For a while now, you can’t shake off this awful feeling that your romance is in a rough patch. You feel like everything is going down hill and the only thing you want is to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart.
Well, let me tell you that you’re not the only one in an unhappy relationship. In fact, most marriages and long-term relationships have gone through this type of crisis.
Some of these couples parted their ways while some managed to save their relationship. Some saw this as the end of their journey while others saw it as nothing but a bump in the road.
So, what did the latter do differently? Did they use some special magic trick that helped them get out of trouble? Well, they followed this step-by-step guide.
If you and your SO do the same, I promise that you’ll never wonder how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart ever again because yours will become stronger than ever.
How To Fix A Relationship That Is Falling Apart In 17 Simple Steps
I’m warning you: neither of these steps is easy. Changes won’t come overnight, and you have to undergo this entire process before you notice any significant progress.
Nevertheless, the good news is that the light at the end of the tunnel is closer than you think. I promise you: there is hope and you will repair your relationship if that’s what you really want.
Things won’t change for you – you have to change for them.
First and foremost, we have to be clear about one thing: things won’t fall in their place just like that without you doing anything about it.
After all, your romance didn’t break apart out of anywhere either. Whether you like to admit it or not, you and your partner have worked hard to destroy it. Well, now it’s time to reverse the process.
I’m warning you: there is no miraculous way to heal all of your wounds.
Instead, you’ll have to invest a lot of energy, time, and nerves before you get the answer to the question of how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart.
Is it worth it?
Before you do anything, ask yourself the most important question: “Is this love worth fighting for it?”
Is your relationship worth all this trouble? Or, is it better to let it go on time?
I know that this is difficult to admit, but sometimes, all of your efforts are pointless. Some things are broken beyond repair.
If this is the case with your romance, maybe it’s better to give up. Focus on healing yourself and do your best to move on.
On the other hand, if you do decide that it’s worth the fight, prepare yourself for the battle of a lifetime. But, just because it’s difficult doesn’t make it impossible.
Of course, this means that you and your significant other are both in this together.
There is no point in one person doing their best to save a relationship from breaking apart while the other one is sitting there peacefully as if nothing is wrong.
Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary feelings.
We’re all impulsive from time to time. I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend annoys you and you’re sick and tired of their behavior. So, you automatically look at everything from a bad perspective.
Anger overwhelms you and you say things you don’t mean, such as “I hate you” or “I’ll never forgive you”. You get into an argument with them, you insult each other, and you even storm out of the room.
At that given moment, you don’t see a way out. You don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and you immediately think that you’re better off without this person.
So, you make some choices you regret later on – and your SO is no different.
You both make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. Of course, later on, when you see that you overreacted, you want to make things right.
Consequently, you find yourself in a never-ending circle that doesn’t give you a chance to cool your head off before making any moves.
Look before you leap
This is why the best choice is to put everything on a scale. Wait until the entire situation calms down, sleep things off, and do your best to be as realistic as possible.
Sometimes, things don’t look as awful as they used to once you give it some time. Trust me: everything looks resolvable from a time distance.
Train your brain to ignore impulsivity. Remember: you’re the master of your own thoughts and feelings – it’s not the other way around.
If nothing else, try pressing a pause button on every action that doesn’t require your immediate attention. At least, give yourself 24 hours before acting on things.
Don’t forget that each of the decisions you make now will probably impact the rest of your life. So, make sure to choose wisely.
Identify toxic relationship behavior patterns.
Before you get the answer to the question of how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you have to ask yourself what brought you and your boyfriend or girlfriend here in the first place.
It’s not that you two woke up one morning and decided that your romance is going downhill. Yes, you might have realized this all of a sudden, but the truth is that this is a process that has been eating your relationship alive for some time now.
More so, nobody showed up at your doorstep and brought you and your significant other problems. You two are the ones who created this mess and you’re the only ones in charge of resolving it the best way you can.
Well, now is the time to identify the things that brought you here. Take some time to think and analyze your relationship to the core.
What is the matter? When was the exact moment things started going downhill? Was it like this from the very beginning? Or, did you two grow apart for a specific reason?
