After a candid chat with a seasoned relationship therapist, I walked away with some eye-opening insights—ones that every couple needs to hear. So, married friends, grab your coffee (or let’s be real, maybe a glass of wine), because we’re about to unpack 33 habits that might be quietly chipping away at your relationship. These are the patterns that make therapists want to gently—but firmly—plead with couples to rethink their approach to love.
From subtle communication missteps to those everyday behaviors that seem harmless but slowly erode connection, this is the stuff that turns a love story into unnecessary drama. But don’t worry, this isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness, growth, and maybe even a few laughs along the way. Ready for some hard truths wrapped in humor and real talk?
1. Stop Keeping Score
Oh, keeping score, the ultimate game we all seem to play in relationships. But let me tell you, my friend, this isn’t a game you want to win. Keeping tabs on who did what and when they did it is a one-way ticket to resentment city.
Imagine living in a constant state of competition, where love is measured by the chores completed or the favors returned. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Instead of counting every little thing, why not focus on the bigger picture? Love is about giving freely, not tallying points.
So, next time you’re tempted to mentally jot down your partner’s transgressions, try having a conversation instead. Forgiveness and understanding are the real winners here, and they’ll make your relationship way more fulfilling than a never-ending game of marital ping-pong.
2. Stop Expecting Mind-Reading
Alright, let’s clear the air on this magical thinking: expecting your partner to read your mind is a recipe for disaster. As much as we’d all love to be psychic, mind-reading isn’t a real thing (shocker, I know!). It’s all about honest communication, my friend.
When you expect your partner to know what you’re thinking without a clear word, you’re setting both of you up for disappointment. Sure, it would be dreamy if they just knew you needed a hug or that you’re annoyed because of dirty dishes, but life isn’t a rom-com.
Instead, speak up! It’s okay to actually say what you want or need. Guess what? Your partner will probably appreciate the clarity. Let’s ditch the silent treatment and embrace the beauty of open conversations. It’s way more effective than hoping for a spouse with a crystal ball.
3. Stop Comparing to Others
Comparing your relationship to others is like trying to wear someone else’s shoes—they never fit right. I get it, social media makes it look like everyone else’s marriage is perfect. But news flash: those curated posts rarely show the whole truth.
When you constantly measure your relationship against others, you’re setting unrealistic standards. Marriage is personal, unique, and complex. Instead of comparing, celebrate what makes your relationship special.
Think about it: You’ve got your own inside jokes, shared memories, and quirks that make your love story uniquely yours. Let’s trade envy for appreciation. After all, the only relationship worth striving to improve is the one you’re in.
4. Stop Using ‘Always’ and ‘Never’
Ah, the classic ‘always’ and ‘never’ conundrum. These words are like gasoline on the fire of any marital spat. When you throw them around, it turns minor disagreements into epic battles worthy of a soap opera.
No one is always anything, and using such exaggerated terms minimizes the chance of understanding. It makes your partner defensive and less likely to hear your real concerns.
Why not try expressing your feelings without these absolutes? Like, ‘I feel upset when this happens,’ instead of ‘You never listen!’ This shift can turn arguments into discussions and foster real understanding. Let’s save ‘always’ and ‘never’ for things like ‘I will always love chocolate’—now that’s a forever commitment we can all stand behind.
5. Stop Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Difficult conversations—they’re like vegetables for your relationship. Not always tasty, but oh-so necessary. Avoiding them only builds tension and unresolved issues that bubble beneath the surface until they explode like a pressure cooker.
Let’s be real: no one enjoys these talks, but they’re crucial for growth and understanding. Whether it’s about finances, future plans, or family dynamics, addressing them head-on builds trust and connection.
So, take a deep breath, make a cup of tea, and tackle those issues together. It’s less about ‘winning’ the argument and more about understanding each other. Facing those tough talks can strengthen your bond in ways avoiding them never will.
6. Stop Expecting Perfection
Perfection is a myth, my friend, and expecting it from your partner is a surefire way to feel let down. No one is perfect—not you, not me, and certainly not your spouse. Chasing perfection is like chasing a unicorn: exciting in theory, but you’ll never catch it.
When you expect flawlessness, you miss out on seeing the beautiful, messy human in front of you. Embrace the quirks, the imperfections, and the unexpected moments that make your relationship real.
