Modern dating is challenging and difficult for everyone. But it can be especially hard for nerds and geeks.
You might wonder why that is so. Well, let’s face it—we live in an extroverted world, and most of the people have a tendency to judge a book by its covers. It means that they pay a lot of attention to the way you look and to your social skills, without being patient enough to dig underneath the surface and to look for other qualities most single nerds have.
Are you a self-proclaimed, introverted nerd who enjoys most of the things outside the mainstream? Do you enjoy playing video games, reading comic books and you are into sci-fi? Would you agree that you don’t like going to clubs and big events, and you prefer spending quiet evenings by yourself or with your closest friends? Isn’t it true that all of this isn’t making it easy for you to find love?
We are at your rescue because here are 10 effective dating tips for nerds which will definitely help every single nerd out there find their ideal match.
1. Accept yourself
The first thing you need to do when putting yourself on the dating market is to be yourself. I know this is something most people will tell you to do but rarely will they actually give you advice on how to do it.
One of the worst things you can do when you are trying to attract a person of the opposite sex is to pretend you are someone you are not just for her to like you more. Firstly, she will see right through your intentions. Even if you manage to pull this off and if you manage to persuade her that you are someone you are not, sooner or later, your mask will fall off, and she’ll be disappointed in you. Besides, acting will only make you feel bad about yourself, and you’ll never know if this girl is really into you or she actually likes the person you invented.
You are not like everyone else. Instead of considering this as a downside of your personality, start seeing it as your biggest advantage in contrast to all the other guys out there!
2. Accept the other person
The same way you should work on accepting yourself for who you really are, you should try to accept the other person, as well.
Don’t judge a book by its cover, and don’t try to make assumptions about a girl just by looking at her. You may think that a girl is shallow just because she puts a lot of time and energy into her looks or just because she listens to different music or likes things you are not interested in. You may think that the two of you don’t have anything in common just because she doesn’t share your Star Trek passions or because she hasn’t read Harry Potter.
But this doesn’t have to be the case. This girl might be your soulmate and the person you are looking for, despite all of your differences. So, instead of trying to find someone who is exactly the same as you are, open your mind to different possibilities.
And when you find someone who stands outside of your box, don’t try to change her, and don’t allow her to change you. Instead, enjoy this person’s differences, and use them as an opportunity to expand your horizons and to learn something new.
3. Ask others for advice
The truth is that your character and personality are the most important things about you. But let’s face it—we are social and visual beings, and if you want to attract a girl, you have to work on your first impression. That means that she needs to like what she sees and hears when she first meets you.
The best way to improve your social skills, your looks and your clothing is to rely on the feedback of people who are close to you. Don’t get me wrong—I am not advising you to let anyone change the essence of who you are just so you could be more likeable to girls. I am just telling you to ask for an opinion of the way you look and the way you are dressed from someone close to you before you go out with a girl.
4. Work on your self-esteem
You know for a fact that most girls like men who are sure about themselves. Men who know what they want and aren’t afraid to get it.
And when you look at yourself, you know you have a lot to offer but you simply can’t find a way to express this in the right way. The problem is in your lack of confidence.
I am not telling you to suddenly become an extrovert or an outgoing person if that is someone you are not. I am just here to give you a piece of advice on how to overcome the barrier of even talking to the girls you like and how to build your confidence.
The first thing you need to do is to start believing in yourself. But I mean really believing in yourself. And the best way to accomplish that is to focus on your good qualities and to emphasize them. Yes, you have your flaws, but they shouldn’t be on your mind when talking to a girl.
5. Don’t overthink
One of your biggest mistakes when it comes to dating is that you probably analyze everything and allow your overthinking to ruin your relationship even before it starts. Even when it happens that you meet a girl, the first thing that goes through your mind are all the possible negative outcomes of your relationship with her.
What if she rejects you right away? What if she starts comparing you with her ex? What if she just wants to use you as a rebound? What if she doesn’t like you? What if you fall in love with her and end up heartbroken?
I’ll have to stop you right there because these thoughts are one of the cores of your problem. Stop thinking about all the ‘could haves and should haves’. Stop making all these possible case scenarios in your head before anything has actually happened.
I am not saying that you should be completely reckless and ignore your gut. I am just telling you that it won’t hurt to be a little more spontaneous. You saw a girl you find cute? Go talk to her, without thinking what might happen. Go with the flow from time to time, and see where it takes you.
6. Try online dating on nerd dating websites
If you have problems with your social skills and with expressing yourself verbally, the best place to find your perfect match is definitely geek dating sites which are full of single nerds. These nerd dating sites and dating apps will help you find geeky singles who share your interests and passions.
When you are chatting with a girl online, she doesn’t see what is happening behind the screen. She can’t see that you are blushing or that your hands are sweating. Nerd dating websites and dating apps give you a lot more time to come up with a response because it is not face-to-face communication.
And when you finally decide to meet in person with this girl you’ve been chatting with, she’ll already be someone you are familiar with, and there will be a lot less tension on your part. Besides, if you met her on a geek dating site, she will probably understand your insecurities and will not judge you because of them.
7. Work on yourself
Improving yourself is the thing you should constantly do for your own sake and not just for the sake of finding someone, but it will definitely help you attract more people.
Work on improving your looks and improving yourself as a person! Don’t be afraid to think outside the box. Don’t be scared to get out of your comfort zone, and expand your interests and horizons. This will help you know more about the world and will automatically, help you be more certain of yourself.
8. Focus on quality over quantity
I know that plenty of geeks expect to become players overnight, and I hate to disappoint you, but this won’t happen. Besides, the last thing you want to be is some fuckboy who will break girls’ hearts.
If you are looking for something worthy of your time, you need to focus all of your energy on quality over quantity. Don’t put your efforts into getting laid as much as possible or getting as many phone numbers from different girls in one night because that won’t make you happy, and it is not what you need.
Instead, be patient enough and wait for the right girl to come along. No, she won’t magically appear in front of you, and this probably won’t be the first girl which crosses your path. But don’t give up on finding the right one just because you’ve met a few wrong ones. And please don’t give up after the first disappointment because the girl for you is out there!
9. Prepare yourself
When you come to think of it, your biggest problem with dating is that you usually get tongue-tied when you are around girls. When you are alone at home and when you think of all the things you would say to a girl you like, there are a million interesting things that come to your mind. But everything changes when you actually face this girl. You get anxious and nervous, and you literally don’t know what to say.
Well, I have a solution for you. Before you go out on a date or before you approach a girl you like, prepare yourself. Think of a few charming communication ice-breakers, witty responses or funny things which could make her laugh. Think of some questions to ask your date to get to know her better and of some interesting things to tell her about yourself.
Just make sure to use each of these things when the timing is right, and don’t let her get the impression that you have prepared lines you’ve previously memorized.
10. Don’t be afraid of rejection
Rejection is a part of the dating game, and there is nothing you can do about it. When you look at all those players around you, you think they can get every girl they want, and you assume they’ve never gotten rejected. But trust me—you can’t be more wrong because there doesn’t exist a guy who has never heard no’ as an answer.
I am not going to lie to—when you put yourself out there, you will get rejected sometimes because there is no magic trick which can make you attractive to every girl you like. So, don’t let this discourage you.
And most importantly—don’t take it personally. There is the possibility that the girl is lready taken or just not in the mood for someone hitting on her. Remember that a girl is allowed not to like you and that doesn’t mean you are ugly, uninteresting or unattractive. It just means that she doesn’t want to give you a chance and that you should continue trying with someone else.