É por isso que o seu ex é quente e frio (e o que fazer sobre isso)

A vossa relação terminou há algum tempo. No entanto, mesmo depois de todo este tempo, a sua ex continua quente e fria. 

Há alturas em que eles agem como se o amassem e quisessem voltar para si.

Periods when they keep on texting you, when they’re jealous of your new life, and when they tell you how much they miss you.

Depois, no dia seguinte, o seu comportamento muda. De repente, deixam de responder às suas chamadas telefónicas e mensagens de texto e começam a ignorar-te. 

If this is something you can relate to, your ex is definitely playing a hot and cold game. They’re playing mind games and consequently, you have no clue about where you stand. 

Não paramos de nos perguntar o que é que eles sentem por nós. Quais são as suas intenções? O seu ex sente o mesmo tipo de dúvidas que você?

Well, you’ve come to the right place because you’re about to get all the answers you need. Here is everything you need to know about what to do when an ex is hot and cold and why they behave like this.

9 Reasons For Your Ex’s Comportamento quente e frio

Separação não processada

The first reason for this type of hot and cold behavior is the fact that your ex still hasn’t processou a separação de uma forma saudável. Isto pode acontecer mesmo que a pessoa o tenha deixado. 

You see, many people think that the person walking away always knows what they’re doing – that they’re 100% certain about their decision and that they have no doubts about ending the relationship.

Theoretically, this makes sense. After all, they’re the ones who chose to call it a quits so it doesn’t seem logical for them to have second thoughts. 

However, in practice, things don’t always go as smoothly as you might expect. Maybe they broke up with you impulsively or maybe they’re regretting their decision. 

Either way, the point is that your ex is still not fully aware of the fact that you’re no longer together. 

Há dias em que ainda o consideram como seu parceiro e em que agem como se fosse ainda apaixonado.

On the other hand, there are days when their boundaries are clear. Days when they’re sure about your break up and when they treat you like their ex, which you actually are.

If this is the case, there is no doubt about one thing: this person hasn’t accepted that it’s over. They’re doing their best to process some post-breakup emotions, which can change by the hour. 

Há momentos em que they’re angry with you por alguns erros que cometeram enquanto estavam juntos, ou mesmo zangados consigo próprios por não terem sabido fazer melhor e por terem permitido que a vossa relação fosse por água abaixo.

Moments when they’re disappointed and can’t accept the fact that your romance didn’t succeed. Moments when se sentem vítimas e momentos em que se sentem culpados por nos terem deixado.

Por outro lado, também há momentos em que o seu ex sente todo o amor que sentia por si no passado. Momentos em que todos os problemas que tiveram parecem resolúveis e disparatados. 

Each one of these dilemmas going on in their head reflects their behavior toward you. They’re going through a rollercoaster of emotions right now and they’re behaving accordingly. 

A luta pessoal é real

I’m sure you’ve been in a situation before where your heart was telling you one thing while your mind advised you otherwise.

Numa situação em que, no fundo, sabia qual era a coisa certa a fazer, mas as suas emoções queriam seguir o seu próprio caminho. 

Well, there is a real possibility that this is exactly what’s going on with your ex right now. 

They are not only struggling with you – they’re also struggling with themselves, which is much more difficult. 

O seu ex está num estado constante de dilema. Ele sabe que ainda tem sentimentos fortes por si, mas, por outro lado, acredita firmemente que voltar para si seria uma ideia horrível. 

They’re aware that you are não compatível with each other, that you probably wouldn’t last much longer if you were to reconcile, and that you can never find the middle ground.

Por outro lado, cada vez que o vêem ou apenas ouvem falar de si, a força das suas emoções domina-os.

Por isso, perguntam-se o que seria melhor. Será melhor afastar-me de ti and find someone they’ll get along with better and to let go of this enormous love you both feel?

Se fizerem isto, será que alguma vez o vão esquecer completamente? Será que alguma vez voltará a apaixonar-se por alguém tão profundamente?

On the other hand, are their feelings worthy of doing the wrong thing? Are they ready to spend the rest of their life next to someone they’ll never get along with?

