As there are different types of love, there are, naturally, different types of lovers.
The Greeks had the perfect example for each type of love because, of course, love cannot be interpreted with just one particular feeling.
Is it even possible to compare the love you feel for a friend or sister to the love you feel for your lover?
These three types of love are completely different and yet carry the same value.
Throughout this text, I won’t discuss the Greek types of love (Eros, Philia, Storge love, Agape love, Ludus, Pragma, Philautia), I will concentrate on an even narrower categorization of this emotion.
Although the ancient Greeks made a very simple division of the classification of love types a long time ago, we are going to enter even deeper into the matter than the Greek philosophers once did.
I will discuss types of people and what kind of lovers they make.
When you meet someone for the first time, it’s normal to have an unexplainable urge to want to get to know them.
You go out on dates, you spend time together, and slowly you create a picture in your head of what that person is genuinely like.
You can interpret a lot of signs just from their body language or from the way they talk or think even before you engage in a romantic relationship with them.
Basically, if you observe carefully, you can get an idea of what kind of person you’re dealing with.
It’s possible to get a sign of whether to enter a long-term relationship with that person or not.
What none of us ever think about at the beginning of a relationship – because we’re usually too smitten with the person we’re falling in love with – is that there is always something more to the person than meets the eye.
There is always something hidden deep inside that is not that transparent.
For example, what type of a lover are they? What is their love style?
Everyone’s heard of the 2 main types of lovers – a settler and a reacher.
In other words, a healthy relationship requires the engagement of two people.
One of those two people can do so much better partner-wise, and the other one is lucky as hell – the settler is better looking, smarter, or more capable and they are settling for someone who is reaching.
Other than these two basic types of lovers, there are many more specific types of lovers that you probably haven’t heard about very often.
Not all types of lovers can match.
You have giving, taking, controlling, dependent, or independent lovers. There are as many types of people as there are of lovers.
For example, it’s impossible for a controlling partner to be in a happy relationship with someone who is independent and needs to be free to do whatever they like. That relationship is doomed right from the start.
People are looking for their match—someone to fit their needs and psychological profiles.
If that controlling person likes to make decisions for both people in the relationship, an independent person won’t have that because they allow no one to control their life. Even if the sex is good, that relationship won’t work.
It may in the beginning, while the level of intimacy is still purely sexual, but as the relationship grows, major personality traits that clash will be the reason why the relationship ends.
Or simply put, not all types of lovers are compatible.
Although there is something we all tend to forget.
Love comes in all kinds of different shapes and colors – unconditional love, physical attraction, infatuation, romantic love, practical love, obsessive love…who knows what kind of love can turn out to be the real, true love for each of us on an individual level?
Regardless of what love can or cannot be, love is different for everyone, and it depends on how you interpret it.
The type of lover you are depends on the mood you’re in…
In essence, there is only one personality trait that dominates each and every one of us, but different moods can cause different shades of other personality traits to get mixed with the main one.
This meddling makes our main trait change, so naturally, the type of lover someone is changes as well.
For example, if you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps, you’re going to retreat, and you’re not going to be your usual self.
So, even if you’re a controlling type of lover, that side of you won’t be that controlling when you’re depressed.
Or, if you’re usually a taker, a good mood can shift you to a giver in no time. Not only does this refer to yourself, but also to your partner.
…which brings us to the conclusion that one person cannot be just one type of lover.
Different circumstances cause different reactions. This applies to life and relationships.
The situations in which we find ourselves provoke different emotions, so we sometimes don’t respond emotionally as we normally would.
Not all types of lovers are made to be in certain relationships. Some of them are fatal to the relationship, and some of them are just perfect.
At the end of the day, we are all looking for a perfect type to be with, only the catch is that not everyone’s perfect type is the same.
A lot of types, but only one dominates
Taking into consideration that our emotions direct the way we behave toward others and ourselves, we can definitely conclude that every person is a mixture of a little bit of everything, but in the end, there is that one dominant trait which makes us who we are and cannot ever disappear.
That one dominant trait defines what type of a lover someone is; this is how your partner perceives you and how you perceive him.
18 types of lovers
Givers are labeled as givers for two reasons: they feel they are not good enough or they are simply the ones who love more.
If they feel they are not good enough, then they try to compensate for what they think are their disadvantages with eruptions of love and attention to their partners.
They do this because they think they are not giving sufficiently, so they give way too much.
Another type of giver is the one who simply loves more than the other. In basic lover-type terms, this person is definitely a reacher.
It’s her primary instinct to give as much as possible out of pure and selfless love, nothing more.
Takers think so highly of themselves. They consider themselves as some kind of a prize, and the person who is in a relationship with them should be lucky to have landed someone like them.
Well, that’s the wrong approach, but what can you do – most people can’t change.
They think they bring so much to the relationship, and if it weren’t for them, the relationship would fail before it even began.
Takers only take emotions and give nothing in return, and they feel they don’t need to.
Takers can be closely related to narcissists who also just take and never give, but if your partner isn’t suffering from a psychological disorder, then the diagnosis is simple: he is selfish.
At first, you have the feeling that a controller wants only what’s best for you.
At first, it all seems so cute – those phone calls and check-ups – you think he loves you so much and he worries about you, so he needs to know where you are and what you’re doing all the time.
After these excessive, everyday checks become routine, they slowly turn into a nightmare.
Your once-loving partner turns into a crazily possessive freakshow who doesn’t allow you to leave the house without his permission.
What was once apparently a sweet and innocent love has turned into manipulative and controlling mind games and emotional blackmail.
