Attention seeker (noun): Posting multiple selfies a day (read: begging for likes on social media), fishing for compliments, flirting with everyone.
Gender stereotyping states that women are the ones who seek more attention than men in real life and on social media. We can’t know if this is true for sure, but one thing definitely is:
Men can also be guilty of being attention freaks, and this is not something that should be gender-related. I can confirm that dating guys who need constant female attention can be really frustrating, and it often screams INSECURITY ISSUES.
Sometimes these insecurities stem from childhood (speaking of being raised in dysfunctional families and similar), or they are narcissistic traits.
Truth be told, there are more reasons why a guy would seek constant female attention, and we’ll talk about that later. First, let’s focus on defining guys who need constant female attention, including the signs they exhibit.
My Experience Dating Guys Who Need Constant Female Attention
Before we shift to the signs of guys being attention seekers, I have a strong urge to share my personal experience regarding them. Here’s a fun fact:
Most of these guys will desperately be looking for attention and then act like they’re annoyed by you paying them attention.
For example, one of these guys once told me: “I no longer enjoy it when people shower me with too much attention.” Ten seconds later, he tells me this: “I guess you didn’t notice that I have a new haircut.”
Seriously? If you’re sick of people paying you attention, then why are you fishing for compliments? 😂 Well, that was a minor thing probably unworthy of mentioning. What really bothered me most was his tendency to flirt with everyone around him.
Regardless of whether we were at the coffee shop, grocery store, or the park, he would always find a way to flirt with other women. He’d do it in a sneaky way (e.g., ask them what time it is, play with their child only to start a conversation, or just smile at them).
So, when you tell a guy like this that you’ve had enough of his attention-seeking “sickness,” guess what he’s likely to reply? “WOMAN, YOU’RE OVERREACTING.”
He almost convinced me a few times that I was imagining things and overreacting, but when I talked to my lady friends, they just confirmed what I already knew.
Guys who need constant female attention will never be able to fully commit to you because of their thirst for constant validation -seeking and admiration from others. Eventually, you’ll get tired of begging for attention and being in that limbo situation.
Needless to say that dating guys who need constant female attention is a huge no-no, BUT not all hope is lost for every one of them. Some guys actually decide to work on their self-esteem issues, self-worth, and overall mental health.
But the most important thing is that they need to be persistent when it comes to these matters. Only then will there be a brighter prospect in dating them. To help you figure out whether you’re dating one of these guys, keep reading.
7 Signs Your Guy Is A Legit Attention Seeker
Is he one of those guys who need constant female attention, aka an attention seeker, or not? Well, if the majority of the following signs resonate with him, then you know he belongs to the attention-seeking crew.
1. Overdoing selfies
Gym selfies, party selfies, job selfies… There’s not a day that goes by when he hasn’t posted a few selfies of himself, be it at the gym or at home.
That’s his number one way of seeking constant attention from other people. He’s feeding off other people’s likes, comments, etc.
Whenever he posts a selfie, he gets a social media shot filled with excitement and hope for the upcoming likes.
Overdoing selfies has become a problem, but he’s not aware of it. If you tell him that he’s overdoing it, he’ll most likely contradict you.
2. It’s ALL about him
If you start retelling a story of something that happened to you recently, he’ll immediately tell you that he had it worse than you. Whatever the situation, he always finds a way to make it about him.
It’s clear he can never get enough attention from others, which is the biggest red flag. And if you start asking for his attention, you’ll be disappointed because he’s too busy seeking attention from others.
If you go shopping, he’ll try on several outfits only for you to pay him compliments on his appearance. When you try on a few outfits yourself, he won’t even bother to look until you ask him. Even then, he’ll probably be busy taking selfies.
3. Fishing for compliments and praise is his favorite game
For every little thing he does or every little change in his appearance, he fishes for compliments and praise from others. This happens both in real life and on social media.
He’ll often intrusively say something like: Do you like my new T-shirt? Did you see what I did with my hair?
When he posts pics of himself on social media, he often makes sure to add hashtags such as #newhairstyle #coolshirt #rockingthisoutfit, etc.
He does this to ensure that others notice and compliment him. Most importantly, he does this to be the center of attention because that’s his lifestyle.
