Loving someone is probably the most spontaneous and easiest thing to do. It comes naturally to care for them, and you’d do anything to maintain a good relationship. For example, you wouldn’t lie.
But what about pathological liars? Can a pathological liar love someone? How can they love you if they constantly lie to you?
A healthy relationship is all about open communication and honesty, but when these two things aren’t present, can you really expect a good long-term relationship?
Scroll down to see the answer to all of these questions.
Can A Pathological Liar Love Someone?
The answer is yes; pathological liars can love someone. However, there are some things you should know.
Pathological liars don’t fall in the same scope as other people when it comes to loving someone. They have their own way of doing so, and truth be told, it comes with some problems.
Let’s state the obvious: pathological liars lie for no apparent reason. So, no matter if you’re accusing them of something or simply asking them what they ate for breakfast – you’ll stumble across a lie.
So, even though pathological liars are able to love someone, most of the time, those relationships aren’t successful because constant lies affect your mental health and develop into serious trust issues.
10 Signs You’re In a Relationship With A Pathological Liar
Many people don’t understand the difference between occasional lying and pathological lying. That’s why, most of the time, people aren’t even aware they’re in a relationship with a pathological liar.
But don’t worry, if you suspect your partner has this personality disorder, here are some tell-tale signs you should pay attention to:
1. Trust problems
As your pathological liar has no control over telling lies, it’s normal to expect trust issues in your relationship. They won’t be just white lies but any lie you can think of, with or without any reason.
Lie after lie, and you’ll develop trust issues where you’ll question every sentence, and a romantic relationship like this is most often sentenced to death.
2. Low self-esteem
Making false statements is also related to having low self-esteem. To impress you and keep you in their lives, pathological liars will drown in their own lies just so they can prove themselves to you.
They want to please you and don’t want you to find out the truth because they think you’ll be disappointed.
That’s why they’ll say what they believe their loved one wants to hear. They may also lie because they’re ashamed of something or want to escape from reality.
3. They are irresponsible
Pathological lying brings with it a lot of difficulties for a relationship. One such difficulty is that pathological liars are extremely irresponsible.
Their irresponsibility is reflected in their lack of control or restraint. Therefore, they’ll not only lie to you but be irresponsible in the relationship as well.
So, don’t be surprised if you find out your partner is a cheater as well. Maybe they don’t want to cheat on you, but their mental disorder doesn’t allow any boundaries in their life.
4. They are highly competitive
Although they may not appear fierce rivals on the outside, they are internally driven to triumph.
They don’t see your success as their own, and even though they congratulate you when you succeed, they still minimize your accomplishments.
They can never be truly happy for other people because they are so insecure, which makes everything a competition.
5. Outbursts of anger
A pathological liar doesn’t like to be caught in their lies. They gain control over you by lying about different things, but if they don’t succeed, they may experience outbursts of anger.
They’re mad at you because you didn’t fall for their lies and instead confronted them. This outburst can be reflected in the intensity of their defense or attack.
They can’t control their anger because they don’t have the right coping mechanism.
Instead, if they don’t find a way out of the situation, they may go for physical abuse just so they ‘‘regain’’ control over you.
6. Need for constant attention
Along with all the other signs, if your partner needs constant attention, it’s a sign you’re in a relationship with a pathological liar.
Neediness is another thing that will slowly destroy your relationship. At first, you’ll be able to maintain their needs. However, as time goes by, this neediness will drain you more and more.
They might seem like they care when, in fact, they’ll use manipulation tactics to satisfy their needs. You won’t even realize you’re doing whatever they want.
7. Unnecessary lies
Maybe the most prominent sign of a pathological liar is that they don’t just lie about big things but about unnecessary, small things as well.
You can expect them to recount a different story each time they speak about one specific event: they need to change it just a little each time so they impress you with something they ‘‘said’’ or ‘‘did.’’
So if you catch your partner lying about dumb things that serve no purpose, you can only expect they’re lying about big things too.
