Truth to be told, people with an avoidant attachment style are sometimes hard to understand.
However, if you have fallen in love with an avoidant, it’s only natural you want to make your relationship work.
When they’re involved in a romantic relationship, fearful avoidants aren’t sure what they want from their partner.
They need some time to clear out their feelings.
You need to be full of understanding and patience, and you have to take things slowly with them.
You should read and study a little bit about what attachment theory actually is.
You need to understand their needs and their way of thinking. You should investigate their past relationships.
You have to be aware that it won’t be easy to maintain your relationship.
The question here is, do love avoidants miss you after breakup? Well, there’s no easy answer. It depends on a lot of different factors.
As a relationship expert I will try to explain in further detail and provide you with some signs that will help you determine whether your ex-boyfriend with an avoidant attachment style misses you or not.
10 ways to know if your avoidant ex-boyfriend misses you
Even though your relationship is now officially over, you can see many signs that your ex is actually missing you, and that their avoidant attachment style is preventing them from enjoying their love story with you.
To see where you stand, you can check on the following signs that your ex misses you:
Sharing sad songs on their social media
They were the one to break up with you, they initiated the end of the relationship, but now things are over, they are sharing sad, heartbreaking songs on their social media.
Well, it is an obvious sign that your ex misses you.
He misses what you had and is now trying to comfort himself with song lyrics that describe so well what you two had.
By doing this, he’s reminding himself of how nice it was being with you and wishing you were still together.
When this is actually the case, though, he runs in fear. Still, it is a sign that he still has feelings for you.
He’ll probably parade in front of you with his new partner but only because he wants to see if you miss him or if you still have feelings for him.
Texting hasn’t stopped
He just can’t seem to leave you alone, right?
And this is not because he’s being mean or wants to hurt you.
It’s because he wants your attention, but his attachment style is preventing him from seeking it in the correct way.
He simply does not know how to behave properly in a relationship, so it is easier for him to end it, and then to just ‘keep in touch’ with his person of interest.
This is a classic sign that he is interested and does miss you, but he still doesn’t know how to keep you.
Acting strange in your presence
You know that feeling when you run into your ex, and he’s all weird and tries to run away as soon as possible, so he doesn’t have to talk to you, or look you in the eyes?
Well, that is another sign that he cares.
It is always harder to tell with avoidants since they have the tendency to pretend that they don’t care and that they do not need anyone, but they still can’t escape it.
You will be able to tell even if they don’t say a word to you, it is enough to only be in the same room with them.
Body language sometimes says more than actual language.
Drunk texting or calling you
Do you really need more obvious signs that someone is missing you than this?
While sober, they did everything just as they think it should be.
They stepped back and pushed you away so they didn’t get hurt, but one drink too many and boom, they are calling you.
Why is that?
Well, now that they are a bit more relaxed and their fear of being hurt and their independence being taken away from them is on a lower level, they don’t feel like they have to hide.
At this point, they can tell you how they really feel and be honest in a way they never would if they were sober.
Reminding you of some of your memories and good moments from your relationship
As we already know, being open about their feelings is not really an avoidant’s cup of tea, right?
Yet, in order to show you that they care and that they had a good time while with you, they will talk about some good old memories from your relationship.
This might be something as simple as remembering how they spilled their drink on your first date, or something big such as the first time they introduced you to their mother.
In this way, they are attempting to indirectly let you know that they remember, care, and you were not just a fling for them, they had true feelings.
Asking your mutual friends about you
This is another typical avoidant type of behavior.
They care about you enough and miss you enough to ask about you, but not directly from you.
They must find some sort of ‘other way around’.
They don’t just want to find out about your well-being, they want to know about your mental health and your love life.
They will ask your mutual friends if you’re dating again, I guarantee it.
They are afraid that things might get too serious so they end them, but on the other hand, they cannot just stop thinking about you so they look for another way to find out if you are OK and how things are going.
And there’s no better way than asking friends, wouldn’t you agree?
Showering you with compliments whenever they see you
The fact that they broke up, or even ghosted you (not uncommon when it comes to avoidants), doesn’t mean that they still don’t find you attractive.
In this case, it is not only physical attraction that we are talking about, but also mental.
They still think you are beautiful, smart, caring, and every other good trait they can find, and maybe that is exactly what scares them off, but even in that case they will use every opportunity to tell you what they think of you.
“Accidentally” showing up at the same places as you
Sometimes by accident, but most of the time on purpose. They still want to be a part of your life, even if it is in this kind of weird way.
They still want you to have them in mind, so they keep popping up wherever you go.
For avoidants, it is a way to feel less abandoned, even if they were the ones to abandon you.
By doing this, they are showing you they haven’t forgotten you, and maybe sometime they would like to be together again.
They haven’t started dating again
Time has passed, but all the signs previously mentioned are happening over and over again.
Even if they find someone new, it’s no longer than a few days before they text you again.
This only shows that they are not able to forget you, and that they want you.
It also shows that they are still not ready to be fully committed to you due to their fears.
These types of situations can be exhausting for you, but they definitely do show you that your ex misses you and is unable to find someone like you.
Making you jealous has become their thing
These flings from the previous part of the text? Their entire purpose was exactly that, TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
What it proves, however, is that both you and your ex still have feelings for each other – they are showing them by making you jealous, you are showing them by being jealous.
