This is how the storyline of loving a broken man turned out in my case…
I met a guy who knocked me off my feet! He was caring, loving, and supportive. He was all that I was looking for in a man. He was the man of my dreams!
Unfortunately, after a couple of months, I found out that he is not that perfect. I realized that he has issues, and those issues were making a living hell out of our relationship. To be clear, it wasn’t an abusive relationship, but it was also far from a healthy one.
Sadly, I was loving a broken man. I somehow became a part of the broken man’s life. I never thought that I would meet someone emotionally unavailable and broken.
I never thought I would stumble into the world of emotionally unavailable men.
I thought something nice would finally happen to me because I deserved it. I still don’t understand why God sent him to me. Perhaps that was His way to teach me a lesson. Maybe I was supposed to save my man.
From his darkest secrets, from life in agony and depression, from coldness. Maybe this lesson was the gift Jesus left me.
What Does A Broken Man Mean Exactly?
If your man is emotionally unavailable, damaged, cold and distant, if you can’t get through to him and make him open up to you… I’m sorry but I have to break it to you that you’re dealing with an emotionally damaged and maybe even a broken man.
However, the awful fact is that at the beginning, you actually don’t get it when someone is broken. Broken people act like everyone else.
They tell jokes, laugh, watch TV shows, play video games, hang out with their loved ones, and basically live their lives as we all do. But their real struggles arise when they stay alone.
In those moments, they don’t need to pretend that they are someone else. Those moments are there to show them what they’ve transformed into.
And nobody sees what happens except the 4 walls of their rooms. In this case, I saw what it feels like to be broken.
15 Things You Should Know About Loving A Broken Man
When it comes to my personal experience, I saw many signs of an emotionally broken man, and I couldn’t ignore them. Today, I want to share them with all of you who are struggling to love a damaged man.
So, listen to me, because these are the things you didn’t know and that will surely help you in maintaining your relationship with an emotionally damaged man.
To unlock his hero instinct – the only thing that will make him feel whole again, CLICK HERE.
He has trauma from his past
The broken man will never talk much about his past life. The thing is… Those people have problems trusting strangers.
So you will have to earn his trust and respect to actually make him open his heart to you.
The reason your man is broken is that he has some trauma from his past. It can be child abuse, losing parents or having difficulties getting over cheating.
All those things made scars on his heart, and he is struggling to get over them.
For as long as he refuses to face his past, he will remain broken and unhappy. It’s a vicious cycle that cannot be broken that easily.
He compares himself to others
For some reason, your man thinks that he is not good enough for you. He will compare himself to others.
He will even want to let you go to find a better man than him. This is a sign of a severely damaged man!
He doesn’t think his life is valuable, and he doesn’t have any self-esteem. If you want to keep him, teach him how to love.
Tell him that you need him and that his past life is not as meaningful as he thinks. With a loved one, it is easier to cope with life problems.
He doesn’t let you near
The most obvious sign of a broken man is that he will never let you come near. He has problems letting new people into his life.
There were so many of them who hurt him, and earning his trust can be a mission impossible.
It is up to you if you want to stick to a man like this. But whatever you decide, bear in mind that he is capable of loving—he just does it differently.
If you try hard to win him over, maybe he will make you the happiest woman on earth.
He is anxious
All men and women who are emotionally damaged or broken struggle with either anxiety or depression. That is something that could possibly follow them until they die.
He will always have that dose of caution because he went through so much shit in his life. He was hurt, and he won’t forget that.
Now, he just wants to prevent being hurt again. That’s why he will act so anxious when he meets new people.
The thing is, he just needs to bring back that faith in life and people again, and let others make his life richer.
He is depressed
Of course, he will be depressed—someone hurt him, and now he needs to recover from that. He needs to find a way to heal his broken heart.
He needs to feel alive again.
He needs to trust people and let them come near. Otherwise, his life won’t make any sense.
We are all social human beings, and the fact is that we can’t function without people in our lives. If your man has these signs, be there for him.
Go step-by-step to show him that after all, life can be beautiful. You just need to let some things go.
He feels better off alone
A sign of an emotionally damaged man is that he would rather choose to be alone than in a crowd of people.
He has that scenario in his head about people who hurt him, and it is very difficult to get on track again.
Loving a man like this can be tough. But if your feelings are sincere, there is nothing that can stop you from getting the best out of him.
You just need to be patient, and things will work in your favor—and in his, of course.
He takes alcohol
Drinking alcohol is a good way to shake the stress away. This is something the broken man knows very well.
He spent so many sleepless nights with a bottle of Jack in his hands, thinking of people who hurt him. He was thinking about the woman who left him.
What you can do in a situation like this is to talk to him. Tell him that if he drinks alcohol, his problems won’t vanish.
They will be even bigger when he wakes up with the next morning’s hangover. Tell him that it is okay to start from scratch because that is something we all do.
And most important, tell him that you will be there no matter what happens.
You’re going to give him a hand of salvation and to be his support in any rough days that will come.
He lost his friends
When a man is broken, he won’t feel like hanging out with his friends. This is one of the most important symptoms of a broken heart.
