t forget to be spontaneous because that’s what romance is all about. There is no point in scheduling romantic surprises, is it?
Passem tempo significativo uns com os outros.
According to relationship coaches, many married couples with children face the same relationship problem: they don’t spend any time together. At least, not quality time.
This doesn’t only happen if you have kids. In fact, it’s a common cause of trouble in heaven with almost all couples who live together.
Como é que isto é possível, deve estar a perguntar-se? Se pensarmos bem, nós e o nosso parceiro estamos sempre juntos.
Deixem-me parar-vos aqui por um momento. Considera que brincar com os miúdos, falar sobre a hipoteca, ir às compras ou ver televisão antes de ir para a cama é tempo bem passado em conjunto?
I thought so. The focus here is not on just being next to each other – it’s about MEANINGFUL time together. The focus is on spending this time ALONE, without any distractions.
And, that is exactly what you lack. I know that most of the days, you come home so tired that you can’t wait to sack out.
A última coisa que lhe passa pela cabeça é um copo de vinho com o seu companheiro. Afinal de contas, ainda há tantas coisas por fazer.
Voltar a namorar
Nevertheless, if you want to save your relationship, you’ll have to find time and energy for each other.
Don’t worry: you’re not a bad parent if you find a babysitter or ask your parents to watch the kids while you go out with your SO.
Whatever you have to do instead of being with your partner can wait. But, your relationship can’t.
That’s exactly why I’m advising you to start dating again. I don’t care if you live together or have been in a relationship for years – go on actual dates.
You know, like in the good old days when you didn’t have to worry about diapers or unpaid bills.
Procurem algumas ideias criativas ideias para encontros e transformar cada momento que passam juntos numa experiência memorável.
Refletir sobre os bons momentos passados juntos.
When you’re in a situation where you wonder how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, it’s more than clear that you and your partner are in a rough patch. Nevertheless, things haven’t always been like this, have they?
Era uma vez, vocês os dois eram as pessoas mais felizes do mundo. Partilhavam amor incondicional e ninguém se poderia meter entre vós.
Just because that has changed doesn’t mean that it never happened. Those feelings are still there – hidden deep inside both of you.
Então, o que é que se deve fazer? Bem, devem recordar todos os momentos felizes que passaram juntos.
Em vez de se concentrar nas discussões e desentendimentos que têm marcado a vossa relação ultimamente, faça o seu melhor para recordar os bons velhos tempos.
Try reawakening the people you once were. If it’s necessary, go through your old photos. Find your old social media posts, textos docese registos de chamadas telefónicas, e recordar como se sentiu nessa altura.
O que é que vos uniu? Essa energia ainda está viva e presente?
Mais importante ainda: tudo o que aconteceu depois é suficientemente digno para destruir todo o seu passado.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that you should stay together just because you have a history together.
No entanto, o objetivo é reavivar o vosso romance antes que ele se desvaneça definitivamente.
Aceitar a responsabilidade pelos seus actos.
What most people don’t know is that when relationships fall apart, it’s always a joint responsibility.
Lembram-se de quando falámos de união? Como ambos têm de se esforçar para que as coisas funcionem?
Well, I hate to break your bubble, but the truth is that you both destroyed your relationship’s well-being as well. I know it would be the easiest to put all the blame on the other partner, but this is not the way to make your relationship work.
Whether you like to admit it or not, you carry a part of the responsibility for things going down hill. If you don’t see your mistakes, maybe it’s time to look at the situation from your partner’s perspective, and that will make things clearer.
It won’t be enough to admit responsibility to yourself only. Instead, you have to accept everything bad you did and your SO has to see that you really repent.
Until you do this, they’ll always feel like their feelings are not acknowledged. Until they see that you really are aware of all the pain you’ve caused, they’ll suspect your honesty.
Your SO will think that you’re just telling them what they want to hear and they won’t take you seriously.
I know that looking yourself in the mirror and taking part of the blame is everything but easy. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you’re the bad guy in the story.
No final do dia, ninguém é. Vocês os dois são apenas seres humanos feitos de carne e osso; seres humanos que cometem erros como toda a gente.
RELACIONADO: 10 sinais de que ele não está a esforçar-se o suficiente na vossa relação
Ninguém é perfeito
Aqui está um pedaço de um conselhos para relações de segunda oportunidade that will serve you well: don’t expect perfection. Things will get better soon, but neither you nor your partner will ever become flawless nor will your relationship ever be spotless.
