I went through a break-up. A very hard, very devastating break-up where the man I loved turned out to be a jerk, who wasn’t even aware of the fact that I loved him with all my being, with everything I was, and he was able to just walk away like nothing ever happened.
He gave up on me.
He gave up on us. But I am not trying to tell you a pathetic story of a girl who wasn’t able to live past the break-up and she never fell in love again.
I want to tell you the story of how I fell out of love with him.
Whenever my friends would talk about someone they loved very much they would say the most awful things, from, “I don’t ever want to hear from him again,” to, “I hope his next girl cheats on him, like he cheated on me.”
Let me tell you that their words weren’t really doing me any good in my recovery and healing process after my break-up, because they tried to teach me to hate him, to despise him. But I didn’t hate him. I felt the opposite.
How can I hate someone whom I had held so dear just days before?
I saw women around me get over men the way they would get over something small, something insignificant.
Of course, I would be lying if I said that they didn’t cry but they would drown their tears in tequila and vodka.
I never understood them, I never wanted to do it like that because they would always end up deepening their wounds which did not bring them anything good.
So I chose to take my own approach and fall out of love in a whole new way. I am not saying that my way is the correct way but it works and I am happy.
It doesn’t involve alcohol or drunk-texting, it doesn’t involve bad-mouthing my ex and so on. It includes me. Me, myself and I.
I closed the gap in my heart with love. I didn’t want hatred to consume me, I didn’t want to be jealous of a new woman in his life.
I only felt love, for him, for myself and for our lives that are now separated.
That’s why I like to say that I don’t want to fall out of love with him.
Eventually, one day, when I bump into him on the street, my heart won’t feel that well-known feeling of being home, that feeling of safety and security.
Maybe that day my heart won’t skip a beat and it won’t make me wish that things would have happened another way, because maybe, just maybe, he would stay. That day I will be able to say that I am over him and that I have moved on.
But today? Today I only feel love. Of course, it’s mixed with sadness and sometimes a little bit of grief but mostly I am happier that it happened at all. I just imagine my life without him ever being in it and I know I wouldn’t be this person I am today. That is why I am grateful.
My friends tell me that I must be a lunatic because I always talk about him with a smile on my face and they think that I am faking, when in actuality all I am doing is accepting my feelings.
I am accepting the fact that it is over.
I am accepting the fact that he isn’t in my life anymore. I also accept the way I still love him, because that is the way I will let go. That is the way I am slowly moving on from him.
I didn’t fall out of love with him just yet but just you wait until a day arises where my heart won’t yearn for him—not even a little bit.
I have always loved my life and I will continue loving it. Why would I break apart the pieces that made me who I am?
Why would I fill my days with hatred when I can love unconditionally just like I have done until now?
I loved him enough to say that I am glad he is happy, with or without me. And I am glad that I love myself despite the fact that he left me.
I am so happy to be able to love myself so kindly now, when I need it the most, without judgment, without asking myself if I was good enough. I know that I have done my best.
So, this is my story of how I fell out of love with a man who simply left me—I didn’t stop feeling all those feelings, I just recognized the fact that I can’t change them right away.
But I will get to the point of liberation, where I will say that I truly did fall out of love with him.