Their pleasure comes from pleasing their partners. Their love is selfless and unconditional.
The lengths these people are ready to go to are incredible. If you want to have a person who supports you no matter what, a pleaser is the right person for your emotional needs.
Even though they are not getting anything out of it, be kind and gentle to them.
People like that deserve all the love you can give because they give you everything they have.
In general, all lovers are similar, but there are almost invisible shades that make the difference.
If you really take a deep look and analyze a person, you will then see these minor yet very important differences.
A selfish lover will always do things that suit him the best. He will look for what he can get out of every possible situation.
Even if you think he’s done something to make you happy, look again, because there must be something he will gain while doing what appears to be a selfless act.
Dating a doubter is a real challenge. They will never trust you completely.
Whatever you do, they will always have hints of doubt growing at the back of their minds in the dark.
Those suspicions will always bug them, and they will never be able to relax.
A doubter feels threatened by everything, and you constantly need to prove that you love him.
It’s an exhausting relationship that is sooner or later bound to fall apart because no one has the endurance to keep living a life full of judgment and uncertainty.
Doubt is also connected to jealousy which is born after a substantial time of one person thinking the other is hiding something.
This type of lover is only talk and nothing else. He promises you the world, but naturally, he gives you nothing. This type of person is called an actor for a reason.
Since he is very much aware of who he is, he will act like he is someone else – in this case, a loving and caring partner.
Most of the time, he only pretends to care about you. He always asks you if there is something he can do to make you happier, but he never does it.
An adventure seeker hates monotony, and his goal is to keep the relationship exciting at all times.
That excitement doesn’t necessarily have to be a good thing.
If he notices your relationship is sailing peacefully on calm waters, he will pick a fight with you only to stir things up a bit. He is always looking for excitement and new things to do.
Usually, this is a good thing, especially if you are an adventurous type—with the exception of the arguments he provokes when he is bored.
This type of lover is annoyed with everything in a relationship. He can’t even sweat the small stuff. He is annoyed all the time by the most trivial things.
A brooding lover wants to have time for himself, which is normal in a relationship, but where he is concerned, that time alone is exclusive with no exceptions.
If someone or something disturbs his personal space, he’ll lose his temper and burst into flames.
A materialist lover is all about the good life. If he is comfortable and has everything materialistic he needs, he won’t argue with you.
Even if he knows you don’t love him and you’re together for some other reason, he won’t mind it as long as he gets the luxury life he is used to.
In other words, a lack of love is not a dealbreaker for a materialistic lover.
You can call them honeymoon lovers also. The first few weeks of your relationship, or during the honeymoon phase, a straying lover is head over heels.
Anything you want, he will give you. You have a feeling that you’re living in a fairy tale and he is your Prince Charming.
As time passes and your relationship grows older, he will become colder and more distant than usual.
The initial passion wears off, and he becomes less and less interested in you.
Slowly, he starts looking for someone else to impress, and you are doomed to be labeled ‘someone who was fun while it lasted’.
A lover like this has a good and a bad side. On the one hand, he is always there to help you.
Sacrificing for your benefit is what he wants to do. His constant need to help you become a better person is extraordinary.
On the other hand, the bad side pops out. It’s nice that someone sacrifices for you and invests his time in you to help you grow, but a helper will definitely use that against you.
His help is not a selfless act; it’s a tool he can use against you at any time, one for manipulating you into doing something for him because he sacrificed for you.
The love of a possessive lover is not questionable. You don’t have to doubt him because he really loves you from the bottom of his heart.
But – and there is always a ‘but’ – his love is possessive. This means, if you are with him, you can’t be with anyone else.
He doesn’t trust you, and he thinks everyone around you is trying to seduce you.
You’ll see a possessive lover fidget every time you’re talking to someone else.
He’ll ask you a million questions related to the person you’ve been talking to and even if you answer them all, he still won’t trust you.
A loyal partner doesn’t seek adventure. He is not suspicious of his partner, and he doesn’t try to gain the upper hand in a relationship.
He is devoted to you because he wants to be. He will have your back at all times because his love is sincere and pure.
A loyal lover doesn’t have any ulterior motives for loving you.
A lover like this will never go and seek someone else, someone different.
He will not cheat because he doesn’t feel the need to.
Everything he could ever have wished for, he’s found in you.
Sexual chemistry is the most important thing for this type of lover. In his world, sex comes first.
So logically, if something is not right in the bedroom, he will probably walk away.
A passionate lover’s sexual appetite is quite big, but his performance is worthy of mention.
There is no stopping until you’re completely satisfied.
Passionate lovers can hide their shortcomings in other aspects of the relationship with their sexual abilities and insatiable sex drive.
If you aren’t into romantic stuff, stay away from this type of men because you won’t be able to handle the overly romantic journey you’re in for.
If you love being wooed and swept off your feet, you need a man like this.
He will make every moment you two have together memorable, and there is no chance in hell he is going to forget any date that is important in your relationship.
A compromiser is easy-going and actually the most grateful romantic partner.
If you’re hot-headed and you like things done your way, then you need a compromiser in your life.
Almost always, he is going to tolerate your demands or worst case scenario, he’ll find the solution that suits you both.
The reason why he turns a blind eye most of the time is because he hates conflict and wants to avoid a fight under any circumstances.
An enthusiast is all about new experiences in a relationship. He wants to go places he hasn’t been and do the things he’s never done before.
Sometimes, he doesn’t even stop to think before doing something, which can cause minor problems, but nothing he can’t deal with or handle.
So here you go, all types of lovers out there. Which one is yours? Or which one are you?