His main goal on social media is to have as many followers as possible. The more people he has, the more attention he’ll get from them, right?
This obsession with social media followers is serious because he’s keeping track of people who unfollow him. You can also expect him to unfollow you for attention.
You often catch him talking rubbish about those who unfollowed him or those who don’t pay him enough attention on social media.
His obsession is real, and it’s becoming a problem in your relationship. It feels like he’s stuck in the virtual world of likes, followers, and everything else that goes with it.
5. Obsession with his own appearance is also a thing
If he’s not the center of attention, then something’s not right. His obsession with his appearance doesn’t have limits.
He often asks for your opinion on his beard, hairstyle, outfit, shoes, you name it. He spends more time in front of the mirror than talking to you. Then you know how serious his appearance obsession is.
He’s constantly focused on upgrading his appearance in the hope of receiving more compliments from others. When you go to a party, he needs to be the best dressed because he wouldn’t survive being in the shadow of other guys.
6. Doesn’t shy away from flirting with EVERYONE
Seeking the attention of others gives him life, and because of that, he doesn’t shy away from flirting with literally everyone. Guys who need constant female attention behave exactly like that.
You usually have two choices here:
• You can ignore him to get his attention.
• You can pretend that this doesn’t bother you.
If you tell him that it does bother you, prepare for some serious brainwashing because he would never admit to his attention-seeking.
7. Frequent mood swings
If he doesn’t get enough attention from others, he becomes nervous. Think of it like he’s addicted to attention-seeking behavior, and when he doesn’t get his dose, he enters crisis mode.
Controlling mood swings is not an easy thing to do, especially for these personalities. If you tell him to come to his senses, he’ll act confused and try to justify his behavior.
Being in a relationship filled with frequent mood swings is challenging for everyone. Your focus is no longer on your relationship but his attention-seeking behavior.
Well, even mood swings are probably his way of asking for attention. Wherever you turn, he gets what he wants, and you’re the one who feels neglected.
6 Most Common Causes Of Attention Seeking
Some of the main causes of attention-seeking are low self-esteem, jealousy, loneliness, and narcissistic personality disorder. Below you’ll find a list of the most common causes of attention-seeking explained in-depth.
1. Low self-esteem
Lack of self-love and self-esteem can make people desperate for attention and validation. Usually, men with low self-esteem are the ones who flirt with almost every woman they meet.
They want to feel wanted and needed by other females and not just by you. Having low self-esteem is a tricky thing because it forces you to do things you normally wouldn’t.
In most cases, those guys are not even aware of what they’re doing. They just know that to them, it feels right because they’re getting what they desperately need: ATTENTION.
We’re talking about selfish acts toward their partners because they pay more attention to others than them.
In other words, they kill two birds with one stone. By making you jealous, they’ll get attention from both you and the women they’re flirting with. A double dose of attention will certainly satisfy his needs.
Truth be told, guys do this when they’re jealous of others as well. They’ll seek constant validation and attention from you only to make sure that you’re still into them.
If he sees you talking to another guy he’s not fond of, he’ll immediately enter the attention-seeking zone.
Loneliness and boredom are the two main culprits for the many stupid things people do. One of them is attention-seeking, of course.
Out of loneliness, he will choose to post multiple selfies, frequently change his hairstyle, and do other things that will get him likes and compliments.
So, his favorite method of curing his loneliness is fishing for compliments. It doesn’t matter if it’s a random person complimenting him or someone he knows.
What matters is that he no longer feels lonely because people are actually noticing him. (Or all this is just in his head.)
4. Narcissistic personality disorder
We all know that narcissism is all about thinking only about your own needs and trying to get the most you can from others and your partner.
Well, a narcissistic personality disorder is also connected with seeking attention.
It’s when your partner doesn’t care about how you feel emotionally or physically. Instead, he’s 100% invested in himself. Narcissistic abuse in a relationship can seriously damage your well-being.
5. Borderline personality disorder
A borderline personality disorder is about having a twisted self-image, impulsivity, and bad interpersonal relationships. Feelings of emptiness and engaging in self-destructive behavior are also linked to this disorder.
A twisted self-image can force these people to constantly seek attention from others because they lack self-esteem and self-love.
Sometimes, they’ll seek attention just because they’re bored or feeling impulsive.
