Salir con alguien que ha tenido muchas parejas: Un tutorial

You’re in a new relationship. Everything seems to be going great except for one thing: your new partner has a high number of past lovers. To be honest, you don’t know what to do or how to feel about this.

¿Es este un ¿bandera roja? ¿Debería ser un motivo de ruptura? ¿Afectará a su relación actual?

If you’re struggling with these and similar thoughts, you’ve come to the right place. Here is a step-by-step guide for dating someone who has had many partners.

7 cosas que hay que saber antes de salir con alguien que ha tenido muchas parejas

If you’re dating someone who has had many partners, here are some things to keep in mind.

1. “Many” is relative

The first thing you must keep in mind is that just because you think someone has a high number of past partners doesn’t mean they’ve actually slept with a lot of people. No existe una escala internacional que dicte cuántos son demasiados y cuántos son suficientes.

“Many” is relative in this case. I’m asking you: how many are too many? Are we talking about 10 people? 15? 20?

¿Y si alguien considera que un recuento de cinco cadáveres es demasiado? Al mismo tiempo, tú lo consideras aceptable.

Who are you to say that someone has slept with too many people? Who are you to judge someone’s sex life?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is the truth.

2. It shouldn’t concern you as much as it does

At the end of the day, this shouldn’t bother you as much as it does. I mean, it’s part of their past for a reason.

Deberías centrarte en cómo te trata tu pareja ahora. Concéntrese en relación seria con ellos en lugar de hurgar en sus viejas heridas y demonios.

If you look at things honestly, you’ll realize that their sexual past doesn’t affect your current relationship or life at all.

Does your partner love you any less because of their sexual activities before you? Do you think you’d be happier with someone who’s had fewer partners?

Creo que usted y yo sabemos la respuesta a cada una de estas preguntas.

3. Apreciar su honestidad

Lets’s look at things this way: when you get in a new relationship, neither you nor your new partner have to talk about your numbers. This is a matter of privacy, and it’s rude to ask someone how many people they’ve slept with.

You don’t get to nag them about things that happened before you. Actually, you don’t even get to have an opinion on it.

Pero a pesar de esto, su SO decidió confesar. Es decir, podrían haber mentido sobre sus números.

How would you know that they weren’t telling the truth? You can go through their life back and forth, through their social media, or talk to their friends, but you would still find out nothing.

Of course, something like that would make you a creep, but you see my point – they were in no way obligated to tell you the truth, especially if they knew it would cause them trouble.

So please don’t make them regret their honesty. Instead, appreciate it.

Es evidente que tu pareja intenta construir contigo una relación sana basada en la confianza.

4. Más socios significa más experiencia

Salir con alguien que ha tenido muchas parejas tiene sus ventajas. Una de las primeras es su experiencia sexual.

It’s common sense – your SO has slept with numerous people. Therefore, they’ve had the chance to encounter different people with a wide range of sexual preferences.

En consecuencia, todo ello les hizo mejores y más hábiles amantes. ¿Y quién es el único que se beneficia ahora de toda esta experiencia?

Well, isn’t it obvious? It’s you! So instead of thinking about all the ways your partner’s sexual history has “harmed” you, see it as a blessing in disguise.

You’ve got yourself someone who knows what they like in bed and isn’t afraid to ask for it. You have someone who is not afraid of experimenting and, most importantly, someone who’ll probably teach you a lot of new things in the bedroom!

5. Lucha contra tus celos retroactivos

I’ll tell you what’s probably bothering you here the most: you’re struggling with celos retroactivos. If you don’t know what this means, let me fill you in: it’s jealousy over your partner’s past.

You’re jealous of their ex-partners, and you’re obsessed with the relationship(s) they had before you.

Well, this is something you have to fight off. I know that this is something you don’t want to hear, but this obsession is a deeper problem, regardless of your partner’s body count.

It’s one thing to estar celoso de alguien con quien tu SO esté flirteando o hablando ahora. Aunque eso tampoco es sano, los celos retroactivos son aún peores.

I mean, let’s just look at things logically: you’re jealous of the people who were in your loved one’s life when you didn’t even exist. How crazy is that?

6. Preocupaciones sanitarias

There is something you shouldn’t forget about when it comes to dating someone who has had many partners: your health. I don’t mean to call names, but las personas que tienen cifras más altas también tienen un mayor riesgo de ITS y ETS.

It’s pure math: the more people you sleep with, the greater the chances that you run into someone who isn’t careful about their sexual health.

Por eso debes pedir a tu nueva pareja que se haga la prueba antes de acostarte con ella por primera vez. Es un comportamiento responsable y algo que deberías hacer con cada nueva pareja sexual, independientemente de su pasado.

There is nothing they should get offended about here – this just shows that you’re both mature adults who take care of your health the way you should.

7. Su pasado les convirtió en lo que son

You like this person, right? You’re even falling in love with them. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have had these concerns.

Bueno, adivina qué: everything they’ve been through (including their sexual experience) has shaped them into the person they are today. All of their serious relationships, breakups, hookups, online dating… Whatever they’ve been through, it made them who they are.