By doing this, he is sending a message to the world. He wants us to know that he feels better alone and that he needs some time to arrange things in his head.
And what you need to do in this situation is to let him go. Give him time to heal completely. Show him that you care enough to wait for him.
I am not saying it will be easy, but at least you will know you saved a man who was depending on you. You saved him from the demons inside him.
He won’t go an extra mile for you
Let’s face it—he just met you, and he thinks you are the same as the others. You can forget about him going the extra mile to make you happy.
He has been hurt, and the only person he wants to see happy is actually himself. His going the extra mile for you is something that has to be earned.
If you care enough for him, show him that life is not a bitch. Show him that you are not the same as those bad people that ruined his life.
Show him that you will be there no matter how many times he refuses you. Show him that you are not a quitter. Trust me, this will mean the world to him.
You have ONLY one shot
The broken man won’t give you more than one shot. Even this is too much for him.
So, don’t do stupid things, and don’t fuck up all up. Be yourself, and teach him how you function.
Maybe the two of you have a lot in common, but you just need to find it out. Don’t be harsh on him because he feels this way.
He would want to be different, but he can’t. He is still learning how to love the new him. And he would appreciate it so much if you could be the biggest support in his life journey.
He only knows about the present
He lives in the present because he is afraid to think about the future. Such emotional insecurity doesn’t disappear that easily.
For most men, it’s something that follows them like a shadow, for the rest of their lives.
With that being said, broken men are not the best choice for a long-term relationship. They actually don’t even think that far.
Getting married and starting a family is not something they will consider.
Not because they don’t want to, but because they are afraid to. If you ask them, they only think about today because they don’t know what awaits them tomorrow.
He is forever cautious
Any minute you spend with him is rocky. You never know what can go wrong in his head.
You never know when his anxiety and his fears may kick in to destroy everything the two of you built so far.
I don’t even have to stress that what you have now took a long time to build. It would be a shame to see it all go to waste because of nothing. Because of insecurities and irrational fears.
Building a healthy relationship takes a long time for him because he’s been hurt and burnt in the past. This time, he wants to make sure that doesn’t happen again.
For you, this can easily get frustrating because you don’t have all the time in the world. Your biological clock is ticking. You want to get married and have children.
But with such a man by your side, you don’t know if you’re wasting your time. You cannot date him forever.
Something has to change, and soon. Broken men struggle to make anything in the relationship official, not just marriage.
You need to be very patient
Broken men often need someone to guide them. They need someone to help them understand their broken feelings.
They need a person who knows how to deal with everything that goes on in their minds and hearts.
In most cases, this means you have to be very patient. Most of the time you’re going to talk about his emotions and the problems bothering him.
It’s beautiful that you help others, but you have to pay attention that your heart doesn’t get hurt in the process. You have to think about yourself, too.
You have to know when to take a step back
It’s tricky to know exactly when to take one step back and leave him alone. Broken people will always ask you to leave them alone in their hardest moments.
Yet, leaving them alone is not always the best idea. Sure, everyone needs their personal space. Those are the boundaries you have to respect.
But what happens when they push you away, but you know you have to be there for them. Behavior is the thing to look out for. You have to pay attention to how they behave.
People who suffer from depression often abandon their personal hygiene. They simply don’t care about it anymore.
The level of their psychological health is at a very low point.
At those moments, you can’t leave them alone nor can you always be present. If you’re there all the time, it will drive them to an even worse state than they are already in.
So, you have to be invisible to them yet have them in your sight all the time without them noticing. Sometimes, you need to deny them what they want and give them what you think they need.
You need to do this depending on the emotional state of the broken man. Those choices depend solely on you.
Trust me, in those moments, you know what’s best for them.
He is not emotionless. He’s learned to react to disappointment
He doesn’t want you to go through the same emotional disaster he went through. Trust me—that is the last thing he wants.
His reactions are justified. He is not cold and emotionless. He has just learned to react to heartbreak without using his emotions. He can’t afford to let his heart get involved too much.
Don’t let this get to you. He is being rational. That’s all.
How Do You “Fix” A Broken Man?
Some relationship experts agree that you need to find out what damaged or broke them before you even try to fix them. However, I can’t agree with that.
It’s so difficult to get a damaged man to open up to you, so you’ll have to wait for too long to get through to him or you may even never discover that information. This means you’ll never be able to fix them and build a healthy relationship with them.
No, no, no. The only thing you need to do is to try to understand your man. Understand his silence. Understand, and most importantly, respect his decision not to talk about his past.
- Be there for him, ALWAYS
Your relationship will surely be filled with many peaks and valleys but you need to stay by his side no matter what. It’ll be difficult for sure because he’ll try to drive you away sometimes, but you need to be persistent and patient.
Once he realizes that you’re his ride or die, that you’re planning to stay with him forever no matter what happens, he’ll start changing.
He won’t allow himself to lose a once-in-a-lifetime woman because of his past traumas and wounds.
