When it comes to other people’s relationships, we are all experts on the subject, but when our own relationship is at stake, we have no idea what to do about it.
We are completely clueless and blind.
Someone else’s relationship is displayed to you so clearly.
You can see all the red flags, even those which are not dangerous but are potentially so.
You have the ability to detect everything, no matter how insignificant or small.
This is actually very fascinating because the same people who point out other people’s mistakes in a relationship don’t see their own.
On the contrary, we think our behavior and our relationship are flawless.
We have no idea that our relationship is screaming with toxicity and slowly dying away.
All that because of the things we think are normal.
Because we choose to ignore problems and hope they go away.
This madness goes as far as the point when we start believing that these toxic habits are actually good for our relationship.
Delusion completely takes over and the relationship cracks under pressure in time. Because nothing rotten can last forever.
Excessive communication
Communication is one of the most important parts of every healthy relationship.
But truth be told, you have to draw a line between healthy and possessive.
The line is, in actual fact, very thin and one can easily get carried away, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
In that honeymoon phase, it’s more than natural to want to spend every possible second with the person you’re madly in love with.
The problem appears when this excessive communication grows to become obsessive behavior.
After a while, one of the two partners will definitely get sick of constantly having to talk to the other one and tell them their plans and their whereabouts.
It will become an obligation that will lead to contempt.
Avoiding conflict
After the honeymoon phase begins the phase where you see certain things and behavior patterns more clearly.
Maybe some of them don’t suit you, or you want to change them, but because you’re avoiding conflict to keep the peace and the lovey-dovey phase of your relationship alive for as long as possible, you’re avoiding confrontation.
By doing what you think is best for the relationship, you’re only making it worse.
By saying nothing, your partner will keep on doing what really bothers you because they have no idea it’s driving you crazy.
But in the long run, it’s better to say what is bothering you right away than to try to put up with it.
Keeping things that bother you inside will slowly bring your relationship to an end.
That is a volcano inside you waiting to erupt.
The longer it’s calm, the worse the eruption will be.
Keeping score
You and your partner aren’t able to let go of the past.
Therefore, you’re actually keeping score of who screwed up more in your relationship.
Who screwed up less is obviously the winner.
This is wrong on so many levels for your relationship.
First of all, you’re never going to resolve your current issues if you keep on going back to the past.
When one of you makes a mistake, the other one shouldn’t gloat or think that you’re even.
Also, the person making the mistake should never start defending themselves by attacking their partner and bringing up something they messed up a long time ago.
If both of you keep up with this behavior, you’re only going in circles that will make your relationship hopelessly toxic.
And secondly, by acting like this, you’re only creating more pain.
In other words, you’re manipulating your partner into feeling guilty about their mistakes.
Acting like this is not fair or good in the long run.
Your partner will eventually lose their self-esteem if you continue to put them down and make them feel crappy on purpose.
Comparing them to your ‘old love’
Maybe your partner will find this funny or cute in the beginning, especially if you’re mentioning them in a good or better way than their ex.
In time, this can get old, I warn you.
It’s one thing to talk about your ex only in the beginning, but if you keep mentioning them later on, too, you’re going to have a problem.
Even if you’re remembering your old love in a bad way, enough is enough.
It’s time your relationship moves on to another level, in which no one will mention any other person than the two of you.
A level where only the two of you matter and no one else.
Just a heads-up; on that level there is no place for a third person—not even in memory.
Being passive-aggressiv
People who are passive-aggressive in a relationship are clearly scared to be upfront with their partner.
They are scared to say what’s on their mind and terrified to speak clearly.
What passive-aggressive people do in a relationship is they manipulate their partner into understanding what they are trying to say instead of saying it out loud.
The person who feels safe and secure with their partner will never manipulate them with their own opinion.
A person in a healthy relationship won’t feel that insecure, nor they will drop hints about what they want.
They will simply ask for it.
Sugar-coating
If you or your partner have to walk around on eggshells with each other, scared to say something wrong… that’s not a relationship.
That’s BS, pardon my French!
It’s one thing that we have to do that shit every day with different people, strangers in a way, but do we have to do it with our partner as well?
Of course we don’t!
If you can’t be completely honest with your partner, then your relationship is toxic from the beginning.
It has no future, so don’t even try to create one.
Don’t beat around the bush, speak what’s on your mind.
If they seem bothered by your honesty, then it’s them who have a problem and not you.
Jealousy disguised as love
Surprisingly, a lot of people define this behavior as love.
What strikes me the most is how they are willingly ignoring potentially very dangerous behavior which could very easily turn to emotional abuse.
If your partner starts exhibiting strange behavior such as getting pissed when you talk to someone else, especially someone of the opposite sex, that’s a very alarming sign indicating that more serious problems are about to emerge.
Don’t be surprised if they cross over from ‘just being pissed’ to start following you around the city and checking your phone or your emails.
Jealousy is a serious disease, capable of spreading very fast to the point of destroying a once happy relationship.
How to break toxic habits disguised as normal?
It’s easy to start a relationship, anyone can do that.
The tricky part is to keep that relationship healthy and alive; that takes a lot of hard work and most importantly, you must never stop trying.
When you’re in a happy phase, it’s easy to be happy and keep things positive.
It’s easy to have faith in someone when everything is running smoothly.
But your relationship will survive both thick and thin if both of you keep trying when everything around you is falling apart.
When things are going south, it’s a real challenge to remain positive.
It’s too easy for a relationship to turn into a toxic one.
It doesn’t take much for things to go to shit.
The ultimate answer to the question of how to break toxic habits is to:
1. Stop lying to yourself
2. Understand yourself first and then the relationship
3. Maturity
There you go.
The three key answers to the question above.
They may seem simple and easy to achieve but it takes a lot of work.
