Come sistemare una relazione che sta andando a rotoli come un professionista

For a while now, you can’t shake off this awful feeling that your romance is in a rough patch. You feel like everything is going down hill and the only thing you want is to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart.

Well, let me tell you that you’re not the only one in an relazione infelice. In effetti, la maggior parte dei matrimoni e delle relazioni a lungo termine hanno attraversato questo tipo di crisi.

Alcune di queste coppie si sono separate, mentre altre sono riuscite a salvare la loro relazione. Alcuni l'hanno vista come la fine del loro viaggio, mentre altri l'hanno vista solo come un ostacolo sulla strada.

Quindi, cosa hanno fatto di diverso questi ultimi? Hanno usato qualche trucco magico speciale che li ha aiutati a uscire dai guai? Beh, hanno seguito questa guida passo dopo passo.

If you and your SO do the same, I promise that you’ll never wonder how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart ever again because yours will become stronger than ever.

Come sistemare una relazione che sta andando in pezzi in 17 semplici passi

I’m warning you: neither of these steps is easy. Changes won’t come overnight, and you have to undergo this entire process before you notice any significant progress.

Nevertheless, the good news is that the light at the end of the tunnel is closer than you think. I promise you: there is hope and you will repair your relationship if that’s what you really want.

Things won’t change for you – you have to change for them.

First and foremost, we have to be clear about one thing: things won’t fall in their place just like that without you doing anything about it.

After all, your romance didn’t break apart out of anywhere either. Whether you like to admit it or not, you and your partner have worked hard to destroy it. Well, now it’s time to reverse the process.

I’m warning you: there is no miraculous way to heal all of your wounds.

Instead, you’ll have to invest a lot of energy, time, and nerves before you get the answer to the question of how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart.

Ne vale la pena?

Before you do anything, ask yourself the most important question: “Is this l'amore che vale la pena di combattere for it?”

La vostra relazione vale tutti questi problemi? Oppure è meglio lasciar perdere in tempo?

So che è difficile da ammettere, ma a volte tutti i vostri sforzi sono inutili. Alcune cose sono rotte in modo irreparabile.

Se questo è il caso della vostra storia d'amore, maybe it’s better to give up. Concentratevi sulla vostra guarigione e fate del vostro meglio per andare avanti.

On the other hand, if you do decide that it’s worth the fight, prepare yourself for the battle of a lifetime. But, just because it’s difficult doesn’t make it impossible.

Insieme

Naturalmente, questo significa che voi e il vostro partner siete entrambi coinvolti in questa situazione.

Non ha senso che una persona faccia del suo meglio per salvare una relazione dalla rottura mentre l'altra se ne sta tranquillamente seduta come se nulla fosse.

Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary feelings.

We’re all impulsive from time to time. I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend annoys you and you’re sick and tired of their behavior. So, you automatically look at everything from a bad perspective.

Anger overwhelms you and you say things you don’t mean, such as “I hate you” or “I’ll never forgive you”. You get into an argument with them, you insult each other, and you even storm out of the room.

At that given moment, you don’t see a way out. You don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and you immediately think that you’re better off without this person.

So, you make some choices you regret later on – and your SO is no different.

Entrambi prendete decisioni definitive basate su sentimenti temporanei. Naturalmente, in seguito, quando vi accorgete di aver esagerato, volete sistemare le cose.

Consequently, you find yourself in a never-ending circle that doesn’t give you a chance to cool your head off before making any moves.

Guardare prima di saltare

Ecco perché la scelta migliore è quella di mettere tutto su una bilancia. Aspettate che la situazione si calmi, dormite e fate del vostro meglio per essere il più realistici possibile.

Sometimes, things don’t look as awful as they used to once you give it some time. Trust me: everything looks resolvable from a time distance.

Train your brain to ignore impulsivity. Remember: you’re the master of your own thoughts and feelings – it’s not the other way around.

If nothing else, try pressing a pause button on every action that doesn’t require your immediate attention. At least, give yourself 24 hours before acting on things.

Don’t forget that each of the decisions you make now will probably impact the rest of your life. So, make sure to choose wisely.

Identificare i modelli di comportamento delle relazioni tossiche.

Before you get the answer to the question of how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you have to ask yourself what brought you and your boyfriend or girlfriend here in the first place.

