Porque é que ninguém quer sair comigo? 10 dicas para encontrar o amor
“Why does nobody want to date me?”
It’s not uncommon to hear this from a troubled 15- year-old high school student who’s still learning how to make their way through life and relationships. At that age, everyone knows a limited number of people they could date, and every single one of them is confused, so not being able to find someone is nothing out of the ordinary.
However, when you’re an adult who’s asking the same question, you’re not in the same situation. Sabe como funcionam os encontros e conhece pessoas fora do seu ambiente imediato. Se toda a gente à sua volta está a formar pares e a começar a sua vida com um parceiro, pode sentir-se sem esperança.
Do you wonder what it is about you that’s so unattractive that no one wants you? Pode ter a certeza de que a falta de um parceiro romântico não tem nada a ver com a sua atratividade. It’s all related to your feelings and behavior, which you can start to work on and change as soon as you realize what exactly is going on.
Quando descobrir a verdadeira razão, pode começar a lidar com ela e abrir a porta para convidar alguém com quem possa partilhar a sua vida.
Why Does Nobody Want To Date Me? What’s Wrong With Me?
I’m sure you’ve seen someone who’s less attractive, less intelligent, less interesting than you, someone unkind or ill-natured, and they had a partner in their life who loved them. If you thought, “Why does nobody want to date me when this objectively horrible person has someone?” The simple and only answer is that they’re still a person, and everyone deserves love.
“So how come no one wants to date me ?” you might ask, and the answer is because you’re not letting anyone love you . The only reason that mean person is married and you’re not even dating is because they let someone in. Let’s look at all the reasons you’re depriving yourself of love and find out how to let go and invite it into your life.
1. You believe you’re not worthy of love
Antes de mais, é preciso acreditar que tu são digno de amor . Not because you’re special, not because you’re you, or any other platitude. The real reason is because é um ser humano e, sem falta, toda a gente é digno de amor.
There are plenty of reasons you might believe you don’t deserve love – the way you were raised, your life experience, even if someone said so to you. Livrar-se destas crenças prejudiciais pode ser muito difícil.
Therapy can help, but therapy isn’t magic. You still need to do the work necessary to restore your self-esteem or build it from the ground up if you never had any in the first place .
There’s a voice deep in your subconscious telling you things like, “no one will ever love you,” “why would someone pick you over anyone else,” “you’re unattractive,” “you’re useless,” and a number of other damaging examples of negative self-talk.
No fundo, sabemos que a voz que nos diz estas coisas está errada, mas continuamos a acreditar nela. O seu viagem em direção a uma autoestima saudável e a confiança tem de começar por tomar a decisão de lidar com o problema de uma vez por todas.
Dar prioridade a si próprio e aos seus saúde mental. Even if you feel like loving yourself is arrogant, unearned, and delusional, push through because those thoughts are just a product of years of hurt you’ve been exposed to attacking you. Luta contra isso amando-te a ti próprio. Acknowledge that you’re a person, and you deserve to be loved.
2. You don’t show vulnerability
This is often related to the belief that you’re unworthy of love. You’re ashamed of yourself in some way, and you play it cool to avoid showing something about yourself that you don’t want other people to see.
Your insecurities are preventing you from opening up and showing your true self because you’re afraid that people will think you’re pathetic, ridiculous, shameful, or whatever else your inner voice is telling you.
You might think you’re acting naturally, but are you? Sometimes people erguer uma parede of sarcasm, or they’re the funny one, or the bubbly one, or another persona que adoptam para esconder a sua vulnerabilidade.
You might even say that you’re not really interested in meeting anyone so that people won’t pity you because you’re single when in reality, there’s nothing you’d like better. You might hide behind being busy, self-sufficient, or uninterested because you’re afraid to show yourself.
People pick up on these vibes and feel intimidated. You project an image of disinterest, and people feel like they would be rejected if they approached you, so they don’t even try. É preciso lidar com isso primeiro aceitando-nos a nós próprios.
Tem de lidar com a sua dor, a sua vergonha e a sua fragilidade. Só quando reconhece as coisas que esconde e as aceita plenamente é que pode começar a abrir-se e a mostrar às pessoas quem é.
Por vezes, falhamos. Por vezes, temos sucesso. Por vezes, chora-se. You don’t have to be perfect all the time. In fact, only when you‘re not will people be able to feel close to you.
3. You’re needy
If hiding vulnerability makes people intimidated, being too needy makes people feel repulsed. What’s the difference between being vulnerable and being needy ?
Mostrar vulnerabilidade é uma qualidade positiva que se situa entre o esconder e o ser carente. Vulnerability is a good thing. It’s desirable because it shows your true heart. Neediness shows your heart but faz exigências e pede que outros tratem do assunto o que é desagradável.
