When dating a non affectionate person, there are some things you need to know and remember. To be honest, the first thing I need to say is that it’ll be everything but easy.
You’ll want to back out numerous times. You’ll want to walk away because you’ll simply lose all hope that things will change one day.
Deep down, you’ll know it’s something that can not be done because you’re aware of how much you love your significant other. And that is something that can’t be changed that easily, even if they never show affection, it still doesn’t mean you’ll stop loving them because of it.
However, you should keep the following things in mind. And the good news is that I also shared some relationship advice with you below that will help you deal with your non affectionate partner easier.
13 Things To Keep In Mind When Dating A Non Affectionate Person
Let’s go and find out the things you should pay attention to if you’re dating a non affectionate person.
1. You’ll need to try very hard to determine what their love language is
There are five love languages : quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and physical touch. Your partner’s love language is one of these and you just need to make an effort to find out which one exactly.
Once you find out that information, it’ll be easier for you to understand why they are so affectionless. Also, try to give them hints about what your love language is and they may change their behavior once they find it out.
2. They won’t be able to understand why affection is such a big deal for you
Because they’re affectionless, it’ll be difficult for them to understand why you’re making such a big deal because of a lack of affection in your relationship.
They might even start thinking that you’re making such a biggie because it’s only because you want to get rid of them. They’ll think you’re using it as an excuse to back out of the relationship.
3. Hand holding is a big no-no for them
They don’t want to be seen holding hands with their partner outside and it’s not because they’re ashamed of them, but simply because they don’t like doing things they don’t feel comfortable with.
Holding hands and similar public displays of affection aren’t proof of love for them. That’s probably why they don’t pay too much attention to those kinds of things.
4. Any kind of public display of affection is way out of their comfort zone
Okay, most people hate PDA-ing and we try to avoid it as much as possible. However, when our partner grabs our hand while walking outside, we don’t bounce it back.
Even if it’s out of your comfort zone, you’ll sacrifice for your loved one because you probably know how much it means to them. But a non affectionate person won’t sacrifice because they simply care about their own feelings more.
5. You’ll miss cuddling and snuggling
If you’re the cuddly type of person, you’re going to miss it in a relationship with a non affectionate person. They simply avoid it and they prefer their personal space.
On date movies night, it’ll be awkward for you not to snuggle with your partner while watching the movie, but with time, you’ll get used to it. Of course, if you decide to give your non affectionate person time.
6. Physical contact will be reduced to a minimum
A hug is the maximum you can expect from an affectionless partner on a daily basis. Don’t expect them to kiss or cuddle you all the time.
They’ll be avoiding it because they’ll be afraid of the connection it may make between you. Also, I think it’s pretty clear that they aren’t touchy-feely kind of people, so it’s actually normal that they are going to avoid physical contact as much as possible.
7. It may take time to build a deep intimate connection
Don’t expect physical intimacy at the beginning of your relationship. They’ll probably delay being intimate as much as they can.
They run from every type of affection, and the physical affection belongs there, too. They’ll want to take time to get to know you and they’ll never take any serious steps if they aren’t 100% sure about it.
8. Don’t expect the romantic, little things and surprises
If they don’t throw you a surprise birthday party… If they forget to buy you a gift for your anniversary… If they don’t engage you in a super romantic way… DON’T be surprised!
That is a part of their personality and they can’t change it. They hate romance and surprises, so they think the rest of the world hates it, too.
9. Sometimes, their body language will tell more than themselves
You should just observe their body language. Even though they won’t tell you directly how much they love you, their body language will clearly show it to you.
They’ll almost never admit how much they missed you, if you didn’t see each other for some time, but their body language will completely expose them. They can pretend they’re cold and affectionless but they can never control their body language.
10. They most likely struggle with insecurities
If a person isn’t able to show affection to people they love, if they’re afraid of PDA-ing, if they always run from romance, it may all be clear signs that they’re struggling with insecurities.
The fact is, they have doubts in themselves, not in your love.
11. Date nights may become boring
This is something you can have control over, but only in the short term. Eventually, you’ll get tired of always planning your dates and keeping the spark alive by yourself.
You’ll stop doing it and just like that, your date nights will be boring as hell. Well, at least for you, the other side will consider them a comfort zone.
12. You’ll need to be patient and show understanding
If you love your partner, you’ll need to be patient. You don’t want to risk losing them because your relationship lacks affection.
You aren’t okay with it, of course, but somehow you simply feel that they sincerely love you. Then, give your SO time and let them figure out that they should be more affectionate with themselves.
