You’ve been wondering why the heck men stay in relationships that are more misery than joy. We’ve all been there, feeling trapped, pissed off, asking ourselves why don’t we just pack up and leave?
Here’s the deal! When we were little boys they told us to stay strong no matter what, to tough it out, fix things… So when we feel miserable in a relationship we think: keep strong, endure the pain, you can make it! It’s built in us.
Once I spent six years in an unhappy relationship. It was really depressing and life-sucking. Everyone noticed how my face changed every time she was around. The smile would suddenly transform into uneasiness and discomfort.
She was always nitpicking me and complaining about everything. Never satisfied. But to everyone’s surprise, I could not leave her. It was not that simple.
There are a bunch of reasons why men stick around when they’re not happy. Let’s break it down:
1. I was afraid of being alone
First off, there’s a huge fear of being alone. Yeah, I said it. We might not talk about it but the idea of being single again, especially after a long time, can be pretty scary.
No solo again, thank you. This relationship isn’t perfect or fun either, but it’s MINE. Known. Familiar. Comfy.
2. Change scared the heck out of me
I hate change. The new and the unknown frighten me. I’m the guy who prefers an old worn-out T-shirt rather than a new one. It feels good and safe.
Change freaks me out. That’s why I was kept in the tracks for such a long time.
3. Starting over felt horrifying
When you’ve been with your partner for years, even just thinking about starting over feels downright scary. To pack up things and look for a new place? It’s like standing on the brink of the abyss and looking down. Horrifying right?
So I’d rather stay in an old known place than start a new chapter in my life. All safe here, do you feel me?
4. I was caught in a familiarity loop
The routine and familiarity can trap you. It’s all so predictable and easy.
It’s like watching a boring movie because you’re too lazy to get up from your comfy seat to reach the remote control. I hesitated to try something new.
5. What will people say if I leave her?
There is strong social pressure and a stigma attached to divorce and breakups. Real men don’t give up, and that kind of talk we have been fed with since we were little. Enduring misery is seen as noble.
To leave her? Imagine what family, friends, and everyone else would say. Fear of being judged if I leave her is paralyzing, I’m telling you.
6. I hoped she would change
Oh, the hope. Such a powerful thing!
I hoped she would change. I hoped it would all get better, problems would work themselves out. I was waiting for the sun to show up on a cloudy day. Of course, it never happened.
7. Staying in a comfort zone was easier
Let’s not underestimate the power of habit. After years of being together even an unhappy relationship becomes comfortable in its own way. You know what to expect, you’ve got your routines and familiarity gives you coziness.
The idea of shaking all that up seems frightening.
8. I invested so much in the relationship
It was like a long-term project. I invested so much time and emotions into that relationship. I could not just leave it all behind.
Maybe a relationship was not perfect but I could not simply walk away from there.
9. I was waiting for a miracle
It feels awkward to admit, but I was childish and really believed in something as a magical fix. Magically things will work out. I just needed to wait. Even when there was no sign of any improvement I believed it was just an unhappy chapter.
10. I lost myself in the relationship
After six years in an unhappy relationship, I started losing bits of myself. I kinda lost my identity, and I forgot who I used to be. My self-esteem was low. I couldn’t remember if I was ever able to make decisions without her.
I know you women have the same issues. You’re afraid to leave the comfort zone, to give up on long-term relationships, and are not ready to deal with uncertainty. That’s why YOU TOO tend to stay in bad relationships.
There’s a huge difference between facing challenges in a relationship and neglecting yourself. You have to find the strength to recognize when something is not fixable and have the guts to move on.
Leaving an unhappy relationship is a tough choice, I know. It’s scary, it’s hard and it means dealing with uncertainty. What I wanna tell you is this: your happiness, your sense of worth, and peace of mind are the most important things. Stop torturing yourself! Break free!
It’s all about reclaiming your life and moving forward toward a happier, brighter future! You deserve to be happy!