So, let’s put down those imaginary checklists and appreciate each other for who we are. After all, it’s the imperfections that often make a relationship perfectly imperfect. Isn’t that what makes love so wonderfully unpredictable and full of laughter?
7. Stop Neglecting Yourself
Listen up, fabulous humans: neglecting yourself is not the badge of honor it’s cracked up to be. Sure, marriage is about partnership, but that doesn’t mean you should lose yourself in the process. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential.
When you prioritize everyone else, you’re running on empty, and that’s not sustainable. Remember, a healthy relationship includes two healthy individuals. So, take time for yourself, pursue your interests, and recharge those batteries.
It’s not about being self-absorbed; it’s about balance. When you feel good, you’re better equipped to support your partner and nurture your relationship. So go ahead, indulge in that bubble bath or catch up with friends. You’ll be surprised at how much it positively impacts your marriage.
8. Stop Bringing Up the Past
Dragging the past into the present—oh boy, it’s like carrying a suitcase full of regrets you never unpack. Constantly bringing up past mistakes only serves to reopen old wounds that should be left to heal.
Of course, acknowledging past issues is important, but rehashing them during every disagreement? Not so much. It weighs down your relationship and prevents you from moving forward.
Why not try focusing on the here and now? Forgive where you can, and work on building a future together. Letting go of past grievances can be incredibly liberating and allows space for growth and renewal in your relationship.
9. Stop Ignoring the Little Things
Ah, the little things—often overlooked, yet they can make a world of difference in your relationship. Ignoring them is like letting weeds grow in a garden; they seem small at first but can eventually overshadow the flowers.
The small gestures, compliments, or even tidying up without being asked can have a surprisingly positive impact. It’s the everyday kindnesses that build a strong, loving foundation.
So, pay attention to those little details, my friend. Acknowledge your partner’s efforts, say thank you, and don’t let those tiny weeds take over. It’s the little things that often mean the most and keep the romance alive.
10. Stop Being Overly Critical
Criticism can feel like death by a thousand paper cuts in a marriage. Constantly pointing out your partner’s flaws and mistakes is more damaging than you might think.
Sure, we all have things we wish our partner would do differently, but there’s a way to express that without tearing them down. Focus on constructive feedback rather than criticism.
Celebrate the positives, and when issues arise, discuss them with kindness and empathy. Remember, you’re on the same team. Shifting from criticism to encouragement can foster a more supportive and loving environment.
11. Stop Taking Each Other for Granted
Taking your partner for granted is like leaving your favorite plant unwatered; it wilts over time without proper care. Acknowledging and appreciating each other should never be sidelined.
When you assume your partner knows they’re valued, you miss opportunities to express love and gratitude. Small gestures, words of affirmation, and acts of kindness can make a huge difference.
Revive the appreciation by making an effort to notice and acknowledge the little things. A simple ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate you’ can go a long way in strengthening your bond. Let’s nurture those love plants so they may grow and thrive.
12. Stop Making Assumptions
Assumptions are the sneaky culprits that often lead to misunderstandings and conflict in relationships. Assuming you know what your partner is thinking or feeling without actually asking is like trying to guess the plot of a book without reading it.
Misinterpretations can build unnecessary tension. Instead of assuming, ask. Clarify intentions and feelings before jumping to conclusions.
Open, honest communication is key. By making fewer assumptions and more inquiries, you’ll find your relationship filled with clarity and understanding. Trust me, it’s like turning on the lights in a dark room—you’ll see everything a lot more clearly.
13. Stop Avoiding Affection
Physical affection—it’s the unsung hero of relationship glue. Avoiding it can slowly erode the connection you share with your partner. Touch isn’t just physical; it’s emotional, too, and it’s essential to maintaining intimacy.
Whether it’s a hug, a kiss, or simply holding hands, these gestures reinforce love and commitment. When affection takes a backseat, it can lead to feelings of neglect or isolation.
Reintroduce touch in your daily interactions. It bridges gaps and brings comfort and warmth to your relationship. So go ahead, reach out and touch your partner. It’s a small step with a big impact.
14. Stop Bottling Up Emotions
Emotions are like fizzy drinks. Keep them bottled up too long, and they eventually explode. Suppressing feelings might seem like a way to avoid conflict, but it often creates bigger issues down the line.