It’s not that you two woke up one morning and decided that your romance is going downhill. Yes, you might have realized this all of a sudden, but the truth is that this is a process that has been eating your relationship alive for some time now.

More so, nobody showed up at your doorstep and brought you and your significant other problems. You two are the ones who created this mess and you’re the only ones in charge of resolving your relazione tossica nel modo migliore possibile.

È arrivato il momento di identificare le cose che vi hanno portato qui. Prendetevi un po' di tempo per pensare e analizzare la vostra relazione fino in fondo.

Qual è il problema? Quando è stato il momento esatto in cui le cose hanno iniziato a precipitare? È stato così fin dall'inizio? Oppure vi siete allontanati per un motivo specifico?

Once you establish this, you’re on the right track. Now, dissect your relationship from that moment on.

Do you two have some irreconcilable differences? Is there something you can’t seem to forgive each other for?

Diario comportamentale

Let’s try this: write a diary. But, this is a special type of diary where you’re not the protagonist.

Instead, your partner is the main character. Every night before you go to sleep, write down the things that bothered you concerning your significant other’s behavior.

Don’t be petty, and don’t write some things off as irrelevant just because you’re afraid that you won’t be understood.

Scrivete tutte le volte che vi fanno sentire emotivamente trascurati, non apprezzati, non rispettati e non amati.

Scrivete tutte le loro parole e azioni che vi danno fastidio. Naturalmente, questo vale per entrambe le parti, quindi il vostro fidanzato e la vostra fidanzata scriveranno lo stesso diario comportamentale su di voi.

Have in mind that these are not accusations. You’re not sentencing each other for your moves: you’re just stating the things that hurt you in a given moment.

After some time (it can be one week or an entire month – it’s up to you), reread your diary. What are the things you now find silly and what are the ones you’re still bothered about?

This is the only way to determine someone’s behavioral patterns: things you both keep on doing. And, that’s the first step towards breaking this toxic cycle.

Capire che rimanere bloccati nella routine è letale.

Nessuno si aspetta che, dopo aver trascorso anni insieme, si sentano le stesse farfalle dell'inizio della relazione. Invece, l'eccitazione iniziale si è trasformata in qualcos'altro.

Si è trasformato in rispetto, fiducia, calma e senso di appartenenza, che è molto più forte del semplice amore.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you should allow your relationship to get stuck in a rut. Getting stuck in a routine is lethal for every relationship, and yours is no exception.

Ogni giorno che trascorrete insieme è più o meno lo stesso. Non c'è emozione e nulla può più sorprendervi.

So, it’s natural that you get bored. This is a hard pill to swallow, but the truth is that there are times when you’re sick and tired of your partner. You can’t stand looking at them, and everything they do or say annoys the hell out of you.

Even though this is quite alarming, it’s not something that can’t be fixed.

Dare per scontato l'altro

Il primo errore che avete commesso entrambi è dare per scontato l'altro. I’m not saying that you should live in a constant state of fear.

Avere sempre paura di perdere la persona amata e aspettare che se ne vada da un momento all'altro è tutto fuorché salutare.

Tuttavia, nemmeno diventare troppo sicuri l'uno dell'altro è positivo. Dimenticate l'idea che il vostro partner sarà sempre al vostro fianco, qualunque cosa facciate.

Contare l'uno sull'altro è una cosa, ma essere certi di poter trattare il proprio partner come si vuole e che nulla al mondo possa allontanarlo da noi è un'altra cosa.

After all, if this crisis in your relationship hasn’t shown you the dangers of taking someone for granted, I don’t know what will. It’s the final time to snap out of it and do your best to keep your relationship alive.

Accendere gli animi

Don’t get me wrong: this is not an invitation to start making your boyfriend or girlfriend jealous. This is not the way for them to see what they can lose.

Just remember that you’re more than roommates and friends – you’re also lovers.

Heat things up in the bedroom, go on an adventure, start dating again – whatever will help you revive the spark that has been long gone.

L'orgoglio vi toglierà tutto e non vi lascerà nulla.

Per quanto si possa amare l'altra persona, bisogna sempre mettere se stessi al primo posto nella propria vita. Ciò significa che la vostra dignità e il vostro rispetto per voi stessi devono sempre rimanere una parte di voi.