This doesn’t mean that you should contentar-se com menos. Significa apenas aceitar os seus defeitos e aprender a lidar com eles a tempo.
A intimidade é curativa.
Sadly, many married couples and people in long-term relationships lose the intimacy that connected them. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not referring to bedroom activities here only.
Naturally, this is an important aspect of every relationship and whoever tries to tell you otherwise is lying. But, what if you get along great under the sheets, but can’t seem to find the middle ground in real life? Yes, that happens as well.
What you probably don’t know is that intimacy is much more than sleeping together. In fact, it’s the feeling of being one with your SO. It’s a feeling of being emotionally and physically close to your partner.
Intimacy is built and it can also be torn apart easily. This is exactly what happened to you two: you and your partner lost touch and you’re not as connected as you once were.
How many times have you looked at them and felt as if you were talking to a stranger? How many times have you felt like you two don’t belong to each other anymore?
Nesse caso, esta é a última oportunidade para trabalharem a vossa intimidade.
Como é que se pode conseguir isso?
Para começar, esqueçam tudo o que é físico. Garanto-vos que, assim que recuperarem a intimidade emocional, intelectual e mental, a atração física virá.
Begin with exploring this person’s mind. Who are they? Did you miss all the changes their personality experienced?
Pergunte-lhes algo profundo, perguntas estimulantes. Façam disto um ritual vosso: um momento da semana em que falam realmente dos vossos medos, fraquezas e emoções.
Whenever you have a chance to, kiss or hug your SO. This innocent touch doesn’t have to lead to anything bigger – it’s just your body telling your loved one: “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
Trabalhe em si, por si, para si.
While you’re doing your best to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you seem to forget about something crucial: the most important relationship of your life.
No, I’m not talking about this romance here. For a change, I’m talking about the relationship you have with yourself.
Look, I’m here to help you make up with your partner – not to provoke an opposite result.
Mas quem lhe garante que essa pessoa ficará ao seu lado para sempre, mesmo que dê uma segunda oportunidade ao seu romance?
A última coisa que quero é ser pessimista. No entanto, esta é a realidade.
The truth is that everyone can disappear from your life one way or another. But, what is even better is that you can make it without anyone – you just don’t see it now.
Nevertheless, the only person you can’t survive without is YOU. That is exactly why you have to put the focus on yourself.
Whatever you do, please don’t become overly obsessed with this romance and its future. Don’t do it to the point where you lose yourself.
Amor-próprio e respeito por si próprio
Being in a relationship means playing for the team – nobody argues against that. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t pay any attention to your own needs just because you’re a part of a couple.
Let’s get one thing straight: you can never be a good boyfriend or girlfriend unless you’re okay by yourself. I’m not saying to go break-up and ficar solteiro para sempre.
Instead, I’m advising you to make yourself happy before trying to improve your relationship.
Don’t worry: there is nothing selfish about this. In fact, if both you and your SO do the same, you’ll have two people with high levels of self-esteem working towards a joint goal. What could be better than that?
Lembre-se de uma coisa: ninguém o respeitará enquanto não o fizer por si próprio.
Tem de aprender a colocar-se em primeiro lugar, a cuidar das suas próprias necessidades e a apreciar todas as suas qualidades, se quiser que o seu parceiro a trate em conformidade.
O mesmo se aplica ao amor-próprio. Como é que se pode esperar que alguém nos ame se nos considerarmos inamáveis?
You’re the one setting an example that the other person will follow, so it better be a good one.
Forgiveness doesn’t change the past – it enlarges the future.
It’s one thing if your relationship is falling apart because you two fell into a rut or because you had some minor issues you couldn’t resolve on time.
No entanto, se houver coisas como infidelidade ou se estiver envolvido qualquer tipo de abuso, então as coisas tornam-se um pouco mais complicadas.
Whether you’re aware of that or not, the truth is that everything that went on left deeply rooted traumas on your mental health, self-esteem, and emotional state.
Sometimes, you think that you’ve moved on from your past, and then suddenly, it appears on your doorstep.
De repente, toda a bagagem emocional de toda a sua relação vem à superfície e, sem dar por isso, você e o seu parceiro estão a discutir sobre coisas que tinha a certeza que já tinham ultrapassado há muito tempo.
