My life tremendously changed when I became a mom. Suddenly I didn’t have time for anything and was on a rollercoaster of emotions round-the-clock. Also, I was facing many challenges.
I DID feel joy for spending time with my baby and watching his milestones but at the same time I was bothered by a pervasive feeling known as “mom guilt”.
When things didn’t go as planned – whether it was a messy house, a failed school project, or a missed milestone – guilt would quickly set in.
The emotional struggle moms go through can come from various sources and manifest in different ways, but there are some common situations that cause moms to feel guilty.
If you look for relatable stories on TikTok, you’ll find a bunch of videos and reels where women share their own experiences about mom guilt. So let’s dig in:
1. “I should have handled the situation a lot better”
Leah Rae talks about moments in motherhood when you do your best but then afterwards you realize you should have handled the situation a lot better, and you feel guilty about that.
She starts by explaining how she thought mom guilt is when you decide to leave kids at your parent’s house to go out and have fun, and then feel guilty about it. But then she got the picture:
It was naive to think mom guilt is present only in very specific moments, and Leah starts sharing some very relatable situations when mommies feel guilty:
“Mom guilt is having a hard day and feeling guilty that you were frustrated. Mom guilt is wishing the time away and then wishing that they were small again.
Mom guilt is wanting a different life for you and your baby and then feeling guilty for working. Mom guilt is when I feel like I’m not doing enough for my child.”
There is an enormous love you feel for your child but you’re also very tired and your body screams for some rest. However, when you do give yourself some rest the guilt starts eating you.
If you choose to continue working, you feel like you’re disappointing your child. No matter how devoted mom you may be, you’ll always feel you should do more.
2. “I feel guilty for taking alone time”
As moms, we often put our family’s needs above our own, and we feel guilty when we take time off. Whether it’s a night out with friends, a solo vacation, or even just a quiet bath, the idea of self-care can feel selfish to many moms.
Lisa P claims that alone time is a basic human need:
“Alone time is a need. And when you don’t get it for long enough you start to crack.”
Being a mom means being constantly overstimulated and overwhelmed. So don’t be hard on yourself for taking some time for yourself. You need it to be a better mom. Take a break woman!
3. “I feel bad for using technology more than I ‘should’”
Among other things that cause her to feel mom guilt, Angeline emphasizes the guilt for using technology.
I know, we are all aware how screens can be dangerous for our kids’ development. I always try to ensure enough outdoor play and fresh air, but sometimes I allow my kids to watch TV.
Balance is the key, so you can take a break or do something while they are entertained by screens, but after 30 minutes of passively watching cartoons, make sure your kids engage in good old interactive play for at least an hour.
4. “I hate myself for losing my temper and raising my voice”
We are human beings and it’s not easy to handle all the burden and emotional flood. Sometimes you just snap. Then you feel SO BAD because you’re afraid you’ll traumatize your kids with outbursts of anger. I feel you.
Don’t forget that all parents lose their temper from time to time, it’s part of parenthood. It’s normal. Try to give your kids as much love as you can, try to be more calm and it will all balance out. Remember, you’re not a monster.
You’ll recognize yourself in Katie’s reel – sometimes you’re annoyed by the fact you can’t have lunch like a normal person and then your kid hugs you, and the guilt is there.
5. “I feel like a bad mother for not breastfeeding”
Parenting choices are a minefield of potential guilt triggers. But when you have difficulties with breastfeeding and you have no choice but to supplement with formula, boy that feels awful.
This woman was advised by a pediatrician to supplement with formula and she still feels bad.
Like you’ve failed as a mom. Like you’re letting your baby down. Then you watch all those moms on TikTok talking about breastfeeding like it’s duck soup and you feel horrible.
Listen to me, breastfeeding or formula, both ways are fine. As long as your baby is healthy and gains weight it’s ok.
6. “I feel guilty for getting back to work”
Deciding to pursue your career or being a stay-at-home mom, either way, you’ll feel guilt.
The most productive years at work overlap with those that are most biologically efficient for having babies. And we tend to set high expectations for ourselves. Women need to do it all: be good wives, moms, and employees.
Balancing work and family life is another source of mom guilt. Many working mothers feel guilty for not spending enough time with their children. It’s exhausting and often leaves you feeling like you’re not doing enough in any of your roles.
When people ask her “What’s the hardest part of being a working mom?” Nikkole answers:
On the other hand, stay-at-home moms feel guilty for not financially contributing to their families. Also, they are sometimes perceived by other people as lazy and unambitious so their self-confidence suffers.
7. “I’m such a bad parent”
When children misbehave or face developmental challenges, moms often blame themselves. You may feel that you lack parenting skills or that they are somehow responsible for your child’s struggles.
Jordan admits how she feels after the baby goes to sleep after a rough day:
Also, moms often feel judged by others and people are quick to question their decisions. That can lead to feelings of anxiety and self-doubt.
Be aware that no one is perfect. All parents make mistakes, even when they’re trying their best. Parents are humans too.
To navigate parenting more easily try reading books about child psychology and ask for parenting tips from other more experienced parents.Motherhood is a real struggle I know. Remember you’re not alone. Every mom has her low moments and self-doubts. Never forget the importance of self-care and the need for alone time. It’s your right and responsibility. Your kids deserve a happy mom.