Once you establish this, you’re on the right track. Now, dissect your relationship from that moment on.
Do you two have some irreconcilable differences? Is there something you can’t seem to forgive each other for?
Let’s try this: write a diary. But, this is a special type of diary where you’re not the protagonist.
Instead, your partner is the main character. Every night before you go to sleep, write down the things that bothered you concerning your significant other’s behavior.
Don’t be petty, and don’t write some things off as irrelevant just because you’re afraid that you won’t be understood.
Write down every time they make you feel emotionally neglected, underappreciated, disrespected, and unloved.
Write down all of their words and actions that bother you. Of course, this goes both ways so your boyfriend and girlfriend will be writing the same behavioral diary about you.
Have in mind that these are not accusations. You’re not sentencing each other for your moves: you’re just stating the things that hurt you in a given moment.
After some time (it can be one week or an entire month – it’s up to you), reread your diary. What are the things you now find silly and what are the ones you’re still bothered about?
This is the only way to determine someone’s behavioral patterns: things you both keep on doing. And, that’s the first step towards breaking this toxic cycle.
Understand that getting stuck in a routine is lethal.
Look, nobody expects you to feel the same butterflies from the beginning of your relationship after spending years together. Instead, the initial excitement turned into something else.
It turned into respect, trust, calmness, and a sense of belonging, which is much stronger than just being in love.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you should allow your relationship to get stuck in a rut. Getting stuck in a routine is lethal for every relationship, and yours is no exception.
Every day you two spend together is pretty much the same. There is no excitement and nothing can surprise you anymore.
So, it’s natural that you get bored. This is a hard pill to swallow, but the truth is that there are times when you’re sick and tired of your partner. You can’t stand looking at them, and everything they do or say annoys the hell out of you.
Even though this is quite alarming, it’s not something that can’t be fixed.
Taking each other for granted
The first mistake you both made is taking each other for granted. I’m not saying that you should live in a constant state of fear.
Being scared of losing your loved one all the time and waiting for them to walk away any moment is everything but healthy.
Nevertheless, becoming too certain about each other is not good either. Forget the idea that your SO will be there for you no matter what you do.
Counting on each other is one thing, but being certain that you can treat your partner the way you want and that nothing in this world can possibly chase them away from you is something else.
After all, if this crisis in your relationship hasn’t shown you the dangers of taking someone for granted, I don’t know what will. It’s the final time to snap out of it and do your best to keep your relationship alive.
Spark things up
Don’t get me wrong: this is not an invitation to start making your boyfriend or girlfriend jealous. This is not the way for them to see what they can lose.
Just remember that you’re more than roommates and friends – you’re also lovers.
Heat things up in the bedroom, go on an adventure, start dating again – whatever will help you revive the spark that has been long gone.
Pride will take everything from you and leave you with nothing.
No matter how much you love the other person, you should always put yourself in first place in your life. That means that your self-dignity and self-respect have to always remain a part of you.
Dignity vs. pride
Nevertheless, please have in mind that there is a crucial difference between self-dignity and pride. Let’s get one thing straight: no relationship is worth sacrificing your dignity.
This means that you should never beg for someone’s love or attention. It means that you shouldn’t allow your SO to humiliate or abuse you in any way.
But, pride is something else, especially if it’s excessive. In fact, you know how they say: “Pride will cost you everything and it will leave you with nothing”. Remember that pride is the longest possible distance between two people.
So, please forget about it. When you’re in a relationship, it’s completely irrelevant who made the first step towards reconciliation. It doesn’t matter who made the first call or sent the first text.
Remember that you’re trying to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart. You decided to fight for this romance, didn’t you? Well, now you have to go all the way in.
Once again, this is something that both you and your SO have to be in together. It’s more than enough for one person’s ego to be bigger than their heart and everything will fail.
Don’t ever forget that you two are not fighting against each other here. You have a common goal and you have to go towards it with joint forces.
Healthy boundaries are a part of self-care.
Now that we’ve established the importance of putting yourself first, let’s talk about establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Yes, you and your loved one are an item and a team, but that doesn’t mean that either of you ceased to exist as a separate person.
