14 fases de uma separação e como lidar com elas de forma eficaz

As separações são sempre difíceis, mas, infelizmente, por vezes são a nossa única opção.

Há algumas fases excruciantes de uma separação pelas quais todos temos de passar para lidar com ela de forma saudável, sarar e seguir em frente após o fim de uma relação.

Breakups always leave some heartbreaks behind. They can put us in a real emotional tailspin. One person will always end up hurt, and that’s, unfortunately, inevitable.

Por mais que se pense demais ou se tente encontrar a melhor maneira de terminar a relação, uma pessoa acabará sempre por ficar com o coração partido.

No final, pode haver também algum arrependimento. Um dos parceiros terá sempre dificuldade em esquecer e em aceitar a separação.

Those are simply facts and, unfortunately, you can’t do much to change it. No matter how ugly and hurtful it is, sometimes ending a relationship is the best option we have.

However, don’t take this the wrong way if you’re dealing with a separação agora mesmo. A boa notícia é que todos acabamos por nos curar e ganhar força para seguir em frente.

It’ll take time, but you’ll recover, and you’ll be able to leave it all in the past.

After some time, you’ll understand that your breakup was for the best and that Deus retirou essa pessoa da sua vida apenas porque Ele planeou outra pessoa, alguém melhor para si.

It’ll take some time, but one day you’ll be ready for a new relationship. After you go through all these stages of a breakup and the healing process, you’ll be ready to meet the right one, the person who is meant for you.

14 fases inevitáveis de uma separação

Todos nós temos opiniões diferentes sobre o número de fases de uma separação, mas todos os especialistas em relações concordam que algumas fases são simplesmente inevitáveis.

Acredita em mim. Não há fases de uma rutura só para homens ou só para mulheres. Todos nós passamos pelas mesmas coisas após o fim das nossas relações.

Além disso, não existe fases de uma rutura para um dumper ou dumpee porque, mais uma vez, todos temos de passar por estas fases para estarmos prontos para finalmente seguir em frente.

Algumas são muito dolorosas, mas todas estas fases são inevitáveis se quisermos seguir em frente com as nossas vidas.

Talvez lidemos com elas de forma diferente, mas o que importa é que estas fases da separação são as mesmas para cada um de nós.

Seguem-se algumas fases inevitáveis de uma separação e alguns conselhos sobre relações com eles para o ajudar a lidar mais facilmente com a situação.

Acabar ou fazer as pazes?

After you break up with your partner, especially if this is your first time dealing with a breakup, you’ll be overwhelmed with different feelings, and it’ll make you so confused.

So, the first stage is a constant reconsideration of your decision to break up. You’ll rethink your decision about breaking up all the time.

You won’t know for sure what the best decision is, and you’ll be thinking about it over and over again, looking for the right answer.

Deep down, you know that ending your relationship would be for the best, but still, you aren’t quite ready to let it go, and you still think that you can save your relationship and make it work once again.

However, the truth is that you’re only lying to yourself and trying to delay the inevitable…You’re just trying to put off your breakup even though you know it will have to be done sooner or later.

The sad truth is that you are only hurting both you and your partner. You won’t soothe the pain by delaying it; you’ll only piorar ainda mais as coisas, and it’ll become even harder to deal with it.

A decisão final

Right now, you may be delaying it or trying to stop thinking about the breakup. But, the truth is that you know that you’ll have to do it sooner or later.

You’ll have to make the final decision, even though that decision might hurt the person you once loved.

Se deixou de amar o seu parceiro, tem todo o direito de acabar com eles, which would probably be the best decision. You must understand that thinking about your feelings isn’t selfish.

Sometimes we have to let go of people in our lives to make space for new and better ones, for others who’ll know how to love us the right way.

Sooner or later, you’ll have to make a decision. That decision will hurt someone, and that’s a fact. But staying in a relationship with someone you don’t love anymore is unhealthy and unfair.

Por muito que tenhas de pensar nas outras pessoas e nos seus sentimentos, também tens de cuidar dos teus sentimentos.

Se pensa que um separação is the best option for you, do it. If you start regretting it, there’s also a way back, and you should fight to win your loved one back.

Fase de negação

Sometimes it’s difficult to accept and come to terms with breaking up, especially for the dumpee. No matter how much you try, you just can’t accept the fact that someone you love has broken up with you.

That’s when this next stage starts – the denial phase. After not being able to come to terms with the breakup, you’ll begin denying it and behaving like you’re still in a relationship.