Dignità e orgoglio

Nevertheless, please have in mind that there is a crucial difference between self-dignity and pride. Let’s get one thing straight: no relationship is worth sacrificing your dignity.

This means that you should never beg for someone’s love or attention. It means that you shouldn’t allow your SO to humiliate or abuse you in any way.

But, pride is something else, especially if it’s excessive. In fact, you know how they say: “Pride will cost you everything and it will leave you with nothing”. Remember that pride is the longest possible distance between two people.

So, please forget about it. When you’re in a relationship, it’s completely irrelevant who made the first step towards reconciliation. It doesn’t matter who made the first call or sent the first text.

Remember that you’re trying to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart. You decided to fight for this romance, didn’t you? Well, now you have to go all the way in.

Once again, this is something that both you and your SO have to be in together. It’s more than enough for one person’s ego to be bigger than their heart and everything will fail.

Don’t ever forget that you two are not fighting against each other here. You have a common goal and you have to go towards it with joint forces.

I limiti sani fanno parte della cura di sé.

Now that we’ve established the importance of putting yourself first, let’s talk about establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Yes, you and your loved one are an item and a team, but that doesn’t mean that either of you ceased to exist as a separate person.

Cosa sono i limiti in una relazione?

Prima di stabilirli, bisogna innanzitutto avere chiaro quali sono i limiti accettabili in una relazione.

For instance, if you want the right to go through your partner’s phone whenever you feel like it, but they see this as an example of you disrespecting their personal boundaries, then you two have a problem.

There you are, certain that they’re hiding something from you. On the other hand, they see this as an invasion of their privacy and something they refuse to allow you to do.

The examples are numerous, but I bet you see where I’m going.

One of the biggest problems between couples is not setting these boundaries on time. You’re bothered by something your partner does, but you refuse to tackle the issue on time.

This is exactly why you have to rethink your deal breakers. Be honest with yourself and with your SO and tell them straightforwardly what the things you won’t tolerate are.

Are we talking about your personal beliefs you don’t want them meddling into?

About the time you spend with your friends? About the amount of control you have over each other’s lives?

The choice is yours. Either way, what’s crucial is to be clear about these boundaries, including the reasons why they’re important to you, and finally, to respect them.

L'onestà è la forma più alta di intimità.

Secondo molti coach e terapeuti delle relazioni, la maggior parte dei tipi di coppie mentono costantemente l'uno all'altro.

I’m not talking about huge things like living parallel lives or pretending to be something you’re not for years just to impress the other person.

I’m talking about small, white lies that most of us find acceptable. Of course, there are some double standards here.

Let’s face it: you see nothing wrong with telling your SO that you’re at your friends’ house while you two actually went out clubbing.

After all, it’s not like you’ll do anything wrong.

You won’t fool around behind their back – it’s just easier this way.

You don’t have to explain yourself or go into details of your whereabouts. They won’t get all jealous and you’ll have a great night with your friend.

What harm can it cause? But, let’s turn the tables a little bit.

Would you be okay with them telling you this “little” lie? Would you understand it or would it make you furious? I’m sure we all know the answer.

Therefore, if you’re wondering how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, the answer is: “Start with being completely honest.”

No, this doesn’t mean that you should tell your SO that they look horrible in that new shirt they bought. Remember: honesty doesn’t give you the right to insult someone.

Serve invece come base per una relazione sana. Aumenta la fiducia tra voi due e riduce le discussioni.

After all, what’s the point of lying? Everything swims to the surface sooner or later, so trust me: it never pays off.

Essere aperti sulle proprie emozioni

Tuttavia, nel vostro caso, la cosa più importante su cui dovete essere onesti sono i vostri sentimenti.

If you start rebuilding your relationship based on deceptions – I assure you that there won’t be a happy ending here.

Trust me: expressing your emotions doesn’t make you weak. Instead, it means that you’re strong enough to face all of them, including the ones you don’t like.

D'altra parte, emozioni represse può essere un problema enorme.

Therefore, if you’re upset about something, don’t try to hide it by saying that everything is in perfect order. If you’re sad or angry, be clear about it since it’s the only way to solve your issues.

If your SO did something to break your heart, don’t pretend to be all tough and act like it wasn’t a big deal.

La comunicazione è il ponte tra la confusione e la chiarezza.