What are boundaries in a relationship?
Before you set them, first of all, you have to be clear about what acceptable boundaries are in a relationship.
For instance, if you want the right to go through your partner’s phone whenever you feel like it, but they see this as an example of you disrespecting their personal boundaries, then you two have a problem.
There you are, certain that they’re hiding something from you. On the other hand, they see this as an invasion of their privacy and something they refuse to allow you to do.
The examples are numerous, but I bet you see where I’m going.
One of the biggest problems between couples is not setting these boundaries on time. You’re bothered by something your partner does, but you refuse to tackle the issue on time.
This is exactly why you have to rethink your deal breakers. Be honest with yourself and with your SO and tell them straightforwardly what the things you won’t tolerate are.
Are we talking about your personal beliefs you don’t want them meddling into?
About the time you spend with your friends? About the amount of control you have over each other’s lives?
The choice is yours. Either way, what’s crucial is to be clear about these boundaries, including the reasons why they’re important to you, and finally, to respect them.
Honesty is the highest form of intimacy.
According to many relationship coaches and therapists, most types of couples constantly lie to each other.
I’m not talking about huge things like living parallel lives or pretending to be something you’re not for years just to impress the other person.
I’m talking about small, white lies that most of us find acceptable. Of course, there are some double standards here.
Let’s face it: you see nothing wrong with telling your SO that you’re at your friends’ house while you two actually went out clubbing.
After all, it’s not like you’ll do anything wrong.
You won’t fool around behind their back – it’s just easier this way.
You don’t have to explain yourself or go into details of your whereabouts. They won’t get all jealous and you’ll have a great night with your friend.
What harm can it cause? But, let’s turn the tables a little bit.
Would you be okay with them telling you this “little” lie? Would you understand it or would it make you furious? I’m sure we all know the answer.
Therefore, if you’re wondering how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, the answer is: “Start with being completely honest.”
No, this doesn’t mean that you should tell your SO that they look horrible in that new shirt they bought. Remember: honesty doesn’t give you the right to insult someone.
Instead, it serves as a base for a healthy relationship. It increases the trust between you two and it reduces the arguments.
After all, what’s the point of lying? Everything swims to the surface sooner or later, so trust me: it never pays off.
Being open about your emotions
Nevertheless, in your scenario, the most important thing you simply must be honest about is your feelings.
If you start rebuilding your relationship based on deceptions – I assure you that there won’t be a happy ending here.
Trust me: expressing your emotions doesn’t make you weak. Instead, it means that you’re strong enough to face all of them, including the ones you don’t like.
On the other hand, repressed emotions can be a huge problem.
Therefore, if you’re upset about something, don’t try to hide it by saying that everything is in perfect order. If you’re sad or angry, be clear about it since it’s the only way to solve your issues.
If your SO did something to break your heart, don’t pretend to be all tough and act like it wasn’t a big deal.
Communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity.
Basically, honesty is a part of something much bigger: mature relationship communication.
You can’t expect to have a loving relationship that won’t fall apart again in a while unless you start working on your communication first.
But, please don’t forget that communication always has to go both ways. This means that you can’t expect a situation where you do all the talking. Instead, you have to be a good listener as well.
The bottom line is that your primary goal should be expressing your needs, desires, and feelings to the other person, and vice versa. Trust me: this is the only way for you both to get what you want from this relationship.
Let’s make one thing clear: your SO is not a mind reader. I don’t care how long you two have been together or how well you expect them to know you.
They can’t understand what you want unless you straightforwardly tell them. I know that it would be very romantic for them to meet your needs at the exact moment you wish for them, but this rarely happens.
I assure you that it’s not pathetic to ask for something. I’m not telling you to beg for attention and love here.
Nevertheless, if you feel emotionally neglected, you have to verbalize it. I bet your partner has no clue about it.
For example, you want your SO to spend more quality time with you. In this case, you have two options.
One is to give them the silent treatment. There you are, offended that they don’t miss you and don’t give you more of their time.
At first, you ignore your relationship problem. But, later on, when it starts to bother you more and more, you decide to give them a taste of their own medicine.