You just won’t be able to accept the fact that your relationship has ended.

Maybe you don’t even love your partner like you used to, but you just got used to them, which will be the leading cause of your difficulty letting go of your relationship.

Ser abandonado por alguém que amamos é sempre difícil; afecta a nossa autoestima e a nossa saúde mental.

Denying the facts is probably one of our coping mechanisms. We still aren’t able to confront the truth, and it’s so much easier for us to ignore the fact that our relationship has simply ended.

Infelizmente, isso torna as coisas ainda mais complicadas e difíceis para nós. You have to remember that the sooner you accept the breakup, the sooner you’ll be ready to heal and move on.

Montanha russa de emoções

You’ll feel overwhelmed by everything that is happening in your life. You’ll constantly feel like you aren’t ready to accept the facts and deal with them.

You’ll feel a real emotional roller-coaster. The separação will emotionally drain you. The fact that someone you love won’t be in your life anymore is extremely difficult and painful.

There is a whole range of different emotions you’ll feel every day. Depression, anxiety, fear, sadness, confusion, anger…These are only a few emotions you’ll continuously be shifting between.

Quer saber como lidar com todas estas emoções avassaladoras? Só há uma resposta: Dá-lhe tempo.

You need to take time to think about everything. You need to process everything that happened. Don’t hurry your healing process and stop asking yourself that one question Porque é que me bloquearam? (no caso de o terem feito).

A única forma correcta e saudável de lidar com uma quantidade tão grande de emoções é dar tempo ao tempo, compreender as suas emoções e processá-las lentamente. A paciência deve ser a vossa maior aliada nesta luta.

Bottling up your emotions…

Suppressing our emotions is probably one of our biggest defense mechanisms. We don’t want to show others that we’re suffering, and we think that bottling up our emotions is perhaps the best for everyone.

You don’t want to talk about your ex-partner or your ex-relationship at all. You behave like everything is fine, you hang out with friends, you go out, it simply seems like you’re enjoying life as if nothing has happened.

But you’re the only one who knows how you are feeling. Putting on that facade of fake smiles won’t help you.

Not allowing your ex-partner to see how hurt you are won’t help you. All that ‘life goes on’ and similar BS won’t help you.

Suprimir as suas emoções definitely won’t help you. One day, all those accumulated emotions inside you will blow up right in your face. Then, the real problems will arise.

Talk with yourself first. BE honest with yourself and admit that you’re hurt. Admit that you’re suffering. You broke up with someone you love or loved, and it’s perfectly normal that you feel sad.

You don’t have to pretend like everything is fine because it’s not.

You must talk with someone because you shouldn’t keep it all inside. It’s not healthy. It’ll affect your mental health and leave some deep marks that you won’t be able to get rid of for a long time.

…then finally, letting it all go

After you realize how harmful it is to keep suppressing your emotions, you’ll understand that you have to deal with them healthily.

What’s the best way to deal with such overwhelming emotions? Well, that’s different for each of us, but your first step should definitely be talking with someone else about how you truly feel.

It’s quite simple. Relax first. Now, Inspire todas as suas emoções, as boas e as más, e depois expire e deixe sair tudo o que o incomoda.

Don’t be ashamed to talk about your feelings. Choose a person you trust the most and talk with them.

You’ll feel much better, and they may also give you some practical advice on how to deal with your feelings after your breakup.

Organizar os seus pensamentos e emoções

You probably feel overwhelmed by all those emotions you’ve been feeling since your break up. It’s perfectly okay, and I get you.

Eu já fui tu. Estava tão triste por ter perdido alguém que amava. Estava tão ansiosa por causa de tudo o que estava a acontecer. Tinha tanto medo de tudo o que estava para vir, de novas relações, de novos parceiros.

Por vezes, pensava que era a melhor opção para ambos, mas também pensava que o meu ex-parceiro nunca me tinha amado verdadeiramente e que esta era a oportunidade perfeita para ele se livrar de mim.

Tinha de organizar os meus pensamentos. Tive de organizar os meus sentimentos e tentar compreendê-los de uma vez por todas. Demorou algum tempo, mas depois disso, finalmente segui em frente com a minha vida.

Finalmente, a fase de aceitação

This is when you’ve finally accepted your breakup and the fact you can do nothing about it. A new life is starting for you, and you couldn’t be happier for it.

