The other day, he sent me a text that got me furious. After trying to dissect every single word he wrote, I decided to ask for professional advice. I gathered my friends and we talked about it over coffee.
We all agreed that there should exist an entire science of texting in dating and that there are certain unwritten rules you have to learn to navigate this way or another.
In fact, there is a list of toxic texts we’ve all received at one point (and are probably guilty of sending). Here is what we have decoded for you.
“I hope you’re having fun without me ;)”
So, this is a basic toxic text. You send it to your boyfriend when he’s out without you to ruin his night. The truth is that you don’t want him to have fun. Actually, the last thing you want is him to have a great time.
You wish for him to feel sorry for going out without you. You want him to spend the entire night blaming himself for leaving you alone at home.
However, you won’t tell him that straightforwardly. In fact, when he asked you if you’d mind him spending the night with the boys, you said you were perfectly fine with it.
Here is another textbook example of passive-aggressive behavior we’re all sometimes guilty of.
The truth we’re all aware of but refuse to say out loud is that there is a huge difference between typing, “Okay,” “OK,” “K,” and, “KK”.
You don’t have to add an emoji or anything; the difference between one or two letters will be enough to express your emotions.
There is nothing wrong with, “Okay.” It really means that you’re fine with whatever is being said to you. If you add an extra smiley face, there is nothing toxic about this text.
“KK,” means that you’ve gotten the message. You’ll send this to your BF when he tells you that he’s on his way to pick you up or that he’s done with that errand you two were talking about.
When you type, “OK,” and put a period at the end, everything is pretty clear; everything is far from okay.
However, “K,” is the worst of them all. It’s cold and it sends the message that you don’t want to bother to even type a decent reply.
You refuse to waste your time explaining what’s wrong or why you’re mad. Maybe you even typed a long paragraph about your feelings but erased everything and just sent, “K”.
“I won’t bother you anymore.”
What does this mean? “I see that you don’t care about me anyhow, so I won’t try anymore.” “It’s apparent that you want to be left alone, so I won’t be calling or texting anymore.”
When you get this text, the other party feels emotionally neglected. However, instead of telling you this straightforwardly, they’ll try turning the tables so they can be the one to leave first.
No, I’m not talking about really leaving the relationship or breaking up, this refers to leaving the conversation.
The worst thing you can do here is to say things such as: “Thanks, I really need some time off to clear my thoughts,” or imply in any other way that you really don’t want to be bothered.
This text is a cry for validation. If your boyfriend sends it to you, he wants you to say something like: “No, you’re not bothering me at all, let’s talk.”
Sending a cute romantic goodnight text at the end of your day is a sign that you’re thinking of your loved one. You want them to be the last person you message before you enter the world of dreams.
Basically, sending and receiving goodnight texts is a sign of great affection. However, this message can also be quite toxic.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone wrote to you, “Good night,” mid-discussion? Or maybe you were the one to do it?
It’s nowhere near nighttime and they’re obviously not going to sleep. Instead, this text literally means: “I’m done talking to you,” (but I don’t want to directly tell you to back off).
“Hey, remember that time…?”
This is a toxic text you’ll probably get from your manipulative ex.
You know the one you loved so much but ended up playing you one way or another? Of course, you never got closure but with time, you kind of healed.
Now, months after he disappeared from your life, there it is: his name on your display screen.
You expect an apology or something like that but you get this. You get a text in which he reminds you of some great memory you two had together. What’s up with that? What is this toxic man trying to achieve?
Well, he wants to soften your heart. He wants you to remember all the beautiful times you had together instead of focusing on the way he hurt you.
Naturally, his final goal is to break your heart all over again or just to get into your pants.
“Enjoy your time with all those other guys/girls since they have your attention now.”
You saw that your BF liked some girl’s selfie or you suspect that he is with his female friends whom you don’t like.
However, you won’t ask him about it. You won’t be a mature person and demand a logical explanation.
Instead, you’ll just send him this text. You’re making it clear that you know what he’s been up to. Not only that, you’re also telling him that you won’t compete for his attention.
You’re giving him to them without lifting a finger because you don’t see him as worthy of you fighting.
“I hope you have a good life.”
You send or receive this when you’re breaking up. Wishing all the best to your ex means you’re a kind, good-hearted person who holds no grudges against the ones who have hurt her.
At least, this is what you would be if your intentions were honest. But we all know they are not.
In fact, when you send this text, you’re only trying to humiliate the other person by showing that you’re the better person. You want them to feel even more guilty about everything they’ve done to you.
You want them to think, “Oh, I’ve hurt this girl so much but despite that, she still wants me to be happy.” Of course, what you don’t add is, “… but I know that will be impossible without me.”
“I hope it was worth it.”
You might not see it now but breaking my heart wasn’t worth it. Leaving me for someone else was the biggest mistake of your life.
You’ll have the rest of your life to regret this poor choice. You’ll grieve over me and you’ll miss me, sooner or later.
This is what this toxic text actually means, doesn’t it? If you send it, you want the person who’s hurt you to feel bad about everything he’s done to you. You’re basically being passive-aggressive here.
“If you say so.”
You clearly don’t agree with whatever he’s saying or you don’t believe a word that’s coming out of this man’s mouth.
Either way, you don’t plan on wasting any time or energy on dealing with him. You don’t want him to do any explaining, nor do you want you two to argue. So, you just send this text.
Basically, it means, “You’re talking nonsense but I’ll let you be because I couldn’t care less.”
“Come over, let’s talk in person.”
When you get this text, it can be a sign that the other person is a mature adult who wants to resolve your problems face-to-face.
However, if we’re talking about your ex, I assure you that his intentions are not so honest. In fact, this man knows he’ll have an easier time manipulating you when he sees you in person.
He’ll smile at you, probably start kissing you and before you know it, you’re down on your knees, both literally and figuratively.
On the other hand, you’ve probably used this technique as well. You know you’ve made a mistake and you’re ready to make up for it.
So you set a romantic mood, you dress up and you wait for him to come over.
Of course, you rarely end up discussing anything but hey, at least you got what you wanted; he’s yours again.
“Don’t text me ever again!” *half an hour later* “So, you really have nothing to say?”
When you send the first text, you want to be the one who ends the conversation. You don’t want to have anything to do with the other person and you’re the one calling it quits.
However, secretly, you actually expect him to continue texting you. You want him to beg you and the last thing you wish for is to be left alone.
Nevertheless, this is exactly what he does; he stops texting you. You can’t believe that this is happening.
Is this really the time that this guy has decided to go through with your desires and listen to what you have to say?
Is he really ready to let you go without a fight? Won’t he at least try to make things right? You have no other choice but to attack him for his indifference.
To Wrap Up:
I’d be happiest if I could tell you to ditch these texting games but hey, both you and I know that’s impossible in today’s world. At least it is in the beginning when you’re just getting to know someone new.
If nothing else, I hope that you’ll find a serious, healthy relationship where both of you will be completely honest about your feelings and when you won’t be getting or sending texts like these.
Until then, good luck and let the best man (or woman) win!