Lately, you’ve been hooking up with the same person multiple times. You two sleep together from time to time, but you’re clearly not in a romantic relationship.
I feel you because I was in that situation too. And I kept on wondering:
What does all of this mean? What are the things I should know before hooking up with the same guy or girl again and again?
What are the pros and cons of this arrangement? Why do guys hook up with a girl more than once without asking them to be their girlfriends? Why do women do the same thing? What are the surefire signs that it’s more than a hookup?
You’ll get the answers to these questions and much more if you read on.
Hooking Up With The Same Person Multiple Times: 4 Pros
Here’s why hooking up with the same person multiple times is a great idea:
1. Amazing chemistry
One thing is for sure: you two have had incredible chemistry since the first time you hooked up. And whether some like to admit it or not, the chemistry in this kind of situationship is usually much stronger than in romantic relationships that go by the book from the very start.
The butterflies practically never fly away. Whenever you two meet, you can’t keep your hands off each other. It’s like your bodies are magnetically drawn to one another.
And that feels great. Maybe it’s not the whole package, and maybe you’d get more somewhere else, but deep down, you know that not many people could evoke these feelings inside you.
2. More time for yourself
Here’s another amazing advantage to casual relationships: you have all the time in the world for yourself. You’re basically single, but at the same time, you have someone to sleep with, kiss, or cuddle.
If you play your cards right, you get the best of both worlds. You don’t have to find time in your busy schedule to meet up with them on a daily basis, you don’t have to respond to boring text messages every morning, and you most certainly don’t have to plan holidays to fit in with their family either.
And the best part of hooking up with the same person multiple times is that you don’t have to invest most of your time and energy in a quest for a new partner. You don’t feel pressured to go on dates or go through endless talking stages because you already have someone.
Now, you can do whatever you want with your life. You’re free to plan your next vacation without having to consider your partner’s desires. You have enough time for your friends, hobbies, and, most importantly, personal improvement.
3. Sticking to one sex partner
If you’re hooking up with this person on a regular basis, you likely won’t feel the need to sleep with anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should be faithful to your casual partner if you’re not exclusive.
However, sticking to one sex partner and not getting into risky sex is definitely one of the pros of this kind of arrangement.
First and foremost, there is less risk of STDs. Also, you’ve already built a kind of bond with this person. At least you know what their kinks and other preferences in bed are, and they also know how to satisfy you.
4. It’s never boring
Even though you’re hooking up with the same person all the time, things never get boring. You two are not in a serious relationship, and there is absolutely no way for this almost romance to fall into a rut.
You can’t get enough of each other as you don’t spend all your time together. And every time you miss them, your attraction, chemistry, and feelings intensify.
Hooking Up With The Same Person Multiple Times: 5 Cons
Sadly, not everything always goes smoothly. Here is why you can expect troubles in paradise:
1. Relationship problems without being in a relationship
The first disadvantage of hooking up with the same person multiple times is having relationship problems without actually being in a relationship. If you don’t know what you’re doing, it’s easy to fall into this trap.
Basically, you two fight, you’re both jealous, you fix each other’s problems, and you break one another’s heart… Yes, all of these things happen in a real relationship, but you also get a lot of the good things.
However, you don’t get the nice parts. You don’t have someone to hold your hand when you need it most. You don’t have a plus one at weddings and family functions. You don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and as hard as it is to admit, at the end of the day, you’re single.
2. Too much emotional drama
Being in an on-and-off relationship with one person for some time brings too many emotional ups and downs, especially if you’re sensitive. As much as you try not to get attached, frequently, that’s possible.
Before you know it, your heart is going through different stages. You’re trying not to fall in love with them, and then you realize that you can’t help yourself. After that, you hide your emotions and do your best to fight them off.
Of course, in the meantime, you’re constantly overthinking and overanalyzing their every move. Do they love you back? Is this more than a casual fling?
And don’t even get me started on the mind games. You try not to play them, but this kind of situationship makes them inevitable.
Just like that, you end up more hurt and heartbroken than ever. You end up in a type of toxic relationship, even though you’re technically not in a relationship.