8. Secrets
Secrets are also a common thing you’ll encounter if you’re in a relationship with a pathological liar. Everyone has secrets; that’s not a big deal, right?
But all their secrets are hidden behind those lies, which only accumulate more day by day. Secrets, especially ones that concern you, are a form of betrayal.
If secrets become a normal part of your relationship, you’ll probably grow apart because trust issues will only pile up.
9. You feel like you’re being too harsh
It’s not uncommon that many people with pathological liars as partners experience guilt for being too harsh to their partners.
This happens because pathological liars are masters at gaslighting and manipulation. What usually happens is that they make you feel like you are controlling or crazy for having doubts about something they said.
They will try to convince you that you have serious trust issues and that the last thing you should worry about is lies in your relationship. But don’t fall for it!
10. They aren’t ready for commitment
To be a devoted person, you first need to have good underlying traits, no matter in which relationship or part of life.
In relationships, this commitment comes naturally when you start loving your partner. But, can a pathological liar love someone? Of course they can. However, their love is somewhat different from ours.
They often don’t have faith in your relationship even if their lying is under control. So, this behavior pulls them away from any commitment at the very beginning.
How To Deal With A Pathological Liar In A Relationship
Now that we’ve established that you’re in a relationship with a pathological liar, it’s time to discuss how you can cope with your partner.
It won’t be easy. They want to get better, but most of the time, their mental disorder takes over, and they can’t help but ruin a stable relationship.
1. Talk with yourself
The first talk you should have is with yourself, not your partner. You have two options: a) you can think of a possible solution to fix your relationship problems, or b) you can break up with them.
For either of these two options, you need to sit down and have a talk with yourself.
Ask yourself: Are you happy in this relationship? Have you already tried everything in your power to make things work? Is there anything else you can do?
If you don’t see any solution, it’s time to choose option b.
2. And then talk to them
Try talking to your partner when they’re in a good mood. However, in a good mood or not, be prepared to encounter some problems.
Talking to them will be challenging because they will activate their manipulation and gaslighting skills immediately after your talk.
You should come psychologically and mentally ready.
3. Prepare yourself mentally for everything that’s coming
This is the most important part of your journey with a pathological liar. Your mental stability will do half the job, but only if you come prepared.
Lies, manipulation, and gaslighting. These are the things you can expect from your partner. Keep in mind during your talk that they will make excuses for their lies, which will be lies too.
4. Build a strong case
Even if they try to manipulate and gaslight you, with strong evidence, they can never defeat you. Yes, you may break up, which is already a defeat, but at least you won’t question your sanity.
Before speaking to them, gather information such as who they talked to, what they said, and any differences you’ve noted.
This is the only assurance that you won’t leave this conversation thinking you’ve gone insane.
5. Ask for explanations
Even if they want to, they can never tell you the exact truth because their disorder doesn’t allow them to.
When you confront them, their disorder will activate, and they’ll feel threatened. That’s why they will tell lie after lie just to get themselves out of a corner.
In rare cases, they might even go with explanations if they really love you and care for your relationship.
Therefore, asking for explanations will also make it easier for you, as you won’t feel too judgmental and controlling.
6. Think about the underlying cause
Maybe there is help – you just aren’t looking in the right direction. Try to think about any underlying causes. What could trigger this behavior?
Low self-esteem, false sense of self, neglect, abuse, and childhood trauma are some of the things that may trigger pathological lying.
So it’s better to find a solution for the underlying cause than only cure the symptom (pathological lying). Try to communicate honestly and openly and get to the root of the problem.
7. You can work things out
It’s also important to show your partner that you’re a team and encourage them to find a solution and make things work.
You should give them space to figure things out and let them know that you’re here for them no matter what. This will serve as great motivation to work things out.
You two are in this together, and you should never act as their enemy because they’ll start to lie again.
