What does an NSA relationship mean? You’ve probably seen that Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman movie and immediately started wondering if you could pull off something like that, haven’t you?
Being in an NSA (aka no strings attached) relationship sounds like so much fun when you hear people talk about it.
So it’s only natural that it should pop up in your head and tickle your imagination as well.
Having fun in bed and knowing that you’re not going to regret it in the morning is the kind of relationship we all secretly seek! You’re with someone but you don’t feel any guilt after leaving the next morning.
You both know it’s just a sexy, innocent hook up and completely casual sex (which is what makes it so hot).
It is never a way of getting emotionally intimate or invested. Unlike a serious relationship, this is pure fun with no strings attached. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?
Well, the problem here is that there are some rules connected to this type of relationship.
You should follow them in order to not mess it up or make a fool out of yourself. (Just in case you start developing feelings for your NSA partner.) Like most things in life, relationships are all sorts of complicated and unpredictable.
• Sometimes you think you’re about to embark on a life-changing adventure with your soulmate and you end up heartbroken and alone. You realize it was just a casual relationship.
• And other times, you choose an NSA relationship and you start developing serious feelings for this person. Nothing is going like you imagined it would and feelings appear out of nowhere. You’re clueless what to do about it.
That’s life for you. You can’t plan out your love life. You can’t control your feelings when they appear out of nowhere.
You just have to learn how to set up some ground rules for the type of relationship you wish to be in.
If an NSA relationship is something you have decided to explore, there are certain unwritten rules you should probably follow.
Learn how to maximize the pleasure and avoid the potential negative repercussions.
It’s a way to have some innocent, sultry fun, so do just that with the help of the following guidelines.
1. Know the difference between ‘friends with benefits’ and NSA
If you choose a friend to have this type of relationship with, it’s called friends with benefits. But an NSA relationship doesn’t have anything to do with that.
Here, the man you’re with doesn’t have to listen to your problems and or make you feel better when you’re down.
These types of relationships are all about your physical pleasure. NSA means that there are no strings attached.
It is not a real relationship and nobody owes each other anything other then fun, casual sex, and a good time.
2. Ask yourself if you’re ready
Being emotionally ready for an NSA relationship is crucial. You don’t want to make it awkward by revealing your feelings to someone who doesn’t feel the same way.
If you’re done with online dating and all those useless dating sites, and you’ve decided to embark on a one night stand, ask yourself the following:
• Can you deal with the fact that there won’t be an actual first date and that the person probably won’t stick around until morning?
• Is the person you’re hooking up with familiar with the ground rules of an NSA relationship?
• Are you two on the exact same page regarding your expectations and emotions and have you worked out a foolproof NSA arrangement?
Only after you’ve checked these boxes are you truly ready for this type of relationship.
3. Use protection!
This should be common sense, but most people make the mistake of not taking this rule very seriously.
This kind of arrangement is usually a quick, on-the-go type of thing that doesn’t leave much time to actually think things through.
This is why you need to work out the kinks before you actually meet with the person.
Make sure that at least one of you has some type of birth control on you to avoid any unwanted pregnancies or STDs.
Be smart about this now, so you don’t regret it in the future.
4. Cut it off the moment you start developing feelings
If you start getting jealous, and checking their social media accounts to find out where they are, it’s a clear sign to move on from that person as your feelings are starting to surface.
In this type of relationship, feelings are the last thing you need or want – they complicate things.
It’s not easy to recognize it at first, but if the thought of them being with someone else makes you feel weird, it’s a sign to cut it off. Don’t do this to yourself. You might get hurt.
Unlike all your previous romantic relationships, this is new territory, and if you sense you’re not ready, press pause and wait it out.
Casual sex is not for everyone and there’s no shame in that. The truth is, we’d all like to be void of emotions when it comes to these things, but it’s easier said than done.
5. Have boundaries
Boundaries are crucial to protect yourself from catching feelings. Making rules for this type of relationship might seem harsh, but it’s necessary unless you want to end up hurt or hurting the person in question.
• Decide to only text regarding sex and hooking up. No random messages about feelings and your life in general. Keep it strictly sexy and breezy.
• Agree if you see each other in public, not to approach each other unless you’re alone. If you’re with other people, it may get awkward, so you want to avoid that at all costs.
• When you’re done having sex, the person visiting has an hour tops to leave. No sleeping over and cuddling. That leads to talking and talking leads to getting to know each other. And you know where that goes. Nip it in the bud.
6. Have fun
Isn’t fun the main reason why you decided to enter into an NSA relationship?
Then enjoy it as much as you can! Don’t think about the way you perform too much, don’t think about what will happen tomorrow, make it enjoyable.
Relax and unwind. This is your time off and you are allowed to have some fun and laugh (or moan) as loud as you want! The whole point of this hook up is to forget about the world outside and focus on your body and pleasure. Erase everything BUT that and get loose!
