Isto é o que significa realmente "Não és tu, sou eu
“It’s not you, it’s me” é o mais comum e popular linha de separação desde que a Gwen o usou para acabar com o George Costanza em Seinfeld. But, it’s also the biggest lie ever!
Lembra-se de alguma coisa?
Aposto que todos vós já passaram por uma situação embaraçosa como esta.
You think everything is okay. You think you have found someone who is caring and loving. You think you’ve finally encontrou a sua alma gémea. You think you’ll stay together forever, and you pray for that to happen every single night.
Until one day, they come and make your whole world collapse with only one sentence: “We need to talk.”
Then pops up those 5 heartbreaking words: “It’s not you, it’s me,” with your soon-to-be-ex wearing that puppy-eyed look.
Começamos a sentir uma montanha russa de emoções a dominar-nos e as lágrimas começam a cair-nos pelo rosto.
You’re not sure how to interpret those words… Is it truly the way your partner feels, or is it just a regular separação excuse? And I’m here for you today to help you find out and clear your doubts.
What Does It Mean When They Say, ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me’?
I don’t know what is with these ‘men,’ if I can call them that anymore, nowadays… It’s like the bed is the only place they actually have balls.
If you don’t like someone anymore, come clean about it. If you’ve cheated on your partner, you owe them an apology – you can’t use a breakup to get away with it.
You’re guilty of someone’s desgosto, e tudo o que fizeste foi inventar uma péssima frase de despedida. Quero dizer, a sério, gajo? That’s a real cowardly act.
It also may have several ambiguous meanings… Ironically, it almost never means what it actually means because most people only use it as a breakup excuse.
In most cases, this breakup phrase simply means…
• Classic breakup excuse
‘You did absolutely nothing that could make me break up with you, but still, I have to do it because I feel a relva é mais verde on the other side’ – I’m sure this is the scenario that has been playing in the heads of all those who use ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ as an excuse to leave someone in a “nice way.”
On the one hand, they’re actually right because it is them – they’re a pessoa que iniciou a rutura porque têm outros interesses.
On the other hand, they also use it so they don’t complicate things any further and so they don’t look bad for leaving their partner for someone else.
Embora esta frase pareça clara, pode ter uma significado oculto. Pode ser apenas uma forma de manipulação. Uma manipulação em que nunca se deve cair.
• Cowardly act
I’m sure they did not only leave you with this awful breakup line but that they also did it via social media… Am I right? Well, you’re obviously dealing with a chicken here who doesn’t have the guts to break up with you in person.
Pensam que se assumirem totalmente a culpa, tudo ficará bem. Sim, seria bom se fosses um idiota de merda!
But with your common sense, you can’t and shouldn’t accept that eles estão apenas a enganá-lo. O meu conselho em matéria de relações é que deve confrontá-los. Faça-os admitir a verdadeira razão para acabarem consigo.
“Why are you such um cobarde? Why don’t you stand in front of me and have your heart on your sleeve?
Diz-me se não és já não se sente atraído por mim. Tell me if I gained some weight and you don’t consider me hot anymore.
Whatever the reason is just tell me, okay? Because I won’t buy that cliché that it’s all about you.”
• Relief of conscience
The relationship is made of two people (3, 4, 5…as you like it) and the point is that each and every person has something to do with the breakup.
It’s not as simple as you think.
If you’re someone who used this linha de separação para terminar a sua relação, basta travar e pensar no seu parceiro por um segundo. Gostariam de saber onde estava o problema. Para os dias vindouros. Para parceiros por quem se apaixonar.
That won’t make you feel better about your mistake. So, just be honest. That’s the least you can do for the person you shared everything with.
É preciso ter em conta que tudo acabará por ser revelado.
Every lie, every secret. Everything will be revealed and you can’t do anything to make it stop.
That’s the way that cookie crumbles. So, if you’ve stopped loving your partner, you need to admit it to them. That’s the only way you’ll ease your conscience.
• Making it easier
Mais fácil para quem? Para quem a dumpee? For the person who didn’t deserve it at all because all they did was love you too deeply and without any limits?
Não há forma de lhes facilitar a vida. And if you’re trying to ease their pain by leaving them in this awful way, you’re only complicating things even more and only prolonging their agony and pain.
That’s not how things function in real life. Ser abandonado por alguém que se ama mais do que tudo vai doer, independentemente da forma como a separação ocorre. That’s the kind of pain that can’t be reduced or eased in any way.
On the flip side, it may also mean…
• Admission of guilt
This is the literal meaning behind this phrase. ‘It’s not about you, it’s about me’ may really mean that the problem is with them, that they did something and aren’t able to forgive themselves.
Talvez até tenham tentado esquecer o assunto e seguir em frente, mas ele continuou a assombrá-los. They couldn’t stay with you under such pressure and decided that ending things would be the best thing.
But again, their actions are still deeply unfair, and they’re still (unintentionally) hurting you. Admitir os seus erros e assumir toda a responsabilidade pelos mesmos era a única coisa correcta a fazer neste caso.
