“I’m getting married!” I screamed to everyone on those days and showed off my engagement ring ecstatically. Fast forward a few months and the big day was there, I was so excited and relieved at the same time.
An endless game of love was finally over, and I won. I deleted all the dating apps and was so glad to be done with meeting new people and dating hard. Having also a successful career in finance, I thought I had it all figured out (And was I wrong!).
Fairytale influences colored my vision of the future (…and they lived happily ever after 😀), and did not prepare me for the stark reality. You’ll be amused to hear about the first two weeks of my marriage after the honeymoon!
“Who are you and what have you done to my hubby!”
I couldn’t recognize the grumpy face on a Monday morning rushing me to leave the bathroom so he could take a shower. We would be easily triggered and fought over the smallest things.
For example: I would stay up late and even the slightest noise like pouring a glass of water would hinder his sleep. Also we argued about food: I liked broccoli, he loathed it, and so on.
What happened to the calm and understanding man I used to date?
To make a long story short, I will just say I called my friend who was a lawyer and asked her to advise me on how I can annul my marriage if I choose to. Hahaha, those days seem so funny now.
After heavy overthinking, I still had no idea how to make it work. So, I asked some experienced couples in my family for advice and they said that any relationship requires effort and commitment, especially the one we call a marriage.
“I need a marriage manual”
I still believe new couples really need a marriage manual. Yeah, and the exam too – it should be part of the ceremony: everyone would first have to show off their marriage skills. They would be allowed to proceed with the vows only if they passed the “exam”.
I’m just kidding! On the other hand, I wouldn’t complain if someone handed me some useful instructions at the time.
That way, I would know how to communicate our disagreements properly. I would convince my husband to stop leaving dirty socks all over the place. He would be able to unpack the toothpaste properly – the box would go in the garbage bin instead of being left on the sink.
Also, I would be able to train him to clean the dishes after dinner on his own, without me yelling to remind him. Not only that, but he would know how to live with my flaws and good sides, as well.
“It has to age well!”
Everyone’s personality is quite complex and he might have some funny habits you’re unable to spot before you spend several years living together. Then you’ll need to learn to accept some and talk openly about others. You need patience and lots of hard work, my dear!
Be ready to embrace all sides of his unique personality, and learn to live with those you can’t change. As long as your relationship is based on solid foundations, mutual respect, and love, you’ll overcome the challenges, grow together, and evolve into compatible life partners.
Marriage should feel like a quiet port or sanctuary from worries, stress, and daily struggles. That kind of support is not easy to achieve – it requires time, effort, and huge commitment.
Believe it or not, over time, my hubby and I adapted well to our life together (it wasn’t easy, trust me). I would sometimes close my eyes on him leaving dirty dishes on the kitchen counter. He bought earplugs so I was able to carelessly enjoy the late evenings of me-time.
Recently I found an insightful post on Quora in the thread “You don’t truly know a person until they don’t get what they want?”
A woman named Tesrallyn shared her views on what it means to truly meet someone. I must admit I was amazed by the insight that should be so obvious: people tend to have the public and the private face.
So we all behave in one way when interacting with coworkers or people on the street – that’s the public face. Then there’s the private face shown only to close people and family. To my surprise there is the third type as well – the lover’s face revealed only to your significant other.
After my experience of getting married without living together first I must strongly agree with her advice:
“Before you marry anyone, I recommend living with them for at least a year, before you go through with the wedding. Why? To make sure that you can stand living with them the rest of your life. To see if there’s red flags you may have missed before, because you were too busy being in love to see them (how does he treat animals? children? etc.)”
At least for the sake of skipping the unpleasant surprise, I would add.
I would love to know what you think. So, feel free to comment on our Facebook page.