Being in a relationship means merging two lives together and some compromises should be done.
A little flexibility goes a long way. But compromising on things that make you you—those compromises should make you question staying in such a relationship.
Here are some compromises that you should never make, no matter how much you love the other person, because if they ask you to make them, that may not be real, honest love.
1. Sex life
Differences in sex drive are a common thing—there’s no need to feel ashamed if you have a higher or lower sexual drive than your partner. The important thing is to talk and meet on middle ground.
But if your partner likes kinky stuff, or stuff that borders on true abuse and wants you to go against your will to satisfy him, that’s one compromise you should NEVER ever do.
Even if he threatens to leave you or tries to guilt trip you, that’s one more reason to leave. That’s no longer a healthy relationship.
2. Career goals
If you dreamed about being a badass CEO of your own company, then be one. If you dreamed to be stay at home mom, then be one. The important thing about a healthy relationship is that your partner will accept you no matter what choice you make and support you about it.
Giving up on your dreams because someone asked you to do it will only lead you to the pit of unhappiness and despair, and maybe eventually depression. No man’s worth it.
3. Family and friends
When merging two lives together, it also means that you merge a whole bunch of people, too—your friends and family with his friends and family.
But if that merging means you only get to spend time with HIS friends and HIS family, that’s no longer a compromise—it’s manipulation. Again, communication is important. Talk, discuss, and make the best out of your situation.
If you lived your life to the fullest before you met him, there’s no reason to change that now. You’re into extreme sports and he’s not? He’s into movies and you’re not? There’s no need for both of you to give up on your passions; there’s no need to give up on your lifestyle.
You can still have separate life whilst together. There’s a good reason why we make friends. You go hiking, while he goes to the movies. You can sing karaoke, while he drinks and cheers for you.
You can go shopping while he does whatever he wants to do. The important thing is not to go to extreme ends of compromises and an unhealthy place of losing yourself.
5. Financial security
The bad spending habits of your partner affect you in more than one way. If you plan on buying a house someday or even starting your own business but your partner spends his AND your money on nonsense, you can throw that plan in the garbage.
The best thing to do is to have your finances separate until their spending habits get under control. Not having financial security in today’s world is a terrifying thing. No one can spread the love on bread and eat it. Unfortunately, we need money to survive.
With time, we start to sacrifice our principles in order to keep our partners happy. But when to know if it’s enough? If you always hated cheaters and flirty idiots, why do you let him do that now?
Excuses like ‘They’re just friends, He’s just joking around.’ are okay if you are truly okay with that kind of behavior. But if there’s the slightest chance of that bothering you, don’t do it.
You always dreamed of having three children and a big wedding, but he has no plans on having any? Since when do you have to give up on your biggest dreams just to make him happy?
7. Need for communication
I have no idea how many times I said or wrote down: ‘Communication is important. Communication is key.’ But what to do when your partner avoids talking and ignores your need to discuss things? I’m the kind of person that needs to discuss everything, from the color of shower curtains to which brand of peanut butter I am going to buy.
As much as I care about myself and my own happiness, I care about his. And in order to make him happy, I need to know how he feels and the way he thinks (hint to fellas: we don’t read minds).
If he doesn’t care enough to talk with you, to share his feelings, to hear your fears and hopes, maybe he doesn’t care about you that much. This is one compromise no couple should ever make. Nothing good ever came from the silent treatment; yell, scream, talk—just keep the communication flowing.
All couples argue, but no one has the right to undermine the opinion of the other one or treat them badly. If you’re constantly being put down in public or embarrassed, that’s not cute or fun—that’s disrespect.
Maybe you should rethink your relationship if he sees disrespect as just having fun.
No one should put up with abuse, no matter if he apologizes later on or says he never meant to hurt you. He did and nothing can change that. Leaving abuse is hard, simply because it’s hard to admit that abuse can happen to us.
I know how hard it can be—you always make up excuses for his behavior: maybe if I didn’t act so stupid, maybe if I didn’t overreact, maybe he would have never snapped. But he did, more than once. Remember, love is not abuse.