This may be a low game, but it works almost every time.
You may even use it to check whether they are jealous if they see you with someone else.
Whether your avoidant ex comes back depends on this as well…
Do you possess an attachment style that goes best with a love avoidant?
According to attachment theory we all have different attachment styles.
It determines how we behave when we are in a romantic relationship with someone.
We develop our attachment style in our early childhood so it’s really out of our hands, which is why we shouldn’t be judged for it.
For instance if you’re a dismissive avoidant, then you have very high self-esteem and it’s not a problem for you to start a romantic relationship with someone.
Your only problem is that you think that no one is good enough for you.
If you have an anxious attachment style, you’re afraid that your loved one will betray you at any time.
Anxious- avoidants can never feel safe in any relationship.
If you have a secure attachment style, you think highly of yourself but also of other people.
If you like a person, you won’t be afraid to start a relationship with them.
People with an avoidant attachment style go best with the people who have a secure attachment style.
They’ll get understanding for their insecurities and fears from these kinds of people.
They’ll make them understand that they don’t have to be shy around them. They will make them believe that they are their soulmates.
So, if you belong to a secure attachment style your avoidant ex is bound to miss you after the breakup. It’s only a matter of time before he realizes it himself.
Have they ever told you they have some strong feelings for you?
Avoidant partners don’t fall in love easily. First, they need to find out everything about their partner and their past.
Then, they’ll give you some time to prove yourself. Only then will they be a little more comfortable around you.
If your avoidant partner has ever told you that they love you or care deeply for you, it’s because they are sure about your relationship and of your feelings.
Feelings can’t disappear overnight. No matter how much you try or what that person did to you, you can’t stop loving or missing someone immediately after you break up.
Have they ever opened up to you?
The most difficult thing for a person who has avoidant attachment is to open up to someone.
No matter how strong your emotional connection is, they are always afraid that you won’t understand them.
If you managed to get your avoidant partner to open up to you, that means that you have earned their trust and for them, that’s more important for a relationship than love.
Did you ever tell someone else something they told you in confidence?
If you did, and they found out for that, that was why they broke up with you for sure.
Your avoidant ex will for sure miss your emotional support and those long, honest midnight conversations with you.
You’ve helped them with their attachment issues and can be sure that they appreciated it, even if they have never shown it to you.
They’ll miss the only person they have truly trusted.
Have they ever shown any traits of narcissists?
Most people say that people with an avoidant attachment style are narcissists. That’s not true.
Of course, some of them are too self-absorbed, but that doesn’t make them narcissists.
Narcissists love only themselves. They don’t care for other people. Their own needs are always the most important.
Love avoidants are unfortunately very misunderstood.
They do care about other people but most of them were so hurt in the past and they don’t want to go through the same pain ever again.
They can’t relax and feel comfortable around other people because they don’t trust anyone.
They use the avoidant attachment style as a protection. Protection from betrayal and getting hurt by the people they love the most.
However, if they did show too many narcissistic traits, then you aren’t dealing with a fearful avoidant.
You are dealing with a person who only cares for themselves and they don’t miss you, for sure. Let them go and don’t try to get that ex back.
Have they asked you to stay friends after the breakup?
Even if you had a really good relationship, an avoidant partner would never ask you to stay friends after the breakup.
They are aware that you know certain things about them and they are afraid that you might use this information to hurt them one day.
However, if your avoidant ex has asked you to be friends, that means that they miss you and that they are having second thoughts about the breakup.
They can’t open up and say it directly, but it’s a sign for sure that they don’t want to end things with you, yet.
How did their past relationship end?
Have you ever asked them about their past? Have they ever revealed to you how their past relationship ended?
If so, think about it because it can be of great help to you.
If they dated for a while with their ex and then broke up and never wanted to reconcile with them, they’ll probably do the same with you.
If it was an on-again, off-again relationship, then it means that they’ll probably miss you and try to get back together with you.
How did you deal with your relationship issues?
It’s completely healthy for couples to have some problems in their relationship. And trust me, there is no relationship without some issues.
The important thing is how you deal with and resolve those issues.
If you were too jealous or you didn’t manage to understand his attachment issues, then he won’t miss you or want to get back together with you.
If you were full of understanding, even in the most terrible fights, then he’ll definitely miss you because he knows he will never find a woman who’ll try so hard to understand him and fight for him that much.
Were you in a serious relationship?
Think about your relationship. Was it a long-distance relationship?
Was it a serious relationship? Were you planning your future together?
Did they ever tell you that they wanted to share their life with you?
Did they ever mention you when they talked about their plans for the future?
These are all questions that can give you an answer on whether he will miss you after the end of your relationship.
If you were in a serious relationship, and he clearly let you know that you were the one, then don’t worry about your breakup.
It’s only one little fight because a fearful avoidant would never say a serious thing like that if
they didn’t really think so.
I hope these expert relationship explanations helped you answer the question “Do love avoidants miss you after a breakup?”
I also wanted to tell you, if you’ve fallen in love with a love avoidant, it may be difficult at the beginning but that’s not a reason to give up on your relationship.
Fight for your loved one because when a person with an avoidant attachment style falls in love, it truly lasts forever.