Twin flame healing is a challenging process where twin flames face and overcome their fears and traumas in order to become what they truly are and experience the bliss of the union. 

Why is it so talked about in the spiritual community?

If you’re reading this, I suppose you no longer ask yourself whether twin flames are real and you already know what a twin flame is; your perfect half.

They are the reflection of you. They are someone who feels like home to you and completes you.

Now, there’s a catch.

It’s a magical and beautiful thing to find someone who completes you and understands you but the thing is, if your twin flame is a reflection of you, that only means they reflect all the beautiful AND ugly things about you.

Yes, all your weaknesses, all your deepest fears, all your defense mechanisms, all the lies you tell to yourself, all the things you want to run away from.

woman in white dress sitting on dock

That’s why everyone’s interested in twin flame healing because that’s where the struggle begins.

Twin flame journeys can be extremely confusing, depending on what twin flame healing stage you’re at.

In one period of your journey, you experience nothing but bliss, while in another, you’ll experience enormous pain.

The bliss comes from unity and the pain comes from separation.

The bliss means to accept and see beyond someone’s current mind programming and the pain comes from allowing to be trapped in another karmic pattern.

By mind programming, I mean learned thought processes that originate from the earliest childhood trauma when we found coping mechanisms to avoid the pain.

By being trapped in another karmic pattern, I mean refusing to learn from repeating life experiences and choose to go back into fear instead of stepping into growth.

So, if it wasn’t clear by now, let’s answer this question once again:

What is the purpose of a twin flame?

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The purpose of a twin flame connection definitely isn’t to roll around on cloud nine with your twin.

The real purpose of a twin flame connection is to pull out all the things you’ve buried deep inside which don’t belong there; it’s a fight to become your true self.

Your flame is here to help you remove all your masks and all the lies you told yourself about yourself.

They’re here to help you recognize what’s stopping you from being yourself; the ways you keep yourself away from what you deserve and all the walls you build to protect yourself.

To face our biggest fear, our biggest shame or our deepest wounds is an extremely vulnerable and scary experience that nobody happily signs up for.

In fact, we’re so set on avoiding all of that once it gets to breaking point and we have no choice but to face it.

Our life turns upside down and that’s the moment when one twin flame becomes the runner and the other one becomes the chaser.

For some people, it’s enough to just feel the strong spiritual connection to feel overwhelmed and run away. To better understand why this happens, we must look below the surface.

Both the runner and the chaser twin flame have their own wounds that need a different approach in order to heal.

However, there’s a pretty accurate and frequent pattern among chaser and runner wounds that can be explained in five different types of wounds and their masks.

The Twin flame chaser and twin flame runner dynamic

Wounds of the chaser

The wound of rejection equals the mask of withdrawal

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The wound of rejection creates a deep and persistent belief that one’s existence has no meaning; or in other words, that he or she shouldn’t exist or doesn’t have a right to exist.

This is not surprising since one of the most important and basic human needs is to belong. To belong means to find your purpose and place in the world.

If a person experiences rejection early in life, they’re likely to avoid situations where they could be rejected again.

That’s why they tend to withdraw and pull away in a situation where they should stand their ground.

They have very weak boundaries and unconsciously act helpless or overly accommodating. Sometimes this behavior makes them lose a lot of energy because they literally lose themselves in other people.

It’s not surprising that they also have a tendency to daydream, which is another way of escaping reality. Overall, they have low self-esteem and attract people who are controlling and abusive.

After healing this wound, the chaser learns to put up boundaries, trust themselves, and accept and understand their significance in the world.

The wound of abandonment equals the mask of dependence

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The wound of abandonment stems from the experience of being abandoned and left as a child in a physical or emotional sense.

To avoid the pain of abandonment, the chaser creates a mask of dependence and neediness.

This shows up as a need to please others, a need for approval and bending over backward for other people from a fear of being abandoned again.

Same as the wound of rejection, they don’t have boundaries and get manipulated easily.

They also tend to lose themselves in others and the needs of others, which is a perfect scenario for a runner to exercise his mask of control.

Unfortunately, they can subconsciously lead themselves to accept humiliation instead of standing up for themselves.

When the wound is healed, former chasers develop strong boundaries and step into their power.