3. It’s unlikely to become a serious relationship
It’s one thing if you really want this to stay a hookup forever. However, if you plan on becoming more than a booty call to this guy/girl, I have to burst your bubble.
Casual relationships are unlikely to become real ones, so don’t get your hopes up. This means that one of these times will really be the last time you sleep with your sexual partner. Things will have to end between you two sooner or later because you have no future together.
4. You’re not allowed to be jealous
Let’s make things clear: your almost boyfriend/girlfriend has all the right to see other people. You two aren’t dating exclusively, and no matter what they do, you can’t classify it as cheating.
And how do you feel about it? Well, in many cases, you end up feeling heartbroken, as if you were cheated on.
But the worst part is that you’re not allowed to say anything about it. If you do, you’re stepping out of line. Besides, you’re the one who agreed to these terms, aren’t you?
You can’t ask them where they’ve been, you can’t get angry if you see them with someone else, and you’re not allowed to check up on them. Of course, you feel jealous – you just can’t do anything about it.
5. Future relationships
Officially, you’re single. However, hooking up with the same person multiple times gives you the idea of being in a relationship.
While sometimes not having to go on dates is a good thing, it also has its share of disadvantages. Your situationship makes you miss out on some good men and women who might have made you happy.
You refuse to give anyone new a chance simply because your hookup is taking up all of your time and energy. Even more, if you’re falling for them, you don’t even think of letting someone new into your life.
Why Guys Hookup With The Same Girl Multiple Times
Once I had a man who kept coming back to me, but he never wanted to make things official. And I kept wondering why guys hook up with the same girl over and over again. After a lot of thought, here is what I concluded:
1. She is too available
If you’re the girl in the story, you won’t like what I have to say. Why does your guy want to hook up with you all the time? Well, in most cases, it’s not because he’s in love with you but trying to hide it.
The truth is that you’re too available. He’s run out of options. All the other girls have turned him down, he has nowhere else to be, and he turns to you – his backup choice.
He knows that you’ll always reply to his text message. It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night, if you’re getting up early in the morning or if you’re super busy. You always have time for him.
So, yes, you’re this guy’s booty call, and he calls you because he knows you’ll pick up – It’s as simple as that.
2. She is good in bed
Here’s another pretty obvious answer to the question, “why does a guy want to hook up with the same girl over and over again?” You’re good in bed.
Your kinks are the same, you turn him on like no other, and he loves sleeping with you. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that you don’t have other qualities.
I’m sure you’re an amazing person, but for now, this is all he sees and needs.
3. He is testing if she’s girlfriend material
I know they say guys are visual creatures. However, believe me when I tell you that it takes much more than your amazing looks for a man to see you as girlfriend material.
Sometimes, guys start things casually just to see if the girl they’re with will suit them for a relationship. They don’t want to give her false hope and call her their girlfriend from the very start.
At the same time, they also want to be single to keep seeing other girls. However, if it turns out they’re compatible through their hookup, they plan on labeling their romance.
This man is hooking up with you because he’s emotionally unavailable. This has nothing to do with you; he wouldn’t be able to love any other girl in the world, either.
Deep down, he might have feelings for you. But sadly, he doesn’t allow them to appear on the surface. In fact, he himself is probably unaware of these emotions.
So instead of trying to get him to love you, just accept that you’ll never defrost his cold heart and move on. Unless, of course, you’re perfectly okay with being nothing more than his hookup.
Why Girls Hookup With The Same Guy Multiple Times
But girls do it too. They’re also hooking up with the same person multiple times. However, in most cases, they have different reasons for it. Here are the most common ones:
1. He makes her feel safe
A woman will go back to one person all the time only if that person makes her feel safe. The wildest thing is that she doesn’t necessarily have to love him to feel this way.
A lot of men don’t know this, but in general, women have to feel comfortable sleeping with a man. She has to deal with a bunch of insecurities and fears. And she can’t disregard all of these negative emotions in front of every random guy.
If a woman feels secure with a man the first time she sleeps with him, she’ll remember that emotion forever. And she’ll go back to him whenever she has the chance.
