You fell in love with him. Hard. The way you only fall for the one.
You got blinded with his kisses and hugs, and you couldn’t see they were never given to you because of real love but because of lust.
You ignored every red flag that he doesn’t love you. Even if you saw things you didn’t like, you decided to ignore them.
Because you became so damn addicted to him. He was the air you couldn’t live without.
He was the only person who could make your day by just smiling at you. He was a man who had so much control over you, but you figured it out too late.
The whole time living with him, you thought that you has it all. You thought that you have everything under control.
But you were so wrong.
And you know what the worst part is? Even if you know that all right now, you are still not giving up on him.
You are still convinced that he is your happily ever after and that you two are meant to be.
You still have hopes and dreams for the two of you. You still imagine that he will propose to you with the giant ring you saw at the shop the other day.
You want to think that he just doesn’t know to show love. You believe he loves you but that it is sometimes hard for him to express his emotions.
You know what you dream of as well? That little house on the corner that you like. You dream it will be your house one day.
You can already hear the voices of your kids running in the backyard. You have the whole picture in your head. Everything is prepared for a fairytale.
There is only one ingredient missing. Him. But unfortunately, he doesn’t feel the way you do.
He will never commit to you in the way you want it. He never took you for real.
You were always the fun girl for him, the one that gave him all that he needed. Great sex.
High adrenaline. An ego boostc . But never that feeling of belonging to someone.
He never saw you as the one he will marry eventually. He only saw you as someone who he will have fun with. He doesn’t see the sorrow in your eyes when he mistreats you.
He doesn’t see that you are sad because you are waiting for him to get his shit together.
Hell, there are days when he doesn’t see you at all. He doesn’t pay attention to what you have to say.
He doesn’t pay attention to your needs and your wishes. And you know it all.
You know it all too damn well. But for some reason that you can’t explain, you are still there, crawling in front of him, and begging him for some attention.
You are still there to tell him it is okay if he couldn’t call you the whole day.
You are still there to tell him that you understand that he is busy and that talking to you would piss off his boss while he is at work.
You are still there to comfort him because he is not capable enough to improve at work. So, you end up being the one he will yell at because he has problems on the job.
You are there to tell him that it will all pass and that you are proud of him in case that means something to him. But it doesn’t. And it will never will.
A man like him never had the intention to make you happy. He is not someone who will put a ring on it and make you his wife.
No. He is not that type of a man. He is a coward because he is not letting you go but isn’t making any progress in your relationship either.
And as soon as you realize this, you will be able to break free from the chains he has put around your legs.
He wants so badly to keep you close because you make him feel good. But not good enough to truly commit to you.
He is the man you have no future with. And you know it too well.
You are just trying to see if anything will change because there is still some hope deep down that he might realize what kind of a woman he has next to himself.
But he won’t. He will never see how amazing you are. He will never give you credit for all the good things you did.
He will give it to someone else. Maybe to the one who won’t love him half as much as you love him. But for some reason, it will be enough for him.
He will never be a man who will wake you up in the morning, bringing you warm donuts and coffee in bed. He will never be the man who will hold you while you are sick.
He is not the man who will take care of you or the one who will defend you.
He is the kind of a man who will give up on you so easily like you never shared incredible chemistry together. He is the one who will cheat on you as soon as he gets a chance.
He is the kind of a man who will drive you crazy and who will later make you believe you are the crazy one.
He is the one who will totally destroy you if you allow him to do so.
He is the one who doesn’t know anything about you but who still wants you to make him the most important person in your life.
He is the one who wants it all without any intention to reciprocate in the same way.
But I know that there will come a time when you will open your eyes and see things clearly. I know there will come a time when you will see how little you mean to him.
And I know that at that moment, you will decide to give all the love that is inside you to the most important person in your life. I know you will give it to yourself.
And love?
Love will come when you think that you are not ready for it. It will hit you, and you won’t even be aware of it.
But you know what? It will be the best thing that happened to you. It will finally be real.