And trust me – you wouldn’t want it any differently. Why? Well, because if it weren’t for every single experience they had in the past, they wouldn’t be the person you’ve fallen in love with today.

Their past partners might have been mistakes, but they taught them some lessons. You might see their sexual history as a flaw, but you’re not perfect either.

Besides, if you love someone, you love their imperfections because they’re part of their unique personality.

3 preguntas para salir con alguien que ha tenido muchas parejas

Here’s a harsh truth: if you have a problem with the fact that your partner has slept with a lot of people, you don’t actually have a problem in your romantic relationship. You have a problem with the relationship you have with yourself.

But what is the root of that problem? Well, before answering this question, you’ll have to ask yourself these ones:

1. ¿Forma parte del pasado?

When you’re dating someone who has had many partners, you must ask yourself if they’ll continue being promiscuous. ¿Influye su pasado en su fidelidad hacia ti? ¿Son capaces de mantener una relación comprometida?

If you’re certain that all of their previous partnerships are really in the past, where they belong, then what do you have to worry about?

Una vez más, permítame recordarle que todo esto ocurrió antes de que usted llegara. Al fin y al cabo, tú también tienes un pasado y nadie puede juzgarte por él.

However, if you think that you’re dealing with someone who’ll continue with their sexual practices, despite being in a serious relationship with you, then you’ve got yourself a problem.

2. ¿Qué me preocupa?

The next question is why you’re worried about their sexual past. As harsh as this might sound, this is exclusively your problem, not theirs. And you have to dig deep inside yourself to find the cause of it.

Ego frágil

Sus inseguridades son el núcleo del problema. Whether you like to admit it or not, you’re worried that you won’t be able to satisfacer su SO como lo hicieron sus ex.

You’re worried that you’re not as good a lover as some of them were, and you keep wondering if you’re worthy for this person to stick around.

At the same time, what concerns you is your body count as well. If you’ve slept with fewer people than your SO, you can’t help but wonder: Are you less attractive than them? Why did fewer people want to sleep with you? Are they actually out of your league?

Normas sociales

¿Le preocupa el qué dirán? This might be especially true if you’re a man whose girlfriend has slept with many people before you.

You refuse to admit this, but deep down, you’re scared that people will laugh at you. Maybe someone will tell you that your girl is promiscuous or insult her in a worse way.

What if you come across some of the men she’s slept with? How will you look your family and buddies in the eyes if they’re familiar with your GF’s reputation?

If these questions bother you, you’ve got a deeper problem than your GF’s body count. You’re obviously a complacer a la gente que deja que otros dicten su modo de vida.

Cuestiones de confianza

Does your partner’s sexual history concern you because you don’t trust them enough? Do you think that they’ll continue sleeping around despite being in a relationship with you?

Una vez más, tiene una problema más profundo aquí. Déjame decirte algo: puedes estar involucrado con una virgen que te engañará si esa es su intención.

If there are some serious trust issues in your relationship, that is what you need to work on instead of dealing with your SO’s past.

3. ¿Influirá en nuestra relación?

The main question you have to ask yourself is if this issue from the past will impact your relationship. I’m not here to judge you for being bothered by this.

However, if you think you’re not up for dating someone who has had many partners, you should be honest with your SO about it.

Things won’t change. Their past partners won’t magically vanish, and their body count won’t reduce.

Por lo tanto, you have to ask yourself if this is something you can live with or not. Don’t act like everything is perfectly okay, and then be resentful about it in the future.

8 razones por las que alguien ha tenido una vida amorosa ajetreada

Not everyone’s high numbers are there for the same reason. And for you to understand your current partner, you have to know why they behaved as they did in the past. Here are the most common reasons someone has had many sexual relationships.

1. They’re actually emotionally unavailable

Algunos solteros saltan de una aventura a otra porque they’re commitmentphobes que en realidad tienen miedo de encariñarse demasiado. Son emocionalmente no disponible y huyen para salvar sus vidas en cuanto ven que las cosas empiezan a ponerse serias.

But at the same time, they have physical needs, don’t they? Well, these two things combined resulted in their high numbers.

2. O emocionalmente inestable

Salir con alguien que ha tenido muchas parejas no es un gran problema. Sin embargo, salir con una persona emocionalmente inestable who doesn’t know what they want is an issue that should concern you.

Las personas emocionalmente inestables buscan desesperadamente el amor. Sufren diferentes problemas de salud mental y traumas, y saltar de una cama a otra es su forma malsana de afrontarlo.

Maybe they’re healing their inner child. Nevertheless, they’re trying to get the affection and the love they lack in all the wrong ways.

Si esta es la razón por la que alguien se acuesta con cualquiera, esa persona necesita terapia.

3. En busca del

Si tu pareja se ha acostado con demasiadas personas, it is possible that they were searching for their forever person all along. They idealized every romance they’ve gotten themselves into, thinking that this time will be different, and they’ve finally found someone to grow old with.

It’s easy for them to fall in love and even easier to fall out of love. In that case, they’re not promiscuous – you’re actually dealing with a hopeless romantic.