In sostanza, l'onestà è parte di qualcosa di molto più grande: relazione matura comunicazione.

You can’t expect to have a loving relationship that won’t fall apart again in a while unless you start lavorare sulla comunicazione prima.

But, please don’t forget that communication always has to go both ways. This means that you can’t expect a situation where you do all the talking. Instead, you have to be a good listener as well.

Il punto fondamentale è che il vostro obiettivo principale deve essere quello di esprimere all'altra persona i vostri bisogni, desideri e sentimenti, e viceversa. Fidatevi di me: questo è l'unico modo per ottenere entrambi ciò che desiderate da questa relazione.

Let’s make one thing clear: your SO is not a mind reader. I don’t care how long you two have been together or how well you expect them to know you.

They can’t understand what you want unless you straightforwardly tell them. I know that it would be very romantic for them to meet your needs at the exact moment you wish for them, but this rarely happens.

I assure you that it’s not pathetic to ask for something. I’m not telling you to implorare attenzione e amore qui.

Tuttavia, se vi sentite trascurati emotivamente, dovete dirlo a voce. Scommetto che il vostro partner non ne ha idea.

Ad esempio, volete che il vostro partner trascorra più tempo di qualità con voi. In questo caso, avete due opzioni.

One is to give them the silent treatment. There you are, offended that they don’t miss you and don’t give you more of their time.

All'inizio ignorate il vostro problema di coppia. Ma, in seguito, quando inizia a darvi sempre più fastidio, decidete di fargli assaggiare la loro stessa medicina.

The next time he or she asks you out, you’ll tell them that you’re busy. You’ll start treating them the same way you’re being treated.

In questo modo impareranno sicuramente una lezione. Dopotutto, cosa potrebbe far loro apprezzare la vostra presenza più che percepire la vostra assenza?

I won’t lie to you: there are situations where this works. But, it’s only efficient with immature people, and even when you get what you want – this kind of dynamic isn’t sustainable.

Cosa può mai andare storto, vi chiederete? Beh, entrambi rimanete intrappolati in un circolo infinito di dispetti e giochi mentali.

D'altra parte, ho un'idea folle. Invece di fare tutto passivo-aggressivo, engaging in childish games, or giving them the silent treatment, why don’t you simply tell your partner what’s bothering you?

Pazzesco, eh? Scommetto che hai provato tutto tranne questo.

Mantenere vivo il romanticismo.

When you’re wondering how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you forget one crucial thing: we’re talking about a romantic relationship here.

You’re not looking for advice on how to make things right with your sibling, parent, or best friend – you want to keep your lover next to you.

Well, if you’re one of those couples that laugh at romance, then you have a long way to go. After all, you two have been together for ages and are in a long-term relationship.

What’s the point of getting your girlfriend flowers out of nowhere?

Wouldn’t it be stupid to make your boyfriend heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast? Isn’t it childish to tell your SO a romantic amore storia della buonanotte?

Well, as long as you think this way, it means that the romance is long gone from your relationship. And, it’s about time to change that.

It’s about time to remind each other of your beginnings. Awaken those butterflies in your bellies; I promise you that they’re not dead – they’re just hibernating.

Iniziate con piccole cose, come la colazione a letto, un bagno di schiuma o piccoli regali senza alcuna occasione speciale.

You know, it doesn’t have to be your 6 mesi di anniversario o Natale per regalare qualcosa alla persona amata. Invece, si può fare every day Valentine’s day con un po' di immaginazione.

Essere spontaneamente romantici

In order to make some drastic changes, first, you’ll have to agree on them with your partner. Nevertheless, it’s one thing to decide that you’ll be more romantic and planning it in detail is something else.

Whatever you do, don’t forget to be spontaneous because that’s what romance is all about. There is no point in scheduling romantic surprises, is it?

Trascorrere del tempo significativo con gli altri.

According to relationship coaches, many married couples with children face the same relationship problem: they don’t spend any time together. At least, not quality time.

This doesn’t only happen if you have kids. In fact, it’s a common cause of trouble in heaven with almost all couples who live together.

Come è possibile, vi chiederete? Se ci pensate, voi e il vostro partner siete sempre insieme.

Lasciate che vi fermi per un momento. Considerate il tempo trascorso insieme giocando con i bambini, parlando del mutuo, facendo la spesa o guardando la TV prima di andare a letto come tempo ben speso?