You think that it’s time to leave your relationship in the past because that’s indeed where it belongs.
You gave your all to save your relationship, and it didn’t work. However, you shouldn’t look at it as your failure.

Sometimes we can’t go against our destiny, and yours was to break up with your partner. Sometimes, no matter how much we try and we want it, we just can’t save some things.

I’m sorry I’ll have to disappoint you a little bit. You may think that it’ll all end with this acceptance stage, but no.

This phase can deceive you a lot. You may feel that you’ve accepted your breakup, but true acceptance comes later, and you’ll find it below.

Ver também: 6 sinais de que você ainda não aceitou a separação (ainda)

A regra de não contacto

You’ve probably thought that acceptance is the last stage. Well, it’s not. There are five more stages, and the regra de não contacto é uma delas.

É provável que tenha contactado o seu ex após a separação porque queria algumas respostas ou porque tentou reatar com ele.

Bem, agora compreende que o melhor seria cortar todo o contacto durante algum tempo ou talvez para sempre, se a outra parte o magoou muito ou acabou consigo de uma forma horrível.

O regra de não contacto is the best way to get over a breakup. As long as you’re in contact with your ex, you can never move on completely.

You must be strong, tell them that you need some time alone, and you don’t want to be in touch with them for a while.

You’ve prioritized your ex for too long; now it’s time to start prioritizing yourself again.

Este tempo deve ajudá-lo a compreender que pode viver sem o seu ex e que provavelmente seria uma má ideia manter o contacto e a amizade com ele depois da separação.

Gatilhos e lembretes pós-rutura

Even after some time and even after you think that you’ve accepted the breakup, you’ll still be reminded of some happy moments from your past relationship.

You and your partner have probably gone through so much, and that’s one of the reasons why you had so much trouble accepting your breakup.

You probably shared many difficult moments, but there were also some beautiful ones that you’ll always remember.

No entanto, ao fim de algum tempo e especialmente quando se inicia uma nova relação com outra pessoa, essas memórias começam a desaparecer.

The new memories you’ll create with your new partner will replace old ones, and you’ll feel completely free from your past relationship.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should immediately run into the next relationship. That would be your biggest mistake. Just give it time because time cures everything.

O processo de luto

A famous psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, wrote a book “On Death and Dying” and was the first one to present and discuss o processo de luto. In her book, she put forward the famous “Kübler-Ross model.”

It’s a famous model of the grieving process describing five stages of grief. Essas fases são a negação, a raiva, a negociação, a depressão e a aceitação.

I totally agree with this famous grief model of 5 stages of a breakup, and we’ll talk about them below, but I did add a few more grieving stages that I thought are important as well.

Negação

This grieving stage is the same as the denial stage of a breakup. It’s a very common defense for all of us. However, it’s an unhealthy way to deal with your emotions too.

You may think that it’s much easier to deny that you’re feeling sad or betrayed or that you failed, but trust me, it’s much healthier to accept the truth.

You have every right to feel hurt, betrayed, depressed, or angry. You’ve just broken up with the person you still have some feelings for; it’s perfectly normal that you have these emotions.

Denying your feelings won’t make them disappear. You’ll have to confront them sooner or later. And the sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be able to let go of them and move on.

Sentir-se extremamente confuso

After the denial phase, you’ll be very confused. You’ll want some answers, and you’ll start asking your partner for them.

You’ll want to know what made them break up with you. You’ll want to know when they stop loving you.

There will be many things bothering you, and you’ll want to know the answers to all your questions when it comes to the end of your relationship.

Manter a esperança de voltar a estar juntos

If you aren’t the one who wanted to break up, you’ll probably be full of hope that things will get better and that you’ll reconcile.

However, you’ll only disappoint yourself and hurt your heart even more than your ex did with their decision to break up.

Don’t believe in false hope. Come to terms with the fact that they wanted to break up with you and that it’s probably because they don’t love you; there is no better explanation for it.

Depressão

Muitas pessoas ficam deprimidas depois de romperem com alguém que significava muito para elas.

I know it’s difficult. I know you’re feeling a range of negative emotions right now. I know you’re thinking about how you’ll never meet a person like them ever again.

But, trust me, you will. You’ll meet someone even better. You’ll meet your soulmate, the right person whose life mission will be to make you happy.

Ver também: 7 maneiras de lidar com a depressão após um rompimento

Raiva

As Dr. Kimberly Riley, LMFT, says, “A sua raiva pode até estar a mostrar-lhe o amor que tinha pela pessoa que nunca expressou; nunca é tarde demais para partilhar esses sentimentos, mesmo quando parece que é.”

