It’s normal to feel uncertain and have some trust issues if you’ve just started dating someone. You don’t know your partner well yet, and those feelings of uncertainty are justified.
However, if you’re in a long-term relationship and you’re still dealing with uncertainty in the relationship, that might be a huge problem.
Every romantic relationship should be built on emotional openness and trust.
This means that if you’re with the right person, you should be able to open up to them and they should trust you no matter what – and vice versa.
Relationship uncertainty isn’t healthy or beneficial in any way. Also, it’s the main reason why couples decide to end their relationship.
There is no need for panic. The good news is that if you want to make your relationship work, by putting some effort in, you can overcome these issues.
On the other hand, if giving your best to save your relationship of uncertainty still doesn’t help, it means you have to let it go because it’s just not meant to be.
What causes relationship uncertainty?
As already mentioned, experiencing some uncertainties in a new relationship is perfectly normal. We all go through it.
You can’t avoid those feelings of uncertainty in the early stage of a relationship. You need time to get to know your new partner.
However, if you’re in a committed relationship, there’s no place for any kind of insecurities.
If you decide to commit to your significant other, it has to be because you love them, you trust them with all your heart, and you feel comfortable to open up to them about everything.
However sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, those uncertainties are just bigger than you. It seems like they’re impossible to overcome.
Before you start dealing with those feelings, you should first try to figure out the root cause of it. Here are few possible causes of uncertain relationships.
1. Past relationship issues
Maybe your previous partner betrayed you. Maybe someone hurt you so bad that it left you with the constant fear of heartbreak.
I understand and I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve it. But your partner also doesn’t deserve to be punished for what someone else did to you.
You have to take some alone time and think about your past relationship.
You don’t have to forgive your ex for what they did to you, but you do have to leave it in the past if you want to make your new relationship work.
You have to understand that your new partner isn’t your ex and they won’t hurt you. Even if they do, it won’t be your fault.
There are still good people in this world. People who want to love someone for no other reason than love. You just have to believe in that.
2. Low self-esteem
If you have low self-esteem, that will for sure make you doubt your partner. You don’t appreciate or love yourself enough and it’s hard for you to believe that your partner does.
If you don’t have a healthy self-relationship,you can’t expect to have one with your significant other.
The relationship you have with yourself is a foundation for every other relationship in your life. If you don’t work on yourself and your self-esteem, you won’t be able to create a healthy relationship with your other half.
3. Social media pressure
There is a lot of pressure nowadays on couples from social media. You hear all the time how someone cheated on their partner online.
You can find some inaccurate and misleading articles on the Internet about how your partner lies to you or doesn’t love you if they do some of the things they wrote.
You must not believe everything you read or see. There is a lot of false information circulating the Internet nowadays.
You shouldn’t use social media to spy on your partner. If someone likes their photo or leaves a comment underneath it, don’t be jealous.
Don’t make a fuss about it. Don’t create unnecessary drama. Actually, don’t do anything until you’ve asked your partner about it.
4. Fear of trusting people
Some people have been hurt badly in the past and unfortunately, it leaves some consequences on them.
They have a fear of trusting people. They are unable to trust their partner no matter what they do to prove them wrong because they’re afraid that the same thing will happen to them again.
They can’t relax and feel comfortable about their partner because they’re constantly thinking about how they’ll end up being heart broken once again.
5. Unrealistic expectations
If you start a new relationship with very high expectations, you’ll be disappointed for sure.
Don’t set the bar too high. Actually, you should expect nothing from them until you get to know them well.
6. Fear of the unknown
Don’t worry about the future too much. What’s meant to be will always find its way. You shouldn’t worry about things you can’t affect and this is one of them.
Sometimes you think that by pulling away you’ll save yourself from future heartbreak. However, you may miss some great things just because of that fear of the unknown.
If they leave you or betray you, that’s not your problem. It’s their loss, not yours. Move on, keep your head and standards high and let it go.
Is it really true love?
Do you really, truly love your partner? Do you see them as the main part of your life and your future? Do you feel fulfilled in your relationship? Is your partner everything you always wanted?
If your answer is negative to any of these questions, it means that it’s not true love and that sooner or later you’ll have to let go of the relationship.
Does your partner care for you as much as you do for them?
Are your feelings reciprocated? Does your partner love you and care for you as much as you do for them?
Maybe that’s the reason for your uncertainties. You give your all to the relationship, but you never get anything in return.
Is it worth fighting for?
Do you love your partner more than anyone else? Are they the only person you can imagine your life with? I mean, is it really even worth fighting for?
You have to be very careful with this one. Think about it before you decide on an answer. Yet, If it’s true love, you won’t have to think about it because you’ll know immediately.