6. Histrionic personality disorder
People with this type of disorder feel underappreciated when they’re not the center of attention. Hence they constantly feel a strong urge to seek attention in all kinds of circumstances.
For this, they often resort to provocative behavior, drama, accentuating their appearance, etc. Having histrionic personality disorder means being unpredictable and constantly seeking new ways of catching other people’s attention.
How Do You Deal With An Attention-Seeking Partner?
The most effective way to deal with an attention-seeking partner is to give them the needed attention and have a talk with them.
Dealing with an attention-seeking partner (be it male or female) can be really draining. If your guy is seeking attention from other females, most of the time, you’ll feel neglected. However, here are some things you can do to alleviate his attention-seeking tendencies:
• Give him the needed attention
Sometimes, people start seeking attention elsewhere because they’re not getting enough of it from their partners. To keep this from happening, give him the needed attention but don’t overdo it.
Also, expect him to reciprocate. If he continues seeking other women’s attention (e.g., flirting with them) even though you’re giving him enough attention, then have a talk with him.
• Support his positive traits
If he has low self-esteem, make sure to praise his positive traits from time to time. This might help boost his confidence. If he’s good at something, make sure to acknowledge it.
When he does something for you, express your gratitude. All this will give him the attention he needs and make him feel valued.
• Have a talk
If all else fails, you can always have a talk with him. Tell him honestly how his behavior makes you feel.
If he’s constantly flirting with other women in front of you or fishing for compliments, let him know that this should change.
Perhaps he just needs someone to redirect him because he got stuck in attention-seeking land. Once he’s out, you can expect things to change.
4 Legit Reasons Why Dating Attention Seekers Is Not A Good Idea
Being with someone who is in constant need of attention and admiration is extremely challenging. If you’re not sure whether you should date one, here are four legit reasons why you shouldn’t. Let’s be honest. There are more reasons why you shouldn’t than you should, right? 😂
1. Constant arguing is inevitable
Being with guys who need constant female attention will make it hard for you to form a healthy relationship. Why? Because constant arguing will become your everyday life.
From my experience, it’s like you’re in a relationship with a 5-year-old guy. The more you try to explain that he’s overdoing it by seeking attention, the more annoyed he gets.
Either that or he becomes indifferent only to prove to you that you’re the one who’s wrong here. All in all, being in a relationship with a guy like this means lots of arguing for sure (mostly about little things).
2. He’ll prioritize attention-seeking more than you
Given that he requires a lot of attention, he’ll prioritize that more than spending time with you. Regardless of whether he is seeking the attention of the opposite sex or male attention, the consequences are similar.
My advice to you: Don’t fight for his attention. If you do, he’ll most likely take you for granted. If seeking attention is more important to him than spending quality time with you, then he’s not worthy of your time.
3. You’ll constantly feel like you’re not good enough
Apart from the fact that your love life will be dysfunctional, you will also constantly feel like you’re not good enough. When a guy continually seeks attention from other women, it can seriously damage your self-esteem.
Most of the time, you’ll think that you’re the one to blame and that something’s not right with you.
In the process, you might even resort to begging for his attention. Remember that a strong woman will never beg for attention. That’s why you’re better off without him, so don’t even bother dating him.
4. Attention seekers are often cheaters
Yes, attention seekers are human beings after all, but they’re also often cheaters. It all starts with trivial flirting attempts, and then it ends with an affair.
The main cause of this is their need to seek attention. Since they get addicted to it, they don’t know when to stop. No, I’m not trying to justify their cheating tendencies but just to clarify things.
Attention seekers are often cheaters, so why bother even dating one of them? I’m not saying you shouldn’t try, but if your gut tells you that you shouldn’t, then listen to it.
If He’s Not Willing To Work On Himself, Move On!
Nope, not all hope is lost for guys who need constant female attention. Some of them are willing to work on themselves, and that’s the only valid reason you should give them a chance.
If your loved one isn’t interested in dealing with their attention-seeking issues or seeking professional help, then my advice is to move on.
As you’re moving on, you can also think about what attracted you to him in the first place so that you can self-reflect. Also, remember that it takes two to make a relationship work.
If they aren’t willing to cooperate and acknowledge that they have a problem, move on and save yourself from such a relationship. Make a guy deserve your full attention.