By not expressing how you feel, you deny your partner the opportunity to understand and support you. It’s crucial to share both the highs and lows.
Developing a habit of open emotional expression can enhance your bond and reduce misunderstandings. Let those feelings out in healthy ways, and watch your relationship become more resilient and fulfilling.
15. Stop Skipping Date Night
Date night—it’s not just a cliché, it’s a necessity! Skipping it regularly turns your relationship into a routine of chores and responsibilities without the fun and romance.
Date nights are your opportunity to reconnect, laugh, and create new memories. They’re the antidote to stress and the gateway to rekindling that flame.
Make it a priority, not an afterthought. Whether it’s a fancy dinner or a cozy night in, the key is spending quality time together. Keep the romance alive by keeping that date night sacred.
16. Stop Dismissing Each Other’s Interests
We all have our quirks and passions, and dismissing your partner’s interests is like stepping on a blooming flower. It stifles individuality and can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
While you might not share the same enthusiasm for a hobby, showing interest and support goes a long way in affirming your partner’s identity. It’s about respect and acceptance.
Celebrate each other’s passions, even if you don’t fully understand them. It enriches your relationship and shows that you care about what makes your partner unique. Let’s be each other’s biggest fans, shall we?
17. Stop Nagging
Nagging is the sound of irritation turned into a symphony of annoyance. Repeatedly asking your partner to do something can turn even the most mundane request into a source of tension.
Instead of getting caught in a nagging cycle, try a different approach. Communicate your needs clearly and compromise where possible.
Remember, timing and tone matter. A gentle nudge is often more effective than a constant barrage. You’ll find that cooperation grows from understanding, not nagging. Let’s turn down the volume and tune into more harmonious conversations.
18. Stop Mismanaging Finances
Finances can be the elephant in the room, trampling all over relationship harmony. Mismanaging money matters causes stress and conflict, often spiraling into bigger issues.
Transparency and collaboration are key. Set financial goals together and communicate openly about spending and saving.
Instead of letting money drive a wedge between you, use it as a tool to build a shared future. Budgeting might not be romantic, but it can lead to financial peace and a stronger partnership.
19. Stop Letting Stress Take Over
Stress—it’s the uninvited guest that overstays its welcome. When you let it take over, it can wreak havoc on your relationship, turning everyday interactions into tense exchanges.
Recognize stress for what it is and tackle it together. Develop strategies to manage it, whether through exercise, meditation, or shared hobbies.
Facing stress as a team not only reduces its impact but also strengthens your bond. You’re in this together, so support one another through the chaos and emerge stronger on the other side.
20. Stop Overbooking Your Schedule
Overbooking your schedule is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—something’s gotta give. When you’re too busy, your relationship takes a backseat.
Prioritize quality time with your partner amidst the chaos. It’s easy to let commitments pile up, but remember: your marriage deserves a spot on that busy calendar.
Make time for each other, even if it means saying no to other engagements. Balancing commitments with meaningful moments can do wonders for your relationship’s health.
21. Stop Holding Grudges
Grudges are the emotional baggage that weighs down your relationship more than a suitcase full of bricks. Holding onto past grievances only serves to create distance and resentment.
Forgiveness is vital for moving forward. It doesn’t mean erasing the past, but rather choosing to release its hold on you.
By letting go of grudges, you’ll find your relationship becomes lighter, more joyful, and more resilient. It’s a gift you give to yourself and your partner, creating space for healing and growth.
22. Stop Sacrificing Personal Goals
Personal goals are the dreams that fuel your spirit, and sacrificing them for the sake of your marriage can lead to resentment. It’s essential to pursue your ambitions while maintaining your relationship.
Support each other’s dreams and find ways to integrate them into your shared life. Collaboration and encouragement can make both your goals and your relationship flourish.
Balancing personal aspirations with marital commitments might be challenging, but it’s worth the effort. When both partners feel fulfilled, the relationship becomes a source of strength and happiness.
23. Stop Avoiding Apologies
Ah, apologies—the simple yet powerful tool often avoided like the plague. Avoiding them creates barriers and unresolved tension that can fester beneath the surface.
Apologizing isn’t about admitting defeat; it’s about acknowledging hurt and rebuilding trust. It’s a bridge to understanding and healing.