• Unaddressed and unresolved issues
Esta é a razão mais comum pela qual a maioria dos fim das relações: comunicação pouco saudável e irregular.
Penso que todos especialistas em relações concorda que não há relação saudável sem uma comunicação saudável. There has to be understanding in relationships, but that doesn’t mean that your partner must read your mind because none of us have those abilities.
The thing is that if you don’t address things that are bothering you in your relationship in time, you’ll end up bottling them up inside. You’ll keep bottling and pilling them up inside until one day…
BOOM ? Acontece uma enorme explosão e queima a vossa relação até ao fim.
Além disso, os questões não resolvidas may create an aversion to your partner. You’ll understand that your feelings have changed, which will lead you to make this decision.
• Emotional/physical/mental health issues
If you’ve noticed that your partner has saúde mental ou autoestima problemas ou alguns problemas com os seus melhores amigos and family, there is a possibility that is the real reason why they’re dumping you.
Quando uma pessoa está a lutar com baixo autoestima, tornam-se propensos a pesar relações de trabalho que têm com outras pessoas. Perguntam-se constantemente se merecem realmente ser amados e, infelizmente, isso quase nunca acaba bem.
If you feel that this may be the case with your partner, then don’t insist on finding out the real reason for your breakup. Leave them alone, give them time to think about it all, and sort out their feelings in peace.
• Commitment issues
O seu parceiro pode também ser dificuldades em assumir compromissos, and maybe it’s really about them. They just can’t enter into a relação séria, and they don’t want to keep leading you on.
Química forte e compatibilidade… Love… Trust… You see, all those things are irrelevant if someone doesn’t sincerely feel ready to commit to someone else.
There is that inner voice in them that keeps telling them they’re making a mistake. That they should enjoy their single life a little while longer.
Se reparou nos padrões de fobia de compromisso in your partner, it’s possible that they didn’t use ‘it’s not you, it’s me‘ as a desculpa de separação – it’s a fugir da desculpa do compromisso. They really feel that way and don’t want to hurt you anymore.
How Do You Respond To ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me’?
Se o seu parceiro vier ter consigo com isto linha de separação, the most important thing for you is to keep calm. Don’t react immediately.
Tomar uma respiração profunda antes de dizeres alguma coisa. E depois, digam o que vos vai no coração.
No entanto, se precisar de ajuda, aqui estão duas respostas atrevidas a esta frase de despedida muito foleira.
✔️ You’re damn right; it’s not me, it’s you
Lutaram muito para manter a vossa relação. Por isso, não há razão para estar triste e não há razão para se arrepender de nada.
You’re the one that can leave the relationship with their head held high because you know you did absolutely nothing wrong.
That’s why you should agree with your partner that it’s not you – it’s them. And you shouldn’t feel bad about anything.
There is no need for name-calling and insults… There is no need for vingança… Keep the beautiful memories from your relationship, accept the reality, and seguir em frente.
✔️ It’s your loss, not mine
You are the person on the receiving end, but you’re also strong enough, and I know you can handle the truth. Não era para ser assim, and that’s a fact you’ll need to come to terms with.
No entanto, tente carregar no botão de replay na sua mente sobre toda a sua relação. Pense em todas as coisas de que teve de abdicar por causa deles. Pense em todos os sacrifícios que teve de fazer para os fazer felizes.
Eles perderam alguém que os amava verdadeiramente e que estava disposto a abdicar de tudo por eles. Tu, por outro lado, perdeste alguém que nunca esteve pronto para retribuir esses sentimentos.
O que interessa é que é bastante óbvio de quem é a perda, por isso não se preocupe com isso. Se eles quiserem sair, mantenha a porta aberta para eles.
◾ And one thing you should not by any means say when someone is using this breakup excuse to get rid of you is…
✖️ “I just want to know, do you still love me?”
Who cares now? It’s over, they’re leaving you, and that’s all that is important. That’s the only focus right now.
And the absolute worst thing you could do at that moment is to say ‘Eu amo-te‘ to them, to the person who’s leaving you. That’s a huge no-no that will only make you look miserable. That’s not how you’ll vencer a separação.
Passei por uma situação semelhante na minha vida e, acreditem, tentar manter a pessoa que desistiu de mim há tanto tempo continua a ser o meu maior erro e arrependimento.
They’re breaking up with you, and there is your answer. Know that se eles te amam, nunca te virariam as costas, aconteça o que acontecer.
Em poucas palavras
If your partner gives you the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ discurso de despedida, try to understand them. After all, the truth is, it’s difficult to live with someone who wants all or nothing.
Estava apaixonada, encantada e obcecada por alguém que não a merecia, que não a merecia de todo.
Agora, têm de o aceitar e aceitar o facto de que os vossos corações deixaram de bater um pelo outro. O jogo acabou agora.
Por isso, força, chora o teu coração, e depois começar tudo de novo. Find new love, a new sky to live under, and forget about the one who didn’t know how to keep you close.