I thought so. The focus here is not on just being next to each other – it’s about MEANINGFUL time together. The focus is on spending this time ALONE, without any distractions.

And, that is exactly what you lack. I know that most of the days, you come home so tired that you can’t wait to sack out.

L'ultima cosa a cui pensate è un bicchiere di vino con il vostro partner. Dopotutto, ci sono ancora tante commissioni da sbrigare.

Uscire di nuovo insieme

Nevertheless, if you want to save your relationship, you’ll have to find time and energy for each other.

Don’t worry: you’re not a bad parent if you find a babysitter or ask your parents to watch the kids while you go out with your SO.

Whatever you have to do instead of being with your partner can wait. But, your relationship can’t.

That’s exactly why I’m advising you to start dating again. I don’t care if you live together or have been in a relationship for years – go on actual dates.

You know, like in the good old days when you didn’t have to worry about diapers or unpaid bills.

Cercate un po' di creatività idee per l'appuntamento e trasformare ogni momento trascorso insieme in un'esperienza memorabile.

Riflettere sui bei momenti passati insieme.

When you’re in a situation where you wonder how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, it’s more than clear that you and your partner are in a rough patch. Nevertheless, things haven’t always been like this, have they?

Una volta eravate le persone più felici del mondo. Condividevate amore incondizionato e nessuno potrà frapporsi tra voi.

Just because that has changed doesn’t mean that it never happened. Those feelings are still there – hidden deep inside both of you.

Quindi, cosa si dovrebbe fare? Dovreste ricordare tutti i momenti di gioia trascorsi insieme.

Invece di concentrarvi sulle discussioni e sui disaccordi che hanno colorato la vostra relazione negli ultimi tempi, fate del vostro meglio per ricordare i bei tempi andati.

Try reawakening the people you once were. If it’s necessary, go through your old photos. Find your old social media posts, testi dolcie i registri delle telefonate, e ricordate come vi sentivate allora.

Cosa vi ha fatto incontrare? Quell'energia è ancora viva e presente?

Ma soprattutto: tutto ciò che è successo dopo è abbastanza degno da distruggere tutto il vostro passato.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that you should stay together just because you have a history together.

Tuttavia, questo ha lo scopo di riaccendere la vostra storia d'amore prima che svanisca definitivamente.

Accettare la responsabilità delle proprie azioni.

What most people don’t know is that when relationships fall apart, it’s always a joint responsibility.

Ricordate quando abbiamo parlato di unione? Di come entrambi dobbiate impegnarvi per far funzionare le cose?

Well, I hate to break your bubble, but the truth is that you both destroyed your relationship’s well-being as well. I know it would be the easiest to put all the blame on the other partner, but this is not the way to make your relationship work.

Whether you like to admit it or not, you carry a part of the responsibility for things going down hill. If you don’t see your mistakes, maybe it’s time to look at the situation from your partner’s perspective, and that will make things clearer.

It won’t be enough to admit responsibility to yourself only. Instead, you have to accept everything bad you did and your SO has to see that you really repent.

Until you do this, they’ll always feel like their feelings are not acknowledged. Until they see that you really are aware of all the pain you’ve caused, they’ll suspect your honesty.

Your SO will think that you’re just telling them what they want to hear and they won’t take you seriously.

I know that looking yourself in the mirror and taking part of the blame is everything but easy. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you’re the bad guy in the story.

In fin dei conti, nessuno lo è. Voi due siete solo esseri umani fatti di carne e sangue; esseri umani che commettono errori come tutti.

RELATIVO: 10 segni che non si sta impegnando a sufficienza nella vostra relazione

Nessuno è perfetto

Ecco un pezzo di un Consigli per una seconda opportunità di relazione that will serve you well: don’t expect perfection. Things will get better soon, but neither you nor your partner will ever become flawless nor will your relationship ever be spotless.

This doesn’t mean that you should accontentarsi di meno. Significa solo accettare entrambi i propri difetti e imparare ad affrontarli per tempo.

L'intimità è curativa.

Sadly, many married couples and people in long-term relationships lose the intimacy that connected them. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not referring to bedroom activities here only.