These questions are the reason why your ex is hot and cold. There are times when their mind wins over –  they ignore you and act like they couldn’t care less about you.

That’s when they act heartless and when they manage to pretend that they’re completely indifferent. 

On the other hand, there are times when their heart gets its way. Times when they can’t control themselves and when their emotions take over.

That’s when the “hot” phase begins. This is when they act like they love you, when they’re texting you, trying to reach out to you and want to talk things through. 

You are taking a test and you don’t even know it

Is it possible that your ex walked away from your relationship because they felt like you weren’t giving them enough attention? Because they felt like your second choice and last resort?

Well, if that is the case, it’s very likely that they’re acting hot and cold because they want to testá-lo. Eles vêem esta separação como uma oportunidade para aprenderes a lição.

They don’t want to actually continue living without you. Instead, they want to use this situation to make you grow fonder to them.

A questão é que o seu ex está a usar psicologia inversa. Ele parte do princípio de que a única forma de começar a apreciar a sua presença é sentir a sua ausência.

They think that once you realize they’ve abandoned you, you’ll understand what you’re losing. Only then will you be aware that you want them by your side, and only then will you figure out their worth. 

O comportamento frio e quente deles não é mais do que um teste que tem de passar para voltar a estar com eles.

Está finalmente pronto para lutar por eles? Serás tu a dar o passo para a tua reconciliação?

Ou vai simplesmente deixá-los ir, sem mexer um dedo? Vai sentar-se pacificamente e vê-los deixarem-no para sempre?

The choice is all yours. Trust me – they won’t change their behavior until you show some initiative and action.

Basically, what your ex wants is for you to try a little bit harder. They want to see that you’re ready to put some effort into winning them back. 

Your ex wants you to fight for them. They want to see that you want them back and that you’re ready to do whatever it takes to be a part of their life once more. 

Por outras palavras, a pessoa quer mesmo voltar para si. No entanto, recusa-se a fazê-lo sem dar luta. 

They don’t want you to think that you can have them whenever and however you like. Instead, they want to be appreciated and fought for. 

It’s not that your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend wants to see you begging them. They just want you to put in at least the minimum amount of effort into winning them back. 

Isto é especialmente verdade se foram eles que o deixaram. Seria admitir o seu erro se ele voltasse para si sem mais nem menos, sem que você mexesse um dedo. 

Ameaça-os

A próxima razão pela qual o seu ex é quente e frio pode ser o facto de se sentir ameaçado pela sua presença.

Como vêem, o vosso ex-namorado or girlfriend is afraid that you’ll find a way to fool them back in your life and give your relationship another go.

Por isso, colocam um escudo à volta do seu coração. Constroem muros espessos à sua volta, que servem para te manter fora.

Therefore, every time you come near them, they feel threatened. They’re terrified that you’ll manage to break their shield and that you’ll find a way back into their heart in no time. 

They’re not running away from you here – they’re running away from themselves and from the emotions they still have for you. 

Continuar a ser amigo é uma opção

Is it possible that you’re misinterpreting your ex’s behavior? That you’re seeing something that isn’t there?

Is it possible that you’re making a big deal of your ex just calling you or liking your social media posts? 

Detesto ser eu a rebentar a sua bolha, mas pode ser que o seu ex esteja apenas a tentar ser amigável.

Talvez estejam a ser educados e simpáticos consigo, não porque queiram voltar a estar juntos, mas porque querem continuam a ser os melhores amigos. 

À primeira vista, isto pode parecer completamente impossível. Afinal de contas, estiveram numa relação séria e não há qualquer hipótese de serem os dois melhores amigos depois de tudo o que passaram. 

However, this is just your point of view. You still have deep emotions for this person so it is expected that you’ll feel like this.

Por outro lado, para eles, faz todo o sentido. Continuam a sentir algo por ti, mas não o mesmo tipo de sentimentos que tu.

They don’t love you romantically any more but that doesn’t make them completely indifferent. 

After all, you’re the human being they spent so much time with, so it is natural that they can’t forget about you overnight. They remember all the good memories and everything you shared together. 

They especially don’t want to see you as their arch enemy. They don’t hate you –they want the best for you. 

