“As your insecurity becomes nourished our relationship becomes poisoned.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli
Let’s face it. We all feel a little insecure from time to time. Some of us hide it, others embrace it, and the rest let those insecurities control them and their behavior in a relationship.
Like any other emotion, feeling insecure must be triggered by something. Experts say that there are several reasons why you feel insecure in a relationship.
All of them agree that the main cause of our insecurities is having negative beliefs about ourselves. Fortunately, there is a cure for it. Having confidence and self-esteem will prevent you from having any insecurities.
Insecurity is not a gender-specific issue. Men and women may have different reasons for feeling insecure, but the intensity of the feeling is the same for both.
How does it affect our relationships? The answer is super easy.
It becomes a silent killer for our relationships.
Insecurities in a relationship can easily become destructive and destroy all the trust and emotions. It affects both partners.
One is worrying all the time and questioning everything about their partner, and the other is tired of explaining and having to prove their love all the time.
Luckly, that too can be solved. In fact, you can overcome the feeling of being insecure in a relationship in several ways.
Your relationship is worth fighting for and here are some easy ways to prevent your insecurities from ruining it.
1. Build your self-esteem brick by brick
Bad self-image is the main cause of insecurities. Confidence is crucial when it comes to your love life. Low self-esteem can make you prone to feelings of jealousy and anxiety.
It doesn’t affect only you, it can have a negative impact on your significant other too.
If you don’t think that you are good enough, you’ll never be able to believe that your partner truly loves you and has chosen you to spend his life with.
Building your self-esteem is very hard work, but it is the first and most important step to get rid of insecurities.
DO what makes you happy. Change your appearance. Exercise more. Take some walks in nature. Surround yourself with people you love the most.
Be kind to yourself. Hang out with the person in the mirror and tell her how beautiful she is.
DON’T compare yourself to others. There will always be prettier and more “together” girls than you, you should only try to be the best version of yourself.
We all make mistakes, don’t be sad about it. Focus only on things that you can change.
2. Silence is not your friend – communicate
Be free to tell your significant other if something is bothering you and how do you feel about it. Good communication is key to a successful relationship.
Consider him as your best friend and feel free to open up to him about everything. Try to find time when both you and your partner are relaxed and calm to have an honest talk with him.
Always avoid talking about serious matters through text messages. Messages can be unclear and they are often misinterpreted.
DO put together a list of everything you want to talk about with your man before you start an open and honest conversation with him.
DON’T attack him just because you have doubts in your relationship. He’ll get frustrated and nothing good will come out of that.
3. Stop with the overthink
Overthinking can only create negative feelings. The more you over-analyze something, the more bad scenarios you’ll develop in your mind.
Trust me when I say this, overthinking does more harm than good. Most times, no matter how much you think about something, you can’t do anything about it.
You shouldn’t feel bad about it. Some things you can’t control, you just have to let them be.
DO something to distract yourself. Find a new hobby or maybe some outdoor activities. Exercise, meditate… Do whatever can help you shut down the overthinking.
DON’T think about things that are out of your control. Stop thinking of what can go wrong and start thinking what can go right.
4. Stop being paranoid
You had so many bad past experiences and that made you doubt everything now. Your partner doesn’t deserve this.
You need to forget all about it and give him a chance to prove to you what real love is.
We are all afraid and worried for our loved one sometimes, but you have to control those feelings. Don’t let them turn you into a whole new person – a paranoid person.
You may be paranoid that your partner will hurt you or that he’ll leave you for someone else. Then it’ll trigger the feeling of insecurity and those awful feelings can take over your love life.
DO some breathing exercises that can help you to calm down after you start becoming paranoid over something. You can invite a friend over or go for a walk around the block.
DON’T become socially isolated. You need friends who will make you feel relaxed, so you’re unable to think about things that aren’t possible.
5. Spend time with your friends
There is no better way to forget about everything that is bothering you, than hanging out with your besties.
They will make you realize that you are a great human being and they’ll accept you just the way you are.
You always have that one friend you can tell everything. It will help you deal with your insecurities and jealousy. Who knows, maybe your friend will give you some advice from her personal life.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others will make you realize that his friend is more beautiful than you, that his colleague is smarter than you, that his friend from the gym is prettier than you, and it will lead to insecurities.
There is no one like you and that’s your superpower. Use it to make your relationship better, not worse.
DO a social media detox. Sometimes it can trigger feelings of self doubt and frustration and the best way to prevent it is to take some time off social media.
DON’T waste your precious time on comparing your accomplishments to others’. Be grateful for everything you have.
If you continue weighing yourself up against others, you’ll never ever be satisfied, because you’ll always find something to compare with other people and someone will always be better than you.
7. Trust your partner more
Trust is the foundation for every healthy relationship. If you don’t trust your partner enough, you’ll always feel uncomfortable and insecure.
Past experiences have the biggest impact on trust. If you’ve been hurt or someone betrayed your trust in the past, it’ll be hard for you to trust someone again.
Trust doesn’t just come, it has to be earned. Luckily, there are many ways to build or strengthen trust in a relationship.
8. Discover your strengths
Knowing your strengths can be a game-changer for insecurities in your relationship. You may have many strengths that you’ve never recognized.
It’s not enough just to find your strengths, you have to develop them. Work on your skills every day. You’ll see that it will have a positive impact on your relationship.
9. Don’t let fear guide your choices
Your insecurities will make you afraid of new things. You’ll get used to something and won’t even want to try any new adventures.
All those fear-based decisions won’t take you in the direction you wanted. Your fear will control you in every situation because your insecurities won’t allow you to stop it.
You’ll never challenge yourself or push yourself out of your comfort zone because you know it might mean not succeeding and not meeting whatever standards or expectations set for you by yourself or someone you value.
DO something that will be new for both you and your partner. Leave your comfort zone. Challenge yourself.
You may fail, you may just succeed. Either way, be proud of yourself because you were stronger than your fears.
DON’T avoid something only because you think you won’t be good at it or that you’ll fail. You may be surprised with the outcome.
10. Take baby steps
Overcoming insecurities in your relationship doesn’t happen overnight. You’ll have to be patient.
You can’t change everything immediately. The most important thing is that you have your partner’s support and that you are willing to work toward a more stable and stronger relationship.
We are all humans and even the most confident people feel insecure sometimes. Don’t let those insecurities ruin your relationship. You can work to overcome them.
Learn to take control of your feelings – don’t let them control you.
Remember, before you do anything, you must realize that the most important thing is you have to nurture the relationship you have with yourself.
Self-love and self-care will make all your insecurities go away.