Wounds of the runner

The wound of betrayal equals the mask of control

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Betrayal is a wound that creates a lack of trust which then leads to a need for control at all times or simply a mask of control.

When a person experiences betrayal, he or she is terrified of putting their trust in someone again so they find a way to control the outcome and the people around them.

That’s why this wound creates a mask of control. Not only do they try to control others and the situations they’re in but also their own feelings.

This is why they have high walls around their heart and have a hard time letting people in and why they run when someone comes close to getting them to open up.

Neither runner nor chaser will voluntarily face their wounds; in fact, they’re rarely fully conscious of them but once they find the person they truly love, they will have no choice but to bring their walls down and stop running away.

He or she will have to let go of control and that will eventually save them. The runner will have to face their fears.

The wound of humiliation equals the mask of compliance

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A person with a wound of humiliation has once been humiliated and degraded and therefore avoids a repetition of a similar experience at any cost.

In this case, pain is avoided by compliance.

Compliance is another form of controlling behavior but in a way that the person with this wound does everything in their power to make and present themselves as valuable to others.

The things they do don’t always come from love but a fear they will be rejected or shamed.

These types tend to play parents for other people and go above and beyond for things and people they don’t really care about just to preserve and protect their image and avoid shame.

However, they can’t hide indefinitely and that’s why at one point, they will run. These kinds of runners don’t allow themselves to truly be who they are.

The wound of injustice equals the mask of rigidity

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The wound of injustice originates from an experience when a person was mistreated and didn’t get what he or she deserved.

People with this emotional wound are very demanding with themselves and they can’t easily connect with their emotions. 

They’re sometimes difficult to talk to and tend to be perfectionists and they often find themselves getting into situations where they feel they are treated unfairly.

In order to heal the wound, they need to let themselves feel free and spontaneous and express their emotions freely.  

Common mistakes: Avoid spiritual codependency

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Too often, we think that our happiness depends on other people, especially our partner. That’s a lot of pressure for one person. 

We expect them to be there when we’re happy, sad, angry or lost and when we have to make big decisions. We also expect them to help us, to solve our problems, to inspire us and heal us.

In fact, a lot of people blame or praise their partner as the one who either ruined or saved them.

Every relationship starts when we recognize something we need in another person and that feeling is especially intense when we meet our twin flame.

The problem is, we often become obsessed with the idea they can somehow magically heal us, when in reality we’re both stuck in this 3D reality, in our earthly lives, experiencing everything that karma prepared for us.

No one can heal us but ourselves. We have our own path, our own challenges and essentially, yes, we do navigate this life alone.

However scary that sounds, it’s true. We need to follow our inner guidance and trust ourselves. We are our own energy healer and everything else is a bonus.

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I’m not saying that our twin flame isn’t a big part of our life path, I’m just saying they are a part of it and not the path itself.

In a culture where people worship other people as gods and put responsibility in everyone’s hands but their own, it’s important to realize, accept and own our shortcomings, mistakes and responsibilities.

Another thing that happens is that we think we can save them. We think we know what’s best for them and we constantly try to make them listen to us.

That’s the complete opposite of what we should be doing because we don’t know their personal path to well-being. We don’t get to decide for them. 

Assuming that you know what’s better for another person is a trap. Giving unsolicited advice is one of the most irritating things someone can do. 

Think about the times when there was some ‘enlightened’ person in your life who always had answers and solutions for everything and gave unsolicited advice. Now, you don’t want to be them, do you?

You also don’t want to shower them with ‘positivity’, especially when they’re going through a troublesome time. Both happiness and sadness are valid emotions and they don’t add or take value from our worth.

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There’s no point in pushing certain narratives or feelings on other people. It’s an inauthentic approach to life and that means it won’t last.

We don’t get to fully create the narrative, we only get to change the way we look at things when they happen.

One thing we can do, however, is offer help if it’s wanted. Help comes in different forms. Sometimes a person just needs a shoulder to cry on and isn’t asking you for solutions.

Sometimes it’s hard to understand why someone struggles with certain things but the truth is that there’s a pain in them that needs to be healed.

One twin flame‘s pain usually hides their life lessons and that pain along with those life lessons are compatible with the pain and lessons of the other twin flame.

