Nunca Te Perdoarei Por Me Teres Quebrado

It’s been three years and I can still taste your lips on mine, still feel your hand clasped in my hand, still feel your breath on my skin.

Nunca pensei que sentiria falta de alguém, ou sentir-se assim de coração partido, for so long, but I do, and I just want it to end now. I want you gone from my mind, as my thoughts can’t take it anymore.

Quero que deixes de invadir os meus devaneios, que deixes de aparecer do nada e de me surpreender com a mesma dor e mágoa, uma e outra vez.

Por favor, faz as tuas malas e deixa o meu coração, pois o lugar que criaste já não te acolhe.

Quebraste-me quando me usaste e usaste-me porque estavas aborrecido. Estavas aborrecido da tua vida mundana, da tua mulher aborrecida, do teu trabalho aborrecido.

Wait… You had a wife? Funnily enough, I no longer feel guilty when I think of her, I just feel sorry for her, that she has you for a husband, that your kids will grow up with a liar and a cheat for a father.

Wait… You had kids, too? Oh yeah, so there were more people at risk of being hurt than just me when you decided you were bored, and that you needed a little fun, but you only ever thought of yourself.

Ou devo dizer que só pensaste com a tua pila.

I don’t pretend to myself that you ever loved me, because I know that you never did, and you never would, and it would probably hurt more if we couldn’t be together if we loved each other.

Mas o meu coração ainda quer que eu finja que me amaste, nem que seja só um bocadinho.

O meu pobre e frágil coração, que se apaixonou por ti há tantos anos, e que te desejou, e sentiu a tua falta, e pensou que nunca mais te veria.

O meu pobre e frágil coração, que passou daquele amor triste e não correspondido para te reencontrar e saber que, desta vez, me querias.

That poor, fragile heart was suddenly rich and strong, and longing for yours. But you never gave me your heart—not one piece of it.

You just wanted to screw me, talk to me about everything your wife didn’t want to discuss, and have fun with me, so I was your partner in bed, your emotional partner, and your fun friend, and yet you threw me away like I was nothing at the end of it all.

You always said, “It is what it is.” But that’s how you got away with not colocar um rótulo on us and how you convinced yourself it wasn’t that bad of a thing to do to your family, or to me—the one you knew had loved you for so many years.

Quando me enviaste uma mensagem privada no Facebook nesse dia, eu devia tê-la ignorado ou apagado.

O meu coração nunca perdoará o meu cérebro por ter carregado no botão de resposta. E eu nunca te perdoarei por me partires desta maneira.

por Selina Hallam