Naturally, this is an important aspect of every relationship and whoever tries to tell you otherwise is lying. But, what if you get along great under the sheets, but can’t seem to find the middle ground in real life? Yes, that happens as well.

What you probably don’t know is that intimacy is much more than sleeping together. In fact, it’s the feeling of being one with your SO. It’s a feeling of being emotionally and physically close to your partner.

Intimacy is built and it can also be torn apart easily. This is exactly what happened to you two: you and your partner lost touch and you’re not as connected as you once were.

How many times have you looked at them and felt as if you were talking to a stranger? How many times have you felt like you two don’t belong to each other anymore?

In tal caso, questa è l'ultima occasione per lavorare sulla vostra intimità.

Come si può ottenere?

Per cominciare, dimenticatevi di tutto ciò che è fisico. Vi garantisco che una volta raggiunta di nuovo l'intimità emotiva, intellettuale e mentale, la attrazione fisica arriverà.

Begin with exploring this person’s mind. Who are they? Did you miss all the changes their personality experienced?

Chiedete loro qualcosa di profondo, domande stimolanti. Fate in modo che questo sia un vostro rituale: un momento della settimana in cui parlate davvero delle vostre paure, debolezze ed emozioni.

Whenever you have a chance to, kiss or hug your SO. This innocent touch doesn’t have to lead to anything bigger – it’s just your body telling your loved one: “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Lavorate su voi stessi, da soli, per voi stessi.

While you’re doing your best to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you seem to forget about something crucial: the most important relationship of your life.

No, I’m not talking about this romance here. For a change, I’m talking about the relationship you have with yourself.

Look, I’m here to help you make up with your partner – not to provoke an opposite result.

Ma chi può garantirvi che questa persona rimarrà per sempre al vostro fianco, anche se ora date una seconda possibilità alla vostra storia d'amore?

L'ultima cosa che voglio è essere pessimista. Tuttavia, questa è la realtà.

The truth is that everyone can disappear from your life one way or another. But, what is even better is that you can make it without anyone – you just don’t see it now.

Nevertheless, the only person you can’t survive without is YOU. That is exactly why you have to put the focus on yourself.

Whatever you do, please don’t become overly obsessed with this romance and its future. Don’t do it to the point where you lose yourself.

Amore e rispetto di sé

Being in a relationship means playing for the team – nobody argues against that. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t pay any attention to your own needs just because you’re a part of a couple.

Let’s get one thing straight: you can never be a good boyfriend or girlfriend unless you’re okay by yourself. I’m not saying to go break-up and rimanere single per sempre.

Instead, I’m advising you to make yourself happy before trying to improve your relationship.

Don’t worry: there is nothing selfish about this. In fact, if both you and your SO do the same, you’ll have two people with high levels of self-esteem working towards a joint goal. What could be better than that?

Ricordate una cosa: nessuno vi rispetterà finché non lo farete voi stessi.

Dovete imparare a mettervi al primo posto, a prendervi cura delle vostre esigenze e ad apprezzare tutte le vostre qualità se volete che il vostro partner vi tratti di conseguenza.

Lo stesso vale per l'amore per se stessi. Come potete aspettarvi che qualcuno vi ami se vi considerate poco amabili?

You’re the one setting an example that the other person will follow, so it better be a good one.

Forgiveness doesn’t change the past – it enlarges the future.

It’s one thing if your relationship is falling apart because you two fell into a rut or because you had some minor issues you couldn’t resolve on time.

Tuttavia, se ci sono cose come l'infedeltà o se è coinvolto qualche tipo di abuso, allora le cose diventano un po' più difficili.

Whether you’re aware of that or not, the truth is that everything that went on left deeply rooted traumas on your mental health, self-esteem, and emotional state.

Sometimes, you think that you’ve moved on from your past, and then suddenly, it appears on your doorstep.

All'improvviso, l'intero bagaglio emotivo della vostra relazione viene a galla e prima che ve ne rendiate conto, voi e il vostro partner state litigando per le cose che eravate sicuri di aver superato secoli fa.

Well, guess what: you didn’t. Instead, you’ve just tried to sweep everything under the carpet, expecting it to go away.

The problem is that you didn’t forgive each other for wrongdoings in the past. Well, according to all relationship advice you’ll ever get – forgiveness is the key.