In fact, your cold ex still wants to be a part of your life. They want to at least know how you’re doing and if there is anything they can do to help you.

However, you misinterpret their acts of kindness and see them as mixed signals or as signs that they’re still in love with you. Every time they reach out to you, you see it as a chance for getting back together.  

Nevertheless, this is not their intention. For you, it’s enough to see their name on your screen phone to think that they’re trying to win you back, while they’re just trying to be nice and kind. 

Problemas de confiança profundamente enraizados

Maybe your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend has the desire to be back in your life but they simply don’t trust you enough yet to make that happen.

Por favor, seja realista e pense nas coisas que fez de errado na sua relação. Pense nos seus erros e nos seus erros. 

Como vêem, o vosso a ex ainda tem sentimentos profundos por si. No entanto, fez algo que violou a sua confiança.

Whether you’re aware of doing so or not, the fact is that you caused some trauma for them.

You made them expect the worst from you so now they’re scared of letting you back in their life and giving you another chance. 

So, now it seems that your ex is hot and cold. However, this is nothing but them attempting to see whether you’re trustworthy or not.

They can’t give you a segunda oportunidade sem ter a certeza sobre si.

They can’t give you a second chance until they’re one hundred percent sure that you won’t repeat your mistakes and that you won’t hurt them again. 

Therefore, they see this period as a kind of test. They don’t want you out of their life but they don’t want you in it just yet, either. 

Instead, what they need is to see that you’ve changed. It’s up to you to show them that you’re a different person who won’t break their heart all over again.

It’s your job to convince them that they can rely on you this time. That by giving you another chance they’re not giving you a green light to keep on hurting them and doing them harm. 

It’s up to you to regain their trust. They don’t want you to back out as soon as they return – they want you to keep on fighting even harder and to show them that your relationship is worth the risk. 

If this is the case, please don’t play them once you regain their trust. Don’t prove to them that breaking up with you was a good decision and that taking you back was the mistake of their life. 

Uma nova relação

Detesto ser eu a dizer-lhe isto, mas a verdade amarga é que a sua ex-namorada ou namorado pode ter uma nova relação da qual não sabe nada. 

Seja como for, a questão é que o novo relação séria they’re in is dictating the tempo of your communication. 

So, while it seems like your ex is hot and cold because of the mixed emotions they have for you, the fact is that their behavior depends on what it’s going on in their relationship.

Whenever their new romance is going great, there is no sign of them. They stop returning your calls, there’s no texting at all, and they don’t even keep track of your social media activity like they used to.

Consequently, you’re left wondering what went wrong. Did you do something that caused them to cut ties all of a sudden – without any explanation or closure?

Then, out of the blue, they reappear in your life. It’s possible that their new relationship has entered a crisis.

Talvez tenham percebido que o seu atual namorado ou namorada nunca os amará como você o fez. Ou talvez tenham acabado de ter uma discussão.

Beware of the possibility that your ex is doing all of this on purpose. Maybe they’re trying to make their current partner jealous of you, without you being aware of what they’re doing.

Either way, this is the period in which your ex is constantly present in your life. They’re not directly pressuring you to reconcile but they’re all over you.

They give you the impression that you’re one step away from getting back together. However, what you don’t know is that you’re only serving as a way for them to overcome the crisis in their relationship.

Naturally, they won’t be honest about their relationship status with you. Instead, they’ll try their best to hide everything from you. 

After all, they want to keep you around, just in case. They can’t afford to lose you if their current relationship falls apart, so they’re keeping you as their safety net. 

Abuso de poder

Quer queira admitir ou não, quando o seu ex é quente ou frio, ele ganha algum tipo de poder sobre si. 

You’re the one waiting for them to reach out the whole time, hoping they’ll come back to you. 

You put your life on hold, while they’re out there making their mind up about you and not worrying about your well being.

Basically, you have no say in this entire situation. They’re the one who needs to make the decision and you have no way of influencing it. 

Well, the truth is that in some cases, your ex is pretty much aware of all of this. They know that currently, they’re the dominant one and they take advantage of that. 

Eles brincam conscientemente com a sua mente e o seu coração. Eles procuram-no quando se sentem sozinhos e abandonados e quando não têm mais ninguém a quem recorrer.

