A atração do fruto proibido nos casamentos

Sabe o que é que pode fazer com que qualquer homem ou mulher se sinta tentado a tomar decisões impulsivas?

What’s one thing that can make you forget to be grateful for what you have and become thirsty for something new? It’s a atração do fruto proibido.

When two people decide to marry, they don’t think about anything else but making each other happy. They can’t wait to spend more time together, (eventually) have kids (or not), and connect on a deeper level.

O casamento é uma das coisas mais bonitas do mundo, porque nos dá a sensação de pertencer, de sermos cuidados e de sermos um só com a nossa cara-metade.

No entanto, cada casamento tem os seus próprios altos e baixos. The lure of forbidden fruit doesn’t strike you overnight.

There’s something that triggers partners to start thinking about alternatives and finding happiness someplace else.

There’s something that makes partners choose to have a secret affair instead of salvar o seu casamento.

Porque é que os casos acontecem nos casamentos?

Porque é que os parceiros casados decidem trair o seu cônjuge a dada altura? Qual é a única coisa que os leva a fazê-lo? Ou há mais coisas que os motivam a procurar um romance alternativo?

Uma das principais razões pelas quais os casos acontecem nos casamentos é quando um cônjuge (ou ambos os cônjuges) começa a sentir falta de algo no seu casamento sem dizer ao outro.

Também podemos relacionar este facto com a falta de comunicação saudável.

Há muitos factores que podem influenciar um casamento e transformá-lo num pesadelo, e alguns deles são: horários agitados, falta de tempo passado juntos e falta de esforço no casamento.

Once a marriage no longer provides certain elements that are crucial for every spouse’s happiness, they decide to find these elements someplace else.

Agora, a verdadeira questão é: Why don’t spouses choose to fight for their marriage instead and talk to their partner about it?

Não posso dar uma resposta correcta a esta pergunta porque varia de pessoa para pessoa.

What I can tell you is that a possible reason why spouses avoid talking to their partner about what’s missing in their relationship is because they want to avoid conflicts.

Here’s the thing with marriages. For as long as you refuse to acknowledge that you have a problem in the marriage, everything is perfect.

Yup, everything is perfect, but only on the surface. If you scratch the surface, then you’ll notice how everything starts melting and showing its true colors.

Still, there are also spouses who talk, but their significant other doesn’t listen or doesn’t want to understand the seriousness of the situation they’re in.

Chocante, mas verdadeiro: Os casos também acontecem em casamentos felizes.

Let’s imagine a couple that has everything needed for a decent life and a happy marriage.

São financeiramente estáveis, têm o apoio das suas famílias, respeitam-se mutuamente, complementam-se, etc.

Então, o que é que motivaria um deles a escolher começar a procurar um caso secreto? I’ll give you some time to guess for yourself. The answer is: Algo DIFERENTE.

Podem ser o casal mais rico do mundo, com os melhores empregos e a maior casa, e ser abençoados com um amor incondicional, mas tudo isso não significa nada quando um dos parceiros decide que quer algo diferente disso.

That ‘different’ doesn’t have to be better or worse. What matters is that it’s different from what they have now in their marriage and in their life in general.

I’ve seen couples from happy marriages live together for years while both having secret lovers.

As a matter of fact, recently, one of the married guys texted me subtly asking whether I’m interested in “getting to know him better” (if you catch my drift).

Foi isto que eu lhe disse: Por respeito à tua mulher e a uma criança, nunca teria nada contigo.

He respected my decision and didn’t push things further. One more thing… I was really interested in why he would do such things behind his wife’s back, so I openly asked him about it.

Ele disse-me isto: Costumava pensar que se pode apaixonar pelo cônjuge e ser feliz para o resto da vida com ele. Now, I see that it is impossible because human beings are not meant to be in love with one person for the rest of their lives. It’s in their nature to always seek something different from what they have.

Fiquei verdadeiramente espantado com a sua resposta e comecei a pensar que, afinal, talvez haja alguma verdade nisso.

Talvez a natureza do desejo humano de procurar variedade seja a culpada pela procura de casos fora do casamento.

Perhaps those spouses are still in love with each other, but they have to appease their human desire for variety in order to be completely happy in marriage. Hmm…

É errado namorar com um homem/mulher casado(a)?

Here’s another question that is really difficult to answer, and it depends on different perspectives.

If you’re the one who is married, but apaixonado por outra pessoa, chances are you don’t see it as something wrong (until your spouse finds out about it).

Um dos maiores signs that you’re married, but in love with someone else é prestar mais atenção à outra pessoa do que ao seu cônjuge.

Now, do you think it’s okay toward your current partner to pay more attention to others than them? I’ll let you think about it.

Quase todos os casos secretos começam com amizades inadequadas no casamento. Pode ser um colega seu, um rapaz/rapariga que conheceu num ginásio, ou algo semelhante.

Em breve, as amizades transformam-se em algo mais significativo e, mais cedo do que imagina, dá por si a ter um caso.

There’s nothing wrong with having friends outside of marriage, but the problem arises when those friendships become more prioritized than the one you have with your spouse.

Let’s see things from other perspectives. Let’s say that um homem casado está apaixonado por si. O que é que faz?

Do you continue hanging out with him even though you know that he’s in love with you and he might want something more from you?

Do you tell him something similar to what I told that married guy I was talking about above? Do you tell him that he’s being disrespectful toward his wife and children?

Podes dizer-lhe isso ou podes continuar a andar com ele, pensando que ele te dá prioridade em relação à mulher.

I’m sorry to spoil this to you, but the chances of a married man leaving his wife because of a sua amante são realmente BAIXAS, se não mesmo inexistentes.

Porquê? Because the reason why he’s cheating on his wife in the first place is because he wants both to keep her and to experience something different – you.

Um homem assim nunca se desfaria do que tem (a sua mulher) porque sabe que pode encontrar facilmente muitas mulheres diferentes, mas não pode encontrar outra mulher tão facilmente (para não falar do sentimento de ser julgado pela sociedade por deixar a sua mulher).

That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth.

O mesmo se aplica quando se trata de namorar uma mulher casada, but it’s slightly even worse in some aspects.

Dado que os homens são demasiado protectores das suas mulheres, pense no que aconteceria se o marido dela descobrisse o vosso caso.

AVISO LEGAL: If you’re having an affair with a married woman/man, or you’re married, but in love with someone else, I’m not trying to judge you or prove to you that you’re wrong. I’m trying to understand you and put things in perspective.

“If it’s true that men and women can be ‘just friends’, then how come all cheaters first start out as ‘just friends?” – Oliver Markus Malloy

This is an interesting hypothesis. When it comes to marriages, there is a thin line between being ‘just friends’ with someone outside the marriage and gradually becoming something more than that.

Be it unhappy or happy, any marriage can be threatened by the lure of a forbidden fruit because it’s in our nature to keep seeking something different from what we have at the moment.

It’s in our nature to take things for granted and think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

The only time we’ll learn to control ourselves is when we learn to detach from the sinful and irrational aspects of our nature.