It’s pretty simple: you can’t give your relationship a second chance if the weight of the past keeps dragging it down. You can’t plan a future with someone you have unresolved accounts with.

Trust me: forgiveness liberates you. As hard as it might be, it’s the only way to fix your relationship.

On the other hand, nobody can blame you if you can’t forgive. Sometimes, you really want to do it, but your broken heart isn’t ready for that step.

In questo caso, non ha senso tentare nulla finché non ci si libera del risentimento e del rancore. Non ha senso costruire un futuro sulle rovine del passato.

Perdonare o dimenticare

D'altra parte, tutti vi diranno di perdonare sempre, ma di non dimenticare mai. Qual è la differenza?

Well, if you forgive each other for your wrongdoings, you’ll never mention it again. The worst thing you can do is bring all of your old relationship problems up every time you encounter a new one.

Nevertheless, not forgetting means that you still see things as how they went on. You’re aware that poor choices were made, but you chose your relationship over each one of them.

You know that all the times you hurt each other can’t be erased. But, everything that went on can serve both of you as a lesson not to repeat your mistakes ever again.

It’s better to bend a little than to break apart.

Ognuno di noi ha una serie di standard e di punti di rottura. Ci sono cose che si rifiutano di mettere in discussione, per non parlare di cambiare atteggiamento.

Ma se volete far parte di una coppia, dovete capire che non tutto può andare a modo vostro. Al contrario, voi e il vostro partner dovete trovare un modo per trovare un compromesso.

Non c'è altro modo che trovare una via di mezzo su tutto. Dovete rinunciare ad alcune delle vostre richieste per rendere felice il vostro partner, e lui deve fare lo stesso per voi.

You’ll accomplish nothing with your pride and spite. Remember: you and your partner have a common goal.

You two are not enemies, and it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. The only thing that matters is reaching the end of this journey holding hands.

Le piccole cose

​You know what they say: “Practice makes perfect”. Well, being able to compromise is also a skill, and you have to improve it if you want to go back to your loving relationship.

For starters, try compromising about some little things, such as meeting halfway about what you’ll have for dinner and what song you’ll listen to in a given moment.

Prima che ve ne rendiate conto, questo tipo di comportamento diventerà un modello per voi.

You’ll get used to acting this way in all life aspects. Just like that, it will be much easier to agree on much bigger things.

Stabilite obiettivi abbastanza alti da ispirarvi e abbastanza bassi da incoraggiarvi.

Finally, it’s crucial to set healthy relationship goals. They have to be obtainable and real, so don’t expect a fairytale.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you are allowed to be an underachiever. For God’s sake, have some faith in yourself and in your love.

Dopo aver completato tutti i passaggi, pensate alle cose concrete che volete realizzare. Come sarebbe la vostra relazione ideale?

And, what about your partner’s dreams?

Dov'è la via di mezzo? Potete incontrarvi a metà strada per quanto riguarda questi obiettivi?

Inoltre: potete trovarvi a metà strada tra gli obiettivi che vi ispirano e quelli che vi incoraggiano?

Mettere le cose su un foglio di carta

Il modo migliore per fissare i propri obiettivi è quello di scriverli su un foglio di carta e darsi una sorta di scadenza.

Questo è il momento di dimenticare la spontaneità e il romanticismo. Siate precisi sulle cose che desiderate realizzare e realistici sui tempi.

Also, don’t forget to write down each one’s responsibilities. Take a sheet and fill it with things you both need to change about your behavior.

Ma soprattutto: mantenete le vostre promesse!

How To Fix A Long Distance Relationship That’s Falling Apart?

When you’re in a long-distance romance, all of your relationship problems seem more serious. You don’t have to actually fall apart – sometimes, growing apart is much worse.

Ma, nonostante tutti i problemi che questo tipo di relazione comporta, se l'amore è reale, è possibile far funzionare le cose.

Se sentite che la vostra storia d'amore a distanza ha bisogno di essere salvata, ecco cosa fare.

Un obiettivo senza un piano è solo un desiderio.

Tutte le coppie a distanza hanno un obiettivo finale: non essere per sempre a distanza. Ma è solo un sogno? Oppure avete un vero e proprio piano?

Ovviamente, questo include la possibilità di andare a vivere insieme. Come si aspetta che ciò avvenga?