That’s why twin flame relationships can be so complicated. Ultimately, it’s beneficial and needed but there’s a lot of really difficult stuff to go through in-between.

One thing you have to remember is that you can’t take away the pain from your twin. They need to experience it. It’s part of their path.

woman in floral dress standing in field

Everybody needs to go through the dark night of the soul, everybody needs to learn the art of letting go and all the painful lessons we encounter on our divine journey.

Don’t lose yourself to another person, even if it’s your twin flame. Don’t give them more than what you have because that’s not going to do anything but make both of you miserable.

Trust in the universe, trust in the process, trust in their higher self and let go of worrying and stressing over something that is meant to be.

Sometimes, our wounds are reflected in a way where we need to be needed by the other person. Don’t fall for that.

We try our best to be happy, helpful, optimistic, positive and soothing and that’s the only version of ourselves we accept and we immediately feel weak when we fail to meet our own standards.

In other words, we’re dependent on others to need us, which makes us feel validated the same way a ‘’needy’ person is dependent on our positive energy.

This circle needs to stop and will stop because burnout will occur sooner or later; that’s what codependency does.

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Codependency implies that we can’t be successful and happy without the other person and that’s simply not true if we’re living in accordance with our higher self and our divine path.

A true twin flame love teaches you to love yourself for everything that you are. It teaches you that you’re enough as you are.

Twin flame couples exist to learn from each other and enjoy the union process that comes after twin flame healing.

They’re here to essentially teach us that soulmates, twin flames, karmic relationships, soul connections, the divine feminine and the divine masculine are just words we use to describe different expressions of the same thing and that’s oneness.

However, let’s get back to the problem of codependency, especially spiritual codependency. 

What is the difference? Traditional codependency or enabling means doing things for that person that they can do for themselves. 

For example, that includes sending financial help, paying things for them, resolving problems they caused, etc. It is also common for dependent people to blame others for the situation they’re in, e.g. their ex-partner, their parents and so on.

woman in denim shirt standing on beach

Spiritual codependency consists of thinking about your twin soul more than yourself, being obsessed with searching for ways to heal them so you could be in twin flame union, allowing unhealthy behavior from them, blaming yourself, hurting other people because of them, etc. and vice versa.

In short, when we notice that we are trying to control and change someone else or we let someone else do that to us, we’re acting codependent. 

What we need to do is act out of love and not out of fear and that almost always means giving unconditional love to ourselves.

That is the main goal; to be who we are, to be whole. That sometimes means putting up boundaries, breaking up with our twin and loving them from afar and that’s okay too.

You won’t stop loving them but you’ll let them find their own way because you can’t do the things they’re not ready for. They have to do it themselves, the same as you.

The twin flame process almost never looks the way we imagined it to be. It’s a lot messier and sometimes it takes years.

Have trust in your twin flame journey and concentrate on the healing work you do on yourself.

Be brave enough to recognize the masks and fears in yourself that are keeping you away from genuine self-love and the universal truth.

What can help you on your healing journey?

There are various methods and fields of healing that can help you with your personal healing journey.

Resolving old traumas, getting to know them and understanding them and practicing energy healing will help you in your day-to-day life and eventually with your twin flame path and your twin flame healing—but that shouldn’t be your biggest problem.

Inner child wounds healing

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Growing up, there were many things that shaped us the way we are now. Some of them were good, some of them were bad.

The bad ones made us feel unsafe and that’s the feeling we subconsciously carried into our adult life and that’s why you need to heal them.

It’s important to understand that we shouldn’t blame our parents or caretakers for everything because they did the best they could.

These are some of the common ways you were made to feel unsafe: 

You were denied the right to have your opinion

You were punished when you behaved differently from expected

You lacked fun and carefree playing or was burdened by too many responsibilities for a child

There was no room for spontaneity 

You were deprived of physical affection

Showing strong emotions was strongly discouraged 

You were shamed

You were criticized or physically punished

Past life wounds healing

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By the law of karma, we carried our past life unresolved issues and traumas into our current lifetime.

We don’t necessarily need to know everything and anything about our past life to understand trauma and how it affects our present psyche.