The next time he or she asks you out, you’ll tell them that you’re busy. You’ll start treating them the same way you’re being treated.
That will definitely teach them a lesson. After all, what could make them appreciate your presence more than sensing your absence?
I won’t lie to you: there are situations where this works. But, it’s only efficient with immature people, and even when you get what you want – this kind of dynamic isn’t sustainable.
What can possibly go wrong here, you must wonder? Well, you both get trapped in an endless circle of spite and mind games.
On the other hand, I have this wild idea. Instead of going all passive-aggressive, engaging in childish games, or giving them the silent treatment, why don’t you simply tell your partner what’s bothering you?
Crazy, huh? I bet you tried everything except this.
Keep the romance alive.
When you’re wondering how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you forget one crucial thing: we’re talking about a romantic relationship here.
You’re not looking for advice on how to make things right with your sibling, parent, or best friend – you want to keep your lover next to you.
Well, if you’re one of those couples that laugh at romance, then you have a long way to go. After all, you two have been together for ages and are in a long-term relationship.
What’s the point of getting your girlfriend flowers out of nowhere?
Wouldn’t it be stupid to make your boyfriend heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast? Isn’t it childish to tell your SO a romantic love bedtime story?
Well, as long as you think this way, it means that the romance is long gone from your relationship. And, it’s about time to change that.
It’s about time to remind each other of your beginnings. Awaken those butterflies in your bellies; I promise you that they’re not dead – they’re just hibernating.
Start with little things, such as breakfast in bed, a bubble bath, or small gifts without any special occasion.
Being spontaneously romantic
In order to make some drastic changes, first, you’ll have to agree on them with your partner. Nevertheless, it’s one thing to decide that you’ll be more romantic and planning it in detail is something else.
Whatever you do, don’t forget to be spontaneous because that’s what romance is all about. There is no point in scheduling romantic surprises, is it?
Spend meaningful time with each other.
According to relationship coaches, many married couples with children face the same relationship problem: they don’t spend any time together. At least, not quality time.
This doesn’t only happen if you have kids. In fact, it’s a common cause of trouble in heaven with almost all couples who live together.
How is this possible, you probably ask yourself? When you think about it, you and your SO are together all the time.
Let me stop you right there for a moment. Do you count playing with the kids, talking about the mortgage, grocery shopping, or watching TV before bedtime as time well spent together?
I thought so. The focus here is not on just being next to each other – it’s about MEANINGFUL time together. The focus is on spending this time ALONE, without any distractions.
And, that is exactly what you lack. I know that most of the days, you come home so tired that you can’t wait to sack out.
The last thing on your mind is a glass of wine with your SO. After all, there are still so many errands left unfinished.
Nevertheless, if you want to save your relationship, you’ll have to find time and energy for each other.
Don’t worry: you’re not a bad parent if you find a babysitter or ask your parents to watch the kids while you go out with your SO.
Whatever you have to do instead of being with your partner can wait. But, your relationship can’t.
That’s exactly why I’m advising you to start dating again. I don’t care if you live together or have been in a relationship for years – go on actual dates.
You know, like in the good old days when you didn’t have to worry about diapers or unpaid bills.
Look up some creative date ideas and turn every moment you spend together into a memorable experience.
Reflect on the good times together.
When you’re in a situation where you wonder how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, it’s more than clear that you and your partner are in a rough patch. Nevertheless, things haven’t always been like this, have they?
Once upon a time, you two were the happiest people in the world. You shared unconditional love and nobody could stand between you.
Just because that has changed doesn’t mean that it never happened. Those feelings are still there – hidden deep inside both of you.
So, what should be done about it? Well, you should reminisce about all the joyful times you spent together.
Instead of focusing on your arguments and disagreements that have colored your relationship lately, do your best to remember the good old days.
Try reawakening the people you once were. If it’s necessary, go through your old photos. Find your old social media posts, sweet texts, and phone call logs, and remember how you felt back then.
What brought you two together? Is that energy still alive and present?
Most importantly: is everything that happened afterward worthy enough to destroy all of your past.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that you should stay together just because you have a history together.