Embrace the art of a genuine apology and watch how it transforms conflicts into opportunities for growth. It’s not about who was right, but about valuing your partner’s feelings and strengthening your connection.
24. Stop Forcing Change
Forcing change in your partner is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—it just doesn’t work. People evolve at their own pace, and pressuring them can lead to resistance and resentment.
Instead of forcing change, focus on inspiring it by being supportive and understanding. Encourage growth, but respect individuality.
Celebrate the person your partner is today while supporting their journey. Genuine change comes from within, and a loving environment fosters that transformation naturally.
25. Stop Undervaluing Intimacy
Intimacy is the heartbeat of a healthy relationship, yet it’s often undervalued or overlooked. When intimacy is neglected, it creates a void that can lead to disconnection.
Emotional and physical closeness are vital for maintaining a strong bond. Prioritize intimacy by making time for each other, sharing feelings, and engaging in activities that foster connection.
Cherish the closeness you share, and make intimacy a priority. It’s about more than physical touch; it’s the emotional glue that keeps love thriving.
26. Stop Living in the Past
Living in the past is like driving a car while fixating on the rearview mirror. You miss out on the road ahead. Nostalgia has its place, but continually reliving past glories or failures can hinder progress.
Embrace the present and look forward to the future. Your relationship thrives when you focus on building new memories and experiences.
Celebrate your history, but don’t let it overshadow the potential for what’s to come. Together, create a vibrant future full of possibilities and shared adventures.
27. Stop Resisting Compromise
Compromise—it’s the art of give and take, yet resisting it turns every disagreement into a battleground. When both sides dig in their heels, progress stalls.
Embrace the power of compromise by finding common ground and valuing each other’s perspectives. It’s not about losing but about co-creating solutions.
When you view compromise as a partnership tool, it opens doors to understanding and harmony. Let go of the tug-of-war and work towards resolutions that honor both of you.
28. Stop Underestimating the Power of Listening
Listening is more than hearing words; it’s the foundation of understanding. Underestimating its power leads to miscommunication and missed connections.
Active listening involves empathy, acknowledgment, and presence. It’s about truly understanding what your partner is saying and feeling.
Cultivate the habit of listening deeply. It not only resolves conflicts but also strengthens your bond and fosters trust. Let listening be the gateway to deeper intimacy and connection.
29. Stop Letting Technology Take Over
Technology is a marvelous servant but a terrible master. When it takes over, it becomes a barrier to genuine connection.
Set boundaries with your devices and prioritize face-to-face interactions. Quality time isn’t just about being physically present; it’s about being emotionally available.
Disconnect to reconnect. Make space for conversation, laughter, and shared experiences. Let technology enhance your relationship, not overshadow it.
30. Stop Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior, such as giving the silent treatment, only builds walls in a relationship. It avoids addressing the real issues and often leads to more resentment.
Being direct in expressing feelings helps in clearing misunderstandings. When you feel hurt or upset, calmly discussing your emotions can prevent unnecessary tension.
Encourage open communication by expressing emotions honestly and seeking constructive solutions together, rather than letting bitterness brew.
31. Stop Shying Away from Vulnerability
Vulnerability—it’s the pathway to true intimacy, yet it’s often avoided due to fear of being hurt. But shying away from it keeps relationships superficial.
Open your heart and share your authentic self with your partner. Vulnerability fosters trust and a deeper connection.
Embrace the courage it takes to be vulnerable. In doing so, you’ll find that your relationship becomes a sanctuary of love, understanding, and acceptance.
32. Stop Interrupting Each Other
Interrupting during conversations can be a major source of frustration. When one partner consistently interrupts, it sends a message that their words are more important, stifling open communication.
Respecting each other’s voice by patiently listening fosters mutual respect and understanding. Taking turns to speak also helps in reducing conflicts and misunderstandings.
Practice active listening by allowing your partner to express themselves fully before responding, creating a more supportive environment for open dialogue.
33. Stop Multitasking During Conversations
In our fast-paced world, multitasking has become the norm, but it can be detrimental in a relationship. When your partner is talking, but you’re glued to your phone or watching TV, it sends a message of disinterest.
For meaningful conversations, give your undivided attention. This small gesture shows that you value what your partner is saying and strengthens emotional connection.
Make a conscious effort to put away distractions when engaging in conversation with your spouse to build a deeper connection.