What does trauma do to our psyche? Trauma is a shocking and overwhelming experience in more than one way. It can be overwhelming in a physical, emotional or spiritual sense.

During a traumatic moment, our psyche is unable to process what’s happening and therefore can’t go back to function the same way it did before.

In a lifetime, the consequences of these experiences can occur as phobias, paranoia, anxiety, confusion, depression, diseases, etc.

It also explains why we have a fight or flight response in certain situations for apparently no good reason.

Ancestral karma healing

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It is believed that our ancestors carry unhealed wounds into the spirit world once they leave ours.

Luckily, ancestral karma can be released and changed with continuous effort on our part.

Changing the old belief system

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A belief system consists of accepted rules by which we determine what’s wrong or right, true or false. A belief means that we believe something exists and therefore that it is true. 

That of course doesn’t mean that what we think exists in objective reality; as long as we believe it does and accept that idea as true, it exists for us and we base the rest of our thoughts, actions and beliefs on it.

The problem starts when our beliefs are very strong, very wrong or affect the quality of our life.

Cord-cutting

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Cord-cutting is a practice that helps us recover energy and return to healthy energetic boundaries.

Every time we enter into a relationship with someone, we develop energetic cords and that’s not something bad but normal. Energetic cords help us understand other people and create genuine relationships.

However, in cases where relationships become toxic, we might want to cut the cords and let the other people go. This practice can help us move on from the past and commit to ourselves and our own life.

Signs of healing

“There is a moment in our healing journey when our denial crumbles; we realize our experience and its continued effects on us won’t ‘just go away’.

That’s our breakthrough moment. It’s the sun coming out to warm the seeds of hope so they can grow our personal garden of empowerment.” ― Jeanne McElvaney 

Twin flame healing only occurs when both of the flames heal individually. After problems in a relationship, especially after the lesson of separation and maturation, you’ll notice signs of healing on yourself.

Obsession will stop

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Obsession with your other half will stop. You’ll simply accept the fact that you love them and you will love them forever no matter what but they have their own path and sometimes you won’t be a part of it.

Moreover, you’ll stop feeling sad and unfulfilled. Instead, you’ll get back to the things that make you happy and in touch with yourself.

You won’t be afraid anymore

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The lesson of separation triggers substantial amounts of anxiety in both partners, which causes fears and an inability to live life normally.

It pulls you away from the present moment and makes you live in imagined scenarios. However, after the healing, you’ll let go of this fear and start living your life freely.

You’ll finally understand what self-love is

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You’ll start to treat yourself with respect, you will recognize your own inner beauty and you will perceive yourself as someone worthy of love, affection, attention and all of the things you truly want.

You’ll finally feel at peace with yourself and enjoy your own company.

You will stop feeling empty

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It’s not unusual to feel numb and empty after we experience emotional abandonment by a partner.

Once you heal and learn to trust your higher self and divine connection, your sense of purpose will get back to you and you will feel like yourself again.

You will feel that your spirit has been lifted and you’ll have the strength to carry on and keep living your life to the fullest with or without them.

You’ll stop getting triggered by the same old things

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Things that caused you to cry and rage in the past will leave you reactionless, which is the biggest sign you have gotten over your trauma.

The more you explore yourself and detach from your old self-image and beliefs, the more you’ll find yourself in a state of contentment and spiritual bliss.

You’ll start practicing mindfulness daily

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Mindfulness is simply being aware of the present moment and doing things with attention. It helps with decreasing anxiety, it increases focus and concentration and helps with better communication and sleep.

After experiencing great amounts of mental distress on your journey and healing yourself, you’ll find yourself making a habit out of mindfulness to keep yourself content.

What are the twin flame stages?

Searching for the one

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In this early stage, you’re searching for your twin flame. You have this internal feeling that there’s a person you’ll meet who’s going to be your perfect match.

Of course, you don’t know when or where will they show up but deep inside yourself, you know it will happen.

At this time, it’s common for a person to start working on something new, something that will prepare them for their twin flame in some way, such as exploring their consciousness and subconsciousness, developing self-awareness or taking up a new hobby.

Finding the one

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It’s possible that before meeting the one, you’ll notice the signs your mirror soul is coming.