Being needy puts responsibility for your feelings on others, and this immediately makes them not want to have anything to do with you. When you’re looking for a partner, neediness can make you seem different from the loving person you are – someone who is too much responsibility.
Como é que se pode ser vulnerável sem ser carente? Antes de mais, deve aprender a satisfazer as suas próprias necessidades e não esperar que os outros o façam. When you don’t depend on anyone to give you what you need, you’re not putting pressure on them.
For example, telling your friend that you have a problem and want to talk to them about it is you being vulnerable. Getting mad at them because they’re too busy to meet with you today is needy .
In this case, you need to understand that your friend has their own issues too. They’re prioritizing themselves, which you should do too. You have to learn to handle your own issues and be grateful if you‘re offered help instead of demanding it. É assim que se deixar de ser carente .
4. You’re not actually looking
Be honest with yourself – are you actually looking for someone to date? The perfect person won’t just show up at your door one day, ready to take you out. Está a dar-se a conhecer e conhecer pessoas quem poderia ser um bom partido para si?
Do you pretend you don’t want anyone at all because you think you won’t find someone, so you’ve given up?
If this is why you can’t find anyone, then the solution is easy. Encontrar uma forma de encontrar e estabelecer contacto com alguém. Algumas pessoas são bem sucedidas com encontros em linha e nas redes sociais , enquanto outros preferem conhecer pessoas através de amigos e conhecidos.
Make a profile on a dating site if you think that would work for you, but be smart about creating it. Your profile should make it clear what you’re looking for. Tente ser o mais honesto possível sobre quem é, para que o seu perfil pareça interessante para alguém que esteja à procura de uma pessoa como você.
To find someone more directly, let everyone know that you’re looking: your friends, family, and colleagues. Some of them definitely already have someone in mind for you but were reluctant to mention it because you claim you’re not looking. Confie neles e dê-lhes uma oportunidade.
The worst that can happen is that you don’t like whoever they set you up with, and then you just move on.
5. Auto-sabota-se
Porque é que ninguém quer namorar contigo? Porque pode estar a fazer coisas para os desencorajar quando eles mostram interesse. “This can’t be real,” you must be thinking. “Why would I push people away when I want to find someone?”
Isto está relacionado com o primeiro ponto acima: falta de autoestima . Sometimes when people feel like they don’t deserve something, they can’t accept it when it’s given to them. When this happens, fazem tudo o que podem para que lhes seja retirado.
Auto-sabotagem is often characterized by self-destructive behavior. People self-sabotage by doing things that stop them from getting something that would be good for them, yet they’re afraid of it. For example, someone might fail at work on purpose to prevent a possible promotion that would give them responsibilities they’re afraid of.
Quando se trata de encontros, you might be subconsciously looking for ways to discourage someone who’s interested in you because you don’t want that person in particular or you’re afraid of a relationship . Maybe you give them a hard time or show a side of you that’s unattractive on purpose so things never go past the first date .
A better approach is to be honest if you’re not interested in someone. If you’re self-sabotaging out of fear, working on your sense of self-worth will be helpful.
6. You want people who don’t want you
It’s not that nobody wants to date you. It’s that you want specific people, and it turns out that they’re not interested. This isn’t the end of the world. It has nothing to do with how good looking or interesting you are. It’s okay that not everyone you like likes you back, only one person.
Why, then, can’t that one person you like be into you as well? Unfortunately, we don’t choose who we like, but the good news is that it’s possible to move on, keep looking, and find someone else if that one person doesn’t like us.
Being stuck with a crush might also be a sign that one of the points above might be an issue. If you always choose people who don’t want you back, it might signify self-sabotage. Escolher o tipo de pessoa who won’t like you back is a sure way of not getting into a relationship.
The problem might also be that you’re looking for love in the wrong places. Some people are lucky to enter a healthy relationship with someone they’ve met on a dating app , but very often, as pessoas que conheces no Tinder só estão interessadas em engates e não namorar.
This is why it might seem like nobody wants to date you when, in fact, the person you’ve met is only looking for single women or men for casual encounters and aren’t there because they want to date the person they meet.
7. You’re afraid of getting hurt
O medo de se magoar é razoável, mas quando se torna paralisante, talvez seja altura de dar um passo atrás e escolher um pouco de confiança e fé nos outros. A muitas pessoas são genuínos e estão apenas à procura de uma relação feliz.
This fear can stem from trauma – if your parents’ relationship or other relationships you were around growing up were unhealthy. Perhaps you were burned in a past relationship , and now you can’t move past it. Even people who were never in any kind of relationship can be terrified of what would happen if their partner betrayed and hurt them.