8. Involve family members and friends
A good thing to do is involve family and friends in the healing process because pathological liars are not only liars in romantic relationships but in any relationship.
Their family and friends are probably dealing with the same problems and want the best for them. If your partner sees that everyone is involved, it might encourage them to approach the problem more seriously.
9. Get professional help
When neither you, their family, or friends manage to solve the problem, maybe it’s time to get professional help.
The biggest problem will be convincing them that professional help is necessary because, most of the time, pathological liars won’t admit they have a problem.
So make sure to approach it nice and calmly. Give them time to think about it, and don’t pressure them.
10. Know when enough is enough
If you’ve tried to fix the issue several times and nothing helped, then it’s time to move on.
Sometimes, no matter how much you love them, your relationship with them is too damaging. If this relationship negatively affects your mental health, you should definitely walk away.
Pathological Vs. Compulsive Liar
There are two types of liars: pathological and compulsive. A compulsive liar will frequently embellish and exaggerate to appear credible and boost their weak ego.
These are many of the same factors can cause a pathological liar to lie, but when you catch them and confront them about it, they will keep lying without feeling guilty.
A pathological liar will add additional ridiculous details to their annoying stories after being exposed.
They’ll continue even if confronted with overwhelming proof and all of the proverbial receipts. Additionally, you’ll feel crazy. This is the behavior of pathological liars.
Compulsive lying helps a liar feel more important. A pathological liar uses lying as a means of control to achieve their goals while stripping you of your capacity for trust.
Because they find the truth uncomfortable, compulsive liars will make up stories that seem to have no rhyme or reason. The motivations of pathological liars are selfish. Both experience extreme inferiority and live in a state of delusion.
What Causes Pathological Lying?
Medical reports generally show that pathological lying has few, if any, identified causes. According to medical research, pathological lying is often a sign of a deeper issue requiring expert assistance.
Pathological lying is a symptom of a variety of mental illnesses, including narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder (APD), and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Sending pathological liars to get professional therapy after identifying them is one of the best ways to deal with them given the seriousness of these mental illnesses.
See also: Average Length Of A BPD Relationship: The Inevitable Breakup
FAQs
Can you have a successful relationship with a pathological liar?
Yes, you can have a successful relationship with a pathological liar. However, there are some things you’ll need to work on if you want to achieve this success.
Try finding the underlying cause of the pathological lying because you should aim to treat the disease, not only its symptoms.
Additionally, getting professional help will seriously improve your relationship as professionals know effective ways to deal with the problem.
How do you trust again after being lied to?
It’s never easy to regain trust after being lied to, especially if this lying is about big things. First, consider the reason why someone lied to you. Did they lie to protect you from something? Or was it something else?
Communication is also a big part of this story. If you don’t communicate openly, you can never trust someone. Also, give yourself time and learn how to forgive.
But always remember that actions speak louder than words.
Can you have a successful relationship with a pathological liar?
Yes, you can have a successful relationship with a pathological liar. However, there are some things you’ll need to work on if you want to achieve this success.
Try finding the underlying cause of the pathological lying because you should aim to treat the disease, not only its symptoms.
Additionally, getting professional help will seriously improve your relationship as professionals know effective ways to deal with the problem.
How do you trust again after being lied to?
It’s never easy to regain trust after being lied to, especially if this lying is about big things. First, consider the reason why someone lied to you. Did they lie to protect you from something? Or was it something else?
Communication is also a big part of this story. If you don’t communicate openly, you can never trust someone. Also, give yourself time and learn how to forgive.
But always remember that actions speak louder than words.
Bottom Line
So, at the end of the day, can a pathological liar love someone?
People lie for various reasons, but one thing is certain: living in a world of lies is terrible. Most people who lie want to stop lying despite the agony, but it’s not easy.
That’s why they will lie to you anyway. A good rule of thumb to remember when dealing with a pathological liar is: If their mouth is open, they are lying.
In some rare cases, you can expect a better ending, but most of the time, that isn’t the case.
