You should stop trying to contact me because you won’t find what you’re looking for.
You know, a year can do a lot for a person. Just one year ago, everything was different. I could never have even imagined that so many things could change in so little time.
I suppose it’s just how life is; full of radical changes and so unpredictable that you can never know what will happen next.
It all started happening one year ago. The moment of clarity hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew it was time for a change.
Precisely because life is so unpredictable, I am grateful for every moment in my life. But there’s ONE I can never be grateful enough for.
Life changed me, you changed me… It’s not important anymore. I changed and I’ll never be the same again. That’s all that matters.
That night, when you hurt and humiliated me for the hundredth time, I cried uncontrollably for some time.
Well, it’s understandable after suppressing my emotions my whole life. I bottled them up and it was just a matter of time when they’d boil over.
That night, they did. But then… Slap. I slapped myself and decided that it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself. No more self-pity. I sat down and had a deep conversation with myself.
As I now know, it was the most important conversation of my life. I would even say it was a life-changing conversation.
No, I am not crazy. I realized that the most important conversations we can have are the ones we have with ourselves.
Now I wish I’d done it before. If only I had known how to talk to myself before, everything would have been so much easier for me.
I repeat, I am not crazy, it’s just that I didn’t feel comfortable to talk about my emotions with another human being.
Everyone always knew me as a shy, quiet girl. One who didn’t speak unless she had been spoken to.
Don’t get me wrong. Being shy doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad thing. But I realize now that my shy personality kept me from a lot of things in life that were actually good for me.
That’s the reason I never had a friend or someone I could talk to when hard times arrived. Actually, you were the first person I opened up to. You were the first person I opened up my heart to and let in.
I didn’t know that your intention all along was to play with it and throw it away when you were done with it. How could I have known that when you made me believe that my heart was safe in your hands?
However, you didn’t manage to shut me down emotionally. Your little game did hurt me but it couldn’t shut me off completely. Surprisingly, it changed me for the better.
I’m not afraid to speak up anymore. You see, now I can tell you everything I wasn’t able to tell you that night. The thing is, you don’t deserve anything from me anymore, not even my words.
I gained confidence. I am stronger now. I don’t let anyone disrespect me the way you used to. I don’t keep quiet to people who are being rude to me.
I don’t let people walk over me. I don’t let them use the goodness of my heart.
Now my circle of friends is big but still, I like to hold people at a distance. I don’t want to let someone too close until I am completely sure they’re worth it.
I have to admit it, I love the new me. Actually, for the first time in my life, I love myself. Now, I’m aware of my self-worth and I want to work on myself every single day.
I won’t stop until I fall in love with myself completely. My personality won’t keep me from any important things in life anymore and I’ll never miss anything ever again.
And as for you, I have to give you a piece of advice. You should stop texting me. Stop calling. Stop apologizing.
You’ve mistaken me for the girl you dated one year ago. I’m not that person anymore. I don’t need your apologies because no matter what you say, I will never let you in again.