Namorar alguém que já teve muitos parceiros: Um tutorial

You’re in a new relationship. Everything seems to be going great except for one thing: your new partner has a high number of past lovers. To be honest, you don’t know what to do or how to feel about this.

Isto é um bandeira vermelha? Deverá ser um fator de rutura? Irá afetar a sua relação atual?

If you’re struggling with these and similar thoughts, you’ve come to the right place. Here is a step-by-step guide for dating someone who has had many partners.

7 coisas a saber antes de namorar alguém que já teve muitos parceiros

If you’re dating someone who has had many partners, here are some things to keep in mind.

1. “Many” is relative

The first thing you must keep in mind is that just because you think someone has a high number of past partners doesn’t mean they’ve actually slept with a lot of people. Não existe uma escala internacional que determine o que é demasiado e o que é suficiente.

“Many” is relative in this case. I’m asking you: how many are too many? Are we talking about 10 people? 15? 20?

E se alguém considerar que uma contagem de cinco corpos é demasiado grande? Ao mesmo tempo, considera-a aceitável.

Who are you to say that someone has slept with too many people? Who are you to judge someone’s sex life?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is the truth.

2. It shouldn’t concern you as much as it does

At the end of the day, this shouldn’t bother you as much as it does. I mean, it’s part of their past for a reason.

Deve concentrar-se na forma como o seu parceiro o trata atualmente. Concentre-se em construir uma relação séria com eles, em vez de procurar nas suas velhas feridas e demónios.

If you look at things honestly, you’ll realize that their sexual past doesn’t affect your current relationship or life at all.

Does your partner love you any less because of their sexual activities before you? Do you think you’d be happier with someone who’s had fewer partners?

Penso que ambos sabemos a resposta a cada uma destas perguntas.

3. Apreciar a sua honestidade

Lets’s look at things this way: when you get in a new relationship, neither you nor your new partner have to talk about your numbers. This is a matter of privacy, and it’s rude to ask someone how many people they’ve slept with.

You don’t get to nag them about things that happened before you. Actually, you don’t even get to have an opinion on it.

Mas, apesar disso, o seu SO decidiu confessar. Quer dizer, eles podiam ter mentido sobre os seus números.

How would you know that they weren’t telling the truth? You can go through their life back and forth, through their social media, or talk to their friends, but you would still find out nothing.

Of course, something like that would make you a creep, but you see my point – they were in no way obligated to tell you the truth, especially if they knew it would cause them trouble.

So please don’t make them regret their honesty. Instead, appreciate it.

O seu parceiro está obviamente a tentar construir uma relação saudável consigo, baseada na confiança.

4. Mais parceiros significa mais experiência

Sair com alguém que já teve muitos parceiros tem as suas vantagens. Uma das primeiras é a sua experiência sexual.

It’s common sense – your SO has slept with numerous people. Therefore, they’ve had the chance to encounter different people with a wide range of sexual preferences.

Consequentemente, tudo isto os tornou melhores e mais hábeis amantes. E quem é o único que agora beneficia de toda esta experiência?

Well, isn’t it obvious? It’s you! So instead of thinking about all the ways your partner’s sexual history has “harmed” you, see it as a blessing in disguise.

You’ve got yourself someone who knows what they like in bed and isn’t afraid to ask for it. You have someone who is not afraid of experimenting and, most importantly, someone who’ll probably teach you a lot of new things in the bedroom!

5. Combater o ciúme retroativo

I’ll tell you what’s probably bothering you here the most: you’re struggling with ciúme retroativo. If you don’t know what this means, let me fill you in: it’s jealousy over your partner’s past.

You’re jealous of their ex-partners, and you’re obsessed with the relationship(s) they had before you.

Well, this is something you have to fight off. I know that this is something you don’t want to hear, but this obsession is a deeper problem, regardless of your partner’s body count.

It’s one thing to ter ciúmes de alguém com quem o seu namorado está a namoriscar ou com quem está a falar agora. Embora isso também não seja saudável, o ciúme retroativo é ainda pior.

I mean, let’s just look at things logically: you’re jealous of the people who were in your loved one’s life when you didn’t even exist. How crazy is that?

6. Preocupações de saúde

There is something you shouldn’t forget about when it comes to dating someone who has had many partners: your health. I don’t mean to call names, but as pessoas que têm números mais elevados também têm um maior risco de IST e DST.

It’s pure math: the more people you sleep with, the greater the chances that you run into someone who isn’t careful about their sexual health.

É por isso que deve pedir ao seu novo parceiro para fazer o teste antes de dormir com ele pela primeira vez. Quer dizer, este é um comportamento responsável e algo que deve fazer com todos os novos parceiros sexuais, independentemente do seu passado.

There is nothing they should get offended about here – this just shows that you’re both mature adults who take care of your health the way you should.

7. O seu passado fê-los ser quem são

You like this person, right? You’re even falling in love with them. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have had these concerns.

Bem, adivinhem: everything they’ve been through (including their sexual experience) has shaped them into the person they are today. All of their serious relationships, breakups, hookups, online dating… Whatever they’ve been through, it made them who they are.