On the other hand, as soon as their life gets back on track and as soon as everything starts to go smoothly, they’re nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, they’ve forgotten all about you and start acting like you never existed. 

Don’t fool yourself and think that this is their indisponibilidade emocional talking. You can be certain that they’re doing all of this on purpose.

They don’t want to give you a chance to fall out of love with them. As soon as they notice that your emotions are fading away and as soon as they see that you might forget them, they go into attack mode.

So, the next day they give you hope that reconciliation is possible. They say that they miss you and that they can’t imagine living their life without you.

However, all of these are just empty words that are never backed up with action. The fact is that they’re not doing anything about actually reviving your relationship.

In fact, as soon as they see that you’ve caught the hook, they’re nowhere to be found. They disappear, leaving you in agony and abandoning you when you need them the most.

At first, you suffer because of their absence and the fact that they’re acting hot and cold. You miss them and constantly overthink your entire relationship and everything that went on later.

However, after a while, you accept that they’re gone. You no longer try to contact them and you give up on the idea that you’ll ever be together again.

Nevertheless, when you’re just one step closer to finding peace, there they’re again. There they’re with their sweet words and empty promises. 

Before you know it, you’re trapped once more in this endless cycle from which you see no way out. So what is this if it’s not them using their power over you?

Apaixonaram-se mas são nostálgicos

Here is another thing you might have trouble accepting – there is a great possibility that your ex has sadly deixou de te amar.

The first question then is, why have they contacted you at all if they’ve fallen out of love?

Bem, por vezes, apesar de já não sentirmos nada por uma pessoa que amávamos, continuamos a sentir nostalgia das boas recordações e dos momentos que passámos juntos. 

Maybe your ex is scared of moving on. You’re their comfort zone and they feel some kind of security as long as they have you around.

Even though they’ve stopped loving you, they have a hard time admitting their indifference. They simply can’t let you go and they don’t feel ready to continue their life without your presence. 

Por isso, sempre que passam por um momento difícil, procuram conforto na sua empresa. Continuam a pedir o seu conselho e a sua opinião.

Naturalmente, considera-se que se trata de uma situação quente e fria.

7 coisas a fazer quando O teu ex é quente e frio

Figure out if you’re being used or they’re confused

Antes de agir em relação ao seu problema, todos os conselhos sobre relações lhe dirão que, antes de mais, tem de ir ao fundo da questão. 

Now that you’ve read all of the possible reasons why your ex is hot and cold, rethink your situation for a couple of days and try to figure out what reason you relate to the most.

O mais importante é perceber se you’re being used or they’re confused. Are they doing all of this involuntarily, without being aware of the impact their behavior is having on you?

Ou será que se comportam assim de propósito, com a intenção de o magoar ainda mais? Estão a fazer tudo isto sem se preocuparem com o seu bem-estar?

Sei que responder a esta pergunta pode ser doloroso, mas confie em mim, é crucial para si saber a verdade. Seja o mais realista possível e não tenha em conta os seus desejos e esperanças.

Naturally, you shouldn’t react the same way if your ex is struggling with their emotions rather than consciously playing mind games with you. 

No primeiro caso, deve ser compreensivo. Afinal, essa pessoa ama-o, mas está a ter dificuldade em conciliar o cérebro e o coração. 

On the other hand, if you know you’re dealing with a jerk who is playing you, they don’t deserve any sympathy.

Na verdade, o que eles deveriam receber é o gosto do seu próprio remédio ou você deveria expulsá-los imediatamente da sua vida. 

Whatever you decide to do and whatever approach you choose, please always put your emotions first. Don’t engage in anything that might end up hurting you even more. 

Não sejas pegajoso

Another thing you shouldn’t do is be overly clingy. You see, once you realize that you’re losing someone you love, you may have the impulse to keep them by your side, no matter what.

As soon as someone ignores you, you have an even bigger desire to get their attention. The same is true of you and your ex – this is just a part of human nature.

Quanto menos respondem às suas mensagens de texto, mais você envia mensagens duplas e triplas. Quanto menos respondem aos seus telefonemas, mais desculpas arranja para os contactar.