Well, guess what: you didn’t. Instead, you’ve just tried to sweep everything under the carpet, expecting it to go away.
The problem is that you didn’t forgive each other for wrongdoings in the past. Well, according to all relationship advice you’ll ever get – forgiveness is the key.
It’s pretty simple: you can’t give your relationship a second chance if the weight of the past keeps dragging it down. You can’t plan a future with someone you have unresolved accounts with.
Trust me: forgiveness liberates you. As hard as it might be, it’s the only way to fix your relationship.
On the other hand, nobody can blame you if you can’t forgive. Sometimes, you really want to do it, but your broken heart isn’t ready for that step.
Nesse caso, não vale a pena tentar nada enquanto não se livrar de ressentimentos e rancores. Não vale a pena construir um futuro sobre as ruínas do passado.
Perdoar vs. esquecer
Por outro lado, toda a gente lhe dirá para perdoar sempre, mas nunca para esquecer. Qual é a diferença?
Well, if you forgive each other for your wrongdoings, you’ll never mention it again. The worst thing you can do is bring all of your old relationship problems up every time you encounter a new one.
Nevertheless, not forgetting means that you still see things as how they went on. You’re aware that poor choices were made, but you chose your relationship over each one of them.
You know that all the times you hurt each other can’t be erased. But, everything that went on can serve both of you as a lesson not to repeat your mistakes ever again.
It’s better to bend a little than to break apart.
Todos nós temos um conjunto de normas e de factores de rutura. Há algumas coisas que nos recusamos a pôr em discussão, quanto mais a mudar de atitude.
Mas, se quiser fazer parte de um casal, o que tem de compreender é que nem tudo pode correr como deseja. Em vez disso, você e o seu parceiro têm de encontrar uma forma de chegar a um compromisso.
Não há outra forma senão encontrar o meio-termo em relação a tudo. Tem de abdicar de algumas das suas exigências para fazer o seu parceiro feliz, e ele tem de fazer o mesmo por si.
You’ll accomplish nothing with your pride and spite. Remember: you and your partner have a common goal.
You two are not enemies, and it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. The only thing that matters is reaching the end of this journey holding hands.
As pequenas coisas
You know what they say: “Practice makes perfect”. Well, being able to compromise is also a skill, and you have to improve it if you want to go back to your loving relationship.
For starters, try compromising about some little things, such as meeting halfway about what you’ll have for dinner and what song you’ll listen to in a given moment.
Sem dar por isso, este tipo de comportamento tornar-se-á um padrão para si.
You’ll get used to acting this way in all life aspects. Just like that, it will be much easier to agree on much bigger things.
Defina objectivos suficientemente elevados para o inspirar e suficientemente baixos para o encorajar.
Finally, it’s crucial to set healthy relationship goals. They have to be obtainable and real, so don’t expect a fairytale.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you are allowed to be an underachiever. For God’s sake, have some faith in yourself and in your love.
Depois de concluir todas as etapas, pense nas coisas concretas que quer realizar. Como seria a sua relação ideal?
And, what about your partner’s dreams?
Onde está o meio-termo? Podem os dois encontrar-se a meio caminho em relação a estes objectivos?
Mais ainda: é possível encontrar um meio-termo entre os objectivos que o inspiram e os que o encorajam?
Colocar coisas numa folha de papel
A melhor forma de definir os seus objectivos é colocá-los todos numa folha de papel e dar a si próprio uma espécie de prazo.
Este é o momento para esquecer a espontaneidade e o romance. Seja exato quanto às coisas que deseja alcançar e seja realista quanto aos prazos.
Also, don’t forget to write down each one’s responsibilities. Take a sheet and fill it with things you both need to change about your behavior.
Mais importante ainda: cumpra as suas promessas!
How To Fix A Long Distance Relationship That’s Falling Apart?
When you’re in a long-distance romance, all of your relationship problems seem more serious. You don’t have to actually fall apart – sometimes, growing apart is much worse.
Mas, apesar de todos os problemas que este tipo de relação acarreta, se o amor for verdadeiro, é possível fazer com que as coisas funcionem.
Se acha que o seu romance à distância precisa de ser salvo, eis o que pode fazer.
Um objetivo sem um plano é apenas um desejo.
