It all begins like a fairy tale. You meet, you fall in love. You feel like you’re the luckiest girl alive. He gives you all the attention he can. He showers you with gifts, takes you to dinner, brings you flowers, he’s the real Prince Charming. Who would turn down attention like that? No one and neither did you.
You wanted to believe in real love and he presented himself as the one you had been waiting for your whole life.
All of this was happening so fast. He wanted to move on to the next phase of your relationship and he kind of forced you to come along. He blinded you with all the love and attention and you thought that was it, the real deal. You thought you finally found someone to spend the rest of your life with.
You see, this is how their game works. This is how they lure you into their trap. In reality, when you take away all the gifts and trips you got, you’re left with nothing but a narcissistic leech who sucked you dry.
When the first warning signs began to present themselves, you chose to ignore them. You couldn’t admit to yourself that you had fallen for such absurd lies and empty gestures. He used everything he had to blind you.
So, you trusted his stupid excuses. You chose to believe him because, yet again, he was so convincing. His excuses made perfect sense at the time. Everything went back to the same old thing. For some time, he treated you like a queen, only so he could confirm that you trusted him still, so he could go on and continue playing his sick little game.
This may go on for years. It depends on how strong and determined you are. It depends whether you are afraid of him or not. It depends on if you’ve lost the will to fight along with your self-esteem and respect.
Living in these conditions is something no one should ever experience. Living under the merciless fist of a narcissist can consume you and destroy you completely, but breaking free from one can give you a second chance to love someone else and receive a love you’ve always deserved.
Be very cautious if you think you’re dating a narcissist and look out for these red flags:
1. They never apologize
They never apologize because they are sure they didn’t do anything wrong. They lack awareness of other people’s feelings. For example, if they show up late, leaving you to wait for them without even saying they are going to be late, they won’t apologize because they consider they are the most important thing in the world and if you have to wait for them, you do. It’s not their problem.
This can present itself in many different ways in your relationship, from trivial things like showing up late to much more serious stuff. So, look at this as a serious red flag and react in time.
2. They are obsessed with perfection
They like to be the reflection of the world they see – a perfect world. Since you are in a relationship with them, they look at you as a reflection of themselves. So, don’t be surprised if a narcissist tries to change you in any way, like your behavior or your looks. They will even try to control your way of thinking and your way of looking at the world. They will try to impose on you their own ‘right’ perception.
They will try to make you strive for something they imposed as perfect. Your voice will be gradually lost, along with your identity. You’re going to become something he wants you to be and not something you dream of being.
3. They are very charismatic
This is how they get you. They can be very magnetic. They have a strong energy that consumes you. Their energy and their perkiness blinds you. You end up seeing only the things they want you to see. This all happens at the beginning.
What is really what they want is getting all the attention and putting themselves in the center of the spotlight, which comes after.
4. They make everything about themselves
No matter in which direction the conversation is going they will always find a way to steer it in their own. They know exactly how to put themselves in the center of the attention which they enjoy so much.
In this way, they seek validation from others and secretly demand flattery. They will even put you in a situation to compliment them without you even noticing.
5. You are made to suit them
This is the only goal of your relationship. This is the only thing they want from you – to humor their wishes and needs. They will never do the same for you and, for example, put your needs before their own. They don’t even notice when something is wrong because they simply don’t care.
The only time that you think they might give a rat’s ass about you is when they fake interest because they probably need something from you.
6. You can’t depend on them
If something bad happens to you or you get yourself into a situation and you need someone to get you out, they won’t be there to offer you help or to answer your cry for help. They probably have something better to occupy themselves with – themselves.
If you know in the bottom of your heart that the person you are with won’t come to help you when you need them to, or you hesitate to ask because you already know the answer will be no, think again about your relationship and trust if there’s even one at all.
7. They are master manipulators
They will manipulate you into thinking you’re the one to blame for everything bad that happens. It’s impossible that they did something wrong because they are perfect and you are the one who needs improvement.
Also, this has to do with their fear of abandonment. If they make you think you are at fault for everything, it will make them flawless. And if it makes them flawless, you won’t leave them. That’s their logic. And even if you leave them, they will trash you and present you in a negative light to make themselves appear innocent.
8. They lack empathy
Any thoughts or feelings that are not directly connected to them don’t interest them. So, if you’re hurting, crying in your bedroom for whatever reason – from the smallest to the biggest reason – they won’t feel it.
They may fake interest and approach you but they will get bored soon and walk away because it’s not affecting or connected to them in any way.
9. They can’t stand criticism
It’s because they think they are perfect. They can’t stand criticism even if it’s positive criticism, something you’ve said to help them be better. They will attack you with all they’ve got because they will feel attacked.
Either they will criticize you to pay you back and it’s going to be a mean criticism, or they will lose it and go in a whole different direction, opening a set of whole different problems the two of you might have swept under the rug. They will do this only to get even with you.
10. They are constantly sending mixed signals
They make plans with you and talk about your future together, but nothing ever happens. It’s all empty words, which they forget as soon as they let them out. One day they will make you feel special, and the next, they will disappear, putting you last on their list of priorities.
This puts you on an emotional rollercoaster. Maybe you can take it now, but you sure won’t be able to for much longer.