Se quisessem, fá-lo-iam: Verdadeiro ou falso?

I’m sure you stumbled upon TikTok’s latest trend, “Se quisessem, fá-lo-iam.” While some women claim that this is the only piece of relationship advice we should all live by, some argue against it, reminding us that things aren’t always that simple.

So, what’s it gonna be? Is this line true or false? You can never know if you don’t read on!

Se quisessem, fá-lo-iam: 8 coisas a considerar

Eis alguns aspectos importantes a ter em conta antes de chegar a uma conclusão:

1. Ninguém está assim tão ocupado

Let’s start with the most obvious reason why the “se quisessem, fá-lo-iam” line is true: everyone finds time and energy for the people and things that really matter to them.

Isto pode parecer duro, mas, no fim de contas, ninguém está demasiado ocupado para telefonar, enviar mensagens ou estar consigo quando precisa. Tente olhar para as coisas da sua própria perspetiva: você tem sempre as pessoas de quem gosta na sua agenda.

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse!

You can have the busiest day in the world, but you’ll find a way to at least send your loved one a text message or give them a phone call explaining yourself. You won’t ghost them despite being well aware that they need your presence.

On the other hand, if you’re too busy or exhausted, you’ll probably bail that man or woman from Tinder whom you’re supposed to go out on a first date with.

Do you see the difference? You aren’t busy for your family members or best friends, but you’re busy for someone you met on an online dating app.

And, that’s perfectly reasonable. But, it does bring us to the next conclusion: If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll encontrar uma desculpa!

2. A vida é demasiado curta para desculpas

No entanto, a última coisa que tenciona fazer é aceitar other people’s excuses. And, that’s perfectly fine.

Afinal de contas, a vida é demasiado curta para ficar sentado à espera que alguém arranje uma desculpa válida para não o tratar bem ou afastar-se. You’re sick and tired of people telling you how much you mean to them, but never actually showing up when you need them.

How many times have you heard your good friend telling you that they wanted to call you, but something didn’t go their way? What about your significant other who claims they love you to the moon and back, but regularly fails to give you the support you expect from them?

O que é que se faz quando se depara com uma situação destas? Deve acreditar nestas desculpas vazias?

Well, it all depends on your gut. Do you feel like they’re lying to you? If so, run!

3. You’re not equally important to everyone

Here’s a heartbreaking fact: sometimes, you’re not as important to people as you would like to be.

Let’s take this for an example. You met a really nice guy or girl and you’re doing your best to build a committed relationship with them. You know they like you, but they’re either clearly not putting enough effort in connecting with you or they’re making desculpas para não se comprometer.

So, you say to yourself: If they wanted to, they would. But, why don’t they WANT a relação séria consigo?

Tentamos justificar o seu comportamento e continuamos a procurar desculpas. No entanto, a dura verdade é bastante simples: no fim do dia, you’re aquele que se preocupa mais.

And, as brutal as this might sound, it’s something you’ll have to accept. A lot of people won’t give you back the love you deserve. That’s all a part of life, and you just have to deal with it.

4. A vida, por vezes, mete-se no caminho

I hate to break your bubble, but things aren’t always as simple as the TikTok advice “If they wanted to, they would” says. You know why? Well, because a vida é bastante imprevisível.

Por vezes, as coisas atrapalham mesmo. Quantas vezes planeou contactar alguém, mas aconteceu algo inesperado?

Of course, I’m not talking about “a dog ate my homework” kind of thing. I’m talking about real life situations that sound like empty excuses, but are actually true.

What if the nice guy you met got hit by a car on the way to your first date? What if someone wasn’t returning your phone calls because they lost a loved one?

What if your friend or a family member hasn’t been texting you because they’re struggling with depression? What if your crush isn’t reaching out because they lost their phone and can’t get a hold of your number?

Confiança ilimitada vs sombra de dúvida

Tem duas opções. Pode acreditar nestas desculpas e arriscar-se a ser um tolo. Ou então, pode acusar a outra pessoa de não se esforçar o suficiente antes de pedir uma explicação.

What’s it going to be? Well, here’s something that saved my heart from getting broken too many times, and also helped me keep my mental health.

Dêem às pessoas que vos rodeiam a presunção de inocência. Isso significa dar-lhes a oportunidade de se explicarem.

However, if they repeat the same mistake and try to justify themselves with the same lousy excuse, they won’t be getting a segunda oportunidade.

5. Retira a culpa de si

Possibly the best thing about the “Se quisessem, fá-lo-iam” concept is the fact that it takes the blame off you. Instead of questionar o seu valor próprio sempre que um potencial parceiro doesn’t text you backNão se esqueçam que a decisão foi deles e que têm o direito de a tomar.

Em vez de deixar que isto arruíne a sua autoestimaLembrem-se que nada disto é sua culpa.

They didn’t fantasma porque of something you did. They weren’t unfaithful because you weren’t enough.

6. Não é um convite para os perseguir mais

A relação saudável means equal effort. It’s not about one person running for their life while the other one is chasing them all the time.

Por isso, se alguém não estiver presente para si, veja isso como uma bandeira vermelha.

I don’t care if they’re não responder às suas mensagens and phone calls, ignoring you all over social media, not giving you the amount of time you’re giving them, or ignoring you after y’all slept together.

A conclusão é a mesma: isto não é um convite para os perseguir mais. On the contrary, it’s a sign to back off.

As much as this hurts, this person clearly doesn’t want any more contact. Or, they’re just jogar jogos.

De qualquer forma, a última coisa que deve fazer é correr atrás deles! Eles fizeram claramente uma escolha, e tudo o que se pode fazer é respeitá-la e deixá-los ir.

7. O que está destinado a ser teu encontrará um caminho

The “If they wanted to, they would” concept doesn’t have to be looked at so pessimistically. Instead of searching for reasons why someone wasn’t there for you or chose not to treat you right, just see it as an act of destiny.

It’s actually pretty simple: they weren’t meant to be. Ou, pelo menos, eles weren’t meant to last na sua vida.

Por outro lado, quem é destinado a ser teu encontrará sempre tempo e energia para si. A sua alma gémea encontrarão uma maneira ao vosso coração.

There won’t be any obstacles or red flags. Once you meet them, everything will fall in its place, and you’ll understand why it never worked with anyone else.

Por isso, em vez de se preocupar, relaxe e deixe que o Universo tome conta de si.

8. Some people don’t know how to “be there”

I don’t mean to justify anyone who doesn’t put enough effort into a relationship with you, but here is something you need to hear: a lot of people just don’t have the capacity to love you da forma que se espera.

Talvez tenham uma estilo de fixação, são emocionalmente indisponível, ou realmente don’t know what they want. Se calhar, o tipo que a deixou sem resposta queria mesmo ficar, mas ficou com medo quando viu que se estava a apaixonar.

Maybe your friend wanted to give you their emotional support, but chickened out once they realized they had to be someone’s rock for the first time ever.

Don’t get me wrong: this doesn’t annul them from responsibility, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for not understanding their reasons!

To Wrap Up: Things aren’t always that simple

So, is the “If they wanted to, they would” sentence true? É este o conceito que o deve guiar ao longo da vida?

If someone doesn’t treat you right, is it because they simply don’t want to put more effort into your relationship? If someone isn’t there for you, is it because they don’t care enough?

No final do dia, tenha em mente que nada na vida é preto e branco. Sure, the “if there is a will, there is a way” concept applies in most cases, but sometimes you have to dig deep under the surface to find the real reason and to look at the bigger picture!