7. Take care of your needs first
You have complete permission to be selfish about your needs above everything else. Remember, this is NOT a real relationship, so you get to do as you please!
If you don’t like something, tell them and don’t hesitate to make it clear exactly how you like it.
If you’re passionate about sex and you’re having a great time, there is no doubt that it’ll be amazing for them, too. But, you’re your biggest priority.
This is your time to shine. Sure, your NSA partner is important too, but you don’t have to worry about him that much. You only live once… so make the most of this!
8. Get crazy
Similar to the golden rule above, this means that you are not obligated to do anything that might not be pleasant for you.
You now have the freedom to try out all the things you were afraid to do in a committed relationship.
There are no more worries that your partner might be intimidated or weirded out by the things you like in bed.
Who gives a shit now? Be open-minded to going completely crazy and being spontaneous. Be curious. Be wild. Be the you that you were always afraid to be!
9. Have sex and go home
Don’t hang out afterwards and don’t spend time cuddling. Once it’s all finished, pick up your clothes, get dressed and get on your way home.
You have a perfectly comfortable bed there, use it! If you start cuddling and hanging around each other, you will start talking and that’s when you know that you’ve gone too far.
You want to keep this going, right? You like this NSA relationship? Then don’t cuddle! This is the most important thing.
If you start talking about personal stuff, you will get to know each other on a deeper level and whether you like it or not, feelings will get in the middle of your casual hook up!
Avoid it by immediately going home after sex and separating this thing from your personal life.
10. Don’t tell him things about yourself
With this I mean: Don’t tell him your secrets; keep them to yourself. Who knows how long this is going to last?
Do you really want someone who’s not going to be around for too long to know everything about you? I’m guessing not.
Once you start talking about the things that make you insecure or scared, you are slowly crossing over towards a real relationship and once you see that happening, you need to stop yourself. The truth is, being in an NSA relationship is hard work.
We all think we are able to have a relationship that is pure fun and zero emotions, but when push comes to shove, you realize just how tricky it can get.
The line is often blurred and soon you realize that you want a serious relationship with this person.
Avoid all that by sharing as little as possible. As long as you want things to remain casual, follow this ground rule.
11. You are allowed to say no
You have no obligations to this person and it’s the same the other way around.
You don’t have to go and have sex with them whenever they want it, so if you’re not feeling like it, be clear about it.
• If they call wanting to have sex and you’re not in the mood, you are free to say it loud and clear. Your wants are just as important as theirs.
• Remember, even if the person does get mad, is it really important? No, it’s not. Unlike with romantic relationships, here you don’t have to be so considerate of their feelings. Be kind, but stand your ground.
• If the person can’t take no for an answer, walk away from this arrangement. They might get too possessive and controlling, which is your cue to get out.
12. Remember that they are not your property
If you see the guy sitting in a cafe with someone else, don’t get all jealous on him, fight over whatever happened, or get upset.
That’s the first sign of attachment. No strings attached means exactly what it says.
He can date whomever he wants and the same goes for you, too. Be prepared for this situation, because it will happen.
The only question is when. One day, you are going to see this person in the real world holding hands with someone else, and at that moment, you will realize just how okay with this you are or aren’t.
And as shitty as that may be, you have no right to go over there and cause a scene.
What you have is not real, and you don’t get to cause them trouble. If it hurts, walk away before it gets worse. It’s for your own good.
13. Always have a backup plan
Why would you throw out all the other options you have in your life for an NSA relationship? Don’t do that. It’s not worth it.
You are completely allowed to flirt with other men and go on dates. By doing that, you are making sure that you have other options in case this goes south.
And let’s face the truth, it might. Your NSA partner might find someone else, and you could find yourself in deep water.
NSA means no strings attached. Remember that in case the line starts getting too blurry. Give dating sites another chance and see what else is out there.
You are totally allowed to do that, so don’t be afraid to have a backup plan if this blows up in your face. He is probably doing the same thing.
So think about yourself first, and everyone else second. When this stops being fun and casual, take it as a sign to resort to your backup plan. Trust me, you’ll be happy you had one.
An NSA relationship is certainly not everyone’s cup of tea. People get into these things thinking it will be smooth sailing and pure, innocent fun, but more often than not, one person gets blindsided and hurt.
And the worst part is, nobody ever expects it. You enter it feeling hopeful and sneaky and get out of it hurt and disappointed with a hole in your gut.
This is precisely why there are golden rules that you must follow if you want yours to be successful.
This is not a committed relationship and your partner does not owe you anything.
There are no dates, no declarations of love, and no talking about stuff for hours on end. It’s casual, fun, and breezy.
You go in and you get out, and that’s it. If after reading all of this you feel you’re ready to experience it, by all means – go ahead! But those who are apprehensive and confused by the arrangement, perhaps this is not for you.
Don’t be discouraged. Do your own thing and stick to what makes you feel good.
There’s no shame in being honest with yourself. Good luck and follow your gut!