4. Miedo a perderse algo

Some people sleep around because they’re afraid to settle down. They’re scared that they’ll miss out on something and just want to take in everything life has to offer. And having sex with different people is one of those things.

They’re just living every day as if it were their last. They enjoy every breath they take. And as long as they’re not harming anyone in the process, it’s their right to live like this.

5. They don’t settle for less

Here’s another reason for a high past partnership number: refusing to settle for less. Your partner knows what they deserve, and they don’t plan on sticking with someone who can’t give them that.

So, they grew a habit of walking away at the first sign of trouble. They don’t wait for things to magically become better. Instead, they get back into the dating pool and look for the next person who will actually meet their standards.

6. They don’t connect sex with emotions

Here’s a shocking revelation: la gente se acuesta con otras personas simplemente porque les gusta. No hay nada oculto detrás de esto, ningún trauma del pasado, ninguna inseguridad, ninguna necesidad de validación.

They enjoy having sex, and they don’t necessarily connect it with matters of the heart.

7. They don’t care about social standards

These people usually don’t give a damn about social standards, either. They couldn’’t care less if their behavior is socially acceptable. The last thing they plan is to allow others to shape their lives.

As long as something makes them happy, they don’t care what their friends, family, or future partners will have to say about it. They’re just out there, living their best lives, enjoying themselves while doing so!

8. They haven’t had a long-term relationship

Let’s look at things this way: you can be in one long-term relationship for five years. During that time, you’ve slept with your committed partner, which means your body count for five years was one.

But not everyone was so fortunate. How many dates, situationships, short relationships, and hookups have people who weren’t able to build a serious relationship (regardless of the reasons) had during this period of five years?

Así de fácil, tienes una razón oculta tras su elevado número de cadáveres.

¿Importa el número de parejas anteriores?

If you’re dealing with a self-aware and self-confident partner, the number of your potential partners will not matter to them. Esta persona sabrá dejar el pasado en el pasado sin mirar atrás a cosas que nadie puede cambiar.

And this is exactly how you should look at your number of sexual partners if you’re not happy with it. Lo hecho, hecho está, y de nada sirve llorar sobre la leche derramada.

Therefore, the number of past relationships your romantic partner has had shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. The only thing that should concern you is your current relationship!

¿Cuántos novios anteriores son demasiados?

Según algunas investigaciones, la mayoría de los hombres dicen que todo lo que supere el número 15 son demasiados novios. Sin embargo, no hay una respuesta universal a esta pregunta porque depende de más de un factor.

¿Cuántos años tienes? It’s one thing if you’ve had 15 boyfriends by the age of 20 and something else if you’ve reached 40 years of age with this number.

¿Dónde nació y creció? Different countries and different societies have different unwritten rules about people’s sexual needs and sexual history.

¿Tenía una relación estable? ¿Cuánto duró? ¿O ibas saltando de una relación a otra en busca de la elegida?

Of course, there are many other elements, but the only thing that matters is how you feel about your number of past lovers. If you think it’s too many, maybe it’s time to slow down!

¿Está bien tener muchas parejas?

No hay nada malo en tener muchas citas o parejas sexuales. First of all, there is no defined number of people you’re allowed to sleep with. Secondly, as long as you’re not harming anyone, why would it not be ok to sleep with anyone you want?

The last thing you need is social approval on things you do in the privacy of your own bedroom. So please, don’t let anyone shame you for your sexual history!

What matters when you have more sex partners is to take care of your health. First and foremost, that means practicing safe sex. Only sleep with people who take regular tests for STDs and STIs, and don’t forget to do the same!

But this also includes taking care of your emotional and mental health. It’s one thing if you are sleeping with multiple people because you really want to. However, if you’re doing this to heal your insecurities or gain validation from the opposite sex, you have a problem.

¿Cómo se llama a alguien que tiene varios amantes?

Si alguien tiene más de una pareja o amante al mismo tiempo, they’re polyamorous. Por supuesto, esta es la definición para la gente en un relación abierta or for people in more than one romantic relationship where everyone involved knows what’s going on. Anything else is cheating.

Por otro lado, si alguien ha tenido un número significativo de amantes a lo largo de toda su historia de citas o tiene la costumbre de saltar de una cama a otra, es promiscuo.

Keep in mind that there is absolutely nothing wrong with either of these terms as long as polyamorous or promiscuous people are not cheating on anyone and are being honest and fair towards everyone they’re involved with.

Para terminar:

As open-minded as we’re all trying to be, Nadie puede negar que salir con alguien que ha tenido muchas parejas puede ser todo un reto. Tu mente sigue diciéndote que esto no tiene nada que ver contigo y que no hay razón para estar celoso, pero tu corazón y tu ego cuentan otra historia.

Y ese es el punto en el que tienes que ser la persona madura y decidir quién gana: ¿la lógica o tu frágil autoestima? If you have a problem with deciding this, I’m sorry, but you have a problem with the relationship you have with yourself.

And that is much more serious than all the problems you think you have with your partner’s dating history!