It’s true, indeed. Your breakup hurts because you still love your partner. You feel angry because you still have some feelings for them, and you can’t quite come to terms with breaking up with them.

Otherwise, if you didn’t have any romantic feelings for them, you wouldn’t feel anger.

Aceitar a verdade

Esta é a última fase do processo de luto depois de uma separação. Quando resolvemos os nossos sentimentos, começamos a aceitar a realidade.

You come to terms with the fact that your relationship has ended. You finally feel ready to let go of the way things used to be; you’ve let go of the memories and accept the separation.

É nesta altura que começa o processo de cura. Apercebe-se de que a decisão de terminar a relação foi a melhor e começa a adaptar-se à sua nova vida.

A fase final de aceitação!

Yes, you’ve understood me; there are two acceptance stages. This is the final one. This is the one when you finally accept that your relationship has ended and that you can do nothing to fix or save it anymore.

You accept that you have come to a dead-end. This is the stage when you’re finally ready to extend your hand to your ex-partner and wish them all the best for the future.

É nesta altura que termina a regra do não contacto. Tem força para lhes telefonar e falar com eles cara a cara.

If that’s the closure you want and you think you need to end it all once and for all, you should call your ex and ask them to talk.

You should emphasize that you don’t want to talk about getting back together, so you don’t give them false hope and avoid misunderstandings.

Cura

Once you go through all the stages of grief, your healing process will finally start. You’ll see how everything will become so much easier for you.

You won’t obsess over your ex or your breakup anymore. You’ll shift your focus to yourself and pay more attention to your self-care.

You’ll want to take a complete social media detox. All that stalking of your ex on social media will stop because you’ll have finally come to terms with the breakup, and you’ll move on as soon as possible.

You’ll start working on improving your self-esteem because your breakup has left some negative consequences on it.

You have to reconnect with yourself. You’ll need to take some time for yourself. Treat yourself with a weekend wellness gateway, for example.

Do something you know for sure will relax you and make you forget about the breakup even for a few moments. Remember, you’re trying to relax, so phones are off-limits.

Para se curar, tem de se mimar. Melhore o seu estado de espírito mimando-se durante algum tempo. Tem todo o direito de se mimar.

Ver também: Se a sua cura dói muito, leia isto

Seguir em frente

Yes, finally, we have come to this phase. It’s my favorite. This is when you have understood that there is a whole new life waiting for you, and you just have to be ready to embrace it.

Your breakup only means that your ex-partner wasn’t your soulmate. Your soulmate is still out there somewhere, and now you’re ready to meet them.

You won’t have to go through these painful phases with that person because there won’t be any breaking up. They’re meant to find you, make you fall in love with them, and keep loving you “until death do us part.”

Look in the mirror. Say to the person you see that you believe in them wholeheartedly. Tell them you know they’re brave and strong enough to endure this all.

Maybe you didn’t get the closure you wanted, perhaps there are still some issues left unresolved, and I know those things still hurt. But still, you have to leave it all behind, look to your future, and finally seguir em frente.

Conclusão

Sometimes it’s so hard to deal with a breakup. No matter what you do, you just can’t come to terms with your breakup, nor can you accept it.

It might seem like the end of the world to you right now, but trust me, and this comes from a person who has gone through all of these stages of a breakup several times, it’ll get better in the end.

Isto é algo que vos prometo.

You’ll heal sooner than you think, and you’ll leave it all in the past. You know why? Because I know you’re much stronger than you think you are.

You are a person who was left with a broken heart but didn’t allow it to break you completely. You didn’t allow it to break your soul or your spirit.

You’re a fighter, and you’ll continue to fight this, and very soon, you’ll win your fight. After some time, you’ll be ready to close this chapter of your life and open a new, way better one.

I know you’re having a hard time accepting your relationship has ended and letting go of it, but trust me, one day, you probably won’t even remember this.

You just have to keep believing in true love and have faith that God has someone special for you, that your soulmate is somewhere out there and that they’re coming your way.

Once you meet them, you’ll understand that you had to go through all this pain to find them, and you’ll admit that it was all worth it.

I believe in you. Don’t worry too much; good days are coming. The sun will shine brighter than ever.

I’m sending you a big virtual hug and wishing you get through these stages of a breakup as smoothly as possible and move on as fast as possible.