And trust me – you wouldn’t want it any differently. Why? Well, because if it weren’t for every single experience they had in the past, they wouldn’t be the person you’ve fallen in love with today.

Their past partners might have been mistakes, but they taught them some lessons. You might see their sexual history as a flaw, but you’re not perfect either.

Besides, if you love someone, you love their imperfections because they’re part of their unique personality.

3 perguntas a fazer a si próprio quando namora com alguém que já teve muitos parceiros

Here’s a harsh truth: if you have a problem with the fact that your partner has slept with a lot of people, you don’t actually have a problem in your romantic relationship. You have a problem with the relationship you have with yourself.

But what is the root of that problem? Well, before answering this question, you’ll have to ask yourself these ones:

1. Faz parte do passado?

When you’re dating someone who has had many partners, you must ask yourself if they’ll continue being promiscuous. O seu passado afecta a sua fidelidade a si? É capaz de manter uma relação de compromisso?

If you’re certain that all of their previous partnerships are really in the past, where they belong, then what do you have to worry about?

Mais uma vez, deixem-me recordar-vos que tudo isto aconteceu antes de vocês aparecerem. Afinal de contas, também tens um passado e ninguém te pode julgar por ele.

However, if you think that you’re dealing with someone who’ll continue with their sexual practices, despite being in a serious relationship with you, then you’ve got yourself a problem.

2. Com o que é que estou preocupado?

The next question is why you’re worried about their sexual past. As harsh as this might sound, this is exclusively your problem, not theirs. And you have to dig deep inside yourself to find the cause of it.

Ego frágil

As suas inseguranças são o problema central aqui. Whether you like to admit it or not, you’re worried that you won’t be able to satisfazer o seu SO da mesma forma que os seus ex.

You’re worried that you’re not as good a lover as some of them were, and you keep wondering if you’re worthy for this person to stick around.

At the same time, what concerns you is your body count as well. If you’ve slept with fewer people than your SO, you can’t help but wonder: Are you less attractive than them? Why did fewer people want to sleep with you? Are they actually out of your league?

Normas sociais

Está preocupado com o que as pessoas possam dizer? This might be especially true if you’re a man whose girlfriend has slept with many people before you.

You refuse to admit this, but deep down, you’re scared that people will laugh at you. Maybe someone will tell you that your girl is promiscuous or insult her in a worse way.

What if you come across some of the men she’s slept with? How will you look your family and buddies in the eyes if they’re familiar with your GF’s reputation?

If these questions bother you, you’ve got a deeper problem than your GF’s body count. You’re obviously a agradar às pessoas que deixa que os outros ditem o seu modo de vida.

Problemas de confiança

Does your partner’s sexual history concern you because you don’t trust them enough? Do you think that they’ll continue sleeping around despite being in a relationship with you?

Mais uma vez, tem um questão mais profunda aqui. Deixem-me dizer-vos uma coisa: podem estar envolvidos com uma virgem que vos trairá se for essa a sua intenção.

If there are some serious trust issues in your relationship, that is what you need to work on instead of dealing with your SO’s past.

3. Irá influenciar a nossa relação?

The main question you have to ask yourself is if this issue from the past will impact your relationship. I’m not here to judge you for being bothered by this.

However, if you think you’re not up for dating someone who has had many partners, you should be honest with your SO about it.

Things won’t change. Their past partners won’t magically vanish, and their body count won’t reduce.

Por conseguinte, you have to ask yourself if this is something you can live with or not. Don’t act like everything is perfectly okay, and then be resentful about it in the future.

8 razões para alguém ter tido uma vida amorosa agitada

Not everyone’s high numbers are there for the same reason. And for you to understand your current partner, you have to know why they behaved as they did in the past. Here are the most common reasons someone has had many sexual relationships.

1. They’re actually emotionally unavailable

Algumas pessoas solteiras saltam de um namoro para outro porque they’re commitmentphobes que têm medo de se apegar demasiado. São eles emocionalmente indisponível e fogem para salvar as suas vidas no momento em que vêem que as coisas estão a começar a ficar sérias.

But at the same time, they have physical needs, don’t they? Well, these two things combined resulted in their high numbers.

2. Ou emocionalmente instável

Sair com alguém que já teve muitos parceiros não é um grande problema. No entanto, namorar uma pessoa emocionalmente instável who doesn’t know what they want is an issue that should concern you.

As pessoas emocionalmente instáveis estão, na verdade, desesperadamente à procura de amor. Sofrem de diferentes problemas de saúde mental e traumas, e saltar de uma cama para outra é a sua forma pouco saudável de lidar com isso.

Maybe they’re healing their inner child. Nevertheless, they’re trying to get the affection and the love they lack in all the wrong ways.

Se é por isso que alguém anda a dormir com outras pessoas, essa pessoa precisa de terapia.

3. À procura do único

Se o seu parceiro já dormiu com demasiadas pessoas, it is possible that they were searching for their forever person all along. They idealized every romance they’ve gotten themselves into, thinking that this time will be different, and they’ve finally found someone to grow old with.

It’s easy for them to fall in love and even easier to fall out of love. In that case, they’re not promiscuous – you’re actually dealing with a hopeless romantic.