Uma das formas de medo de se magoar pode ser precisamente o que nos prejudica, quando nos leva a evitar completamente as pessoas que poderiam estar interessadas em nós e a isolarmo-nos. Recuar e retirar-se do jogo parece ser a única forma de se proteger, mas o tiro sai pela culatra.
Don’t let yourself regret the things you didn’t do. Aceitar que um pouco de dor é inevitável. Mesmo as relações mais felizes podem terminar de forma dolorosa e não há garantias. É preciso sair de casa e optar por uma nova relação, e ela virá até nós.
8. Sente-se pressionado a encontrar um parceiro
If your dating life, or lack thereof, is a constant topic among your family and friends, you’re probably sick of it. Ser empurrado para encontrar o amor when it’s not happening gives you a sense of shame and can lead you to despair.
Esta pressão incessante pode fazer-nos sentir que há algo de errado connosco por não conseguirmos encontrar um parceiro. É preciso deixar claro para si mesmo que não ter um parceiro não é nada de extraordinário e que está tudo bem.
Everyone moves at their own pace. Some people meet the person they stay with for the rest of their lives when they’re very young, and others never find the one. Both of these situations and everything in between is perfectly normal.
A pressão para encontrar um parceiro pode também afetar a sua relação com a família. You might start avoiding them because you can’t listen to them anymore. Then the first time you do actually meet someone, you might be reluctant to let anyone know because you’re afraid of their reaction if it doesn’t work out.
A solução para este problema é falar calmamente com as pessoas que estão sempre a perguntar sobre o seu vida amorosa and tell them that you don’t appreciate it. Be honest and let them know it’s pressuring you. Then decide what you want to do, look for a relationship for real, or stay single. No one’s opinion except yours matters.
9. Tem expectativas irrealistas em relação ao romance
You’re looking for the perfect person , so any potential partner who doesn’t have everything on your checklist is immediately out of the running as your future true love .
If your idea of a romantic relationship comes from the media, it might be unrealistic. It’s not that nobody wants to date you – you just have the wrong idea of what’s possible and what’s healthy.
Pode acontecer-lhe um grande romance, mas nove em cada dez vezes, se começar como nos filmes, acabará por se tornar numa relação tóxica que só o deixará magoado.
A real happy romance starts with respect and kindness. Someone who comes to sweep you off your feet and does so with nothing but grand gestures isn’t who you should be looking for. Don’t wait for what you think love deve ser, mas concentre-se no que realmente é.
Love shouldn’t hurt . Having to fight for love isn’t a sign of romance. Love at first sight isn’t a sign of finding your soulmate. Just because someone doesn’t have everything you’re looking for at first glance doesn’t mean that giving them a chance would mean you’re settling.
A happy, healthy, and loving relationship is possible with someone who shares your values, who’s willing to compromise, and who can open up and share their heart with you. If they don’t have the hair color you prefer, or you don’t like what they do for a living, you shouldn’t immediately rule them out.
10. Nunca dás o primeiro passo
It’s entirely possible that someone who liked you was afraid to let you know because they thought you weren’t interested. If you’re the kind of person who never makes the first move, this might happen to you a lot.
You might think no one wants you when in reality, people simply don’t show their feelings. Other people might have the same issues as you. Maybe that person you’ve had a crush on for months likes you but feels like there’s no way you like them back.
Falta um pouco de coragem a ambos os lados do que pode vir a ser uma relação séria. Por vezes, pode ser suficiente apenas dar um sinal claro à outra pessoa.
Women are especially guilty of waiting for the other person to make a move, but guys tend to do this too. Try having a little courage in the face of fear of rejection. That‘s the worst that can happen, but se o fizermos com a convicção de que o facto de sermos rejeitados não tem qualquer influência no nosso valor como pessoa, torna-se muito mais fácil.
Começa com amor e vontade
When you feel lonely and unloved, the world seems like a sad place. Asking the universe, “Why does nobody want to date me?” can make you feel alone and hopeless. It’s understandable if it makes you feel overwhelmed and defeated and ready to give up.
But don’t surrender yet. Para encontrar alguém que nos ame, temos de começar por nos amarmos a nós próprios. Unless you feel like you’re worthy of love , you won’t find it. So don’t sit around waiting – get up and do everything you have to do to be the first one to love you.
Depois de aumentar a sua auto-confiança, deve optar por querer uma relação. The first step to getting anything in this world is to want it, and that desire is what makes you work for it. When you decide that you’re truly ready and want to find someone, you’ll succeed.
Quando estas duas condições estão reunidas, é possível ultrapassar tudo o resto. A sua vontade de encontrar o amor vai fazer-te lutar por ela, e o teu sentido de autoestima vai fazer com que trabalhe todas as outras questões mentais e emocionais que o estão a impedir.
Boa sorte no vosso percurso!