Where will you settle? Will it be a neutral territory where you’ll both start from scratch together? Or, will one move to the other person’s city?

Purtroppo, questa è una situazione in cui bisogna essere più pratici che romantici. Dovete pensare al lavoro, alle finanze e alla casa.

Ma soprattutto: siete pronti per questo passo? Siete disposti a lasciarvi alle spalle tutta la vostra vita e ad andare in un posto dove non avete nessuno oltre al vostro compagno?

Of course, you won’t go into details if your long-distance relationship is at its beginnings. Nevertheless, even then, you should have a vision of how you’d like things to turn out.

L'ultima cosa che volete è perdere anni di tempo sperando che qualcuno bussi alla vostra porta e vi dia la risposta a tutti i vostri dilemmi.

Instead, make an action plan. As far as I’m concerned, it can even be a five-year plan, but it has to be detailed and you should stick to it as much as possible.

Cercate sempre di adattarvi alla situazione.

A differenza di altre coppie, voi e il vostro partner siete molto influenzati dalle circostanze che possono rendere il vostro rapporto di coppia un'esperienza di vita. l'amore muore.

Quanto siete lontani l'uno dall'altro? Il vostro SO è a una distanza di macchina da voi? Potete andare a trovarvi nei fine settimana?

Or, are we talking about plane rides and planned vacations here? These are all different situations you’ll sadly have to deal with.

Avete una scelta: potete piangere sulla vostra misera sorte o fare del vostro meglio per adattarvi alla situazione e trarne il meglio.

If the love is strong and if this is the real deal, then there is no dilemma about what you’ll choose.

Per esempio, si può essere all'antica e inviare al proprio SO un lettera d'amore a distanza oppure potete inviare loro un piccolo regalo senza alcuna occasione speciale.

Invece di fare gli auguri di compleanno attraverso i social media, inviate loro un messaggio di auguri. lettera di buon compleanno con un regalo al loro indirizzo di casa.

Ribaltate le carte in tavola a vostro favore!

Trovare un ritmo sostenibile.

Alcune coppie a distanza si lamentano di non essere abbastanza in contatto con il proprio partner. D'altro canto, alcune si sentono obbligate a parlare con loro e a mandargli messaggi in continuazione.

Nessuna delle due è buona.

In the first scenario, you’ll start feeling emotionally neglected before you know it. This is your BF or GF, not some random stranger online you hear from a few times a week.

On the other hand, spending all of your days staring at your phone is not a solution either. Just because you two are physically apart, it doesn’t mean that being a fidanzata appiccicosa o il fidanzato vi aiuterà.

La soluzione è trovare un equilibrio. Voi e il vostro partner dovete trovare un ritmo di comunicazione sostenibile.

Whether you like it or not, it’s impossible to be in touch 24/7. You can try, but that won’t work out too long.

Dopo tutto, avete una vita al di fuori della vostra relazione. Inoltre, prima o poi una persona si stancherà di questo accordo.

That’s why you should make a scheme. Of course, you’re allowed to call or text each other out of this planned timetable.

Nevertheless, it would be best to schedule dates. Don’t miss out on them and get rid of all possible distractions before Skyping or FaceTiming your BAE.

If you have to play detective, it’s time to move on.

Perché le relazioni a lungo termine finiscono? Ebbene, un altro motivo comune per cui i rapporti di coppia vanno in crisi è la mancanza di fiducia.

Your partner is miles away from you and there is absolutely no way for you to know what they’re doing when they’re not talking to you.

What a bummer, right? As far as you’re concerned, they could be living a parallel life you have no clue about.

If they don’t pick up the phone, they must be going behind your back – there is no chance in hell that they’re busy or that they have fallen asleep. And, the worst part is that there is nothing you can do about it.

You have no mutual friends, you can’t show up at their work or doorstep unannounced, and there is no freaking way to check up on them as every fidanzato dispotico o della fidanzata.

Beh, non è il caso, ma indovinate un po': non avete altra scelta se non quella di fidarvi di loro.

Don’t let anyone play you for a fool, but don’t obsess over every nonsense either. It won’t bring you anything except a massive headache.

Pensieri finali

When you’re trying to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, the number one priority is never to lose hope and to tenere la testa alta.

Come on, you’ve come this far and I’m sure you’ll make it… unless you have some doubts that this is the real deal?