4. Medo de ficar de fora

Some people sleep around because they’re afraid to settle down. They’re scared that they’ll miss out on something and just want to take in everything life has to offer. And having sex with different people is one of those things.

They’re just living every day as if it were their last. They enjoy every breath they take. And as long as they’re not harming anyone in the process, it’s their right to live like this.

5. They don’t settle for less

Here’s another reason for a high past partnership number: refusing to settle for less. Your partner knows what they deserve, and they don’t plan on sticking with someone who can’t give them that.

So, they grew a habit of walking away at the first sign of trouble. They don’t wait for things to magically become better. Instead, they get back into the dating pool and look for the next person who will actually meet their standards.

6. They don’t connect sex with emotions

Here’s a shocking revelation: as pessoas dormem com outras pessoas simplesmente porque gostam. Não há nada escondido por detrás disto, nenhum trauma passado, nenhuma insegurança, nenhuma necessidade de validação.

They enjoy having sex, and they don’t necessarily connect it with matters of the heart.

7. They don’t care about social standards

These people usually don’t give a damn about social standards, either. They couldn’’t care less if their behavior is socially acceptable. The last thing they plan is to allow others to shape their lives.

As long as something makes them happy, they don’t care what their friends, family, or future partners will have to say about it. They’re just out there, living their best lives, enjoying themselves while doing so!

8. They haven’t had a long-term relationship

Let’s look at things this way: you can be in one long-term relationship for five years. During that time, you’ve slept with your committed partner, which means your body count for five years was one.

But not everyone was so fortunate. How many dates, situationships, short relationships, and hookups have people who weren’t able to build a serious relationship (regardless of the reasons) had during this period of five years?

Sem mais nem menos, tens uma razão escondida por detrás da sua elevada contagem de corpos.

O número de parceiros anteriores é importante?

If you’re dealing with a self-aware and self-confident partner, the number of your potential partners will not matter to them. Esta pessoa saberá como deixar o passado no passado sem olhar para trás, para coisas que ninguém pode mudar.

And this is exactly how you should look at your number of sexual partners if you’re not happy with it. O que está feito, está feito, e não vale a pena chorar sobre o leite derramado.

Therefore, the number of past relationships your romantic partner has had shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. The only thing that should concern you is your current relationship!

Quantos namorados anteriores são demasiados?

De acordo com alguns estudos, A maioria dos homens disse que qualquer coisa acima do número 15 é demasiado namorado. No entanto, não existe uma resposta universal para esta pergunta, porque depende de mais do que um fator.

Que idade tens? It’s one thing if you’ve had 15 boyfriends by the age of 20 and something else if you’ve reached 40 years of age with this number.

Onde é que nasceu e cresceu? Different countries and different societies have different unwritten rules about people’s sexual needs and sexual history.

Estava envolvido numa relação de compromisso? Quanto tempo durou? Ou andava a saltar de uma relação para outra à procura da pessoa certa?

Of course, there are many other elements, but the only thing that matters is how you feel about your number of past lovers. If you think it’s too many, maybe it’s time to slow down!

É correto ter muitos parceiros?

Não há nada de errado em ter muitos parceiros sexuais ou de namoro. First of all, there is no defined number of people you’re allowed to sleep with. Secondly, as long as you’re not harming anyone, why would it not be ok to sleep with anyone you want?

The last thing you need is social approval on things you do in the privacy of your own bedroom. So please, don’t let anyone shame you for your sexual history!

What matters when you have more sex partners is to take care of your health. First and foremost, that means practicing safe sex. Only sleep with people who take regular tests for STDs and STIs, and don’t forget to do the same!

But this also includes taking care of your emotional and mental health. It’s one thing if you are sleeping with multiple people because you really want to. However, if you’re doing this to heal your insecurities or gain validation from the opposite sex, you have a problem.

O que é que se chama a alguém que tem vários amantes?

Se alguém tiver mais do que um parceiro ou amante ao mesmo tempo, they’re polyamorous. Naturalmente, esta é a definição para as pessoas que estão numa relação aberta or for people in more than one romantic relationship where everyone involved knows what’s going on. Anything else is cheating.

Por outro lado, se alguém teve um número significativo de amantes ao longo de toda a sua história de namoro ou tem o hábito de saltar de uma cama para outra, é promíscuo.

Keep in mind that there is absolutely nothing wrong with either of these terms as long as polyamorous or promiscuous people are not cheating on anyone and are being honest and fair towards everyone they’re involved with.

Para terminar:

As open-minded as we’re all trying to be, Ninguém pode contestar o facto de que namorar com alguém que já teve muitos parceiros pode ser um desafio. A sua mente continua a dizer-lhe que isto não tem nada a ver consigo e que não há razão para ter ciúmes, mas o seu coração e o seu ego contam uma história diferente.

E é nessa altura que tem de ser a pessoa madura e decidir quem ganha: a lógica ou a sua frágil autoestima? If you have a problem with deciding this, I’m sorry, but you have a problem with the relationship you have with yourself.

And that is much more serious than all the problems you think you have with your partner’s dating history!