2. She is in love with him
Another reason why a woman is hooking up with the same person multiple times is love. Maybe she won’t admit it because she agreed to take things casually at first, but the truth is that she fell for this guy hard.
This woman is trying to fight her feelings, but she can’t help it. She is too scared to ask him to take their relationship to the next level. So, she settles for having him as a hookup and nothing more.
Or she hopes he’ll realize she’s the one for him. She is dying for him to finally see her as the woman of his dreams and to give her the title of his girlfriend.
3. She doesn’t want to sleep around
It’s pretty simple: this girl has found her match in the bedroom. This man pleases her and takes care of her sexual needs, so why would she look for anyone else?
She’s not a prude, but she doesn’t like sleeping around, either. First of all, she’d be too concerned for her health if she does.
Also, she needs time to relax and feel comfortable around a man. She has better things to do than look for a perfect sexual partner when she already has one.
How Do You Tell If It’s More Than A Hookup?
You’re sleeping together, you’re cuddling afterward, and they’re sending you cute text messages… Everything is starting to feel more and more like a real relationship.
However, you’ve never made things official, and you’re his half-girlfriend. Nevertheless, everything mentioned above is a sure sign that this is much more than casual sex. Here are some other clues that can help you see that:
- They initiate other activities besides sex.
- You become part of their life.
- They ask for your advice and opinion.
- You go out on dates.
- They show interest in your life.
- You two are best friends, not just lovers.
- They tell you they miss you.
- They introduce you to their friends.
- They get jealous and possessive.
Is A Hook-Up More Than Once?
Yes, if you sleep or make out with the same person more than once, it can be said that you two are hooking up. It means that your relationship has never been labeled, so you’re definitely not boyfriend and girlfriend. On the other hand, you’re not friends either as there is some kind of physical intimacy between you two.
If it only happened once, it could be a one-night stand. You meet a guy or a girl at a club or somewhere else, make out or sleep with them once, and never hear from them again. In that case, you can’t call them a hook-up.
What Is An Unspoken Rule Of Hooking Up?
There are numerous important rules of casual relationships, but one of them is the most significant: “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” What does this rule mean?
Well, there is no room for jealousy and possessiveness when you’re having casual sex with someone. However, I’m sure you’re not happy about them sleeping with other people.
So, it’s better not to ask them any questions if you know you won’t like the answer. The same goes the other way around. Don’t talk about other sex partners in front of your primary hookup. This is the best way to avoid unnecessary drama and problems.
Of course, you’re both aware that the other person probably has other casual hookups, but it’s better to pretend this isn’t happening – unless you plan on becoming something serious.
What matters here is to never forget about your health. Always use protection and only sleep with people who get tested regularly! It’s the only way to act responsibly in these arrangements.
Can You Be Friends With A Past Hookup?
It’s quite possible to stay friends even after a long-term serious relationship, let alone after a no-strings-attached arrangement. However, there are some preconditions that have to be fulfilled for your friendship to be possible.
First of all, it would be better if there were never any serious emotions involved between you two. You’ve slept together a few times, but neither of you fell in love with the other person.
More importantly, there were no hearts broken in the process. You two mutually agreed to end things. There is no resentment, grudges, or desire for revenge.
Another condition is that you’re no longer hooking up. If you do, you’re not friends, you’re FWB (friends with benefits), and they’re certainly not a past hookup.
You have to be aware of one more thing: your future romantic relationships. What will happen when one of you gets into a long-term relationship?
Will your partner be jealous that you used to sleep with your now-best friend? Will you end this friendship if they ask you to?
Will you be honest about your past together around new partners? Or will you hide the fact that you were once more than friends?
To Wrap Up:
At the end of the day, no relationship expert can tell you whether hooking up with the same person multiple times is a good idea or not – it all depends on you.
If you’re the type of person who wants to have a good time with someone but still be able to go home alone at the end of the night, this arrangement is perfect for you. On the other hand, if you’re looking for something more serious and know that you get attached easily, maybe it’s better to skip it.
At the end of the day, what matters is for both you and your causal partner to be on the same page about your expectations. If you’re both honest and want similar things, why wouldn’t you continue hooking up?