Quanto mais ignorarem a sua atividade nas redes sociais, mais fotografias e actualizações de estado publicará. 

This actually makes sense at a first glance. You’re subconsciously trying to keep them from leaving you and more importantly – from forgetting you. 

Esta é a sua tentativa de lembrar essa pessoa de si. Uma tentativa de a manter na sua vida, a todo o custo.

Well, let me tell you one thing: you’ll actually only achieve the opposite with your grande apego. By doing this, you’re producing a counterproductive effect.

Instead of pulling this person closer, you’ll only chase them away. You’ll make them feel suffocated and trapped and they’ll want to run for their life. 

Besides, this approach will make your ex lose all their appreciation for you. You’re sending them a message that they can treat you however they want.

No matter what they do, you’ll always be around. In fact, the worse they treat you, the more you’ll love them.

Então, porque é que eles mudariam exatamente o seu comportamento? Não há nada que ela possa fazer para que deixes de a amar, por isso pode continuar a agir assim durante o tempo que quiser. 

Mostre-lhes que consegue sobreviver sem eles

O mais importante nesta situação é mostrar ao seu ex que you don’t need them. I’m not saying that you need to act like you don’t care about them, though.

However, there is a difference between loving someone and being dependent on them. That is exactly what you need to prove to them: that you want them in your life but you won’t be doomed if you lose them.

Basically, you need to show your ex that you can make it without them. So, instead of making phone calls, asking for favors, or asking for their advice, show them that you’re independent. 

Utilize este tempo para trabalhar a sua auto-confiança e para se tornar a melhor versão possível de si próprio. Invista este tempo e toda a sua energia em mimar-se e melhorar.

Em vez de ficar obcecado com o seu ex e com a sua relação falhada, reencontrar alguns velhos amigos. Saia com as pessoas e veja isso como uma oportunidade de conhecer alguém novo.

Trabalhe na sua educação e carreira. Leia livros, veja filmes e encontre um novo passatempo.

Para além de cuidar da sua mente e do seu coração, trabalhe também a sua aparência física. Vá ao ginásio ou pratique algum tipo de atividade física.

Isto será benéfico para a sua saúde mental e autoconfiança também. Aliviará o stress e a energia negativa, para além de o pôr em forma. 

However, you shouldn’t do all of this to spite your ex. Your final goal is not to show them what they lost.

Instead, you’re working on yourself for your own sake. You’re doing it to show yourself that you don’t need anyone and that you’re the creator of your own happiness.

Mirror your cold ex’s behavior

According to a lot of relationship advice, the thing you should do is mirror your ex’s behavior when it comes to jogos frios e quentes. 

This person’s intention is to confuse you and to bring you into a situation in which you don’t know what to think or where to stand.

Well, why don’t you outsmart them for the first time ever? Turn the tables and vencê-los no seu próprio jogo. 

O que deve fazer é refletir o seu comportamento. Quando eles o ignorarem, dê-lhes um tratamento ainda mais frio. 

However, don’t let them in as soon as they try to reenter the hot stage. Instead, make them work for it.

Ignore them for a little while after they start reaching out to you. Then, start acting like everything is in perfect order and make them believe that you’re crazy over them.

Passado algum tempo, sem mais nem menos, é a pessoa que lhes dá o tratamento do silêncio. Sem mais nem menos, reduza a sua comunicação ao mínimo indispensável e comece a mostrar desinteresse.

Ou pode simplesmente desaparecer, sem lhes dar uma explicação adequada. Faça isso antes que eles comecem a ignorá-lo e antecipe as suas intenções.

Believe me – this is how you’ll turn the situation in your favor. Now, they’ll be the ones wondering what is going on.

Os que estão a tentar descodificar o seu sinais contraditórios e os que vão passar o tempo todo a pensar nos seus movimentos. 

However, I have to warn you about one thing: by doing this, you’ll play with their head. 

You’ll probably even hurt their feelings. Nevertheless, there is also a great chance of hurting yourself as well here. 

The point is that you’re ignoring them on purpose, so you end up missing them as well. To put things simply: you’re breaking your own heart just so you can break theirs. 