Nevertheless, this has the purpose of rekindling your romance before it fades away for good.
Accept responsibility for your actions.
What most people don’t know is that when relationships fall apart, it’s always a joint responsibility.
Remember how we talked about togetherness? How you both have to put effort into making things work?
Well, I hate to break your bubble, but the truth is that you both destroyed your relationship’s well-being as well. I know it would be the easiest to put all the blame on the other partner, but this is not the way to make your relationship work.
Whether you like to admit it or not, you carry a part of the responsibility for things going down hill. If you don’t see your mistakes, maybe it’s time to look at the situation from your partner’s perspective, and that will make things clearer.
It won’t be enough to admit responsibility to yourself only. Instead, you have to accept everything bad you did and your SO has to see that you really repent.
Until you do this, they’ll always feel like their feelings are not acknowledged. Until they see that you really are aware of all the pain you’ve caused, they’ll suspect your honesty.
Your SO will think that you’re just telling them what they want to hear and they won’t take you seriously.
I know that looking yourself in the mirror and taking part of the blame is everything but easy. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you’re the bad guy in the story.
At the end of the day, nobody is. You two are just human beings made out of flesh and blood; human beings who make mistakes just like everyone.
Nobody is perfect
Here is a piece of a second-chance relationship advice that will serve you well: don’t expect perfection. Things will get better soon, but neither you nor your partner will ever become flawless nor will your relationship ever be spotless.
This doesn’t mean that you should settle for less. It just means to accept both of your shortcomings and learn to deal with them on time.
Intimacy is healing.
Sadly, many married couples and people in long-term relationships lose the intimacy that connected them. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not referring to bedroom activities here only.
Naturally, this is an important aspect of every relationship and whoever tries to tell you otherwise is lying. But, what if you get along great under the sheets, but can’t seem to find the middle ground in real life? Yes, that happens as well.
What you probably don’t know is that intimacy is much more than sleeping together. In fact, it’s the feeling of being one with your SO. It’s a feeling of being emotionally and physically close to your partner.
Intimacy is built and it can also be torn apart easily. This is exactly what happened to you two: you and your partner lost touch and you’re not as connected as you once were.
How many times have you looked at them and felt as if you were talking to a stranger? How many times have you felt like you two don’t belong to each other anymore?
In that case, this is the final chance to work on your intimacy.
How can you achieve it?
For starters, forget about anything physical. I guarantee you that once you re-achieve emotional, intellectual, and mental intimacy, the physical attraction will come along.
Begin with exploring this person’s mind. Who are they? Did you miss all the changes their personality experienced?
Ask them some deep, stimulating questions. Make this a ritual of yours: a time in the week where you really talk about your fears, weaknesses, and emotions.
Whenever you have a chance to, kiss or hug your SO. This innocent touch doesn’t have to lead to anything bigger – it’s just your body telling your loved one: “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
Work on yourself, by yourself, for yourself.
While you’re doing your best to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, you seem to forget about something crucial: the most important relationship of your life.
No, I’m not talking about this romance here. For a change, I’m talking about the relationship you have with yourself.
Look, I’m here to help you make up with your partner – not to provoke an opposite result.
But, who can guarantee you that this person will stick by your side forever, even if you give your romance a second chance now?
The last thing I want is to be pessimistic. Nevertheless, this is reality.
The truth is that everyone can disappear from your life one way or another. But, what is even better is that you can make it without anyone – you just don’t see it now.
Nevertheless, the only person you can’t survive without is YOU. That is exactly why you have to put the focus on yourself.
Whatever you do, please don’t become overly obsessed with this romance and its future. Don’t do it to the point where you lose yourself.
Self-love and self-respect
Being in a relationship means playing for the team – nobody argues against that. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t pay any attention to your own needs just because you’re a part of a couple.
Let’s get one thing straight: you can never be a good boyfriend or girlfriend unless you’re okay by yourself. I’m not saying to go break-up and stay single forever.
Instead, I’m advising you to make yourself happy before trying to improve your relationship.
Don’t worry: there is nothing selfish about this. In fact, if both you and your SO do the same, you’ll have two people with high levels of self-esteem working towards a joint goal. What could be better than that?