13. For them, less is and will always be more
Some people agree that less is more but when it comes to affection and showing love, I think most of us would agree that it’s not true.
We would all like to be showered with affection by our loved ones. After all, we all consider it a proof of love. With a non affectionate person, less will always be more because it’s how they used to be and it’ll be hard for them to change it.
How Do You Deal With A Non Affectionate Partner?
If you listen to these dating advice tips, it’ll be easier for you to cope with the lack of affection in your relationship. It also may help you find a way to make your partner be more affectionate.
1. Try to understand why is your partner so cold
If your partner behaves distant and cold, there must be a reason behind that kind of behavior. Either something is really bothering them or they simply aren’t that into you.
Whatever the reason, you need to find it out. And the sooner you find it out, the sooner you’ll be able to deal with it and work on overcoming it together with your significant other.
2. Encourage them to be more affectionate
Maybe your partner isn’t even aware that their lack of affection really bothers you that much. If you don’t want to admit it to them, then try to do something that would encourage them to be more affectionate towards you.
3. Admit to them how much it really bothers you
One thing you should always cultivate when it comes to your love life is honest and open communication with your other half. That’s the only way you’ll elude some issues and problems that may put your relationship in danger.
Just be honest and tell it directly; ‘I’m not okay with the fact you never touch me. I hate that we can never hold hands while walking together. I want you to be more affectionate. I need you to start showing love more often.’
If they continue to behave the same way, it’ll be a clear sign for you of how little they actually care for you. And that’s how you’ll know whether you should stay and fight for them or turn your back on them and simply walk away.
4. Don’t let it affect your self-esteem
I know it leaves some negative consequences on your mental health and self-esteem. However, you shall not allow it at any cost.
Keep your confidence high. In the end, if your partner isn’t affectionate, it doesn’t mean you’re the problem. Remember, it’s up to them, not up to you and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.
5. Never judge your partner’s feelings based on that
Just because your partner doesn’t know how to show their emotions, it doesn’t mean they don‘t have them. Give your SO time and you’ll see that they will find a way to show you how they feel about you.
Some people are a bit cold and they simply hate romance. However, it doesn’t mean they don’t know how to love. In fact, those people may love you the hardest, without ever showing it to you.
6. Don’t stop being affectionate towards them, no matter what
You just need to try to understand that we’re all different human beings. Some of us like ballads and romantic fiction and then there are others who hate those kinds of movies more than anything else.
Some of us like to show our partners how much we love them on a daily basis and some of us think they shouldn’t try that hard.
Just because your partner isn’t affectionate, it doesn’t mean you should stop being affectionate towards them. Because in that case, your relationship is sure to end.
Can A Relationship Survive Without Affection?
To be honest, it’s possible but mostly in cases where both partners are non affectionate people. However, the problem arises when a touchy-feely person gets involved with a non affectionate partner.
Everything they want and hope from their partner is way out of their comfort zone for the other side. Holding hands and similar ways of PDA-ing are simply forbidden and even if they’ll never admit it, the other side will never come to terms with it.
Sooner or later, they’ll understand that they can’t be with someone who dislikes physical affection and one day, they’ll just decide to move on from that relationship.
What Causes Lack Of Affection?
If we’re talking about a relationship, lack of affection can cause so many big and small things. If one partner stops loving the other one, they also stop showing that love, which means they stop showing affection.
Also, in a long-term relationship, the couple may be bored or they simply will get enough of each other and that’s when the affection dies.
That’s why relationship coaches always emphasize how important it is to keep the spark alive. And the only way to keep it burning is by showing affection.
On the other hand, if we’re talking about people, lack of affection may occur if the person is struggling with some issues. Especially when they’re struggling with mental health issues.
They become obsessed with their problems and somehow, they manage to forget about their partner. And that’s why open communication is one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship. Partners need to be honest with each other and they need to be free to talk with each other about every single thing.
I know, dating a non affectionate person is beyond difficult. Especially if you’ve already fallen hard for that person.
You can’t leave them because of the emotions you have for them but you also can’t believe in their love because they simply don’t show it. You can’t keep trusting their words that are never backed by their actions.
It’s especially difficult being in a relationship with a non affectionate man if you’re a touchy-feely kind of person. However, that is no reason to leave them and say goodbye to someone you love.
You need to stay patient and keep hoping that one day, the ice will start melting. That one day, your significant other will change and become more affectionate.