Todos os casais que vivem à distância têm um objetivo final: não ficar à distância para sempre. Mas será que se trata apenas de um sonho? Ou têm um plano real?
Obviamente, isto inclui a possibilidade de irem viver juntos. Como é que espera que isso aconteça?
Where will you settle? Will it be a neutral territory where you’ll both start from scratch together? Or, will one move to the other person’s city?
Infelizmente, esta é uma situação em que é preciso ser mais prático do que romântico. Tem de pensar no emprego, nas finanças e na habitação.
Mais importante ainda: está preparada para este passo? Está disposta a deixar toda a sua vida para trás e ir para um sítio onde não tem ninguém para além do seu SO?
Of course, you won’t go into details if your long-distance relationship is at its beginnings. Nevertheless, even then, you should have a vision of how you’d like things to turn out.
A última coisa que quer é perder anos de tempo à espera que alguém lhe bata à porta e lhe dê a resposta para todos os seus dilemas.
Instead, make an action plan. As far as I’m concerned, it can even be a five-year plan, but it has to be detailed and you should stick to it as much as possible.
Tente sempre adaptar-se à situação.
Ao contrário de outros casais, você e o seu parceiro são grandemente influenciados pelas circunstâncias que podem eventualmente fazer com que o seu o amor morre.
A que distância estão um do outro? O seu SO está a uma distância de carro de si? Podem visitar-se aos fins-de-semana?
Or, are we talking about plane rides and planned vacations here? These are all different situations you’ll sadly have to deal with.
A escolha é sua: ou chora com a sua infeliz sorte ou faz o seu melhor para se adaptar à situação e tirar o melhor partido dela.
If the love is strong and if this is the real deal, then there is no dilemma about what you’ll choose.
Por exemplo, pode ser antiquado e enviar ao seu namorado um carta de amor à distância ou pode enviar-lhes um pequeno presente sem qualquer ocasião especial.
Em vez de felicitar o aniversariante através das redes sociais, envie-lhe um carta de feliz aniversário com uma prenda no seu domicílio.
Vire a mesa a seu favor!
Encontrar um ritmo sustentável.
Alguns casais que vivem à distância queixam-se de não estarem suficientemente em contacto com o seu par. Por outro lado, alguns sentem-se pressionados a falar com eles e a enviar-lhes mensagens a toda a hora.
Nenhum dos dois é bom.
In the first scenario, you’ll start feeling emotionally neglected before you know it. This is your BF or GF, not some random stranger online you hear from a few times a week.
On the other hand, spending all of your days staring at your phone is not a solution either. Just because you two are physically apart, it doesn’t mean that being a namorada pegajosa ou o namorado vai ajudar.
A solução é encontrar um equilíbrio. Você e o seu parceiro têm de encontrar um ritmo sustentável para a vossa comunicação.
Whether you like it or not, it’s impossible to be in touch 24/7. You can try, but that won’t work out too long.
Afinal de contas, têm vidas fora da vossa relação. Além disso, mais cedo ou mais tarde, uma das pessoas vai-se cansar deste acordo.
That’s why you should make a scheme. Of course, you’re allowed to call or text each other out of this planned timetable.
Nevertheless, it would be best to schedule dates. Don’t miss out on them and get rid of all possible distractions before Skyping or FaceTiming your BAE.
If you have to play detective, it’s time to move on.
Porque é que as relações duradouras terminam? Bem, outra razão comum para o fracasso dos LTR é a falta de confiança.
Your partner is miles away from you and there is absolutely no way for you to know what they’re doing when they’re not talking to you.
What a bummer, right? As far as you’re concerned, they could be living a parallel life you have no clue about.
If they don’t pick up the phone, they must be going behind your back – there is no chance in hell that they’re busy or that they have fallen asleep. And, the worst part is that there is nothing you can do about it.
You have no mutual friends, you can’t show up at their work or doorstep unannounced, and there is no freaking way to check up on them as every namorado controlador ou namorada faria.
Bem, azar, mas adivinhe: não tem outra opção senão confiar neles.
Don’t let anyone play you for a fool, but don’t obsess over every nonsense either. It won’t bring you anything except a massive headache.
Considerações finais
When you’re trying to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, the number one priority is never to lose hope and to manter a cabeça erguida.
Come on, you’ve come this far and I’m sure you’ll make it… unless you have some doubts that this is the real deal?
