Have you ever felt you’re too…clingy? I sure have. But hey, you know what they say, the first step to solving a problem is admitting there is one.
It’s not like I was always aware of that, it just hit me one day and I realized I was in trouble! I came home from work and felt amazing. I was so happy for some reason but my partner was clearly annoyed because his day wasn’t as good.
Wonder what happened next? I felt annoyed and sad even more than he did! My mood always depended on how he felt like we were the same person.
And that was just the tip of the iceberg! I soon started realizing all the signs that confirmed I was codependent as hell. You might be as well if these sound familiar.
1. Your happiness depends on their mood
As I said, this was one of the first signs that warned me something ain’t right. I would be ready to tackle any challenge that day but if he was grumpy, I would just throw everything away. If he was excited I would be happy even more.
It’s so crazy now when I think about it, I was literally never truly myself. It definitely took me some time to realize my well-being shouldn’t be so much dependent on his.
I know it’s hard because when you love a person, you feel strong empathy. However, it’s simply not healthy to let our world revolve around someone else.
2. Reassurance is your best friend
You know those days when nothing seems right and the only thing that could make it all better is hearing them say, “Everything will be okay”?
That was my life, every day. From asking if he loves me, and if everything is alright to asking about decisions in my own life, I desperately needed reassurance in every aspect of my life.
Although it never bothered him I could see he was sometimes exhausted, and it also wasn’t the best way for me to deal with my insecurities.
So I started making small steps, built my confidence, and learned to trust myself. I focused on things that impacted my self-esteem positively and began journaling. Each morning I would write at least 3 qualities I have and 3 things I am proud of. Honestly, it changed my life!
3. If you fear something, it’s ending up alone
Have you ever been attacked by a wave of scary questions, asking yourself what will happen if you end up alone, without the love of your life?
If the thought of being alone terrifies you to the point where you would rather stay in a bad relationship than be single, you have a problem. What helped me was learning how to enjoy spending time with myself. Yes, you heard that right!
I would do the things I love and try to find joy in solitude. You need to know that being alone is not as lonely as some people might think.
4. You set everything aside to spend time with them
I remember when I had a birthday party and invited some people, only for my best friend to bail on me at the last minute just because her boyfriend wanted a movie night with her!
Yeah, I know, you love them the most and don’t want to waste any time but you should also love yourself and learn to have a good time without them. If we shift our whole energy to another person only so we don’t upset them, we need to ask ourselves if that’s real love.
Doing this will only make you feel empty and cause you to be even more codependent because you won’t know what to do with yourself when they’re busy.
5. Boundary is an unknown word in your dictionary
Boundaries – we often overlook them but they’re really important in every part of our lives and every relationship.
Sometimes you don’t even realize you allowed someone everything just because you love them. But trust me, you’ll know it when they take all of your personal space, invade your privacy, hurt your feelings, and get out of it easily. Why? Because you allowed it.
It surely won’t be easy at first, but you need to teach yourself how to say no and set limits you wouldn’t want anyone to cross. You’ll see an instant change in how you feel and other people will show more respect as well!
6. Making decisions alone feels impossible
You can’t even decide what groceries to buy without him? Girl, you need to get yourself together!
Codependent people will often search for their partner’s confirmation for everything they want to do. Whether it be what movie to watch, what major to pick, or where to work, they can’t make decisions on their own.
This is obviously wrong for many reasons. You need to trust your instincts and realize you know what’s best for you. Over time, you’ll be more confident and happy with the choices you’ve made!
7. Constant attention became essential as breathing air
Ohh, I understand this one a bit too well! I couldn’t go a day without his texts or calls. If he didn’t contact me for a while, I would feel so anxious the rest of the day.
I wanted to be the center of his world at all times! When I learned how to feel happy without his validation and how to be content without craving attention I found that our relationship improved as well. But I was also more happy in general.
Honestly, it’s all about having balance. Before engaging in any romance, we need to build a relationship with ourselves. If we dedicate our whole mind, energy, and soul to another person, we can’t expect anything but the feeling of emptiness inside ourselves.
Everything is possible by taking small steps and making slight changes so the sooner you start, the faster you’ll become independent and the best version of yourself!