Remember one thing: nobody will respect you until you do it yourself.
You have to learn how to put yourself in first place, how to take care of your own needs, and how to appreciate all of your qualities if you want your partner to treat you accordingly.
The same goes for self-love. How can you expect someone to love you if you think of yourself as unlovable?
You’re the one setting an example that the other person will follow, so it better be a good one.
Forgiveness doesn’t change the past – it enlarges the future.
It’s one thing if your relationship is falling apart because you two fell into a rut or because you had some minor issues you couldn’t resolve on time.
Nevertheless, if there are things such as infidelity or if any kind of abuse is involved, then things become a little trickier.
Whether you’re aware of that or not, the truth is that everything that went on left deeply rooted traumas on your mental health, self-esteem, and emotional state.
Sometimes, you think that you’ve moved on from your past, and then suddenly, it appears on your doorstep.
All of a sudden, the whole emotional baggage of your entire relationship swims up to the surface, and before you know it, you and your partner are fighting about the things you were sure you overcame ages ago.
Well, guess what: you didn’t. Instead, you’ve just tried to sweep everything under the carpet, expecting it to go away.
The problem is that you didn’t forgive each other for wrongdoings in the past. Well, according to all relationship advice you’ll ever get – forgiveness is the key.
It’s pretty simple: you can’t give your relationship a second chance if the weight of the past keeps dragging it down. You can’t plan a future with someone you have unresolved accounts with.
Trust me: forgiveness liberates you. As hard as it might be, it’s the only way to fix your relationship.
On the other hand, nobody can blame you if you can’t forgive. Sometimes, you really want to do it, but your broken heart isn’t ready for that step.
In that case, there is no point in trying anything until you get rid of resentment and grudges. There is no point in building a future on the ruins of the past.
Forgive vs. forget
On the other hand, everyone will tell you to always forgive, but never to forget. What is the difference?
Well, if you forgive each other for your wrongdoings, you’ll never mention it again. The worst thing you can do is bring all of your old relationship problems up every time you encounter a new one.
Nevertheless, not forgetting means that you still see things as how they went on. You’re aware that poor choices were made, but you chose your relationship over each one of them.
You know that all the times you hurt each other can’t be erased. But, everything that went on can serve both of you as a lesson not to repeat your mistakes ever again.
It’s better to bend a little than to break apart.
We all have a set of standards and deal breakers. There are some things you refuse to put under discussion, let alone change your attitude about.
But, if you want to be a part of a couple, what you must understand is that not everything can go your way. Instead, you and your SO have to find a way to compromise.
There is no other way but to find the middle ground about everything. You have to give up some of your demands to make your partner happy, and they have to do the same for you.
You’ll accomplish nothing with your pride and spite. Remember: you and your partner have a common goal.
You two are not enemies, and it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. The only thing that matters is reaching the end of this journey holding hands.
The little things
You know what they say: “Practice makes perfect”. Well, being able to compromise is also a skill, and you have to improve it if you want to go back to your loving relationship.
For starters, try compromising about some little things, such as meeting halfway about what you’ll have for dinner and what song you’ll listen to in a given moment.
Before you know it, this kind of behavior will become a pattern for you.
You’ll get used to acting this way in all life aspects. Just like that, it will be much easier to agree on much bigger things.
Set your goals high enough to inspire you and low enough to encourage you.
Finally, it’s crucial to set healthy relationship goals. They have to be obtainable and real, so don’t expect a fairytale.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you are allowed to be an underachiever. For God’s sake, have some faith in yourself and in your love.
After finishing all the steps, think about the concrete things you want to accomplish. What would your ideal relationship look like?
And, what about your partner’s dreams?
Where is the middle ground? Can you two meet halfway regarding these goals?
Moreover: can you meet halfway between the goals that will inspire you and the ones that will encourage you?
Putting things on a piece of paper
The best way to set your goals is to put them all on a piece of paper, and give yourself sort of a deadline.
This is the time to forget about spontaneousness and romance. Be exact about the things you wish to achieve and be realistic about the timeframe.