For example, you may have a premonition in your dreams, you may experience telepathy or get weirdly interested in something you didn’t know about before that will lead you to them.

The first time you meet or get in contact with each other, you’ll know that something special has happened for real.

You can experience joy, wonder, anxiety and a whole range of emotions. You will feel extremely curious and drawn to this person whom you barely know.

This person will immediately find a way to your heart and stay there. You’ll have an underlying feeling that they will change your life completely.

Falling in love

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The next step on the twin flame journey is falling in love. You’ll fall and you’ll fall hard. Your twin flame mirror will make you feel like nobody else before.

The more you get closer, the deeper your love will go. You’ll feel very different and will probably ask yourself what’s happening to you but you won’t be too concerned as long as they’re with you.

The attraction between you two will be off the charts and you will feel blessed to have found someone who understands you so much.

The perfect relationship

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After the initial craziness, hopefully, you’ll start a relationship. In the beginning, everything will be fairy-tale-like.

You will feel like you found your perfect match who understands your needs and who can give you all that you need. They will be your best friend and your lover.

You’ll feel safe and inspired by them. You’ll probably be inspired to engage more in spirituality and learn about new things from them.

Trouble in paradise

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Now, this is the problematic phase. After the initial infatuation starts to wear off, you’ll find yourself acting weirdly sensitive around them.

All of your differences will arise and you will struggle to keep your ego in check.

Apart from mirroring everything that’s good in you, your partner will mirror painful things too.

In fact, they will probably do it by acting opposite to how you do, so you’re passive, your twin will be aggressive, if you’re quiet, your twin will be loud and so on. 

This will eventually create an extremely irritating atmosphere and one of you will start thinking about breaking up.

The thing is that in this stage, you’re both living in illusion and are blind to see how you can grow from your experiences. You can’t recognize the lesson even when it’s painfully obvious. 

This stage will trigger your twin flame healing process.

The runner and the chaser dynamic

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As the tension grows, your differences will appear bigger and bigger until one of you starts running away and the other one tries everything in their power to stay.

In other words, here’s where the runner/chaser dynamic begins.

In this stage, everything can happen. Sometimes the runner literally disappears or cuts all contact, leaving the chaser in confusion, without any explanation.

However, most of it depends on the maturity of both of them. Sometimes, this separation lasts for years and sometimes it is resolved in a matter of days.

Surrender

man and woman hugging while standing near water

After the turbulent time comes the surrender. After you get to know your insecurities and your weaknesses, you start opening up to each other on a deeper level.

In this stage, you recognize the ego and its games and let yourself relax and don’t get offended or hurt so easily.

You start to learn how not to identify yourself with your past beliefs and your pain.

This stage of a relationship isn’t a one-time thing. It will happen again and again as you learn and accept different parts of yourself and each other.

The union

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In this, the final twin flame stage, you’ll both find peace and mutual interest that will bring you a sense of joy and fulfillment.

As the ego gets weaker and weaker, traits like forgiveness, empathy and patience become a part of your everyday life and relationship.

You both work toward the union and bliss.

To wrap up…

The twin flame healing process is a rocky path and anyone who expects a fairy tale will be deeply disappointed.

However, it’s worth it and sooner or later, it will happen. All you need to do is have patience and love for your partner. 

Twin flame relationships are the same as every other relationship in the sense that they will require a great deal of sacrifice and accommodation to work out but the thing with these relationships is that they will constantly remind you of your life purpose.

Through your twin flame, you’ll be able to explore parts of yourself you never knew existed and they will trigger the growth you didn’t know was possible.

As a reward for your bravery to face your fears, you’ll get a deep understanding of life and the bliss that comes with it. Your fears will vanish and you’ll start living your life authentically and freely.

Author Nikki Rowe summed up the twin flame journey perfectly in the following words:

“If you’re lucky enough you’ll come across a certain individual who will completely shake up your life. A spark so deep you feel it before meeting them, a soul preparation for a drastic change. Whether this chance meeting is fleeting or holds longevity, it’s a signpost you won’t be able to ignore and you’ll be a completely different person to whom you were before. This is magic, this is fate, this is purpose. And this is why we are alive, to experience a soul in human form and embrace the depth of life.”