I carry with me the scars that your actions caused…
I hate it. I wish they were not there. I wish you never did what you did. I wish I could forget all about it. But I can’t, and even though I’m over you I am not over your betrayal.
I loved you more than anything, and you didn’t even blink before walking all over my heart. You threw all we had for few minutes of pleasure, and it’s hard to process that.
It’s so hard that I am scared that everybody else will be just like you. That’s why I still haven’t allowed anybody close. That’s why I guard my heart.
What’s even more tragic is that I keep questioning their every move. I keep awaiting disaster. I keep expecting them to cheat on me just like you did.
I became so insecure after you passed through my life, and I don’t like it.
I don’t like what I have become. Somebody full of self-doubts. Somebody who dared to ask herself, ”Was it me? Did I sent him in her arms?”
Of course I didn’t. Of course it had nothing to do with me, but I couldn’t help my mind running 100 miles per hour trying to make some sense out of this mess.
It just really hurts knowing that you tearing my heart into pieces was so easy, and it might always affect my future relationships.
I hate that you are still part of my thoughts, but nobody survives cheating and continues living their life unaffected.
I just wish I could find a way to stop you from messing up my life any further. I wish I could transfer what I know to what I do.
Because I am aware that not every other man is not like you. Nobody else should pay for your sins. I shouldn’t be paying for them either.
You are a part of my bad dreams. And every time I wake up, I relive those moments all over again. Once more I feel your betrayal ripping my heart apart.
Why did you do this? Why did you cheat on me?
Were you bored? Were you boosting your ego? Were you curing your own insecurities? Are you proud of what you did?
I hope not.
What you did was selfish. What you did made irreparable damage to my love life. What you did broke my hopes and dreams. What you did ruined every nice memory I had of us.
I don’t know if you have a conscience. I don’t know how can you live with yourself when you hurt someone who loved you unconditionally, someone who respected you and stayed loyal.
All you had to do was reciprocate. Follow my lead. You should have given me the same respect and commitment I was giving to you.
You should have. But you didn’t, and there’s no point talking about that now.
All I want now is to live without this burden you put on my shoulders. I want to live without fear. I want to overcome my trust issues. I want to be free of you, free of my past.
I know deep down that one day I will get there. I don’t know how. I don’t know how long it will take, but you won’t be the reason my future relationship doesn’t work.
Maybe a good start would be to find someone totally unlike you. Someone who makes me feel safe. Someone I can trust. Someone who makes an effort and treats me with respect. Someone who understands my fears and makes me lower my guard.
Yes I think I’ll do that. I deserve a fresh start.
Leah Lee – Writer. Dreamer. Adventurer. Eternal Optimist.
I am an English language and literature professor and writing came naturally alongside that. It was something I did for me until I decided to share it with the rest of the world.
I write about love, emotions, relationship issues and ways to solve them and most importantly about empowering women to become the best versions of themselves.
My inspiration comes from all that I’ve been through in life, and it was a bumpy road but full of valuable lessons. I hope that my experience will do some good to all of those who like to read my work.