Also, don’t forget to write down each one’s responsibilities. Take a sheet and fill it with things you both need to change about your behavior.
Most importantly: stick to your promises!
How To Fix A Long Distance Relationship That’s Falling Apart?
When you’re in a long-distance romance, all of your relationship problems seem more serious. You don’t have to actually fall apart – sometimes, growing apart is much worse.
But, despite all the troubles that come in a package with this kind of relationship, if the love is real, you can make things work.
If you feel like your long-distance romance needs some saving, here is what to do about it.
A goal without a plan is just a wish.
All long-distance couples have an ultimate goal: not to be long-distance forever. But, is it just something you dream about? Or, do you have a real plan?
Obviously, this includes eventually moving in together. How do you expect that to happen?
Where will you settle? Will it be a neutral territory where you’ll both start from scratch together? Or, will one move to the other person’s city?
Sadly, this is a situation where you have to be more practical than romantic. You have to think about jobs, finances, and housing.
Most importantly: are you ready for this step? Are you willing to leave your entire life behind and go somewhere where you have no one besides your SO?
Of course, you won’t go into details if your long-distance relationship is at its beginnings. Nevertheless, even then, you should have a vision of how you’d like things to turn out.
The last thing you want is to waste years of time hoping that someone will knock on your door and give you the answer to all of your dilemmas.
Instead, make an action plan. As far as I’m concerned, it can even be a five-year plan, but it has to be detailed and you should stick to it as much as possible.
Always try to adjust to the situation.
Unlike other couples, you and your partner are greatly influenced by the circumstances that eventually can make your love die.
How far are you from each other? Is your SO a car ride away from you? Can you visit one another on the weekends?
Or, are we talking about plane rides and planned vacations here? These are all different situations you’ll sadly have to deal with.
You have a choice: you can either cry over your miserable fortune or you can do your best to adjust to the situation and make the best out of it.
If the love is strong and if this is the real deal, then there is no dilemma about what you’ll choose.
For example, you can be old fashioned and send your SO a long-distance love letter or you can send them a little gift without any special occasion.
Instead of congratulating their birthday through social media, send them a happy birthday letter with a gift at their home address.
Turn the tables in your favor!
Find a sustainable pace.
Some long-distance couples complain about not being in touch with their SO enough. On the other hand, some feel pressured to talk to them and text them all the time.
Neither is good.
In the first scenario, you’ll start feeling emotionally neglected before you know it. This is your BF or GF, not some random stranger online you hear from a few times a week.
On the other hand, spending all of your days staring at your phone is not a solution either. Just because you two are physically apart, it doesn’t mean that being a clingy girlfriend or boyfriend will help.
The solution is to find a balance. You and your SO have to find a sustainable pace of your communication.
Whether you like it or not, it’s impossible to be in touch 24/7. You can try, but that won’t work out too long.
After all, you have lives outside of your relationship. Besides, one person will get tired of this arrangement sooner or later.
That’s why you should make a scheme. Of course, you’re allowed to call or text each other out of this planned timetable.
Nevertheless, it would be best to schedule dates. Don’t miss out on them and get rid of all possible distractions before Skyping or FaceTiming your BAE.
If you have to play detective, it’s time to move on.
Why do long-term relationships end? Well, another common reason why LTRs fall apart is a lack of trust.
Your partner is miles away from you and there is absolutely no way for you to know what they’re doing when they’re not talking to you.
What a bummer, right? As far as you’re concerned, they could be living a parallel life you have no clue about.
If they don’t pick up the phone, they must be going behind your back – there is no chance in hell that they’re busy or that they have fallen asleep. And, the worst part is that there is nothing you can do about it.
You have no mutual friends, you can’t show up at their work or doorstep unannounced, and there is no freaking way to check up on them as every controlling boyfriend or girlfriend would do.
Well, tough luck, but guess what: you have no other option but to trust them.
Don’t let anyone play you for a fool, but don’t obsess over every nonsense either. It won’t bring you anything except a massive headache.
When you’re trying to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, the number one priority is never to lose hope and to keep your head up.
Come on, you’ve come this far and I’m sure you’ll make it… unless you have some doubts that this is the real deal?