Reduzir a sua atividade nas redes sociais

Social media is a big part of modern dating. So, even though you’re not actually dating this person anymore, your social profiles can still help you a lot. 

When you first break up with someone you still love, you have the same impulse as the rest of us. You stalk your ex’s profiles, you want to find out where and with whom they’re spending their time.

Além disso, utiliza os seus perfis para lhes enviar uma mensagem. Publica actualizações de estado tristes e citações sobre a falta de alguém, canções que possam recordar a vossa relação, etc.

Por outro lado, pode utilizar os seus perfis para lhes provocar ciúmes. Coloca fotografias suas a divertir-se imenso ou actualizações de estado sobre como é bom estar solteiro. 

Well, let me tell you that neither approach works. Even if you post your happy photos, they’ll be aware that you’re doing all of that in spite of them.

Besides, both approaches are beneficial for your ex. Either way, they know where you’re spending your time and what you’ve been up to.

Por isso, a melhor coisa a fazer é reduzir a sua atividade nas redes sociais ao mínimo indispensável. Mantenha-se calado e faça-os pensar. 

Do the same with your mutual friends. Don’t reveal your plans or emotions and especially don’t ask about them. 

Se possível, seria melhor cortar todos os laços com qualquer pessoa ligada ao seu ex. Se eles querem saber de si, obrigue-os a contactá-la.

Don’t let them get the information they need without moving an inch – through your friends or social media. Force them to make an effort or give you access to their life. 

Don’t react when they go cold

The most important thing is to stay calm once your ex enters “the cold” phase. Naturally, your first impulse here is to get angry but this is not how you’ll get your ex back. 

Quer chamar a atenção para os seus actos. Quer gritar com eles e discutir com eles sobre o seu comportamento injusto.

No entanto, esta é a última coisa que deve fazer. Confie em mim: a sua reação é o que o seu ex-namorado ou namorada quer. 

They want to see that they’ve accomplished their goal. They’ve managed to hurt your feelings and to affect you in the worst way possible.

No entanto, o que mais os vai magoar é se lhes der o tratamento do silêncio. Eles esperam que os persiga, tanto quanto fogem de si.

Querem que implorar-lhes to come back every time they leave. They want you to get angry, even, because that is a sign that you’re not indifferent.

However, if you ignore their cold behavior, you’ll make them lose their mind. They’ll wonder why there is no reaction from you and whether it’s a sign that you don’t care for them at all.

Trust me, before you know it, your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend will come knocking on your door. They’ll come crawling back to you, just to check what’s wrong and whether they still have a place in your life. 

Falar com eles cara a cara

Finally, if you’ve had enough of this situation, it’s time to bring the subject up and talk to them face to face. After all, the two of you are mature human beings and I’m sure you’ll be able to find the middle ground.

Don’t be emotional and don’t show them your weakness and vulnerable side. 

However, don’t be arrogant either if you want to get your ex back. Just be as realistic as possible and talk to them about your situation.

Be honest and tell them that you’re not stupid and that they can’t play you for a fool anymore. You won’t put up with this behavior a second longer and you want to know where you stand.

Don’t be scared of telling them that you’ve wanted to get back together this whole time.

Don’t cry or beg them: just tell them that you still have feelings for them and that you would like to give your relationship another shot. 

Don’t make them give you the answer right away or the next day. 

Instead, give them a certain period of time – a couple of days or more to make up their mind.

Aplique a regra de não estabelecer contacto até que ele tome uma decisão. Se o seu ex está quente e frio depois de não ter contacto, tudo está claro. 

Nevertheless, don’t give them a lot of time. Set a date and be firm about it. 

If they don’t give you an answer in that period of time, leave them for good. Don’t allow them to keep playing with you or to keep you on hold. 

Quando o seu ex está a fazer jogo duro e você decide adotar esta abordagem, tenha a certeza da sua decisão e de que é capaz de o fazer.

Don’t do all of this if you’re going to fall for them the first time they contact you. 

There is no point in bringing the subject up if you’ll be too weak to stick to your decision. 

Don’t allow them to keep on playing games with you because that way, you’ll just show them that you’re nothing but a fool and that your words mean nothing.