Do you see yourself in the future with your present partner?
Are you sure that is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Are you 100% sure? Are you sure that you’ll be able to overcome the issues you have because you can’t have doubts in your forever partner?
Do you have the same perspective on life?
Do you want the same things? Have you ever talked with your partner about the future? What do you want from your future?
You have to want similar things in the future or you have to be ready to compromise a lot if you want to make your relationship work.
Are you happy?
Nothing is worth it if you aren’t happy. You may think that you love your partner or maybe you do, but it’s not strong enough to help you overcome your insecurities.
If you truly love someone you should be happy in that relationship most of the time. If your partner truly loves you, they’ll do whatever they can to make you happy all the time.
How to deal with uncertainty in a relationship
You love your significant other but you still have some uncertainties about your relationship. That can be a real roller coaster of emotions.
You have mixed feelings and don’t know what to do. Even though your love is stronger than that, you still can’t forget about those feelings of uncertainty.
Check out this relationship advice from experts on how to overcome relationship uncertainty in the healthiest way possible.
1. Open up to your partner
Communication is everything in a healthy relationship. You have to trust your partner and be able to open up to them about all the things that bother you.
It’s important to tell them how you feel. If there is something that makes you doubt them, they have the right to know and to tell their side of the story.
If you tell your partner how you honestly feel about your relationship, I’m sure they’ll show understanding and give you time to overcome those issues.
2. It’s important how both you and your partner feel
You have to ask them how they feel about you and your relationship, too. It’s important to know how your partner feels and to work on your issues together.
Don’t bottle up your emotions because you think they’ll harm your relationship in some way. Sooner or later those emotions will boil over and that will be a bigger problem for both of you.
Also, if you see some changes in your partner’s behavior, if you realize that something is bothering them, you have to ask them what’s happening.
They must know that you’re there for them and that they can talk to you about everything.
Again, communication. It’s really the healthiest way to solve any kind of issues you might be experiencing.
3. Frequent check-ins are important
Send your partner a text in the middle of the day. Ask them about their day or simply write how much you miss them.
Don’t wait for a problem to happen to talk with your partner about their feelings and thoughts. It might be too late then.
Also, check-ins with yourself are important. Ask yourself how you feel about your job, your love life, and your life in general. Talk with yourself and do it every day. It’s vital for your own well-being.
4. Don’t allow others to interfere in your relationship
I agree that there might be people who have been in a similar situation and you should hear them out. But don’t follow advice from other people blindly.
Your partners are different and that makes your relationships different, too. No one can give you the right advice about what you should do.
You should only listen to yourself and do what you think is the best thing to do. Even if you make a mistake, it’ll be your mistake and you won’t be able to blame anyone else for it.
5. Choose trust
If your partner hasn’t given you any reason to doubt him, then don’t make up some reasons. If you love someone, choose trust over those insecurities.
Choose to trust your significant other and give them the chance to prove to you that they deserve it. In time, you’ll overcome those uncertainties together.
6. Compromise more often
Just because your partner doesn’t agree on something with you or they have different opinions about certain things, it shouldn’t make you doubt them.
It’s normal that you’ll sometimes have a different approach, opinion, or perspective and you’ll have to meet in the middle with your partner. Always be ready to compromise.
7. Embrace your differences
So what if you have some different ways of thinking or if your plans for the future aren’t exactly the same? Those differences are what keep the spark in your relationship alive.
Embrace those differences, don’t try to resolve them. If you try to change some of those things, you’ll also change your relationship.
And remember, those little differences are never the reason for uncertainty in a relationship.
8. Both you and your partner will make mistakes; you have to be ready to forgive them
We’re all human beings and we make mistakes. That’s a fact. Your partner will make some mistakes and you’ll do it also, for sure.
However, it shouldn’t make you doubt your partner’s feelings. You have to be willing to forgive them and forget it.
9. Be open to change
Both you and your partner have to be open to change. If something bothers one of you too much, it’ll have a negative effect on your relationship and you should be willing to change it.
Of course, you should never change who you are for someone else, no matter how much you love them. But, there are certain things you’ll have to give up on to make your relationship work.
The effects of relationship uncertainty
Not only do those feelings of uncertainty have many negative effects on your relationship, they also affect yours and your partner’s well-being in so many ways.
It mostly affects your mental health. It makes you anxious or depressed because you think that your feelings aren’t reciprocated.
Anxiety affects your nervous system and you may experience some panic attacks which will make you respond inappropriately to some specific situations.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should get out of a relationship if you’re experiencing a few uncertainties. Love is worth fighting for, and with a little effort you can get your relationship back to track.
Experiencing uncertainty in a relationship is exhausting for both partners but if you manage to deal with it, it’ll only make your connection stronger.