- He needs to be reminded of his worth
Your man needs to be reminded of all of his virtues and strengths. You fell in love with him because he’s a high-value man but that’s something he doesn’t usually think of himself.
All those painful past experiences made him create a very poor self-image. That’s something you need to help him change. Help him to see his true self, help him to see the man you fall in love with.
Shower him with compliments, tell him how happy and thankful you’re for having such an amazing man by your side. It’ll boost his confidence and faith in himself.
- Listen lovingly
One of the ways you’ll show him that you’re there for him and that you’ll keep loving him no matter what, is by listening actively to everything he’s saying to you. It’ll show him that you really care for him and get him to open up to you.
The first time your man starts opening up to you about his past, that’s when you really need to carefully listen and pay attention to every word that comes out of his mouth.
You’ll understand how to “fix” your emotionally damaged man only if you listen carefully to his story of what broke him in the first place.
- Show compassion
If he opens up to you, you need to be compassionate and show empathy to his story. If he keeps avoiding talking about his past, you need to be compassionate and understanding again.
Sometimes, truly, silence is the best answer. Your man probably went through too much and he simply doesn’t want to touch his old wounds.
His silence will reveal to you that he experienced the worst kind of betrayal and heartbreak in the past. The one a person never fully recovers from.
- Give both of you some space
Emotionally damaged men need a partner that will respect their need for personal space in the relationship.
You need to understand that your man is still hurting and trying to recover from his past traumas. So many different emotions overwhelm him and he just needs to be alone from time to time to fight his own battles.
Maybe you don’t understand it right now, but personal space will be beneficial for you too. You also need to be alone with your thoughts to sort out your feelings and make the best decisions regarding your relationship and your own life.
- Love him with all of your heart and soul
The only thing your man needs is pure, honest and real love. True love is the only thing that can make him change and heal from his past traumas.
Instead of trying to constantly change him, try to accept, embrace and fall in love with his flaws and imperfections. The thing is that when you truly love someone, you love every part of them, even their worst and darkest sides.
The more you love him, the more he’ll try to become a better man for you.
- Be patient, very patient
“Fixing” an emotionally broken or damaged man will be a hell of a journey, so you really need to arm yourself with patience.
Just keep in mind that true love is always worth fighting for. Once you manage to make him realize his own worth and prove to him that you could never hurt him and make him go through the hell he has gone through once already, you’ll enjoy all the sweet nuggets of true love.
- Make him change himself for the sake of your love
The bottom line is that you should never try to change him, you should only motivate him to understand that he needs that change for himself. And, of course, you need to be his greatest support in that difficult and overwhelming journey.
That’s the key to the functionality of your relationship with a broken, emotionally unavailable man.
Loving A Broken Man Is A Commitment…
Being in a long-term relationship with an emotionally unstable person is an enormous commitment—no matter how emotionally strong you are.
Maybe you won’t see it at first, but their mental health can seriously impact yours in a negative way.
Damaged men come with a lot of emotional baggage and a past that haunts them. If you can’t handle it, don’t get into it.
Leaving a toxic or abusive relationship at an early stage is not a crime. You just need to close the doors that no longer lead anywhere.
Thinking about your own needs and your mental health is not being selfish. It’s called loving yourself.
The Broken Man Quotes
To wrap this all up, I added a few quotes that will make things more clear to you. Also, these quotes can serve as a pretty good motivation for your emotionally damaged man to heal and snap out of the situation he’s currently in once and for all.
1. “You are damaged and broken and unhinged. But so are shooting stars and comets.” – Nikita Gill
2. “There is nothing stronger than a broken man who has rebuilt himself.” – Proverbs 24:3
3. “God is looking for broken men who have judged themselves in the light of the cross of Christ. When He wants anything done, He takes up men who have come to the end of themselves, whose confidence is not in themselves, but in God.” – Henry Allen Ironside
4. “A broken man learned to savor what he could when he had the opportunity.” – Jennifer Ashley
5. “If a piece of knotted string can unleash the wind, and if a drowned man can awaken, then I believe a broken man can heal.” – Annie Proulx
6. “A broken man doesn’t know what to do with a love like hers. It’s gentle and giving but intense and it hits in waves. She’s giving him a whole, limitless and unconditional love, but he’s so stubbornly broken so he lets it slip through his pieces – now she’s in pieces too.” – Allison Ryder
7. “The man without a chin, no stamina, dead man, broken man, whatever. On your way to the top, you always get some criticism. Criticism is a great motivation. Failure is not an option to me.” – Wladimir Klitschko
8. “It takes a strong woman to handle a broken man.” – Unknown
9. “They will never count me among the broken men.” – George Jackson
Being a broken man is not a bad thing. It only means that a man like that went through more things than the others. And after all, he surely didn’t want to be hurt and left with heartbreak.
What a man like this craves the most is a woman who will show him that after it all, he can be the old him—the UNBREAKABLE ONE!
Now, the real question is; are you woman enough to love a broken man?
If you’re not ready to love such a man with all your heart, it’s better for you to walk away at the beginning. If you’re too sensitive to handle it, that relationship will destroy you.